We have a nursery update for you guys in the form of two new purchases that we brought home, assembled, and will now attempt to customize. After this planning post we pictured ourselves diving right into constructing our two custom built-ins to flank the crib, but then we realized that before we could actually start on those, we needed to make some decisions about what we wanted them to look like (base cabinets with doors and a bookcase top? lower cabinets with drawers instead? dressers that we could top with shelves and molding? tall armoire-ish things for each side of that wall?).
So after a lot of inspiration-room browsing and comparing measurements/product choices on a slew of cabinetry and furniture websites, we finally landed on something that we hope will be extremely functional for the long-haul. Strong sturdy wood drawers as the base, with a bookcase-like top that we’ll build to the ceiling and frame out with molding. So far we’ve picked up two of the best drawers we could find for the job (more on that in a sec) and put them together, so the room’s currently looking like this:
But eventually we envision them looking a little something like this. Except less photoshop-y.
I’ll get more into the DIY part of this post in a minute, but first I wanted to talk about some insecurities I’ve been having about becoming a second-time father, and how (oddly enough) putting these dressers together helped me work through some of them. Sorry to get sappy for a moment. Can I blame it on pregnancy hormones?
Let me preface this by saying I’m a harsh critic when it comes to my own parenting. I generally think I do a good job, but there are always things I’d like to do better – be more patient with Clara, have more adventures with her, and generally give her more of my undivided attention. It’s that last one that seems especially daunting in the context of having a second child: how do I give two kids sufficient attention when sometimes I feel like I’m falling short with just one?
Life also felt simpler back when we were expecting Clara. She arrived on the very day I was leaving my advertising job to come blog full-time with Sherry. So Clara came into a household where time felt almost leisurely. Sure, the blog was still somewhat busy back in 2010, but suddenly having two full-time employees made it feel like we had plenty of hours to soak up this new baby of ours – especially since we moved at a slower project pace and had lots of other stuff in the mix like multiple mood boards, Reader Redesigns, House Crashings, Email Answers, and Window Shopping posts along with lighter fare like Budget Blooms, random posts about mushrooms, or weird dreams.
Things won’t be that way when the Barnacle arrives. He’ll land right as we’re scrambling to finish our showhouse. Right as we’re supposed to be photographing some of our second book. Right after our secret project will finally be out of the bag. So I already worry that this awesome little boy will be meeting a busier, more distracted version of us. And sometimes I feel like I owe him an apology that he won’t get the same experience that his big sister got back in 2010.
But building these Ikea dressers snapped me out of my worry-fest. Why? Because as I opened that first Ikea box after dinner – tired and less than excited about the task – Clara walked in and asked if she could help. It made me realize that yes, this baby’s experience will be different, but in many good ways. Mainly in that he’ll hopefully have fun doing random things like assembling furniture or other house-related stuff that Clara seems to love sharing with us. And that he’ll have a doting big sister to play with him, watch over him, and love him. That’s something Clara didn’t have and that will be an exciting experience that’s uniquely his.
As usual, Clara and I had fun building together. Sometimes she was just playing or singing nearby. But the more amazing memory will be of how she actually participated in the build. She helped me pick out the pieces from the bag (“I need six wood pieces that look like this, can you find them for me?”) and even took over the task of putting dowels in the right holes.
She was quite the little helper, and I realized how cool it is that this baby’s room won’t just be created by his parents, but that his big sister literally had a hand in it too.
All of this is not to say that I’ve squashed every one of my insecurities about fatherhood 2.0 (“do I even remember how to hold a baby?“), but at least I’ve realized that I should stop comparing the two experiences and beating myself up over what will be different. Things are different, and that isn’t a bad thing. But enough about my feelings. {insert manly throat clearing here} Let’s talk about these built-ins…
Most of the other built-in projects that we saw online were either made using base cabinets from the home improvement store (a bunch of which looked a little too kitchen-y to us, or felt a bit steep in price for not-solid-wood) or with Ikea items like BILLY bookcases (like this one), the BESTA system (like this one), or even some combination of the two (like this one). But we wanted something a bit deeper (BILLY is 11″ and BESTA is 16″) and we wanted the bottoms of ours to act like dresser drawers, not like cabinet doors (for some nice deep, easy-to-access storage). So when we stumbled upon the FJELL dressers (21″ deep) online, they seemed to fit the bill nicely. And when we checked them out in person, they looked – and felt – even better.
