Yup, that’s what I did. Well, technically 14 months and three days if you’re really counting. And yup, this really is a post about breastfeeding, so feel free to skip it (you know, if you’re my brother for example). I never thought I’d be writing about it. But I actually get a lot of questions on the subject. And since I blather on about other random things (like cloth diapering) and this blog is really just a way for us to remember things that we might otherwise forget (like paint colors and vacation happenings), I figure that something I did for so long (around 425 days straight) deserved a post about the range of emotions that it elicited. So here we go.
My first emotion: grateful. I was just so thankful it worked. I was acutely aware that some moms try extremely hard but it’s just not possible. I was also pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t as painful as I expected. I’d heard a lot about cracked and bleeding nipples (yes I just typed that) but thanks to genetics or a good latch (or some other random happening) I didn’t really have much pain at all (in the interest of TMI, I also never had sore boobs while prego, so maybe those things go hand in hand?). And I know the whole lack of pain thing might make you want to punch me (it annoys the heck out of my BFF) but I had a pretty frightening birth experience so I guess it’s always something (and not always the same thing) that throws you for a loop as a new mom.
Speaking of the whole birth thing, I was initially really stressed about Clara “taking” to breastfeeding because, due to our complications, I couldn’t nurse her until eight whole hours after she came into this world. I heard trying as soon as possible was the way to go, and I guess the whole scary birth experience had me fearing the worst (there was no baby-on-my-chest-to-snuggle-and-nurse-right-away occurrance, which is definitely what I pictured). But the sweet nurses pretty much just said to give it a try and it was miraculous. Clara got it right away. Such a relief.
As far as emotions go, after “grateful” and “pleasantly surprised” I moved into “exhausted and overwhelmed” territory. Clara was blissfully sleeping for 12 hours each night pretty much from the beginning, waking up for just one or two feedings most of the time (after we got the ok from the doc to let her sleep instead of waking her up to feed every 3 hours since she was steadily gaining weight).
But that meant that during the day she was feeding every two hours like clockwork (I fed her on demand, and at almost exact two hour intervals she screamed and wasn’t happy til she was nursing). So I really couldn’t get much done without having to stop and feed her. Which I actually loved for the bonding and the sweetness and the self-imposed break that it gave me from housework, blogging, and all that other stuff – but it was definitely exhausting and sort of all-encompassing in those bleary I-have-a-newborn months. I always joke that she let me rest at night, but during the day she made me work for it.
And when we went on a week-long family vacation when Clara was just six weeks old I remember sitting upstairs alone with Clara feeding her in a bedroom while everyone else was downstairs having fun together and thinking “I’m going to have to excuse myself and do this about eight times a day while everyone else hangs out – which adds up to 56 feedings that I’ll be doing over the next seven days.” That’s an overwhelming thought. At least it was to me. It was times like this that I actually wished feeding in public (or at least in front of your extended family) was more widely accepted. I tried to use a nursing cover but Clara wouldn’t have it. So up in my room I sat (with occasional visits from John who sweetly recognized that I’d rather be with the group and dropped in to keep us company). Back in these days feedings were pretty slow going (around 15-20 minutes per side for a total of 30-40 minutes spent sequestered). But we still managed to fit in some fun in the sun (or shade since she was so tiny).
I should mention that 1) pumping didn’t agree with me and 2) Clara never took to bottles (or pacifiers for that matter). You win some and you lose some. So every time she fed for the past 14 months it was directly from the source. Which was ok with me since pumping just didn’t work out and thankfully I have a job that allows me to be home with her. But it’s definitely sort of crazy as a concept because for over a year I was never away from my daughter for more than an hour or two. Ever.
But with a face like this, I was ok with that:
Around three months in I really got into the groove though. That’s where I’d characterize my feelings as “content and accepting.” I was happy to still be able to breastfeed and glad that it seemed to suit Clara. She seemed to enjoy it and I knew how to do it effectively and easily enough (in a parked car? check. in a dressing room? check). I even managed to sneak in a taping for the Nate Berkus show, nursing Clara in the green room right before we went on and right after (thankfully it was only a two hour process – or we might have heard her screaming for another feeding from on stage).
I guess I had adapted more to it, and it didn’t feel like as big of a job after I got into the swing of things. And by about 6-8 months old Clara had become a lot more efficient, so feedings were only about 15 minutes total (and sometimes even ten). Interestingly enough, the introduction of solid food at six months old (which Clara loved from day one) didn’t have any bearing on her nursing. She still wanted just as much, just as often. And I was secretly kind of relieved because I worried a bit about my production slowing or even stopping if she suddenly dropped a ton of feedings. But that was not the case.
