It’s nearly a year late (I can’t believe I’m going to be the mother of a one year old in three short weeks). And the reason for the delay is simple. Thinking / typing / talking about the day that Clara was born still scares the pants off of me. Even 11+ months later. This little lady made quite the dramatic entrance.
Yup, the day that Clara came into the world was the most amazing life-changing day of my existence, but it was easily also the single most terrifying one. I’ve mentioned some details a few times in comments on other Clara-related posts (many readers wanted to know all about the bean’s birth right away) but I think now that she’s almost a year old I’ve processed that day enough to really share it fully with the interweb. By no means am I over it (don’t really know if I ever will be), but I can talk about it now without crying. So that’s a start, right? A few friends of mine have actually recommend that I write this post as part of the whole healing process (a lot of the posts that we write are actually for our own benefit since this is just an online diary to document our lives for our own selfish purposes, haha). So I thought it made sense. I know that how Clara came into the world will affect future pregnancies and how nervous/anxious/wary/afraid I’ll be if any of the same complications pop up again, so perhaps talking about it after processing it for almost a year might help me come to terms with it a bit more. So here it goes (deep breaths, deep breaths).
I had an amazing low risk fabulous pregnancy. No high blood pressure. No weird pains. Over 100 days of morning sickness (yes I counted) but that’s to be expected. Or at least tolerated in the name of baking a human. Other than that (and once that ended) it was amazeballs as my girl Bethenny Frankel would say. I felt great. I loved feeling my little bean kicking around in there. I basked in the glory of being prego. I told John I could do it ten more times. Life was good.
My tiny 4’11” mom had two natural (and very fast) child births, so I had high hopes of a normal (if not very quickly progressing) delivery. Maybe without drugs, and maybe with them. I wasn’t going into it with any strong feelings either way, but I had taken some classes on pain management and learned about The Bradley Method so I was actually feeling very bring-it-on by the end. Either way I kept telling myself “in the end the baby will be out and I’ll get to meet her, so no fear is allowed – it’s going to be a happy day – with drugs or without them. No pressure. Just try to go with the flow and relax.” I had orders to “run, don’t walk” to the hospital if I had any signs of labor (my mother had me in four hours and my brother within two) so that had me a little on edge, but the only thing I worried about was having the baby at home or in the car since I feared it would all happen really fast because that runs in the family.
John was working downtown at the time and I was at home without a car (we’re a one car family, so he’d take the car during the day and after he came home we’d run any errands I needed to do). So admittedly the whole being at home without the car thing was kind of scary but I knew about fifty neighbors who volunteered to drive me to the hospital if things got crazy and John couldn’t make it home to get me in time. The funny thing is that he answered his cell phone on the first half-a-ring for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, so I knew he was on high alert and was confident that he’d hightail it home in time (it was only a 15 minute drive).
I never felt a single contraction (not even Braxton Hicks) until the day I went into labor, but I knew I was dilated to a 3.5 at 39 weeks (yes I walked around at a 3.5 without going into labor with my first child, which I hear is really uncommon). Clara must have been holding onto the walls in there. So although I was still about a week “early,” my doc said I was going to have the baby any second. Hence John being on high alert. Oh yeah and my belly looked like this. I was officially ready to pop.
I noticed on the morning of May 14th (it was a Friday) that I was having some pretty intense contractions. My first contractions ever (well that I felt). At first they were oddly irregular so I thought it was just prelabor (didn’t even tell John because I didn’t want him to get all crazy and come running home for a false alarm). But slowly they started to establish a pattern and by the time I started timing them they were just four minutes apart. And they were an 11 on the pain scale. I felt like my insides were ripping apart and my back was killing me. I called John who was out to lunch with all of his coworkers to celebrate his very last day at the office (he was resigning to come on full time as a dad/blogger) and told him to get the eff home. He laughed about how good my timing was because he was just finishing his burrito. I groan-cried in the middle of a contraction and he knew I meant business. So home he came flew.
By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were already two minutes apart. I remember having a hard time even walking from the car to the door because they were just coming nonstop and they were bring-you-to-your-knees painful. I thought I might have a baby right there in the parking lot. They sent me straight into labor and delivery. As we waited for the doctor to arrive and check my progress my water broke in the hospital bed- but instead of being clear it was red. So much blood. Very scary. I didn’t even see most of it (thanks to my giant belly and the sheet over my lower half) but John did along with my OB who happened to be in the room. John’s face went white and the OB snapped into hyperdrive.
