It’s nearly a year late (I can’t believe I’m going to be the mother of a one year old in three short weeks). And the reason for the delay is simple. Thinking / typing / talking about the day that Clara was born still scares the pants off of me. Even 11+ months later. This little lady made quite the dramatic entrance.
Yup, the day that Clara came into the world was the most amazing life-changing day of my existence, but it was easily also the single most terrifying one. I’ve mentioned some details a few times in comments on other Clara-related posts (many readers wanted to know all about the bean’s birth right away) but I think now that she’s almost a year old I’ve processed that day enough to really share it fully with the interweb. By no means am I over it (don’t really know if I ever will be), but I can talk about it now without crying. So that’s a start, right? A few friends of mine have actually recommend that I write this post as part of the whole healing process (a lot of the posts that we write are actually for our own benefit since this is just an online diary to document our lives for our own selfish purposes, haha). So I thought it made sense. I know that how Clara came into the world will affect future pregnancies and how nervous/anxious/wary/afraid I’ll be if any of the same complications pop up again, so perhaps talking about it after processing it for almost a year might help me come to terms with it a bit more. So here it goes (deep breaths, deep breaths).
I had an amazing low risk fabulous pregnancy. No high blood pressure. No weird pains. Over 100 days of morning sickness (yes I counted) but that’s to be expected. Or at least tolerated in the name of baking a human. Other than that (and once that ended) it was amazeballs as my girl Bethenny Frankel would say. I felt great. I loved feeling my little bean kicking around in there. I basked in the glory of being prego. I told John I could do it ten more times. Life was good.
My tiny 4’11” mom had two natural (and very fast) child births, so I had high hopes of a normal (if not very quickly progressing) delivery. Maybe without drugs, and maybe with them. I wasn’t going into it with any strong feelings either way, but I had taken some classes on pain management and learned about The Bradley Method so I was actually feeling very bring-it-on by the end. Either way I kept telling myself “in the end the baby will be out and I’ll get to meet her, so no fear is allowed – it’s going to be a happy day – with drugs or without them. No pressure. Just try to go with the flow and relax.” I had orders to “run, don’t walk” to the hospital if I had any signs of labor (my mother had me in four hours and my brother within two) so that had me a little on edge, but the only thing I worried about was having the baby at home or in the car since I feared it would all happen really fast because that runs in the family.
John was working downtown at the time and I was at home without a car (we’re a one car family, so he’d take the car during the day and after he came home we’d run any errands I needed to do). So admittedly the whole being at home without the car thing was kind of scary but I knew about fifty neighbors who volunteered to drive me to the hospital if things got crazy and John couldn’t make it home to get me in time. The funny thing is that he answered his cell phone on the first half-a-ring for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, so I knew he was on high alert and was confident that he’d hightail it home in time (it was only a 15 minute drive).
I never felt a single contraction (not even Braxton Hicks) until the day I went into labor, but I knew I was dilated to a 3.5 at 39 weeks (yes I walked around at a 3.5 without going into labor with my first child, which I hear is really uncommon). Clara must have been holding onto the walls in there. So although I was still about a week “early,” my doc said I was going to have the baby any second. Hence John being on high alert. Oh yeah and my belly looked like this. I was officially ready to pop.
I noticed on the morning of May 14th (it was a Friday) that I was having some pretty intense contractions. My first contractions ever (well that I felt). At first they were oddly irregular so I thought it was just prelabor (didn’t even tell John because I didn’t want him to get all crazy and come running home for a false alarm). But slowly they started to establish a pattern and by the time I started timing them they were just four minutes apart. And they were an 11 on the pain scale. I felt like my insides were ripping apart and my back was killing me. I called John who was out to lunch with all of his coworkers to celebrate his very last day at the office (he was resigning to come on full time as a dad/blogger) and told him to get the eff home. He laughed about how good my timing was because he was just finishing his burrito. I groan-cried in the middle of a contraction and he knew I meant business. So home he came flew.
By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were already two minutes apart. I remember having a hard time even walking from the car to the door because they were just coming nonstop and they were bring-you-to-your-knees painful. I thought I might have a baby right there in the parking lot. They sent me straight into labor and delivery. As we waited for the doctor to arrive and check my progress my water broke in the hospital bed- but instead of being clear it was red. So much blood. Very scary. I didn’t even see most of it (thanks to my giant belly and the sheet over my lower half) but John did along with my OB who happened to be in the room. John’s face went white and the OB snapped into hyperdrive.