Up until Clara turned ten months old I was still feeding her every two hours during the day at her insistence (screaming until I nursed her = her insistence). That’s right, for ten months (that’s 300 days) I nursed Clara every two hours (except during the night). I was ok with it, and my doc was ok with it, but I heard from friends that only going two hours between feedings at that age was reallllly often (as in all of my friends were only feeding every 4-5 hours or so at that age). My doc explained that it made sense since Clara was such an unusually solid night sleeper (she segued from waking up for 1-2 feedings in her 12 hour span of night sleep to not waking up at all around 2.5 months in – I know, we’re insanely blessed to have gotten such uninterrupted sleep for such a long block of time). But it did mean not-as-long daytime naps and a whole lot of frequent feedings to “tank up” during her waking hours in exchange for such an awesome night’s sleep. Heck, I’ll take it.
Blissfully, after turning ten months old Clara started stretching her feedings to every three hours, which felt amazing. It’s funny how an extra hour feels like all the freedom in the world. It’s all relative I guess. At this point I was coming into the whole “I love breastfeeding” phenomenon. I still felt grateful to be able to do it, Clara was a thriving happy girl, it was saving us money, it gave me a moment to step away from the computer/paint brush/hammer and connect with the bean, and it helped me get back into my old clothes (even though I don’t think I’ll ever have my pre-baby body again, it’s fine with me because Clara’s so worth it). I should add that I’m a breastfeeding enthusiast when it comes to me and Clara, but I don’t judge anyone else when it comes to what they choose for their family. Whatever works for you & your ducklings = my mantra as a parent in general.
The next speed bump that we encountered was when Clara turned a year old we introduced organic whole milk. The problem? Clara wouldn’t drink it. She still wouldn’t really take a bottle so our doc recommended trying a sippy cup. It worked for water, but she refused to drink milk (and we tried about ten million different sippy cup varieties, tried slightly heating the milk, tried watering it down or mixing it with breast milk, etc). This is when I started fearing that she’d be 21 years old and still addicted to breastfeeding.
Next we tried almond milk at our doc’s advice, and she went for it (we think the thinner consistency seemed closer to breast milk so she was down). And slowly we mixed almond milk with whole organic milk and she made the transition to 100% whole organic milk at around 13 months. Yup, it took nearly a whole month to get her on board with it. She’s stubborn like her momma. Haha. Shockingly, that’s when her feedings dropped waaay down. From around five times a day to just two – once before bed and once in the morning. Which made me feel excited and free but sort of oddly sad at the same time. “My baby’s growing up, and she needs me less” was sort of how I felt. I know that’s not really true, but it’s the best way I can describe the feeling.
By 13 months and three weeks she just wanted a feeding in the morning when she woke up. Clara has always been the boss of this whole breastfeeding thing (since we opted to just do the “on demand” thing from day one), so who am I to argue with the girl? Just one morning feeding opened up a whole new world of evening fun for me and John thanks to his parents offering to babysit (we could see a movie or go out to dinner without Clara after over a year of not partaking in those activities – amazing!). Of course I thought about her the whole time we were out, but I guess that’s to be expected (picture me saying “I wonder what Clara’s doing right now” every ten minutes during our first movie together in over a year).
Two weeks later Clara wasn’t even interested in her morning feeding. Which was sad because that’s the one where we lie down next to each other and relax together. I know I sound crazy, but it was such a sweet way to start the day. To anyone who has yet to try it, nursing on your side while laying down = awesometown (they taught me that move at the hospital thanks to the whole c-section thing). And now it’s over. So my current feelings are sad (because I’ll miss it) but proud (because I can’t believe I breastfed for over 14 months) and grateful (because I know being able to nurse that long or even at all definitely isn’t a given).
So that’s my breastfeeding journey. Off to cry now (and I can’t even blame breastfeeding hormones for the tears). I know, I know, someone with a nickname that won’t stick like $herdog shouldn’t be such a wuss. But it was an awesome/exhausting/amazing/tiring/surprising journey that I’m grateful to have experienced. Love you baby girl. Even if you’re over me my boobs.
Momlady says
Yay for you Sherry. I did the same thing 24 years ago and wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything in the world. I know it’s a bittersweet time for you right now…but what a great experience for you and what a wonderful thing for Clara.
Momlady says
Wow! You really got to a lot of us with this post. Thank you Sherry!
YoungHouseLove says
The response has been amazing. We have the best readers ever. Not that I’m biased or anything…
xo,
s
Eve says
Even after weaning, I continued to do the morning snuggle with my daughter well into her teens. We really loved the quiet, peaceful time together before the day really started, so she could talk about whatever was on her mind about the day before and the day ahead.
