It’s nearly a year late (I can’t believe I’m going to be the mother of a one year old in three short weeks). And the reason for the delay is simple. Thinking / typing / talking about the day that Clara was born still scares the pants off of me. Even 11+ months later. This little lady made quite the dramatic entrance.
Yup, the day that Clara came into the world was the most amazing life-changing day of my existence, but it was easily also the single most terrifying one. I’ve mentioned some details a few times in comments on other Clara-related posts (many readers wanted to know all about the bean’s birth right away) but I think now that she’s almost a year old I’ve processed that day enough to really share it fully with the interweb. By no means am I over it (don’t really know if I ever will be), but I can talk about it now without crying. So that’s a start, right? A few friends of mine have actually recommend that I write this post as part of the whole healing process (a lot of the posts that we write are actually for our own benefit since this is just an online diary to document our lives for our own selfish purposes, haha). So I thought it made sense. I know that how Clara came into the world will affect future pregnancies and how nervous/anxious/wary/afraid I’ll be if any of the same complications pop up again, so perhaps talking about it after processing it for almost a year might help me come to terms with it a bit more. So here it goes (deep breaths, deep breaths).
I had an amazing low risk fabulous pregnancy. No high blood pressure. No weird pains. Over 100 days of morning sickness (yes I counted) but that’s to be expected. Or at least tolerated in the name of baking a human. Other than that (and once that ended) it was amazeballs as my girl Bethenny Frankel would say. I felt great. I loved feeling my little bean kicking around in there. I basked in the glory of being prego. I told John I could do it ten more times. Life was good.
My tiny 4’11” mom had two natural (and very fast) child births, so I had high hopes of a normal (if not very quickly progressing) delivery. Maybe without drugs, and maybe with them. I wasn’t going into it with any strong feelings either way, but I had taken some classes on pain management and learned about The Bradley Method so I was actually feeling very bring-it-on by the end. Either way I kept telling myself “in the end the baby will be out and I’ll get to meet her, so no fear is allowed – it’s going to be a happy day – with drugs or without them. No pressure. Just try to go with the flow and relax.” I had orders to “run, don’t walk” to the hospital if I had any signs of labor (my mother had me in four hours and my brother within two) so that had me a little on edge, but the only thing I worried about was having the baby at home or in the car since I feared it would all happen really fast because that runs in the family.
John was working downtown at the time and I was at home without a car (we’re a one car family, so he’d take the car during the day and after he came home we’d run any errands I needed to do). So admittedly the whole being at home without the car thing was kind of scary but I knew about fifty neighbors who volunteered to drive me to the hospital if things got crazy and John couldn’t make it home to get me in time. The funny thing is that he answered his cell phone on the first half-a-ring for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, so I knew he was on high alert and was confident that he’d hightail it home in time (it was only a 15 minute drive).
I never felt a single contraction (not even Braxton Hicks) until the day I went into labor, but I knew I was dilated to a 3.5 at 39 weeks (yes I walked around at a 3.5 without going into labor with my first child, which I hear is really uncommon). Clara must have been holding onto the walls in there. So although I was still about a week “early,” my doc said I was going to have the baby any second. Hence John being on high alert. Oh yeah and my belly looked like this. I was officially ready to pop.
I noticed on the morning of May 14th (it was a Friday) that I was having some pretty intense contractions. My first contractions ever (well that I felt). At first they were oddly irregular so I thought it was just prelabor (didn’t even tell John because I didn’t want him to get all crazy and come running home for a false alarm). But slowly they started to establish a pattern and by the time I started timing them they were just four minutes apart. And they were an 11 on the pain scale. I felt like my insides were ripping apart and my back was killing me. I called John who was out to lunch with all of his coworkers to celebrate his very last day at the office (he was resigning to come on full time as a dad/blogger) and told him to get the eff home. He laughed about how good my timing was because he was just finishing his burrito. I groan-cried in the middle of a contraction and he knew I meant business. So home he came flew.
By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were already two minutes apart. I remember having a hard time even walking from the car to the door because they were just coming nonstop and they were bring-you-to-your-knees painful. I thought I might have a baby right there in the parking lot. They sent me straight into labor and delivery. As we waited for the doctor to arrive and check my progress my water broke in the hospital bed- but instead of being clear it was red. So much blood. Very scary. I didn’t even see most of it (thanks to my giant belly and the sheet over my lower half) but John did along with my OB who happened to be in the room. John’s face went white and the OB snapped into hyperdrive.