Immediately the room filled with frenzied nurses and doctors and they explained that I was having a placental abruption, which happens when the placenta has inexplicably detached from the uterine wall. This is very bad news before the baby is born. And it explains the feels-like-my-body-is-ripping-apart pain I’d been experiencing. It’s an extremely dangerous complication for the baby (since they get their nourishment from the placenta and can go into shock and die) and the mother can hemorrhage (and can also die in cases of extreme bleeding). So it was a pretty dire situation all around (although nobody stopped to explain it, the look on the doctor and nurse’s faces kind of said it all).
Within about a minute they had me in the OR and within three minutes they had sweet baby Clara out thanks to an amazingly fast emergency c-section. They saved her life by acting so fast.
It was a blur. All I remember was them running my gurney into the walls while turning corners in the hallway trying to get me into an ER as fast as possible. They looked panicked. And it scared the heck out of me. I didn’t care about me or my body – just the baby. I remember screaming inside of my head “just cut her out of me, cut and I don’t care if I feel pain or if I get hurt or if I have scars all over, just save her. Do it right here in the hallway if you have to.” Of course my lips weren’t moving. It was one of those out-of-body mind screams that nobody else can hear.
John suddenly wasn’t with me. They just left him behind and ran with me down the hall calling up to get emergency doctors and nurses on hand since the main OR was already in use for a scheduled c-section. I remember people popping out of doorways saying “I’ll help” and joining the frenzied mob and going over all of my stats (blood type, number of weeks prego, etc) while saying things like “baby in distress” and “profuse bleeding.” I couldn’t have created a scarier nightmare scenario in my head if I tried. Lots of people swarmed into the OR in the next thirty seconds. But no John. I could barely breathe at the thought of something going so wrong without him by my side. Once they had me fully prepped for surgery (which happened within less than a minute, they were so amazing) someone must have run off to get him.
I wish I could say it was thanks to me calling out for him but I was in shock so I couldn’t talk or even move. I was frozen. It almost felt like I wasn’t even there and I was watching it all happen to someone else on TV. John says he remembers standing in the hallway as everyone ran off with me. So freaked out and completely alone. Just waiting. That always makes me cry when I think about it. I didn’t know it at the time because of the chaos, but someone had tossed scrubs at him when I was being wheeled out (he would need them since it had to be a sterile environment for the c-section) so he was just standing there in the hallway wearing his scrubs and waiting. And going crazy. Finally someone came out to retrieve him and he was allowed to come hold my hand right as they started to cut. I just stared at him. I was frozen. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk. I was just in shock at how quickly everything was happening.
Once they opened me up they saw that not only was Clara in distress from the placental abruption, but the umbilical cord had somehow been pinched (which is called “cord prolapse”) so she was without oxygen while fighting to make it through the abruption. I heard them toss out the word “cord prolapse” (they didn’t have time to explain what was going on, so I learned the details later) but in my odd state of panic and shock I thought they were talking about someone else. I was the one with a placental abruption. The scariest page of my birth book at home. The one I didn’t even read because it wouldn’t happen to me because I didn’t have high blood pressure or any of the other risk factors. My baby couldn’t also be dealing with cord prolapse. How could that be? Who could be that unlucky? Then they said “she’s not going to cry ok – don’t wait for her to cry just try to stay calm and breathe slowly.” That was when my heart broke and I started to cry. I guess I was crying for her.
I couldn’t see anything thanks to the screen they threw up before cutting into me, but they were right. She didn’t cry when they yanked her out with all of their might. All I remember was extreme pressure but no pain. Well, no physical pain. Emotional pain = off the charts. They had NICU specialists standing by, and when I heard them say “NICU” out loud that it was the first time I actually thought “what if this doesn’t end the way I thought it always would? What if all those pep talks I gave myself about it being a happy day because “drugs or no drugs I would get to meet my sweet baby girl” weren’t going to be true?
John later admitted that thought had hit him a lot earlier than it had hit me. He said he knew something was very wrong when he saw all the blood before they whisked me away. And when he was standing alone in the hallway after I got wheeled off to the OR he wondered if things were about to end badly. See why that visual of him in the hall makes me cry? It was just so surreal and terrifying. John later confessed that once he was allowed into the OR to hold my hand that he couldn’t really watch as they pulled her out of me, even though he was much taller than the screen they had set up to block my view. Not because he was afraid of the blood or passing out, but because he didn’t want to see our baby “not make it.”