At $299 each, they’re a little pricier than your usual Ikea dresser, but they’re made of solid wood (i.e. no particle board) and we liked some of the details like the wood grain texture on the top and drawer fronts (which has inspired us to stain the top). Plus we figure if we’re spending the time and money building these dressers in, we like the idea of paying for something a bit more substantial that will hopefully hold up for the long haul, so we won’t find ourselves replacing them anytime soon.
We’re pretty sure we’re going to paint everything but the dresser top (which we’ll stain) just so whatever wood I build the tops out of will match the bottoms. But as you can see from the rendering, we’re considering a non-white color. Maybe a medium gray or a very muted green? Either way, we’re waiting to have all of the building and painting finished before attaching the hardware (no sense in putting that on, just to remove it when it’s time to paint). So for now we’re rocking some temporary string handles. But the hardware that comes with them is actually really nice.
We also picked these because they were a good width. I know from the picture below it looks like we could’ve gone a little wider (don’t mind that off-centered crib) but we wanted to be sure that the space between them would eventually fit a twin-bed (lengthwise) or even a full or a queen (widthwise). Just typing that feels like we’re jumping the gun, but obviously we want them to grow with the room and last longer than its relatively short-lived nursery phase.
As much as I’m hoping my next post on these will be of the “yay, they’re done!” variety, I’m trying to be realistic that there’s lots of building involved here, which will then be followed by caulking, priming, painting, and staining. And somewhere in there we’ll probably be installing crown molding around the whole room (to match the crown that’s going on the built-ins). So if you don’t hear about these for a little while, you’ll know what we’re up to. Though maybe I can enlist my little building assistant to help move things along.
She does have a pretty good handle on dowels and allen wrenches…
Sheila F says
John and Sherry, I just wanted to put in my 2 cents worth. (I don’t know much about decorating but I have raised 4 wonderful kids to adulthood!) I felt like you with my second child. I was afraid that all of the love that I had for my firstborn son would take away from my second. I was afraid that I would not be able to give the attention to one without taking it from another. You know what I was wrong and right! We always have enough love for our children, spouses,family and friends. It is an unending cascade. However we do not have an infinite amount of time. I realized that my 2 year old son was going to have less individual time with me because his brother now needed me also. It was hard to sometimes to say “not now”. But I did make my son a part of the routine for his brother during the day. And bedtime was his alone. Dad took over care for baby and I spent each night giving my son my undivided attention. As baby grew up my son “invited” his brother to share bedtime with him. LOL they are now 28 and 30 years old and are best friends. We went on to have 2 more children and it was never as hard as baby number 2. All of my children have told my husband and I that they have had a wonderful life. And that they have always “Just known” that they are loved. I say it every time I talk to them. But I truly believe that children just feel love. I think you will find that because Clara has been loved so much she will love without thinking. Loving “Barnacle” will just be normal. You got this!!!!!
YoungHouseLove says
That’s so sweet! Thanks for all the advice on this guys. You have no idea how comforting it is to read everyone’s thoughts (and that many people felt like we do right now).
xo
s
Tiffany Nagy says
I love your honesty about how you are feeling about baby #2. I felt that way about #2 and #3… but I have realized that my kids are passionate about what we are… they just want to be a part of the journey. God assigned you to be the babies parents and you will do amazing. Plus they will have one awesome sense of style.:) :) :)
tiffany
http://thiswholehouse.blogspot.com
Abby says
It’s so cute how Clara is so engaged in this process!