Immediately the room filled with frenzied nurses and doctors and they explained that I was having a placental abruption, which happens when the placenta has inexplicably detached from the uterine wall. This is very bad news before the baby is born. And it explains the feels-like-my-body-is-ripping-apart pain I’d been experiencing. It’s an extremely dangerous complication for the baby (since they get their nourishment from the placenta and can go into shock and die) and the mother can hemorrhage (and can also die in cases of extreme bleeding). So it was a pretty dire situation all around (although nobody stopped to explain it, the look on the doctor and nurse’s faces kind of said it all).
Within about a minute they had me in the OR and within three minutes they had sweet baby Clara out thanks to an amazingly fast emergency c-section. They saved her life by acting so fast.
It was a blur. All I remember was them running my gurney into the walls while turning corners in the hallway trying to get me into an ER as fast as possible. They looked panicked. And it scared the heck out of me. I didn’t care about me or my body – just the baby. I remember screaming inside of my head “just cut her out of me, cut and I don’t care if I feel pain or if I get hurt or if I have scars all over, just save her. Do it right here in the hallway if you have to.” Of course my lips weren’t moving. It was one of those out-of-body mind screams that nobody else can hear.
John suddenly wasn’t with me. They just left him behind and ran with me down the hall calling up to get emergency doctors and nurses on hand since the main OR was already in use for a scheduled c-section. I remember people popping out of doorways saying “I’ll help” and joining the frenzied mob and going over all of my stats (blood type, number of weeks prego, etc) while saying things like “baby in distress” and “profuse bleeding.” I couldn’t have created a scarier nightmare scenario in my head if I tried. Lots of people swarmed into the OR in the next thirty seconds. But no John. I could barely breathe at the thought of something going so wrong without him by my side. Once they had me fully prepped for surgery (which happened within less than a minute, they were so amazing) someone must have run off to get him.
I wish I could say it was thanks to me calling out for him but I was in shock so I couldn’t talk or even move. I was frozen. It almost felt like I wasn’t even there and I was watching it all happen to someone else on TV. John says he remembers standing in the hallway as everyone ran off with me. So freaked out and completely alone. Just waiting. That always makes me cry when I think about it. I didn’t know it at the time because of the chaos, but someone had tossed scrubs at him when I was being wheeled out (he would need them since it had to be a sterile environment for the c-section) so he was just standing there in the hallway wearing his scrubs and waiting. And going crazy. Finally someone came out to retrieve him and he was allowed to come hold my hand right as they started to cut. I just stared at him. I was frozen. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk. I was just in shock at how quickly everything was happening.
Once they opened me up they saw that not only was Clara in distress from the placental abruption, but the umbilical cord had somehow been pinched (which is called “cord prolapse”) so she was without oxygen while fighting to make it through the abruption. I heard them toss out the word “cord prolapse” (they didn’t have time to explain what was going on, so I learned the details later) but in my odd state of panic and shock I thought they were talking about someone else. I was the one with a placental abruption. The scariest page of my birth book at home. The one I didn’t even read because it wouldn’t happen to me because I didn’t have high blood pressure or any of the other risk factors. My baby couldn’t also be dealing with cord prolapse. How could that be? Who could be that unlucky? Then they said “she’s not going to cry ok – don’t wait for her to cry just try to stay calm and breathe slowly.” That was when my heart broke and I started to cry. I guess I was crying for her.
I couldn’t see anything thanks to the screen they threw up before cutting into me, but they were right. She didn’t cry when they yanked her out with all of their might. All I remember was extreme pressure but no pain. Well, no physical pain. Emotional pain = off the charts. They had NICU specialists standing by, and when I heard them say “NICU” out loud that it was the first time I actually thought “what if this doesn’t end the way I thought it always would? What if all those pep talks I gave myself about it being a happy day because “drugs or no drugs I would get to meet my sweet baby girl” weren’t going to be true?
John later admitted that thought had hit him a lot earlier than it had hit me. He said he knew something was very wrong when he saw all the blood before they whisked me away. And when he was standing alone in the hallway after I got wheeled off to the OR he wondered if things were about to end badly. See why that visual of him in the hall makes me cry? It was just so surreal and terrifying. John later confessed that once he was allowed into the OR to hold my hand that he couldn’t really watch as they pulled her out of me, even though he was much taller than the screen they had set up to block my view. Not because he was afraid of the blood or passing out, but because he didn’t want to see our baby “not make it.”