But after about one felt-like-eternity minute they got her to moan. Kind of like a kitty meowing. It was so soft and weak and just heart breaking. I remember thinking “I want her to cry so she’s ok, but I don’t want to hear her if she’s not going to be ok because I’m falling in love already. I can’t hear her moan and then fall silent- she has to start wailing. Right now!” But no dice. I remember thinking that all the silence felt so loud. Like it was almost deafening to listen so desperately for some sign of a cry. Clara got a 4 on her initial Apgar test, which we later heard is usually the lowest score you can get before permanent brain damage if things don’t improve by the five minute Apgar retest. They didn’t announce the time of birth or her weight very loudly or say anything like in the movies, you know like “it’s a girl!” or “happy birthday!” or “what’s her name?” and she didn’t come lay on my chest. I still couldn’t even see her thanks to the screen they had put up to block the surgery. They were all just working on this baby that I couldn’t even see. My baby. And I just stared at John in a silent freeze, tears in my eyes but nothing coming out of my mouth. At some point after closing me up the doctor said “she’s bleeding – she reopened, get over here” and half of the team ran back to work on me. My incision which had been sewn and stapled shut had reopened and I could hear from the doctors tone that it wasn’t an ideal situation. But I still wasn’t scared for me. In any other scenario it would have been intensely alarming, but I had a one track mind: the baby. I want to hear the baby cry.
It felt like five years went by (in reality it was less than five minutes) but slowly the people working on me thinned out and the people working on Clara seemed to start moving more casually and slower. As if it wasn’t such an emergency anymore. I remember thinking “this is either a very good or a very bad sign.” Thankfully, by her five minute Apgar test she pinked up, cried a glorious and spirited cry, and got a 9 (we later learned that the five minute Apgar retest is the most important and revealing one). They said that a 9 was as close to perfect as it gets and that even super healthy children rarely get 10s. And they told us that it was so great that she rebounded so well and was looking fantastic. She was a fighter for sure. They even let John go over and see her (I was still strapped down so I had to wait).
She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but we didn’t know that at the time, so we started to rejoice and John even took some video on the iPhone to bring back over to show to me since I hadn’t even laid eyes on her yet (we were so lucky that the iPhone happened to be in John’s pocket before all hell broke lose, otherwise we wouldn’t have any documentation of Clara’s birth at all). We later learned they were somehow testing her cord blood to see if she was without oxygen for so long that she sustained permanent brain damage. Only when the test came back all-clear (indicating that there were no worries of that) did the nurses and doctors really seem to relax.
Apparently infants who live after a placental abruption have a 40-50% chance of complications, which range from mild to severe (and sometimes mothers who survive end up with a hysterectomy to control the hemorrhaging). Only then did it start to sink in how lucky we really had been. And what a miracle our baby girl really is.
Finally, after what literally felt like days, they wrapped her up and brought her over to me. My arms were strapped down from the surgery, so John held her right near my head and I just stared at her in disbelief. I was still in shock, and bloated with fluids from the IV along with fear and disbelief and unconditional love.
What did I do to deserve such a happy ending? How would I have survived coming home empty handed to a beautiful nursery that I shared with the world while being so confident that I was guaranteed a cute little baby to put in that crib? Basically it was the scariest day of our lives, and I still ask why. Why me (in that annoying “poor me” way) and why me (in the “why-was-I-so-lucky-she-was-spared” way). But the main thing I feel is full. Of relief. Of gratitude. Of love for my little fighter. My little miracle. I’m SO THANKFUL that the doctors and nurses worked so quickly to come to her (and my) rescue. I’ll never know for sure, but if another team had been on duty I don’t know that I would have had the same outcome. They were just so on it. So invested and so amazing. And I can’t even begin to think about what could have happened if I wasn’t in the hospital when I started bleeding.