Abby
Thepreppycoxswain.blogspot.com
Danica says
Hi John and Sherry! I love seeing Clara help with the barnacle’s nursery! We have our own little helper in our 3 year old son. He can always be found in Daddy’s woodshop working on a project with him. Daddy isn’t quite as productive with his assistant but the memories they’re making are so worth the extra time a project (we need another crib-to-bed set) takes. I noticed that John is wearing an Ergo carrier with Clara as an infant. How did you like the infant insert? I used a moby with my 1st until he was bigger then transitioned to the Ergo, both of which I loved, as did little man. For #2 (due in June) I’m thinking I’d like to give the Ergo another try with the infant insert this time. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I’ve enjoyed your blog for years and admire all that you’re able to accomplish! For us it is much slower going… Can’t wait to see the nursery unfold! Hope you’re feeling well, Sherry!
YoungHouseLove says
We really liked it with the insert!
xo
s
Rachel says
This might be my favorite YHL post ever.1) best Clara faces 2) most touching revelations/emotions from John. I know from a couple years of readership that you keep most of your private things private (as you should) but it’s nice to be able to see glimpses of “normal” life every so often. Sherry’s definitely got a keeper there!
Thank you for sharing your lives and adventures with the blogosphere. :)
liz says
Do you guys attach the furniture to the walks for safety?
YoungHouseLove says
Oh yeah, we’re freaks about that. There are a bunch if posts in our archives about how to anchor everything from a bookcase to a leaning mirror and a TV.
xo
s
Jen says
Hi guys, you probably already know this, but just in case: wood putty the knots in the wood before priming and painting. I painted a similar dresser from Ikea (solid wood – pine, I think) and thought priming the heck out of it would be enough to fill and seal the knots. I did three coats of primer, and used BM paint with primer built in. I thought my effort had been successful, but much to my dismay some of the knots started bleeding through after a few weeks.
YoungHouseLove says
Eeks, thanks so much for the warning!
xo
s
AmyP says
When one of us would whine, “It’s not FAIR!” my mom (wise mother of six) would always respond: “Fair doesn’t mean the same.” It was a good thing to keep in mind as part of a large family, and honestly, still comes to mind quite often in my adult life. Also, the Barnacle will have the advantage of more experienced parents. I just have one kiddo and mostly that’s fine with me, but I do wish sometimes for the opportunity to put to use all of the stuff I’ve learned along the way. Their experiences won’t be the same, but it will be fair.
YoungHouseLove says
Such a great quote!
xo
s
Karla says
Great post!
Things are coming along! I love the built in look! We painted a dresser a similar color, but we left the drawer fronts and top unpainted and we stained it a nice natural wood tone. I love the contrast. Would that be something you would consider? I also love the light you are adding, but may I suggest placing it in the front of the built in to highlight all of the goodies you will be displaying!? Just a thought! Either way you do it, I know it’s just going to be amazing!
YoungHouseLove says
Fun idea with the sconce placement! We’ll have to see if we think lighting up the nook (which will house a real bed in the future) feels best, or if we’d rather light the built-ins. As for mixing in stain, we lean towards staining the top as shown in photoshop but thought it might be too busy with stained drawers on both of them as well (just since there are two, it might make for a calmer look because there will be a lot of stuff on the shelves as well).
xo
s
Nora says
Hi, Ingenious concept with the built in bed nook. It reminds me of something I saw on a Sarah Richardson show for a preppy tween room. Painted the shelving dark and then put a shelf over the top with a light for reading. Very cool.
Are you going to remove the baseboard or are you going to build out trim at the sides like on the top?
Great post today….
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks! We’ll be cutting out the baseboard so they sit flush and fully building them in.
xo
s
Shelley @ Green Eggs and Hamlet says
I think it’s so awesome and sweet that John shares his fathering feelings. You both seem like some of the best parents out there. Keep cranking out those Petersik kids, I say, the world needs more people raised by good parents. :)
I love this built-in concept. Can’t wait to see how it develops. Also so nice to know you can get a solid wood dresser at Ikea.
G says
Besides from this GREAT post, I love when you link to old posts, as it gives me the opportunity to discover some really inspirational content… just like your elephant’s dream, Sherry :) And look what I saw this morning, while reading Emily Henderson’s blog… (third and last pics) http://stylebyemilyhenderson.com/blog/how-to-make-your-small-office-space-look-and-feel-bigger-and-happier/ Isn’t this space just feeling “polished and 100% done”??