But after about one felt-like-eternity minute they got her to moan. Kind of like a kitty meowing. It was so soft and weak and just heart breaking. I remember thinking “I want her to cry so she’s ok, but I don’t want to hear her if she’s not going to be ok because I’m falling in love already. I can’t hear her moan and then fall silent- she has to start wailing. Right now!” But no dice. I remember thinking that all the silence felt so loud. Like it was almost deafening to listen so desperately for some sign of a cry. Clara got a 4 on her initial Apgar test, which we later heard is usually the lowest score you can get before permanent brain damage if things don’t improve by the five minute Apgar retest. They didn’t announce the time of birth or her weight very loudly or say anything like in the movies, you know like “it’s a girl!” or “happy birthday!” or “what’s her name?” and she didn’t come lay on my chest. I still couldn’t even see her thanks to the screen they had put up to block the surgery. They were all just working on this baby that I couldn’t even see. My baby. And I just stared at John in a silent freeze, tears in my eyes but nothing coming out of my mouth. At some point after closing me up the doctor said “she’s bleeding – she reopened, get over here” and half of the team ran back to work on me. My incision which had been sewn and stapled shut had reopened and I could hear from the doctors tone that it wasn’t an ideal situation. But I still wasn’t scared for me. In any other scenario it would have been intensely alarming, but I had a one track mind: the baby. I want to hear the baby cry.
It felt like five years went by (in reality it was less than five minutes) but slowly the people working on me thinned out and the people working on Clara seemed to start moving more casually and slower. As if it wasn’t such an emergency anymore. I remember thinking “this is either a very good or a very bad sign.” Thankfully, by her five minute Apgar test she pinked up, cried a glorious and spirited cry, and got a 9 (we later learned that the five minute Apgar retest is the most important and revealing one). They said that a 9 was as close to perfect as it gets and that even super healthy children rarely get 10s. And they told us that it was so great that she rebounded so well and was looking fantastic. She was a fighter for sure. They even let John go over and see her (I was still strapped down so I had to wait).
She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but we didn’t know that at the time, so we started to rejoice and John even took some video on the iPhone to bring back over to show to me since I hadn’t even laid eyes on her yet (we were so lucky that the iPhone happened to be in John’s pocket before all hell broke lose, otherwise we wouldn’t have any documentation of Clara’s birth at all). We later learned they were somehow testing her cord blood to see if she was without oxygen for so long that she sustained permanent brain damage. Only when the test came back all-clear (indicating that there were no worries of that) did the nurses and doctors really seem to relax.
Apparently infants who live after a placental abruption have a 40-50% chance of complications, which range from mild to severe (and sometimes mothers who survive end up with a hysterectomy to control the hemorrhaging). Only then did it start to sink in how lucky we really had been. And what a miracle our baby girl really is.
Finally, after what literally felt like days, they wrapped her up and brought her over to me. My arms were strapped down from the surgery, so John held her right near my head and I just stared at her in disbelief. I was still in shock, and bloated with fluids from the IV along with fear and disbelief and unconditional love.
What did I do to deserve such a happy ending? How would I have survived coming home empty handed to a beautiful nursery that I shared with the world while being so confident that I was guaranteed a cute little baby to put in that crib? Basically it was the scariest day of our lives, and I still ask why. Why me (in that annoying “poor me” way) and why me (in the “why-was-I-so-lucky-she-was-spared” way). But the main thing I feel is full. Of relief. Of gratitude. Of love for my little fighter. My little miracle. I’m SO THANKFUL that the doctors and nurses worked so quickly to come to her (and my) rescue. I’ll never know for sure, but if another team had been on duty I don’t know that I would have had the same outcome. They were just so on it. So invested and so amazing. And I can’t even begin to think about what could have happened if I wasn’t in the hospital when I started bleeding.
Other nurses and doctors in the hospital dropped in to see us for days just to tell us how lucky we were (news of our complications were apparently the talk of the hospital). We even had a friend on another floor (coincidentally she was there on the same day that I went into labor for a pre-term labor scare) who had overheard nurses and doctors talking about “that woman who had both a cord prolapse and a placental abruption at the same time but the baby actually survived.” Only later did she find out that it was me they were talking about. I still get chills when I think about that. How lucky we were. How scary it was. And how gorgeous and amazing that little girl in my arms was. And still is.
So that’s the story of the scariest/best day of our lives. Whew. No wonder we’re obsessed with the girl.