Other nurses and doctors in the hospital dropped in to see us for days just to tell us how lucky we were (news of our complications were apparently the talk of the hospital). We even had a friend on another floor (coincidentally she was there on the same day that I went into labor for a pre-term labor scare) who had overheard nurses and doctors talking about “that woman who had both a cord prolapse and a placental abruption at the same time but the baby actually survived.” Only later did she find out that it was me they were talking about. I still get chills when I think about that. How lucky we were. How scary it was. And how gorgeous and amazing that little girl in my arms was. And still is.
So that’s the story of the scariest/best day of our lives. Whew. No wonder we’re obsessed with the girl.
As for if those complications are more likely to occur with any subsequent pregnancies, cord prolapse is totally random and can happen to anyone, so it doesn’t become more likely if you’ve experienced it before (but it’s rare, so if you’re prego and reading this story know that my combination of complications were about as likely as winning the lottery). However, placental abruption is more likely to reoccur (around one in four women experience it again) and it can happen as early as around twenty weeks (when the baby isn’t viable yet, which means the baby wouldn’t make it). So it can be devastating and scary. I have strict orders to wait at least two full years between pregnancies to let everything heal up nice and strong, which probably means over three years between Clara and her younger brother or sister, assuming all goes well. I’m fine with the wait since I’m happy to just enjoy Clara for a while and take that time to continue to process the whole birth experience and build up my courage. But I’m sure when I’m pregnant again I’ll be much less happy go lucky about it.
Which is really sad. John keeps begging me to let it be the same joyful and unabashedly exciting time as it was before. But I know myself. And I’ll be on high alert. Searching for any signs or symptoms that something’s wrong. And scared even if there aren’t any signs of trouble (because there weren’t any before I started feeling contractions with Clara- it just all came out of nowhere). I’m scared that I might even be afraid to get a nursery ready. You know, so as not to jinx things. So my plan is to know myself, and accept that I’m going to be scared. But to do my best to enjoy it as much as I can and remind myself that I now know what an abruption feels like (so I should instantly be able to identify it) and that I have more information than I had with Clara (plus the doctors also know about my history now that I’ve had it happen). So I’ll hopefully have just as good of an outcome should it reoccur, as long as it doesn’t happen before the baby is developed enough to be delivered.
But I’m not gonna lie. I’m going to be petrified.
I also might be a “high risk” pregnancy next time without any chance of natural labor (if signs of another abruption occur they’ll rush me to a c-section if the baby is old enough to live outside the womb). I’m ok with that. Anything for a healthy baby. Now not only am I open when it comes to drugs or no drugs, I’m totally down with a c-section too. Slice and dice, baby. Whatever it takes.
Kerry says
wow, I WEPT reading this. Thanks for sharing. I am so glad everything turned out in the best possible way.
Leanne (Bride to Mrs.) says
You are so brave for sharing this. I can only begin to imagine how hard it was to write these words down on paper but I do hope that it brings you some healing.
This post made me realize how grateful I am for everything in my life. I don’t have any kids, but it shows you how quick life can change in an instant.
I’ve always believed that we were put on this earth to love and be loved… and this story prooves it again!
You’re both such wonderful parents and I’m so happy Clara is healthy!
Leanne says
Thank you, Sherry, for sharing with us, and for telling your story with such honesty and bravery. I am sure that as you continue to process that scary miracle of a day, you, John and Clara will only come to value every little moment together even more and more.
Liz H. Nunez says
Sherry and John! Thank God!!!!! Praise God little Clara is here! She’s beautiful!!
K's Mom says
Thank you for sharing your story! I too had a placental abruption (at 26 weeks) during an uneventful(short) pregnancy! It’s difficult to talk about and not an easy think for others to relate to! Thinking about getting pregnant again is scary but think of all the happiness your beautiful daughter has brought your family this past year!
Leah says
Thank you for sharing your birth story! I can’t believe all that you went through. And you deserve major props for being at peace with all that has happened. Though I’ve never been through anything nearly as scary with my two, I know how it feels to “have” to have c-sections, and my first look at my baby girl was also on my husband’s phone. But just as you said, whatever it takes for a healthy baby! You are even more of an inspiration to me now! :)
Jema says
Your post had me in tears. We had a similar experience with our baby (who is now eight months old) and can totally relate to the agony of waiting for that first cry, and the worry of hearing such low agpar scores. But babies are amazing little fighters, aren’t they? So glad everything worked out well, and you’ll be celebrating your first year together soon!
Karen says
Well nuts, now I am crying at work. Oh well.