Haha. Silly comment but I just had to thank you for this big morning smile. Go elephants!
YoungHouseLove says
So funny!!
xo
s
Sarah says
Our first kids are twins, adopted at two months old. In that sense, we never had just the one initial kid to lavish all our attention on. For the first few months I constantly felt guilty because one twin was very fussy and needed to be held all the time, and the other was very mellow and would do her own thing on the floor for an hour at a time. It felt like her brother was taking all the attention. Two things helped, first, skimming a book on twin parenting that mentioned that same problem and then just said “don’t worry, each of your kids is getting the attention they need from you at this age – the mellow infant would let you know if they needed something, the fussy one is letting you know that they need that attention.” Second, as they grow (16 months now) we’re really starting to see what a gift it is that they’re siblings – neither started out with a year of our undivided attention, but having a best buddy there from birth is a totally different but equally great gift. Looking forward to when ours are big enough to help out and interact at Clara’s level! Right now it’s a lot of trying to empty all the drawers/escape to splash in the toilet/scatter blocks wherever I’m about to step/rub sweet potato in their hair… Good thing they’re cute.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw that’s really sweet! They sound adorable!
xo
s
L says
John, trust me. You are doing for your daughter the best Dad thing you could ever do! You are teaching her to use her head and her hands, to respect tools, and to create something USEful. I can remember following my father around “helping” in the same way you’re letting Clara help. Fast forward forty years, and I have remodeled a house (including laying tile, changing out cabinets, installing a dishwasher and a new toilet) all by my self.
The other gift my parents gave me was to let me know there is nothing I cannot do because I’m a girl. You two are producing some excellent people. Good job!
Lesli DeVito says
The transition from one to two children is always bittersweet…But remember while this little guy will not get the less stretched you…he gets a Clara…a sister…his built in best friend and funny face maker, hander of diapers and picker upper of things thrown off the high chair tray…he gets a non stop show of watching the three of you engage and go about your daily activities…he will probably sleep through a Virginia Thunderstorm and laugh when he is 2 days old!!!!
However question: do they make Baby Bjorns for 4 year olds to wear their siblings?
YoungHouseLove says
Haha! They should!
xo
s
India says
I’m sure it’s been said a million times on here, but you are such an awesome dad John!
Karah @ thespacebetweenblog says
Such a great post! And you’re right, a totally different experience you are bound to have with the barnacle, but that doesn’t mean bad. Love the direction you’re headed with the dressers. What a great memory to have of putting them together with Clara.
Mary says
Barnacle won’t know any different. It will be the only life that he knows. He will love you no matter what.
Amanda @ Serenity Now says
I haven’t been commenting on my favorite blogs lately b/c I have my own new “Barnacle” at home, but I just had to leave a comment on this post b/c…. 1) those built-ins are going to be fabulous. love the idea and 2) I so appreciated the honesty of this post. I’ve stressed and felt guilty since bringing our new baby boy home. Worried that I’m not going to be able to give him the same experiences that his two older sisters had b/c we were able to stay home so much instead of running around to school, activities, etc. But you hit the nail on the head. It’s not about giving him the same experience…it’s about showing love and welcoming him into our family as it is. He has two doting big sisters who love him (and two protective dog “sisters” too!). :) Thanks for sharing, John! Great post…I always appreciate that you and Sherry do your best to keep it real. :)
Bama says
The post was great, but could not take my eyes off of Clara’s haircut-she is going to be the best big sister. Wish my grand daughter’s hair would look that cute-keep it short-just stylin’ at a young age !!
Stacey says
I think your plan to build up from the dressers will look awesome. I am loving the Fjell line and some of IKEA’s recent all-wood pieces! We just bought the wardrobe for our room (the baby will be kicking her father’s clothes out of the spare room closet) and we got the Tarva dresser for her room. I just put up an inspiration/product board for the baby’s woodland nursery yesterday, actually: http://hodoeporicon.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-babys-nursery.html.