Libby says
Congrats! That takes some dedication!
Amy says
You’ve got me all sniffly at work. :)
I breastfed for almost a year. I work a 40-hour week and my pump died shortly before my son’s first birthday. I still breastfed him for a few weeks, but without the three pumping sessions during the work day, my production dropped off quickly. My son was fine without. He’d been starting to wean himself anyway.
I know not everyone does, but I loved breastfeeding. It’s been 7 months or so and I still miss the closeness. I’m so glad you got to experience it!
Kristen @ Popcorn on the Stove says
Wow! 14 months is a long time! I guess it depends on everyone but I had no idea it could continue for so long. I’ve always thought that maybe I would do this when I have kids (not anytime soon) so we’ll see.
Rebecca says
Worldwide, most kiddos breastfeed until they are 2-3 YEARS old. I guess we have a different cultural view of it here in the US. Not good, not bad, just different. :-)
Rosie says
I breastfed each of my two children for about three years.
Go Sherry! Good for you (and Clara!).
Annette says
A friend of mine nursed for just about 3 years, which I found slightly weird, to be honest. Once the baby’s old enough to articulate it’s want for breast milk… But as for just over a year: It’s healthy for the baby and as long as it’s fine for mom and baby, it’s fine for me.
Also, luckily, here in Germany, breastfeeding in public is mostly accepted. I’m not a mum yet, but I’m sure it’s really helpful to just sit down in a (semi-)quiet corner and nurse instead of hiding somewhere.
Megan says
I am currently breastfeeding my 26 month old daughter and pumping for her 2 month old sister who is tube fed. My 2 year old has kept up my supply so I 1)get to provide the best food for my struggling little girl and 2) only have to pump 2-3 times a day (nursing the rest of the time). I never never never dreamed I would nurse past a year, but I am so very glad I did. Good job Sherry on 14 months and for letting your little girl wean gently on her own terms. What an amazing gift you’ve given her!
Cassidy says
WHO recommends until 2 years actually, so with a lot of work and dedication it can definitely last that long, or even longer if both sides are happy with it! You might be surprised how short 14 months is when you have your own babes :)
Ames says
Aww, what a sweet post. Thanks for sharing!
KMW says
This is the first time I’ve commented on one of your posts and I wanted to say congratulations, Sherry! You’ve done such a wonderful thing for Clara and yourself. It helps to have a supportive partner, so kudos to John as well.
I’m still nursing my almost 16 month old, and I don’t think he’s ever going to cut back. We’re still going strong at 4-6 sessions a day… er, night. (I WOH so he’s been a reverse cycler since I went back to work… lucky us! I envy Clara’s sleeping patterns!) Seriously though, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Thanks for posting this!
Krista says
Great job on 14 months of breastfeeding! You did a great job explaining all of the emotions. I bf my first for 15 1/2 months then I encouraged her to wean without much trouble since I was 4 months pregnant and my supply was going down. Now I’m nursing my nearly 16 month old and she isn’t showing any weaning signs yet although I’m feeling more ready for her to wean. I have loved the time and connection that bf provides.
Jenni says
I’m impressed. It’s so nice to see someone talking so openly about breastfeeding. I went to school for nutrition and it was pounded into our brains that breastfeeding was the best way to go. I ended up teaching pregnant teens at a bunch of high schools and they were all so against it – it was so hard for me to understand. Thanks for sharing your story!!
lindsey g says
aww.. i love it! i just finished my 13 month nursing session with my daughter! we dropped to night to and morning, then to nighttime, and now she doesnt need my boobs time! haha! i feel really sad, like you, i mean its basically ingrained into our brains now.. and then nothing. but what a sweet and special way we got to bond! thanks for posting sherry!! xo!
Shaina says
I can’t tell you how happy I am that you just posted this! My baby girl will be one month old on Thursday, and my journey into breastfeeding was a bumpy one. I too had a very traumatic delivery experience, and my sweet girl ended up in the NICU for 6 days, in which I was unable to breastfeed her at all. I was able to pump, and thank God, after a few days she was able to take a bottle and was getting breast milk exclusively. Again, she was such a champ, and we have been exclusively breastfeeding for 3 weeks! I hope to go for at least a year, and with breastfeeding seemingly becoming more and more rare, I’m so glad to read about someone else doing it for so long!
Cassidy says
Awesome job Shaina!!!
YoungHouseLove says
Yay Shaina!
xo,
s
Maggie says
Great job! Keep it up! The first few months are tough, but it gets soo much better. Just like Sherry says.
Kate says
Way to stick with it, mama!!!