This is a wonderful story, thank you so much for sharing it! My little boy is 9 months old and had one hell of a debut – born at 30 weeks, 2 lbs 8 oz. due to my severe pre-eclampsia (which required 2 weeks of restricted bedrest in ICU), he spent 7 weeks in NICU before we could take him home. I wasn’t even that scared during the bedrest… I just KNEW he would be fine. But when he was born, he didn’t cry… he scored 2 on his Apgar and was rushed into NICU before I could see him. The next day when I first saw him, that tiny little thing in his incubator… I was petrified for him, and broke down into tears. I’m happy to report that he’s now 9 months old and is a very big boy – we obsess over his fat rolls because… hey! FAT!!! When he was born, he was so tiny and skinny, because body fat had not developed on him yet. To see his chubby thighs now is like instant Prozac.
Any future pregnancies mean that I could get pre-eclampsia again, or I could be fine. I am PETRIFIED – but I still want to do it again. If I had known that I would have had the scary pregnancy and that my little guy would go through so much, would I still have done it? Absolutely – he’s the light of my life, and makes me so proud every day. But does that mean I will willingly do it again and risk another child being put through so much? That’s the hard part. My husband is currently too scared to take the risk. But to me, my family does not feel complete.
Happy soon-to-be-birthday to Clara… Congratulations to you both, her wonderful parents… THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Sherry for posting this.
Krystle says
I’m so happy your story has a happy ending even if it was scary! Happy, happy birthday to Miss Clara =) She truly is a miracle and a very cute and happy one at that! ♥
ashley c says
I can see why it has taken you so long to share your story. Just reading it I was scared for you and Clara and I’ve had two children with one of those being very high risk. God was truly watching over you guys and I am so glad it turned out to be a very happy ending! Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Sonel says
What a terrifying story. I’m 6 months pregnant and except for morning sickness in the 1st trimester, I’ve had a great pregnancy. Noswollen ankles in sight! Like you, my mother had easy-breazy labors that happened fast. She actually had both my older brother and I at home and my dad ended up delivering me since I came so fast the midwife wasn’t there yet.
I’ve had a really relaxed attitude about my own upcoming labor, so much so that I admit I’ve skipped over most of the pages about birth complications. I just figured it wouldn’t happen to me. Thank you so much for sharing your experience so that people like me can benefit from it. You’ve made me feel grateful for every uncomplicated day of pregnancy I get.
Thanks.
Tracy Napper says
Wow, what an incredible story. I’m in awe, and so very happy that you and Clara survived and thrived!! I can totally understand your being petrified next time; I had 3 miscarriages in a row before we found out what was causing it. Luckily, we were able to take action so when I was pregnant with my daughter, she could survive. But I too worried every day and finally begged my doctor to induce me 2 weeks early as the mental stress was doing me in. But Nora is now a beautiful, healthy 11-year-old! You can do it, when you’re ready, and the good news is your doctor will follow you closely.
Clara is so darling – what a happy kid! God obviously has great things in store for her. ;-)
Erin N. says
*hugs*
Ivette says
Sherry, I think all us mommies and daddies understand why putting this down has been hard for you to do. But thank the lord she is a happy healthy little girl. God Bless her and your family! And thank you for sharing your story.
Lisa says
Simply amazing and how lucky are we to live in a time that we can get through it! Thanks for sharing.
Johanna says
Wow. What fighters you both are. So lucky. What a miracle. Also, as a side note, I’m due to have baby number 2 any day now, and I wish I could say that doesn’t scare the heck out of me. :)
Melynda says
Thanks so much for sharing your story- it brought tears to my eyes. My first child (also a girl) just turned five months today. I too had a wonderfully beautiful pregnancy with no complications- I actually preferred pregnant my to unpregnant me. I was way more laid back, relaxed, and loved the feeling of life in me. I too had some complications not at birth, but right after. So, when my little girl was a week old I was back in the hospital having surgery due to infection. They suspect a suture allergy which scares me a bit for future pregnancies. I love reading your blog and seeing your family grow- you are in my prayers!