As for if those complications are more likely to occur with any subsequent pregnancies, cord prolapse is totally random and can happen to anyone, so it doesn’t become more likely if you’ve experienced it before (but it’s rare, so if you’re prego and reading this story know that my combination of complications were about as likely as winning the lottery). However, placental abruption is more likely to reoccur (around one in four women experience it again) and it can happen as early as around twenty weeks (when the baby isn’t viable yet, which means the baby wouldn’t make it). So it can be devastating and scary. I have strict orders to wait at least two full years between pregnancies to let everything heal up nice and strong, which probably means over three years between Clara and her younger brother or sister, assuming all goes well. I’m fine with the wait since I’m happy to just enjoy Clara for a while and take that time to continue to process the whole birth experience and build up my courage. But I’m sure when I’m pregnant again I’ll be much less happy go lucky about it.
Which is really sad. John keeps begging me to let it be the same joyful and unabashedly exciting time as it was before. But I know myself. And I’ll be on high alert. Searching for any signs or symptoms that something’s wrong. And scared even if there aren’t any signs of trouble (because there weren’t any before I started feeling contractions with Clara- it just all came out of nowhere). I’m scared that I might even be afraid to get a nursery ready. You know, so as not to jinx things. So my plan is to know myself, and accept that I’m going to be scared. But to do my best to enjoy it as much as I can and remind myself that I now know what an abruption feels like (so I should instantly be able to identify it) and that I have more information than I had with Clara (plus the doctors also know about my history now that I’ve had it happen). So I’ll hopefully have just as good of an outcome should it reoccur, as long as it doesn’t happen before the baby is developed enough to be delivered.
But I’m not gonna lie. I’m going to be petrified.
I also might be a “high risk” pregnancy next time without any chance of natural labor (if signs of another abruption occur they’ll rush me to a c-section if the baby is old enough to live outside the womb). I’m ok with that. Anything for a healthy baby. Now not only am I open when it comes to drugs or no drugs, I’m totally down with a c-section too. Slice and dice, baby. Whatever it takes.
Tara says
Wow, you probably will not even see this post…as u guys get so many comments. But, Sherry and John, the world
(aka world as in us bloggers who read your posts everyday) feel like they know u guys since we check in every day with u guys. That story just breaks my heart but also makes me happy to know it ended well for you guys. U two are the sweetest, adorable family. I am so glad you were able to muscle up the courage to talk about your delivery day. I am sure it helped but like you said, “u know you”. I was pregnant at the same time as you were and your story rings so clear that things can happen even if you never expect them too. I love being a mom and stopping in to watch the cute Clara videos and it such an rewarding job right?? Its amazing how much love you can have for that one little person. U guys are the best and I am so happy you and baby clara were safe:)
Robyne says
Hugs…
Thanks for sharing, tears in my eyes…
My middle son was very large (5.2kg) and during birth he had shoulder dystocia, his apgars were the exact same as Clara’a – so scary isn’t it? I had no idea until afterwards that we were both in danger, I think I blocked it out. He’s 16 now. I was high risk for his little brothers birth – but gave birth naturally with no complications, so it can happen:)
On a side note guys, if you ever do an Oprah and come to Australia…stay with me!!
take care
Cassie says
Thank you for sharing, you are so brave. I am so glad for you that everything turned out ok.
TijanaBanana says
You totally have me crying sad and happy tears. So happy for all 3 of you that this turned out well!
Erin says
Sherry, what a scary ordeal for sure!! It will be completely natural for you to be scared next time around. There’s just no way around it.
I had a miscarriage my first time. I enjoyed that short 6 week pregnancy more than I ever could enjoy my full term pregnancy with my daughter…because I spent the entire 9 months scared I would lose her too.
She was born perfectly healthy, although stubbornly breach, but my C-Section got infected! It was also a horrendous ordeal (although thank God, it was only my ordeal and not my daughters!!) and because of it I couldn’t get past my fear to ever have more children. Don’t let that happen to you!!
You have been truly blessed!!! Not only for all the possibles not becoming reality….but as I’ve said before, Clara is the most expressive and happy baby I’ve ever seen. :)
Cale says
:tears!: Wow. Just wow. Thanks for sharing. I had some emotional difficulty after my second baby girl was born and seeing a counselor was the best thing I ever did for myself. I highly recommend establishing a relationship with someone once you guys are ready to start trying again. Seeing someone to talk through your emotions and anxieties at least every other week through your next pregnancy might be just what you need to relax into it and enjoy it. I will be praying for you and John. God is so good and I’m thankful that He’s protected you and Clara in such an amazing way!
Spring says
I read this nearly first thing in the morning and couldn’t comment because I was crying too hard.
I still can’t be very coherent but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this experience with us and I’m very happy that Clara is such a fighter. She’ll grow up to be someone even more spectacular than she already is. If that’s possible. :)
Our little girls are only three days apart. I’ve been following her stories all year long (even if I don’t comment much).