Nicole says
Yes, it does get easier! I can remember at not quite a month in how painful it still was every single feeding, and having to pump sometimes to get rid of the engorging that would lead to mastitis (which I’ve had 3 times, now). I didn’t see how I could keep doing this. My son is nearly 6 months old now, and we’re going strong every two hours. It is not painful anymore, and hasn’t been for quite some time, although I can’t remember exactly when it stopped being painful.
Sarah says
I’m all teary at work too! :)
You are an inspiration! Good for you and your success with breast feeding that long, and the bond that you will forever have with Clara. She’s lucky to have such an awesome mom! :)
Thanks for sharing!
Quiana says
Perfect timing! I’ve been wondering about the details of your breastfeeding relationship with Clara as my daughter Virginia (“Nia”) is close in age to yours – she’ll be 1 on August 12. I also feed on demand and am getting ready to wean, but really don’t want to do cow’s milk so may try almond as you mentioned.
Like Clara my daughter didn’t take a bottle and once she started solids st 6mths her demand for breastmilk didn’t slow down either. She eats SO much and is a little string bean! Anyway, congratulations on breastfeeding for so long! I can’t imagine not nursing in public – living in NYC my daughter would probably be very angry if I didn’t as we’re always on the go. I’m sure you’re enjoying the freedom now!
Alli says
I’ll have to try the almond milk thing. My nearly two year old won’t have the whole milk either and I, too, am afraid I’ll be nursing an adult one day
Ann Wyse says
Awesome!
(And I think you *can* blame hormones for the tears. It’s the POST breastfeeding hormones.)
megan says
Good for you!! I’m a little jealous.:) Both my daughters refused to breastfeed, so I had to pump for every single feeding. My 10 month old just does formula now, (pumping does a number on you, so it’s not sustainable for a whole year) but I wish she was a great nurser like Clara! Now I don’t judge moms who don’t nurse because I know how hard it is…and I’m equally impressed with those who do it for so long for the same reasons! Good work!
Jessica says
Megan, neither of my two opted to cooperate for breastfeeding either. My older daughter never latched, and combined with inexperience it didn’t last for very long. My younger daughter lasted for three months until I dried up :( I think that’s awesome that Mom’s {and babies} can nurse! I understand if mom’s cant or opt not to…but would’ve appreciated it if my two could’ve!!
Kelli says
My daughter wouldn’t breastfeed either so I ended up pumping exclusively. I lasted 6 months before my supply started to dwindle and I became too exhausted to continue. Pumping definitely takes a toll on you. I was working full time from the time my daughter was 12 weeks so I pumped 2 times during my 8 hour work day. Man was that terrible! I used to pump in my car in the middle of winter. It was well worth it though for my sweet girl!! I wish I could have done it longer but it just didn’t work with my situation. I’m hoping my next child will latch on so I don’t have to go through that all again. Congrats though Sherry on making it so long with breastfeeding. It’s such a great thing!!!
SingleMama says
Love that bonding time! I was able to nurse for a year…not only did it keep my son healthier and help with weight loss for me, it was such a sweet time to sit with him and bond!
Katy says
What a wonderful nursing story! It sounds like you had awesome support from your medical staff, your family, and your friends. The morning nurse (lying down next to each other) is my favorite, too.
jen says
congrats! good job. I did the same x3 and would not change it for the world. Everyone wanted me to use bottles when it was convenient for THEM… but I think the occasional sequestering is a small price to pay for being the only source, and it was what I wanted to do so I walked away happy – you do what makes you happy. But I remember those early days, sequestered upstairs at the beach house (where it’s 120 degrees! At least I could be topless.. hehe) with a tiny baby, and eventually I just started nursing downstairs. If they didn’t want to see it they were free to look away. And, there is nothing better than nursing a baby on a beach chair under an umbrella looking out at the beach. And since umbrellas can be small, it can be just you, or you and John, and it’s just really sweet. I loved it so much that when I was home I used to go outside and sit on my beach chair on the deck, haha… not quite the same!
Amanda- Hip House Girl says
Good job! My sister definitely had some “cracking”, which made me extremely scared to every try it out. Yikes. She also got mastitis, which sounds like boob hell. I bet you guys saved a ton of money not having to buy formula!
Jessica says
“Boob hell” had me laughin! That’s probably a very accurate description.
Hanna says
I feel sorry for your sister, but that made me laugh too! :D
Allison says
Thanks for sharing, Sherry. This was such a sweet read. xoxo
juli says
Yay, Sherry! Thanks for sharing. I’m down to one before-bed feeding with my 13 month old. Going through some of the same emotions as you. I think I’m almost ready to move on, but then not quite yet. It’s nice to hear someone else has experienced similar things.