YoungHouseLove says
Such a fun board! Good luck with the room!
xo
s
Stacey says
I also wanted to add that I think John’s doubts are totally normal – my sister and mother both cried after their second baby’s birth, thinking they ruined the first baby’s life forever. postpartum hormones, obviously, but see? In reality, my sister and I loved being sisters and my nephews love having each other. I can’t imagine parenting 5+ kids effectively, but I think two is a manageable number and you’ve both shown how good you are at putting family where it needs to be – first. :)
Beth says
Love the authenticity in this post (and the bookshelf / dresser plans!)
Thanks John for showing providing others with a fantastic, multidimensional example of fatherhood and manhood.
Sherry, you done great honey.
Angela says
I just wanted to give you a thumbs up that you are on the right track with the new baby feelings. As a mom of 6, I’ve shaken in my boots a few times wondering what life will be like for one more. And looking back from the other side of things I can assure you that it is wonderful. The new baby’s experience will be different from Clara’s, but he’ll get things she didn’t. Like an awesome older sister to play with. In many ways having more than one child is easier since they play together and help one another. And it blesses the kids not to be an only. Clara will become an even better person as she learns to share with and care about her baby brother in a deeper way. My kids all know how to do things that kids in smaller families don’t–like how to cook and clean and be super self-sufficient at younger ages. Not that I don’t do things with them…it’s just that logistics require them to do more and be more. I like who they are because of it.
Sarah R in WI says
I would never have thought that a post about drawers would have me crying! Like other commenters, I remember having those insecurities while I was pregnant with our 2nd child. Our kids are 3.5 years apart and I was really worried about juggling a preschooler and an infant. Like everyone else said, it all comes back. In many ways, I feel bad for my oldest, because I think I’m a better mom now that I have two and more experience!
As a side note, it’s ironic to see that you are questioning your parenting, because I was questioning my own parenting skills when I read your post about the snow on Young House Life yesterday. You and Clara seemed to have such a good time in the snow…I don’t know if I would have done half the things you did out there! You both really seem to have it together in terms of balancing work and life.
I think most parents are fairly certain we’re messing something up!
alg(amy) says
Glad to hear that my husband & I aren’t the only ones freakin’ out a little about kiddo #2 — we’re so much more conscious of our shortcomings this time around and it’s hard to get in an “it’s all good” frame of mind.
But reading about your epiphany (different doesn’t necessarily mean worse) helped me to remember that water always finds its level, and that what seems foreign to us will seem totally natural to the new baby.
Thanks, man :)
Mary Jane says
Your post totally made me tear up! I am a first time mom to a almost 9 month old, and I share a lot of the same worries and anxieties with you. Just like when adding Clara to your family, you will be living life and having two kids will be the new normal and you won’t be able to imagine life any other way. :)
Kirsten says
Thank you for this honest post about parenting John. It made my cry, not gonna’ lie. Having 3 young children I often feel guilty for not being present enough and not having the same quality time with the 2nd and 3rd monkeys that I did with the first. But, they get other amazing experiences like having a wonderful big sister and parents that are WAAAY more relaxed about things the 2nd time around!It’s ALL good! Thanks for sharing and giving me the opportunity to reflect a bit too!
EngineerMom says
Can’t wait to see the built-ins!
Do you have any plans for the gap between the drawers and the wall? Maybe put a time capsule in it, then cover it up with some trim? Or just leave it for the Barnacle to explore/fill on his own?
I have two kids, 5 and 2. One of the most amazing things, especially in the last six months since they both had birthdays, has been watching their relationship grow. How they take care of each other, how they play together, and how they stand up for each other against other kids (if necessary).
There’s a great book, Siblings Without Rivalry, that’s given us some excellent tools for helping our kids have a positive relationship with each other, in case you need some tips!
YoungHouseLove says
Oh yes, we’re planning to build these in completely so there’s no gap (we’ll cut the baseboard and add some wood trim pieces to make it all flush). Thanks for the book suggestion, it sounds awesome!
xo
s
Sally says
Loved the post, John! Thanks!