Stephanie M. says
Sherry,
I am a Labor and Delivery nurse and this is my life everyday. You ARE extrememly lucky, but I want to assure you that I’ve rarely seen this happen twice in the same woman. It happens, yes, but usually the doctors watch you so closely throughout your pregnancy that at the slightest sign of trouble you will be either admitted for close observation or delivered. I also used to be an Antepartum (high risk OB) nurse and have talked to and comforted many women whose pregnancies and deliveries did not go as they had imagined. I always tell them it’s OK to mourn the loss of that expectation. It’s a loss of control and a loss of ideals. But just remember to focus on the end result. It’s not how it happens or when it happens, but that you end up with a healthy mom and healthy baby. So go ahead and work through your trauma, but please remember that each pregnancy is different and don’t deprive yourself of joy with the next one. Be cautious, but enjoy. So glad everything worked out so great and you have your little Clara. I myself have been unable to get pregnant but we adopted a little girl, Melana, who will be one in June. I LOVE THIS STAGE OF LIFE!!! I’m sure you can relate. :)
YoungHouseLove says
That is so great to hear Stephanie. I hope I just got all the bad stuff out of the way the first time! And as for little Melana- congrats! How exciting!
xo,
s
Michelle F. says
My husband is probably thinking i’m a crazy person because I keep choking up with tears rolling down my face as I read this truly amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing this! Keep strong and you can get through anything, especially when you have that beautiful baby to show for it all!
Erin says
I’m not usually brought to tears by home improvement blogs but that’s just changed. Just…. wow. Sending you lots of healing thoughts. We’ll all be here reading and supporting you all through the next stages of the journey, wherever it takes you!
Claudia says
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve never been pregnant and my single greatest (if naive) fear about labor was that I will have to have a C-section. The thought of being strapped down and not being able to see what was happening terrified me. And although I sit here in tears, I’m over it. I’m not afraid anymore. Because you reminded me that the only thing that matters is having a healthy baby. THANK YOU. Bless you, and enjoy every moment with your beautiful baby girl.
Jacqueline says
Guys- every time I clicked open another page of comments Clara’s first picture would pop up on the screen before automatically scrolling down… IT WAS GREAT! Such a cute picture. Thanks for this post Sherry :)
Le says
Thanks for sharing. I had a (very mild, not nearly as dramatic) placental abruption with my second, who was born in August. My baby girl and I are just fine, but I’m still terrified by the “what ifs” too– makes me so thankful that God was protecting us. (And I did not know that, about the 1 in 4 chance of it recurring.) Congrats on your baby girl and her upcoming 1st birthday!
xo
Leah
Belinda - Nest Design Studio says
wow, sitting here trying not to cry! Feel exrememly lucky that I have had 2 healthy boys with no issues (both by elective c/s – makes me realise how calm and lovely the births were)
Lindsay says
Thank you so much for sharing, I can only imagine how hard it was to relive. I am a nurse practitioner in a NICU and it’s so helpful to hear this situation from the Moms perspective. When emergencies happen we kick into high gear and do our job while forgetting how scary it is for the Mother with perceived chaos around her or the Dad left behind in the hallway. Your story made me realize the importance in the little things- introducing myself to the family, looking over to assure them the baby is ok, once she is even if not screaming just yet, etc. So for all those other parents in scary situations I thank you for helping me to do the best job I can!
Mali says
Thank you for sharing this, I could only imagine how difficult it is to talk about it. I can’t wait to see beautiful Clara grow up through your blog!
Peggy S says
Thank you so much for sharIng your experience with us. Your story really touched me. Our children are a gift and we are blessed with the chance to be their parents. My little girl is 4 months old and I can’t imagine life without her. I wish you guys an awesome time at Clara’s upcoming birthday bash! You have much to celebrate!!
Lee says
All I can say is you are amazing!
I realise how hard this must have been to write. And I’m sure this will be a big part of the healing process.
xoxo
Jackie says
Sherry,
Thank you for sharing your birth story. I cried while reading it, as I experienced all of the same feelings, and in the same exact order during my daughter’s birth last March. Every thing had gone so perfectly for 40 weeks and 4 days… and then out of nowhere I heard the words, “we have to do an emergency c-section”. Time stopped, but passed faster at the same time. It took me a long time to even remember the events of my daughter’s birth because I was so scared that I mentally blocked it out- which made me even more sad! But, in the long run, God has a plan for each of us, and it truly is a miracle (becoming pregnant, and birth). I will be thinking of you and your family on May 14th.
All the best!