Lani says
Tears, girl, tears. I’m so happy for you guys that you have an absolutely adorable little girl. I had a similar (but def not the same) experience where my eldest got stuck, literally stuck, in my pelvis. His Heart rate started dropping and wouldn’t come back up, and I had the same 3 minute rush to the ER with my husband getting scrubs thrown at him. I know that feeling of being in the OR, not having your husband next to you, and having no idea if your baby is going to be ok. I’m so glad that Clara is healthy and well, and obviously extremely happy. What a blessing…
Lisa says
There is a website called Solaceformothers.org, which is a support group for women who have had traumatic births. Its a forum, so you can read others stories without having to tell your own, if you don’t want to jump right in. There is also Ican-online.org/forum, which is a support group for women with traumatic cesarean experiences. (The Solace forum is a bit more mainstream and focuses more on healing, while ICAN has a strong focus on helping women achieve vbacs.)
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks so much for the recommendations, I’ll definitely check them out.
xo,
s
Jamie Lee says
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I was on the brink of tears just reading about it. I’m so happy for you guys that everything worked out in the end. You two deserve a happy, healthy baby and I’m glad you got one. Thanks for sharing.
Alyson says
I hope in this encyclopedia-length comments section you’re getting more words of comfort and encouragement than, “Oh yeah? Well this is what I experienced…” My eldest brother’s wife’s first pregnancy was twins. She developed a rare and usually fatal blood condition during delivery. She went on to have six more uneventful, completely normal pregnancies and deliveries, 8 babies in 7 pregnancies. I know at least 10 women who had terrifying first deliveries, and nary a problem in subsequent pregnancies. We all have our fingers crossed for the same outcome for you. :) Clara is gorgeous. What a happy ending!
The great thing (?!) about being a potential high-risk pregnancy next time is that you’ll probably have very frequent ultrasound scans to check on that placenta. And to check on the growing peanut!
Rachel says
Wow! What an emotional rollercoaster! Thank you so much for sharing Sherry. You are such a brave family, and Clara may just be the cutest baby I’ve ever seen! ( : Congratulations!
Leanne says
Thank you for sharing your heart wrenching situation. You and your baby girl are truly blessed! Praise God, the giver of life!
Kelley says
Wow. What a story. Thank you for sharing.
Jennie says
Wow. I just want to thank you for sharing such an intensely personal, and difficult, time in your life with the world. I am 36 weeks pregnant and just beginning to get my mind into the ‘I can do this’ mind set for labour and delivery. At first, your story sent me into a huge hormonal tear fest. But once I got to the end, it was very reassuring. Even if many things go wrong, we are so very blessed to have medical help available for those emergencies.
ashley says
Thank you so much for sharing this story. You are so strong and Clara is amazing! This had me crying at work, but I am so happy for you and John and Clara.
Jenn E says
Thanks for sharing such a personal and emotional birth story. I went into preterm labor at 28 wks when my amniotic sac ruptured. I was flown to Good Samaritan Hospital in AZ and was hospitalized for 4 wks before my son was born at 32 wks. I had the most amazing doctors! I was told when I went into labor that if my son survived that he wouldn’t leave the hospital until right around his due date which was in mid June. He was born April 17 and he left the hospital in 21 days, on May 8. That was 16 yrs ago and I was told his survival rate was 25% when I went into labor.
Brittany says
Thank you so much for telling your story! We had surprise complications with our first so I totally understand the shock/silent begging for your baby to cry. With our daughter, the doctors rushed her out of my room to the NICU before I even got a chance to see her. I finally got to meet my sweet Eden about 5 hours later when my husband – who had waited to see her with me – wheeled me down to the NICU.
One thing I will let you know for when you do get pregnant again is this: you will be scared/happy. Also be prepared to have at least one breakdown. I had one night at about 13 weeks when I just sobbed in bed for a couple of hours while my husband held me. I think that’s just part of the process. : )
Thank God for your special little miracle and all the love your little family shares!
Janae says
Thank you so much for sharing this difficult story. Sometimes just letting it out through writing or talking about it puts it into perspective and helps you work through it. It is an amazing story with a very happy and beautiful ending, Clara!
I know next time you will be on high-alert and nervous but John is right – try to enjoy the pregnancy as much as you can. I hope the next pregnancy is easy-peasy and wonderful.
And Happy Early Birthday to Clara – she is just the sweetest!
Angie @ The Country Chic Cottage says
You sooo made me cry!! I am so glad she was okay. :)
Jenny @ DIY Newlyweds says
Thanks for bravely sharing your story. I can’t begin to imagine how terrifying the delivery must have been for you and John. I’m so happy that everything ended up working out and you have a wonderful, healthy baby girl now!