Marie says
Such a sweet post!! I imagine most working parents struggle with the feeling like they don’t give their child enough of their undivided attention. I’m shaking my head as I write this cause my new years resolution was to work while at work so I don’t bring it home with me in the evenings and take away the few hours I get with my son…and yet here I am reading blogs and posting comments! But you guys are some the best cyber friends that I’ve never met…so really I’m maintaining important relationships :-/ Anyway, I just wanted to tell you although I love that you read, comment on comments, and answer the questions in your comments, and it makes me feel super special like were bffs and trade friendship bracelets when you comment on my comment…because I love you so much (not in a creepy way) I’ll impose the twitter 140 character limit on my comments and stop asking silly questions that I could probably just find with a quick search. That way, you’ll save 30 seconds here and there and eventually it’ll add up to an hour of that precious bean and barnacle time.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Marie, you’re so sweet! We love you for dropping in on us and we love hearing from every last one of you guys!
xo
s
Casey says
I love this post, John. So sweet. We have just-turned-five and two-and-a-half year old boys, and my husband started physician assistant school at the beginning of my second pregnancy. He has always felt guilty about the busier home life and more distracted version of himself our second was born in to… but he’s been a great, intentional dad through it all and our kids don’t know any different. You will be the same, no doubt! So excited for you to experience this two-kid/new baby joy. :)
(Btw I will say he just finished school/started working at the end of last summer and the new, slower, more relaxed pace of life was worth the wait. Amazing.)
YoungHouseLove says
That’s awesome Casey! Congrats to you guys!
xo
s
Christy Ferguson says
I’m sure lots of others have already attempted to reassure you, John, but I just wanted to chime in: I had three little girls in three years, and something wonderful that my mother told me when I was in tears about not being able to give them all enough attention was this: “your younger children will only know what they get, not what they didn’t.” I think she was saying that the younger ones won’t be born expecting to receive unlimited attention, because they’ve never had anything to compare it to (obviously!). Of course, I still struggle with guilt (because, after all, I certainly know!) but my baby is the most well-adjusted of the bunch! And I really, really cherished my time with her, since I knew she was my last, in a way I don’t think I did with the others. Plus, it’s so much more comfortable the second time around – you know what you’re doing! You’ll love every second you get with your new little man.
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks Christy. It has been awesome to hear from you guys on this. Makes me feel a lot better. Who knew blogging = therapy.
-John
Janelle says
Aww John. It’s so cool that you opened up and shared this. In every video, you are so patient with Clara and encourage her curiosity and imagination. You’ll be just as great of a dad to the Barnacle as you are to Clara (and Burger!)
Joseph says
We have two kids and I share your fear of not being able to give them enough attention. I worry about having any more and that I won’t be able to have a close relationship with them and give them the one on one bonding time that they’ll need. Then I think about the fact that I’m one of seven and I never felt left out. I think you find what you need to give your children.
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks Joseph.
-John
Heather says
Oh man I don’t have any pregnancy hormones swimming around and that post totally made me tear up. And made me think about getting my little sister’s room ready before she was born. I wasn’t even three but I remember “painting” and “caulking”. I’m sure it changed our lives a lot but all I know is that was how our family was- mom and dad and two girls. Clara will adjust, and the new baby will be in a really loving, caring, thoughtful family. Thank you for this post.
Susan J. says
I’ll echo some of the responses you’ve had to your thoughtful and sweet post. As I read your concerns I immediately remembered feeling the exact same way. How will my new baby get what his big sister got: Doting parents, all of our time, thinking she was the greatest baby ever produced in all of world, etc. The main thing the new baby gets is CLARA. Boy, is he ever going to adore her! And big sisters are such lovely caretakers of their little brothers, at least in my family. You are such a loving family, and the time you’re able to spend at home with your children is a rare and special thing, even if you’re busy with all of your ambitious projects. You are HOME, and that is invaluable. Everything will be awesome, and you will find that it all works out somehow…love is abundant and there is always enough for someone new.