Jackie
e.p. says
Wow, just wow. Amazing, heart breaking story. Truly you are a special couple. Someone is looking down on you in every facet of your life, which you all deserve. You two are such an aspiring, sweet couple & family. Clara is so adorable, you can just see her bursting with personality in all your photos. All the best, and nothing but good thoughts for Go Around #2.
kodie says
wow, girl. you could have been telling my story. but i had about 18 weeks of nail biting before i got to the really scary part! i was 19 weeks pregnant with my second baby when the ultrasound girl declared that the baby was a girl…and i had blood clots in my placenta – which could easily cause development problems. weekly tests and lots of stress passed the next couple of months. i was scheduled to be induced 3 weeks early (because the placenta was deteriorating), but 2 days before induction i went to my last test. during the test, the same ultrasound girl suddenly went silent and rushed from the room. i found out that my placenta had ruptured (who knows when!) and i was bleeding internally. just going about my life as normal…with internal bleeding! i had no clue! i was rushed to the hospital, rolled into the OR and NICU was called. Maelie Kate was pulled out in the nick of time. she was perfect! my Dr. decided to do a whole slew of tests (incl. genetic testing) and found that I have MTHFR and a blood clotting disorder. so no more babies for me! but i am constantly amazed that i have my two perfect girls. i totally understand your absolute love and devotion for Clara! i ADORE my first born, but will always have a very different relationship with my second, my little miracle baby!
Allison says
What an incredible – and scary- story. I got all teary and worried for you as I read it, even though I know you and Clara are both fine now. Thank you for sharing. It must have been so difficult for you to type it all out.
Shannon Hoving says
Oh, Sherry, I sat here and just bawled as I read your story; it’s absolutely heartbreaking. What should have been a joyous moment for the two of you was instead a day filled with uncertainty and anguish. And you’re right, that experience does change you in a profound way. Peace of mind becomes a distant memory, and the dark thoughts have a way of creeping in and spoiling even the happiest of moments. I am so glad that your precious little Clara is healthy and thriving. My future mother-in-law is an obstetrics nurse, and I’ve heard some stories that didn’t have a happy ending. What gets her through those bad times are reminders of her victories – those babies she helped save. Every year, former patients send her pictures so she can track the progress of her “little miracles”. (Some of those “miracles” aren’t so “little” any more; they’ve graduated and gone on to college. She can’t wait until she starts getting wedding pictures!) I’ll bet that your nurses would love getting pictures of the Beanette; there’s no way they’ll ever forget that day.
Amber says
I am so happy that your terrifying birth story turned out as well as ours! And your baby girl is adorable!
Our girl was born six months ago at almost 30wks gestation after I starting abrupting as well. The scariest part to me is that I did not have any visble bleeding (it was all pocketed inside) and the contractions I experienced were just uncomfortable…not painful. I am a nurse in labor and delivery and was working the night our Sophie was born. I was able to put myself on the monitors and immediately see a horrible fetal heart rate pattern, and a quick ultrasound revealed that I was having a “silent abruption”! The doctor and other nurses working that night took immediate action and my girl was delivered minutes later. I am so thankful that my husband was working that same night at the hospital too and was able to be there for the c-section. She is a little fighter too and was even breathing on her own before they intubated her for the flight to a hospital with a higher level NICU. Since she was born 2.5 months early she was in the hospital for 8 weeks and we were able to get her home a week before Christmas! We are so blessed to have her healthy, happy, on track developmentally…. but more importantly ALIVE! My OB said that we both would have died if I had not been working in L&D that night.
I too am scared for future pregnancies. But i am reliving the terror, relief and utter joy right along with you guys! Happy birthday, Clara!
YoungHouseLove says
What a scary day that must have been for you! But how lucky that you were in the right place at the right time with access to those ultrasound machines! So glad everything worked out for you and your little one.
xo,
s
Christina says
So glad things turned out so great, how scary though.
You two are miracles. Wow.
Alyssa says
What a terrifying experience..for all 3 of you. How brave of you. Clara is one lucky girl! Thank you for sharing your story.
Shauna says
Wow. This post (and the comments) are making me full on cry! Thanks for sharing something so emotional and I really hope this helps you heal from this. I can’t imagine dealing with something on the total opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. So absolutely terrifying and yet, the day your beautiful, amazing baby girl was born. I can definitely see why this would be so hard to get through emotionally. I can’t even look at her precious little picture up there without tearing up after reading this, I can only imagine how you feel! I think after a birth like this, the world has BIG big plans for Clara :)
Shauna says
PS, I forgot to mention you are an absolutely adorable pregnant person! It really suits you, you looked awesome until the very end!