Sarah says
Sherry,
your story was so moving – thank you so, so much for sharing. I can really relate, having had a very traumatic birth when my daughter was born a year and a half ago. I remember the shock and the silence my husband and I were going through – the same that you described. There are no words to describe what it feels like to hear over the hosptial loudspeaker the resuscitation team being called to the L&D – and we we were the only ones in there so we knew it was for our baby. And to watch the frantic nurses working over her when she was blue & not breathing… it is very difficult to describe how traumatic that was. And I don’t think people understood how hard that was on me – they were just relieved she made it through. Our baby girl is now happy and healthy today with no brain damage – we are so thankful for her. But it doesn’t erase the emotional trauma that still haunts me from her birth. It was very validating to read about someone else who lived through such a thing, and all the conflicting emotions that ensue.
Thank you Sherry – know that your words were very helpful and healing to read.
Best,
Sarah Felix Burns
Alicia says
I almost cried reading this story and I can see why you wanted to wait before replaying it in your head to write this out. It makes me so happy to one day have children, but also sounds so scary! So happy for you and your family :)
Gretchen @ Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen! says
Wow, Sherry. You are incredible. I can’t even imagine how terrifying this experience was, but I so appreciate how candidly you wrote about it. Clara is beautiful and so incredibly loved.
dee says
Thanks for sharing! What a beautifully written post – I know this will help in your healing process. I had a similar birth story (though not due to placental abruption) but due to life-threatening complications to both me and baby, I couldn’t see him for the first 12 hours after they cut him out of me. I am currently pregnant and set to deliver via scheduled c-section in exactly two weeks and the anxiety during this pregnancy has been off the charts! For me, the closer I get to the birth day, the more anxious I become, but the anxiety comes and goes. Some days, I am a sobbing mess over every little inconsequential detail but other days I feel no anxiety and am full of joy, love, and anticipation.
The one thing that helps is that even though my anxiety is rooted in real, logical fears based on my past experience, the anxiety now presents itself in really comical ways because of the crazy pregnancy hormones. So, I find that it’s easier to identify/process and laugh-while-crying my way through. I don’t know if that makes any sense – for me the pregnancy-anxiety was easier to handle than the pre-pregnancy anxiety. But, I wanted to offer some encouragement – you will be incredibly anxious but I hope that you, too, are surprised by how well you are able to find your way through the anxiety and at how many moments you will find yourself at peace and hopeful.
Monica says
What a heartwarming story. I know it must have taken you a lot to share this with the world, but sharing a story like this may help prepare someone for a situation like this.
Jamie says
Thank you for sharing your story – I know what it’s like to not have things go according to plan. I wasn’t fastidious about my birth plan, but I knew I could go without drugs and wanted to be as natural as possible. Early on in my pregnancy, I began having blood pressure issues, which landed me in the hospital twice for observations and on bedrest for four weeks. They induced me at 37 weeks exactly, and when they broke my water, it was green, which meant there was meconium in the fluid, and that put us into a whole new level of worry about the baby ingesting that stuff. My contractions were immediately WILDLY out of control and painful and wouldn’t go into a rhythm, and I just remember lying in the bed on my side, gripping my husband’s hand, crying, “Oh my God, it hurts” over and over. I couldn’t use any breathing techniques because I couldn’t catch my breath. The nurses kept telling us all these scary figures about baby boys who are born a little early who have breathing problems and need to be transferred to neonatal hospitals and I just kept thinking, “This is not what I’m supposed to be hearing right now.”
Our baby did not have nearly the scary dramatic entrance as Clara, but I know what it is like to have things turn on a dime and all of a sudden you are facing this new reality, where it might not be happy-go-lucky. But we, too, were blessed with a beautiful healthy baby who suffered no complications and now weighs in at an astonishing 20 pounds at 6 months, ha.
I hope that writing it down and putting it out there helps your healing progress a little bit!
Jamie B says
So glad I knew the happy ending before I read this. Tear jerker!!!
PS…My Nora and your Clara have the same birthday (though 3yrs apart).
Giulia says
Oh, this made me tear up. How brave of you to share and I hope that it will have a healing effect for you. Both my kids were emergency C-sections and while no where close to as scary as your situations it brings you back down to earth and makes you realize what a miracle it is to have a baby.