Just a mom in Chicago says
Oh my gosh! Weep – fest going on over here! John, having been a married “single-mom” of a now 24yr old son, I beieve qualfies me to say that you seem to be an amazing dad to Miss Clara and Burger and you will certainly be an amazing dad to Barnacle. Thank you for sharing a slice of yourself. This world could use more men / daddy’s like you.
– Tami B.
YoungHouseLove says
Thank you Tami, you’re too kind.
-John
Claire @ Claire K Creations says
That’s so adorable. I love that she asks to see the video too.
I sent the pic of you working with Clara on your lap to my husband. We’re expecting our first any day now and he’s going to be working from home one day a week – that looks like the perfect set up for him!
You will be a fantastic because you already are!
ps love that you use the drill for IKEA assembly too.
Beth says
Thanks for sharing your concerns about being a dad of two. It is impressive to see that your job as a parent comes before the job that pays you! I am a mom, so I can not speak to the inherent fears a man has, but I have three girls, so I can offer some advice. You have already figured out that the differences in childhoods aren’t necessarily a bad thing. But the undivided attention thing is so incredibly important. What I learned, though, is what I thought they needed, and what they really needed were very different. So here is what our family did to address that issue.
When there were just two, I took them to the sweetest woman you will ever meet twice a week. I spent one full day with each of my kids alone, and then they went together one day. I did this second day because I was so exhausted from the two that it gave me the break I needed. I also tried to do as much of my “errands without kids” on that day. This way, when I had my kids, they really had my attention. This worked out so well for our family. My advice here is to not be afraid of getting help like that, even if you didn’t need to with your first.
When our third came, we got a live in Nanny for the summer. Saved my life. She took care of the two, while I tended to the baby. But we noticed that the two were getting cranky. So I started taking them for 20 minute walks each just once a day. All they needed, at ages 2 and 4, was the 20 minutes of alone mommy time. And they were good. I was so surprised at how little it took. And my nanny was shocked. She said she had never seen a mom do that before (take the one on one like that).
In the end, you guys will find what works best for you. For a while, we did date nights, where my hubby took one of his girls out each week. Once a month, the girls all got him to their self to do whatever (one always wanted to go to the park, one the library, that kind of thing). If there were 5 Fridays in a month, I got two dates. Now that they are older (8, 11, and 13) we find other ways to get one on one. We will take one on an errand, or one to get some coffee/cocoa. This year, I am going on a mission trip with my oldest, so I will get her for an entire week.
Sorry for the long response. I just know how important this is. The fact that you are thinking of it now just shows what a great dad you will be for two. And besides, you have a heck of a partner helping you out, so you guys will do great!
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks for all the tips and advice everyone! It’s so much fun to read everyone’s experiences.
xo
s
Felicity says
Did you realize that you can build in a secret compartment in your crown molding? Essentially a drawer, fronted with the crown. My husband did this for our then 9 year old daughter, and it was a huge hit! She left a “time capsule” inside when we moved.
This post brought back so many memories . Our girls are almost 4 years apart, and have always been best friends. The younger one’s first word was her sister’s name, her second was the dog’s, and eventually we were included! And John, if you can build Ikea furniture with a 3 year old, you have more than enough patience for anything!
YoungHouseLove says
That’s amazing! I love that idea.
xo
s
Holly says
John…think about how much more time you actually get to spend with Clara, and soon the barnacle, by working from home. Even though you are busy throughout the day, you have special moments during the day that parents that leave the home to work never have. A great example is the morning snow fun you had last week. I know it is easier said than done…but relax and enjoy!!
Shannon [Our Home Notebook] says
I love that perspective – your new little guy has one more person to love and hang out with him. Big sisters and little brothers are so special.
Love your plans for the built in and that you’re thinking ahead to how you might use the room in the future. I totally do that too.
Tonya says
Hi,
Your sentiments are totally understood! But your new baby boy will be SUCH a joy and Clara will have someone to grow up with, go to school with, bounce ideas off of, etc. As a mom of 3, (2 boys & 1 girl) I love to watch them play together. If you can raise one happy child, you can raise more happy children. You’re even better now than you were then!