Jillian says
Thank you for sharing your story – both it and the comments are a testament to your strength, and the impact you have on us in the interweb. Best of wishes as you celebrate year one!
Heidi@recklessbliss says
Amazing, I am so in awe of women who have carried a child and delivered one to boot, let alone one who has come out the other side of a tough delivery like this. You guys are extremely blessed to have lived through that and ended it with a beautiful little miracle. Clara is so darn cute! I sat here reading this and crying for your horrible moments of terror that I can only imagine. These experiences are great for putting your life in perspective and being truly grateful for all you have. I wish you the best in your future pregnancies and long life together!
Elaine says
Sherry and John,
As a newbie on your site, I have to comment on your extraordinary post.
I am twice your age, with 4 children aged 34-27, and 6 grandchildren – aged 2-9. My ex is an OB-GYN MD. That said… your description of Clara’s entry into this world made me loose it. I was right back there in the L&D many yrs ago and remembering stories my husband would bring home….
Your outcome was a wonderful beautiful baby girl and you are healthy. Your mental trauma will never go away. When you get pregnant again, it will be stressful, but how often does lightning strike twice?
You are very brave for sharing, and yes, saying it out loud DOES help you move on… you have alot of support from alot of people you have never even met! This makes me smile!
Prayers and good thoughts to all three of you!
Courtney says
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I too had an emergency c-section (although not as life threatening as your situation) and I have been terrified that it will happen again. It doesn’t help that so many of my friends are under the impression that c-sections are completely unnecessary and “just a way for doctors to make more money”. No, you and I are living examples that c-sections can be life-saving and worth every penny. And now I have a new attitude, “Slice and dice, baby. Whatever it takes!” So thank you. I needed this today.
Kristen says
Thank you so much for sharing your birth story, albeit a very scary one! I am 16 weeks pregnant with my first child. My pregnancy is very low-risk, although my mother’s side of the family has had many complications with pregnancy, including my mom. I was in tears reading your story (and then trying to read it aloud to my husband) – I can’t imagine going through such a wonderful pregnancy and end up with nothing in the end. You definitely have Someone up in Heaven looking over you, John, and beautiful Clara.
Erin says
oh, honey – you are so lucky. talk about being in the right place, at the right time. i can’t imagine how emotional the experience – in that aspect, it’s probably good that it happened so quickly, just so that absolutely everything wouldn’t register. your story brought tears to my eyes. you are so lucky, just so lucky.
emmy83 says
I work with grieving families every day in my job, and have routinely been told by supervisors that it’s okay to show emotion. But it’s hard, as I’m just not a crier.
The tears were just streaming down my face as I read this. You are such a talented writer and this is an amazing story. Thanks for sharing with us.
Laura M says
Thanks for sharing this. I had a similar emergency delivery four months ago, and I am still processing the day. It’s comforting to hear that a year out, you guys are recovering from such a terrifying but unbelievably miraculous day.
Laura says
It was such an honor to read your story, my heart goes out to you and your miracle family. I hope that writing it helped you continue to wade through the healing process, as I can only imagine what a big step this post must have been. Thank you again for your honesty and bravery in sharing this.
Erin Fay says
Wow. No real words. That had to be hard to tell the world that story. I cried :( SOO happy that Clara (and you!) are happy and healthy.
Kristi says
I know you’ve heard from so many, but I felt I had to comment~
Your sweet Clara and my Griffin are only a few weeks apart. I followed your pregnancy and adapted some of your wonderful ideas for his nursery, so I felt connected in a way.
His birth was very fast and a bit scary, but it seems like nothing compared to your family’s ordeal. I was in tears as I read your story, even though I knew her sweet and healthy face was just a scroll away. Thank you for sharing with us, I hope it helps you to know you’ve touched and have the support of so many.
Griffin just celebrated his big day this past Saturday, and I had tears days before and even after… let them come and celebrate each day with your precious gift! :)
Jennie W says
I am absolutely amazed at your strength. What an amazingly, terrifying story with such a wonderful ending. Every time I have looked at pictures of her posted on the blog I think what a beautiful little girl she is. Now I can’t stop looking at this precious little girl who is most definitely one heck of a tough woman. Thank you so much for sharing! I think I can safely say you have all of us tearing up and in utter awe at the strength of the Petersik family.
Jenny says
Sherry, Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I know it took a lot of courage and strength. I’m not a mother yet (or married), but your writing truly inspired me about the joys of being a mother and creating a family.
God Bless you and your family!
Jenny
Emily says
Thank you for sharing your courage, Sherry! You’re one tough cookie, and John and Clara aren’t too shabby either!