Sara says
I also nursed my youngest daughter 14 months, and felt the same emotions you felt! Especially after my first being born with a recessed jaw and having to use Habermann feeders,(she grew out of it and is fine now) but pumping only just did not work with her, so I was very thankful to be able to nurse my youngest and for so long.
SK says
My oldest was also born with a recessed jaw (PRS) and I can relate to those same emotions that you had. I was able to pump & supplement so that also brought up another range of emotions. I did go on to breastfeed my younger 2. But never did use the pump again!
Jessie says
I read this post while breastfeeding my 9 month old son. Nursing him is my favorite thing I’ve ever done. Thank you for sharing your journey!
Kristen G. says
This was a great entry to read! I am in the middle of this right now so it totally applies to me. I wasn’t able to breast feed because my daughter has a super sucker and it was waaaay too painful. So I exclusivly pump…She is 18 weeks old…in the beginning I almost gave up because I wasn’t producing enough, but now I have 450oz in the freezer and am so glad I stuck with it. I can’t wait until she turns 1 so I can have the same type of thing to write…right now that seems like forever away! I’ll just take it day by day. Thanks for this encouragement.
Cassidy says
I have absolute admiration for exclusive pumpers. You are amazing!
YoungHouseLove says
Amen! My best buddy has done that since day one with a three month old and it’s insanely admirable!
xo,
s
Cathy says
I exclusively pump and my daughter is 5 months old. It is so hard to not give up…and this post made me a little sad that I don’t have that bonding of breastfeeding, but she is getting the nutrition, which is why I do it. Congrats on getting to 18 weeks Kristen…taking it day by day is the way to go. There is great “Exclusively Pumping” support group omn iVillage if you are into that. The women on there are great! Not judgemental at all, and there is a lot of useful info.
Courtney says
Way to go, Kristen! I pump while at work – do you have any tips for boosting output? I oftentimes don’t pump as much as my little chunker will take. :)
Lorien says
Mama, remember that a breastfed baby does not actually drink more as they get older — your milk changes to meet their growing needs! Unlike formula fed babies, you don’t need to increase bottle size. The average a breastfed baby eats is 25oz per day, so leave your sitter with one oz for each hour you are apart (ie. ten hours, leave 10 oz, probably in 2.5 oz bottles). MANY care providers are ill informed about what a breastfed baby takes and can inadvertently overfeed due to the mechanics of bottle feeding. Check http://www.kellymom.com for a lot more information. Exclusive pumpers are SUPERHEROES!
StumptownMom says
For any mamas out there with a big freezer stash – please consider becoming a milk donor! Premature and vulnerable babies need breastmilk and nonprofit milk banks pasteurize and process it so it’s safe for these fragile babies.
To find a milk bank closest to you (even if it’s in another state – you can ship it and they cover the cost) – visit: http://www.hmbana.org
foyupdate says
On the off chance that you more milk than you need in your freezer. Don’t let it go to waste. Mother’s Milk Banks take milk that is under a year old. You still do the blood test and such, but they will pay for it and reimburse you for the cost of shipping the frozen milk to them. It’s a great way to help out a baby and mama who really need it! Your state probably has a milk bank just do a quick google search to find out.
Sabrina says
I am so envious! I blissfully wanted to breastfeed my now 2 1/2 year old and it didn’t work out. I made 2 ounces a day and that was it. With my 5 month old I wanted the same thing. We had a perfect latch, I did everything right and still didn’t make enough. Turns out it is due to a thyroid disorder. I’ve had mastitis 2x lol So he gets both. I love breastfeeding lying on my side with him. We get to stare at each other and get private time. Which I try to make with both of them.
Jacklynn says
First off I am new to your blog and LOVE IT! I love that you posted about your breastfeeding experience! My little girl just turned 1 and still Breastfeeding strong, have introduced rice milk (loves it) but has not let up on the nursing yet … but I am ok w/ that! I am a HUGE breastfeeding advocate and am so glad to hear you also had a great experience. Would love to hear more about your cloth diapering as I tried that (successful till I could not purge the stinch out of the diapers!) Thanks for sharing!
Jacklynn
kc says
That brought tears to my eyes. I have a four month old. I only breastfed for a month, and then pumped for the next two months until returning to work full-time. BF’ing didn’t work out for us for a variety of reasons, but I can totally relate to the bond and love you feel for your little girl. We are so lucky to be mamas.
Megan says
Thanks for this post. My little guy is only 3 weeks old and breast feeding can be a bit overwhelming at times, but it’s great to read others’ experiences and re-affirm the benefits of breast feeding. Congrats on 14 months of awesome!