Lindsay says
Love the video of Clara singing!! You should look into SPARC for her (School of the Performing Arts in the Richmond Community). They have a 3 and 4 year old class. It just started and Sadie, my 3 year old, loves it!!!!
YoungHouseLove says
Sounds right up her alley! Thanks for the tip!
xo
s
Mary says
Hi,
Sorry if this has been brought up…..but, it seems like the built- in concept, while very cool in theory, will provide a climber with several escape routes both to the floor and to the shelves above. Clara stayed in her crib for a long time, just something to think about.
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks for the thought! It’s hard to see from the photos, but the space on either side of the crib and the built-ins is going to be far enough away that even a very tall long-armed baby won’t be able to reach them from the crib (that space will be wide enough to fit a twin bed long-wise, so there’s some nice breathing room on either side).
xo
s
Erin says
This made me tear up. Our second will be 3 months tomorrow and I’ve had similar worries. It was a beautiful reminder that he has an older doting sibling, which is unique to him.
*This also could have been 3 posts–you two work harder than you need to.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Erin!
xo
s
Debi says
I love your idea, but I have an Ikea tip for you if you ever need other cabinetry. The Besta doors fit perfectly on the kids Stuva cabinets, which are much deeper than Besta cabinets). I needed deeper cabinets for my home office and didn’t like the Stuva door fronts (I did use the drawer fronts though). Turned out great and it’s a fantastic place to hide my printer and other clutter.
YoungHouseLove says
Such a great tip!
xo
s
eRin @ Growing Up Senge says
I was the oldest child of three and was an only child for almost 5 years. I always felt a little guilty about all the time I had had my parents to myself when I was a kid, that I got their full, undivided attention. But when I moved out of the house, I realized that the younger kids often get their parents’ attention on that end, when they are older and they remember and it can be more meaningful. And then I was kind of jealous.
Our second daughter just turned one (our oldest was born just a week after Clara!) and has definitely had to be more flexible, and doesn’t get as much leisurely attention as our oldest got, but she is also benefitting from our prior experience. Not to mention the benefits of having an older sister to love and learn from and play with.
I think your fears are common for this stage, as are your self-criticisms. And I don’t think those go away. But once the new baby comes, you’ll fall into a new rhythm as a family of four. And you’ll adjust your work schedule and priorities as needed!
We just adjusted our household from a two-income situation – I was working at an office and my husband was working from home and taking care of the kids full-time, now I’ll take over full-time child care and household management and he’ll work 1.5+ jobs from home to compensate for the income.
This whole thing is such an adventure! You guys are great parents and are basically winning at life, so I’m sure you’ll keep on rocking it all. I look forward to reading all about it, thanks for sharing it with us!
http://www.growingupsenge.blogspot.com
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Erin! It has been awesome to hear from other families that went through adjustments and had the same thoughts and fears.
xo
s
Alissa says
I’m late in commenting because who am I to give you two advice on painting–you’ve done more painting than my husband and me, but if you haven’t started painting the dressers yet, I would highly encourage you to look into oil-based paint. My husband has painted two different raw wood things recently–one with latex paint and the other with oil and the oil-based paint yielded a much better finish. Yes, it’s stinky and a pain to clean up, but the finish is better (things don’t stick to the oil like they do to the latex–I think that’s called “blocking”). Also, someone earlier mentioned priming for the knots; a professional painter friend recommended us to prime with Kilz (or similar) and using the Kilz oil-based primer on raw wood gave us better coverage/sealing of tannin than latex Kilz.
I know you try to do no/low-VOC, but for furniture, the extra air-out and clean-up time might be worth it, or at least looking in to.
Looking forward to seeing your vision come to life!
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks Alissa! We’re doing some knots-bleeding research to make sure they don’t plague us. As a prego I couldn’t work with oil-based paint and I don’t love the idea of doing it in a nursery with only a few months to off-gas but I have faith we can figure something out. Ben Moore’s Advance paint is aklyd based and amazing for furniture (it’s a special self-leveling formula and we’ve loved the coverage and finish – it’s actually designed to work like oil paint without the fumes) so as long as we can keep those knots sealed we’re good to go!
xo
s