When my brother was born there was fluid in his lungs, so he was blue and not breathing. The doctors fixed him up almost instantly, but my father still cries every time he thinks about that day, and my bro is 25.
Any future babies you have are lucky kids. Happy Early Birthday Clara!
Jacks says
My eyes are still cloudy from the horror and the beauty of your delivery experience.
Thank you for being such a wonderful family. I read your blog every day, generally when I need to de-stress. I have always been impressed and in love with you both as designers, as a couple, and then as parents. However, now you just might have moved up into my idol/hero category.
God has blessed you for a reason and I am so grateful you have allowed your readers to be a part of your life, because I benefit from it daily!
Krista Dotson says
You have a beautiful baby girl and I am so glad that everything worked out great. You have a miracle story that will most definitely help at least one woman out there! Thank you for sharing.
marie825 says
Sherry, what an amazing birth story! I’m so glad I read it! Clara is such a blessing to you two! I actually had a placental abrubtion with my son (last year) and it was the scariest thing EVER…I know exactly how you felt. I always told everyone the contractions were SOOOO painful too and I felt like they were WAY more painful than normal ones, like you said. They were totally “bring you to your knees.” I don’t know anyone who’s been through that, and after reading your post, I don’t feel so alone! Thanks for all your inspiration and may God bless your family:)
Giselle says
It´s impossible to read this storyand not feel even closer to the Petersik family, and the fact that Sherry shared with us this experience just brings tears to my eyes, we were all so excited about the beanette and still are that never crossed my mind her birth was this difficult, So happy everything turned out great!!!!
I just cant get enough of you guys
xoxo
Jen says
Sherry, thanks for sharing. Clara is truly a miracle :) Just like my miracle baby who came via emergency C-section at 33 weeks. My doc tried to stop my labor, but it didn’t work and the baby stared going ingto congestive heart failure while attempting to push her out. I got chills reading about you being pinballed off walls while being rushed into the OR. And imagining John’s terror made me tear up to b/c my husband was in that same boat too and it rips my heart out to think about him in that state.
I have a uterus septum- also random and rare and no one can tell me for sure how it will affect a future pregnancy. This is why she couldn’t be “pushed out”- that damn septum makes it impossible. (though that’s not something we could know until being opened up- later it was confirmed in an MRI I had done) We had always wanted two kids, but my daughter turns 4 in June, I turn 34 this year and my husband 41, so we have decided to count our blessing and go forward with no regrets. We are too afraid of the risks involved. It makes me sad, but that’s when I look at my daughter and know that all my dreams have already come true- how lucky we are! Plus we have our Bella (a Lab) to your Burger, and she’s another blessing :)
I just wanted to weigh in and let you know that you are not alone. My birth really didn’t go as planned either. An emergency C-section is no joke. I don’t even really have a lucid memory of meeting my daughter until day 2 or 3 after her birth. She spent 13 days in the NICU and I’m still mad about that mostly because I felt robbed of that mother/daughter bonding time I missed out on- the time that all of my other mommy friends had.
Many issues followed in the next couple of years- reflux, gross motor delays, plagiocephaly (she wore a helmet to correct that), etc. She was never an easy baby and frankly, I didn’t enjoy that time. I really think her unexpected delivery had a lot to do with everything else feeling like it was falling apart too.
Today she is a perfectly healthy child, but it was never an easy road and it was always hard to explain to people. Oh, and when people asked about having more kids… it was really annoying because I couldn’t give a simple answer, and is it just me or are people surprisingly unaccepting of single child families??
Anyway, again thanks for sharing because I do think that women who have been in crisis mode during labor and delivery need to share their stories and their feelings with other moms who have been there too. No one writes books called ‘What you *maybe* can expect should all hell break loose when you’re expecting’. Hugs to you and happy birthday indeed to Clara :)
Christina says
Wow! I don’t usually come over to comment since I read (daily!) via google reader but I couldn’t now comment on this one.
I cannot imagine how scary this was/is! I have a new found respect for you, girl. You are a warrior! I truly hope you can find peace and some joy in your next experience.
Karen says
My gosh what an amazingly terrifying and miraculous story. Thank you so much for sharing this very personal experience with your readers. Your honesty is inspiring.
Jenn Khoury says
You are such a strong woman. God bless you and your baby.
Ann-Marie (Australia) says
OMG you had me in tears so many times, what an amazing story! Im not even a mum and I felt terrified whilst reading. Beautifully written by the way.
Good on you for sharing such a personal and emotional story, I know I learnt quite a few things from this, the main one being – miracles do happen!