Jaime says
Hang in there Megan! I breastfed two kids (now nearly 15 and 13). It will take you a few more weeks to really get comfortable with it and in no time you’ll be able to manage a discreet feeding when you need to. I also remember thinking that having breastfed the first one, that the second one would be really easy. Truthfully, there is a learning curve with each baby and it takes some patience. So take it easy on yourself and remember it will all get easier and you will get more sleep some day.
My sister is pregnant now and is looking for a good breast pump. Any recommendations from all of you who are in the loop?
Yin says
@Jaime: I’m an exclusive pumper, and I highly recommend the Hygeia Enjoye. It’s a lesser known pump, but it works like a hospital grade one. It’s also a multi-user pump, unlike most on the market.
Liz says
@Jaime: I used the Medela Pump in Style for a year+ with each of my girls (so over 2 years total) and it worked really well for me. I had to go back to work at 6 weeks with one and 4 months with the other, and my pump was the only thing that let me breastfeed for the whole year.
Whichever brand you go with, don’t skimp on it- a breast pump is worth paying for the brand name one. They just work better.
Laura says
For those mamas who exclusively BF but still need a pump to use (just in case, as back up, once a day..) I highly recommend the Medela Swing. It is totally comfortable to use and is very efficient! It is a single electric pump and the price worked great for our family!
Alice H says
Get a Medela!! They really are the best. IMO. You can rent them from hospitals or buy one. Some insurance companies will help you with the payment. You may want to check with your insurance.
Elizabeth says
Megan – I remember those day and it was definitely overwhelming. 11 months in now and I can tell you that (for me at least) it’s gets far easier. It’s like you start to get the hang of it and it just becomes something you do, instead of something you’re trying to learn. I hope it does the same for you!
Haley says
Thank you for sharing this with us! I breastfed my little guy for 13 months as well and he self-weaned too, just like Clara. What an amazing experience we were able to share with our kiddos – well done Mama!
Annette Young says
<> My daughter (15 months) is down to one morning nursing sesh, and although It will be nice to have my body back (I’ve been pregnant and/or nursing for for almost 5 years now), I’m sure I’ll miss snuggling in the day together.
Patricialynn says
I love reading stories like this, but at the same time it’s bittersweet. I also had a traumatic first delivery (four days in labor before an emergency c-section – found out later that my hips are mildly deformed, so I can never deliver naturally). I started out breast feeding exclusively, and my son was ALWAYS wanting to nurse…but he didn’t seem to be getting any bigger. I took him back to the hospital at two weeks and discovered that he had lost over a pound (which is a big deal for an eight pound baby).
We discovered, when I used the pump, that I was providing less than half the breast milk needed by my son to grow. It was a devastating discovery – first I couldn’t deliver him naturally, and now I couldn’t feed him either? I felt like my body had utterly failed me.
Over the years I became, if not content, accepting of the necessity to use formula. But every so often another parent would see me bottle-feeding in public and make some sort of comment about how much healthier breast milk was, and I would have all those emotions of shame and failure come back.
Not every woman who bottle-feeds does it because she wants to. I wish other moms wouldn’t be so critical of those who do it out of necessity, because it’s really painful emotionally.
YoungHouseLove says
Congrats to you for not popping those mean ladies in the mouth. How can people be so insensitive- especially to someone without knowing their situation at all?
xo,
s
Amber says
Same here. My son wanted to nurse alll the time from before we left the hospital. I pumped for a month and never got more than 1.5 ounces from both breasts combined (mine is from PCOS). We started out supplementing with an S&S for the first two weeks, but it was too complicated for me to do once my husband went back to work. So, for nearly 6 months my son breastfed for 15-20 minutes, and then took a bottle of formula, even over night. Combined with the fact that he has acid reflux and we have to hold him upright for 15 min after eating, his feedings took over an hour. Luckily I am a stay-at-homme student. I weaned him from BF when he started solids because I couldn’t handle one more food source. I’ve never had people criticize me directly, but before this experience I had a lot of people tell me there’s no reason a woman can’t breastfeed exclusively, and its just not true. I still feel guilty giving him bottles in public. I was so thankful no one on here had made negative comments about not breastfeeding. My husband didn’t understand why I felt so guilty until he started reading parenting forums and bottle reviews online where women were being attacked for using formula. I guess YHL readers are just better than that. :)
YoungHouseLove says
Yay. We do have some of the best readers ever. Not that we’re biased or anything. Haha. You guys are all just so amazing to share your experiences!
xo,
s
Heidi says
What a hard journey, but you made it! My husband and I are (so far) appear to be infertile. We have been foster parenting for 1.5 years and have had a baby for the past year (leading to adoption, we hope!!) and it was also so hard to be in public bottle feeding, so longing to be breast feeding MY baby, longing to adopt, etc.!