Lindsay says
Sherry,
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I am not pregnant yet and don’t have any children, but as I have been learning about pregnancy and birth, I had made some very strong decisions about how my pregnancy and birth would occur. You’re story made me realize that no matter how much I plan, I really don’t have control. I know this was difficult for you, but thank you so much for sharing!
Sara says
Wow. What an amazing story. Thanks for sharing. I just kept seeing John standing alone in the hallway like a scene out of a TV show. Thank God everything worked out and you have a beautiful daughter.
Jen @ Canadian Rhapsody says
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It made me hug my tiny girl a little tighter knowing how lucky we are to have her and to have had no complications.
I remember reading the page of the pregnancy book that described shoulder dystocia and being terrified for a while that it could happen to us, but was reassured that the chances of it happening are very low. I forgot to pray at that moment for the people that fall into that percentage and have complications at birth.
Clara must have had a guardian angel looking over her during those moments inside, preserving her life.
Perhaps some sort of hypnobirthing tracks would be helpful the next time you are pregnant or preparing for pregnancy. I found them very helpful for labour, not so much from a pain management perspective, but for their positive affirmations. Your body is a miracle. You CAN carry a healthy baby to term. You CAN overcome any sort of complications that may arise.
Getting in the right (and calm) frame of mind is probably the best thing you can do for a pregnancy right?
I’m *trying* to email you a copy of one of the tracks I listened to. The whole series was purchased here: http://www.mindfulmamma.co.uk/mindfulmamma-CD
Who doesn’t like listening to a woman saying calming things in a British accent?
YoungHouseLove says
Haha, I love women singing calming things in a British accent! Thanks so much.
xo,
s
Mary Beth says
Wow, what an amazing story and I cried my eyes out even though I knew it had a happy ending. You are truly blessed to have Clara! May you continue to enjoy every moment with her!
Annette says
Even knowing that everything turned out all right, my stomach clenched in sympathy, reading this story. My sister’s pregnant right now and I’m really excited for her but also a little scared. I hope everything’s going to be alright.
Thanks for sharing. I hope any of your future pregnancys are going to be as smooth as possible for you and the babys.
Kristen in Hawaii says
Sherry! *big hug* The tears started flowing for me when you mentioned John in the hallway. Almost 6 years ago I was in his spot, playing labor coach for my best friend, a single mom. One second we were chilling in the hospital room, making jokes and reading gossip mags, and the next, the room was filled with people and she was being whisked out the door (complications, but not as insane as yours). I remember the same things John describes…feeling clueless and helpless just standing there alone, and someone throwing scrubs at me. I couldn’t believe how fast William was born after that, and how emotion just washed over me like a wave when we heard him cry. He ended up spending a few weeks in the NICU, but today he’s wonderful and funny and smart and perfect, and not a day goes by when I don’t think about what a miracle my little godson is.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Need more tissues now!
Samantha says
There must be a lot of confused bosses in the work place today…but the tears are uncontrolable. Stories like this constantly remind me what an incredible miracle it is to give birth. Thank you for sharing your miracle story with all of us.
Shannon says
Clara is so beautiful! I just LOVE seeing posts with her pictures:)
Reading every word of this gave me chills! I also had a very traumatic birth story that I literally think about daily. My daughter is 16 months old, born on Christmas, in a snow storm, she was in distress with cord wrapped around her shoulders, no anesthesiologist onsite because of storm= very scary situation. Thank goodness everything turned out perfect in the end.
Children truly are miracles!
jillian m. {coffee, light and sweet} says
wow. what a powerful story. i was glued to my screen for the past 10 minutes! thank you for sharing this.
Kate V. says
That is going to be one heck of a first birthday party – so much to celebrate! Thank you for sharing; all of us parents need to be reminded of how lucky we are when we bring our babies home and how not everyone has a happy ending. Hopefully you will have another awesome pregnancy and won’t have the risks of an abruption because they can schedule a c-section before your due date.
Lolo says
Your story brought me to tears, and I had to walk away a couple of times. I too had an abruption about a month after yours, but it turned out fine (despite 29 weeks prematurity too). You are so right that it makes you feel so grateful for what you have. My dr. says differently about the odds of another abruption, so maybe there is some disagreement and you have a (little) less to worry about?
Congratulations on your lovely girl!