Reenie says
Heidi….I hope all goes well with the adoption.
Chari says
I wish I had the “hopeful” attitude Sherry had to begin with… My thoughts were that EVERYONE could breastfeed! What a humbling experience when I realized that I couldn’t! I tried so so hard pumping and supplementing around the clock that I dont think I got to enjoy the first few months of my little guy being in the world. I still feel like i’d rather have a boob hanging out in public than be bottle feeding in front of people. It’s funny all of the many things that can make a woman self conscious of her body! But there are always things to be very very grateful for. My body was able to grow a healthy baby!
Thanks for sharing Sherry! What a sweet sweet journey :)
Chrissie says
That’s awful. To me there’s no difference between those who tell mothers off for breastfeeding in public and those who tell mothers off for bottle feeding. It’s all judgement, and it’s all unhelpful. Why not support each other in making the best choices we can in our own individual situations?
But that’s a rant for a different day!
Emily says
I had a very similar experience and know exactly how you feel. I actually made it 3 months of breastfeeding exclusively, but found out a week ago that my daughter hadn’t gained ANY weight in almost a month. I am now giving her extra breast milk using a supplemental nursing system each time she nurses, and she’s finally gaining weight again!
A couple of things I wanted to respond to in your post–even though in both our cases there WAS a supply issue, I just wanted to note that the amount you get when pumping is NOT necessarily indicative of how much you’re actually producing. Most babies are waaaay more effective at removing milk than a pump, so some moms (like me, and it sounds like Sherry too) are just never able to pump very much, but their breastfed babies are getting plenty of milk!
Also, in case anyone doesn’t know about this, you can actually donate or receive human milk if you prefer it to formula. Even though my daughter needs a little more than what I’m able to produce, we are very lucky that a friend of mine (a pumping superstar) is passing on her extra milk to us. Please check out the wonderful organization Human Milk for Human Babies if you are in need of milk, or if you have a freezer stash you need to get rid of!
YoungHouseLove says
That’s an amazing organization! Love it.
xo,
s
alexis says
first of all, i think my daughter Mila is a carbon copy of Clara! not only do they have the same nickname, but it seems as though they have the same eating/sleeping habits too! Isn’t it great to sleep 8 straight hours with a newborn? (insert evil laugh here…)
second, kudos to you for your 14 months of hard work! i am also breastfeeding, which was extremely difficult for the first week, but i get what you’re saying about the gratification you feel when you can provide your baby everything she needs to survive…ah, motherhood! :) i am only 4 months in, so we’ll see how long Mila sticks with it!
loooooooove your blog! i only check it about 803858 times a day ;)
Stephanie says
Good for you Sherry! We’re on month 9 and still going strong I plan to continue until she refuses like you did. You should feel so proud of yourself as a BFing mom I know how hard it can be but it is so worth it :)
rachael says
Aw, I’m so glad you wrote this post, I was wondering if you were still bf’ing but didn’t want to ask b/c well, we don’t know each other. I’m still nursing my daughter and shes over 1 yr old now, with just doing it when she wakes up in the morning and just before bed. I have to say though, it was a real struggle for us in the beginning, she had thrush within 5 days of her birth, I had cracked and VERY sore nipples, she would feed for like 40 minutes, and I was also that person alone in the room upstairs or inside. Then she became interested in everything around her so she’d pull away with a mouth full of milk and my clothes would get soaked. It made me so grumpy!! Plus, the only true support I had was from my husband,I call him Captain Lactation, everyone else kept asking if I was still nursing her and how long I planned on doing it, and when was I going to wean her so she could sleep over at their house.I hated it for the first 6 months, but for some reason I couldn’t stop. One day I gave her a bottle and she reached up to touch my face and I bawled, so I threw it in the sink, and I realized then how much I actually enjoyed breastfeeding her. So heres hoping she’ll still want to for just a couple more months longer. Thanks for being so inspiring, Sherry, as a DIY’er and as a parent. You’re amazing!
Amanda says
My 5yrs old daughter I only breastfeed in the first 4 months exclusive, after that I had to complement with formula cause I was not producing enough breast milk, with the complement she prefered the bottle instead of me and stop breastfeeding, she was 4 to 5 months.. I get really sad.
With my son who will turn 2 yrs old in july 31, when he born I was so scared I was not going to be able to breastfeed him cause of the producing little milk thing, but all turned out fine! And he breastfeed till present and I dont have a clue what I will do to unbreastfeed him, cause he dont accept any other kind of milk, only juices, water and breastmilk..
Now Im with the problem that I want him to stop breastfeed, and he tottaly dont want to.
Kisses
Jamie says
Thank you for sharing! :) I like your parenting mantra too. I nursed my son for 13 months and he self-weaned. Just was pretty much done one day. I’m glad you guys got to peacefully transition.
Amanda says
I feel for you! My baby cut me off, too (but at a much younger age), right when I was really enjoying it! The whole beginning had been really stressful for me. It has been a year now and sometimes (more often than I would have thought) I still have the urge to nurse her and I find myself wondering if I will still want to do that when she is 21!
Laura Beth says
I read this as I was feeding my daughter (also named Clara). I can completely relate to every bit, and I know that when the day comes to stop breastfeeding, I will also feel a range of emotions! I loved the genuine heart of this post.
Dawn says
I loved this post! My ‘babies’ are almost 15 and almost 18. *sigh* I breast fed both for as long as I could…unfortunately it was only for about 9 months each. Then mama dried up. It was the most magical thing ever and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Emily W. says
Good for you. I lasted 13 months with my first son (who’s now 3 1/2), and that included pumping while at work part-time. That 13th month was similar to what you described, with weaning down to morning and night, then just morning, and then almost overnight, he didn’t seem to even remember it. I’ve just had my second baby (3 months ago), and I wonder if we’ll last as long.
Also, I wanted to throw out there that I didn’t get the magical weight-dropping effects at all–just the opposite. My body held onto those extra pounds until I weaned, and then they just seemed to fall off instantly. That makes it kind of hard to look at the 10+ months ahead and carry on with nursing, but I’ll do it for the baby. He’d better be glad he’s so cute.
elaine says
Way to go Sherry! Quite the accomplishment and you should be proud! My little two year old weened himself off around 13 months and I identify with all your feelings outlined. Rest assured though, even though they are over your boobies they still need their mama. ;)
Sandra says
Congrats on making it so long! I nursed my son for 13 months and while we had a really rocky start, I grew to love it as well. It wasn’t until we had weaned that I realized how sad I was that our breastfeeding relationship was over. I loved this post – thanks for sharing!
Melanie says
Congratulations! What a sweet post. I just weaned by little boy – he’s my third. I’ve been fortunate and proud to have nursed all three of my kids for a year each! I know it’s very bittersweet when you come to the end of the nursing relationship, but it sets such a close bond and foundation for all of the awesome times you and Clara will share together in the future!
debbie c says
Sherry, you are so blessed! To be able to breastfeed for as long as you have is awesome. And yes, you are REALLY blessed for having little/no pain or issues with it (I had many). Also, 12 hours of sleeping at night…Clara is a good sleeper AND a good eater, every parent’s dream. :D
Robin @ our semi organic life says
congratulations and thanks so much for sharing! What a wonderful story.
Shannon says
Our story is about the same, except it was 18 months before DS decided he didn’t want to nurse anymore. I remember the same mixed up feelings, happy and sad.
Ami says
I love this post. My little guy is going to be turning 1 in three weeks and I am so nervous about all the things you mentioned above… transitioning to milk, reducing feedings, losing that bonding time etc. I feel so grateful too for getting to breast feed this long though!! Most of my friends who had babies around the same time have already stopped and had to move onto formula.
PS I also nursed my son every 2 hours until about a month ago and now it’s still about every 3 hours… he sleeps about 11 hour solid at night. So maybe there is something to be said about feeding lots during the day. I also nurse on demand and am grateful I can as a stay at home mama.
Thanks for sharing your experiences in new motherhood! I have mentioned it before but as someone who had my first baby just shortly after you guys, and a long time reader of the blog, I love being able to sort of see what lies in the road ahead through you guys :)
emily @ the happy home says
it’s posts like these that make me realize i am just not cut out to be a mommy. holy dedication, batman!
i love reading the journey, though, even as a non-momma. you guys are just such an adorable family!
Taylor says
What a wonderful post. It’s weird, but as a breastfeeding mommy, I really enjoy reading about other mom’s breastfeeding experiences. I was hospitalized with mastitis, so my supply has dipped WAY down and I am struggling to get it back up to where it needs to be. We’re having to supplement now, but before all of this, my goal was to last 12 months. Kudos to you for going 14!
And I totally know what you’re talking about with one hour feeling like a boatload of freedom. When Emma went from feeding every 2 hours to every 3, I felt like I could conquer the world.
Bree says
aww, hugs! My son and I just weaned about 2 months ago (he’s now 20 months) and it was sad for me too. I love those sweet moments and the connection. My last nursing with my first was such a sweet moment. She had not bf in a few days and we were changing our clothes to go to the pool when she saw “me” and got excited. She climbed into my lap and latched on (for her last one) and we both giggled through the whole thing knowing it was special and sweet.
Gwenalyn says
That story is so cute, Bree! It made me smile. :)