Immediately the room filled with frenzied nurses and doctors and they explained that I was having a placental abruption, which happens when the placenta has inexplicably detached from the uterine wall. This is very bad news before the baby is born. And it explains the feels-like-my-body-is-ripping-apart pain I’d been experiencing. It’s an extremely dangerous complication for the baby (since they get their nourishment from the placenta and can go into shock and die) and the mother can hemorrhage (and can also die in cases of extreme bleeding). So it was a pretty dire situation all around (although nobody stopped to explain it, the look on the doctor and nurse’s faces kind of said it all).
Within about a minute they had me in the OR and within three minutes they had sweet baby Clara out thanks to an amazingly fast emergency c-section. They saved her life by acting so fast.
It was a blur. All I remember was them running my gurney into the walls while turning corners in the hallway trying to get me into an ER as fast as possible. They looked panicked. And it scared the heck out of me. I didn’t care about me or my body – just the baby. I remember screaming inside of my head “just cut her out of me, cut and I don’t care if I feel pain or if I get hurt or if I have scars all over, just save her. Do it right here in the hallway if you have to.” Of course my lips weren’t moving. It was one of those out-of-body mind screams that nobody else can hear.
John suddenly wasn’t with me. They just left him behind and ran with me down the hall calling up to get emergency doctors and nurses on hand since the main OR was already in use for a scheduled c-section. I remember people popping out of doorways saying “I’ll help” and joining the frenzied mob and going over all of my stats (blood type, number of weeks prego, etc) while saying things like “baby in distress” and “profuse bleeding.” I couldn’t have created a scarier nightmare scenario in my head if I tried. Lots of people swarmed into the OR in the next thirty seconds. But no John. I could barely breathe at the thought of something going so wrong without him by my side. Once they had me fully prepped for surgery (which happened within less than a minute, they were so amazing) someone must have run off to get him.
I wish I could say it was thanks to me calling out for him but I was in shock so I couldn’t talk or even move. I was frozen. It almost felt like I wasn’t even there and I was watching it all happen to someone else on TV. John says he remembers standing in the hallway as everyone ran off with me. So freaked out and completely alone. Just waiting. That always makes me cry when I think about it. I didn’t know it at the time because of the chaos, but someone had tossed scrubs at him when I was being wheeled out (he would need them since it had to be a sterile environment for the c-section) so he was just standing there in the hallway wearing his scrubs and waiting. And going crazy. Finally someone came out to retrieve him and he was allowed to come hold my hand right as they started to cut. I just stared at him. I was frozen. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk. I was just in shock at how quickly everything was happening.
Once they opened me up they saw that not only was Clara in distress from the placental abruption, but the umbilical cord had somehow been pinched (which is called “cord prolapse”) so she was without oxygen while fighting to make it through the abruption. I heard them toss out the word “cord prolapse” (they didn’t have time to explain what was going on, so I learned the details later) but in my odd state of panic and shock I thought they were talking about someone else. I was the one with a placental abruption. The scariest page of my birth book at home. The one I didn’t even read because it wouldn’t happen to me because I didn’t have high blood pressure or any of the other risk factors. My baby couldn’t also be dealing with cord prolapse. How could that be? Who could be that unlucky? Then they said “she’s not going to cry ok – don’t wait for her to cry just try to stay calm and breathe slowly.” That was when my heart broke and I started to cry. I guess I was crying for her.
I couldn’t see anything thanks to the screen they threw up before cutting into me, but they were right. She didn’t cry when they yanked her out with all of their might. All I remember was extreme pressure but no pain. Well, no physical pain. Emotional pain = off the charts. They had NICU specialists standing by, and when I heard them say “NICU” out loud that it was the first time I actually thought “what if this doesn’t end the way I thought it always would? What if all those pep talks I gave myself about it being a happy day because “drugs or no drugs I would get to meet my sweet baby girl” weren’t going to be true?
John later admitted that thought had hit him a lot earlier than it had hit me. He said he knew something was very wrong when he saw all the blood before they whisked me away. And when he was standing alone in the hallway after I got wheeled off to the OR he wondered if things were about to end badly. See why that visual of him in the hall makes me cry? It was just so surreal and terrifying. John later confessed that once he was allowed into the OR to hold my hand that he couldn’t really watch as they pulled her out of me, even though he was much taller than the screen they had set up to block my view. Not because he was afraid of the blood or passing out, but because he didn’t want to see our baby “not make it.”
But after about one felt-like-eternity minute they got her to moan. Kind of like a kitty meowing. It was so soft and weak and just heart breaking. I remember thinking “I want her to cry so she’s ok, but I don’t want to hear her if she’s not going to be ok because I’m falling in love already. I can’t hear her moan and then fall silent- she has to start wailing. Right now!” But no dice. I remember thinking that all the silence felt so loud. Like it was almost deafening to listen so desperately for some sign of a cry. Clara got a 4 on her initial Apgar test, which we later heard is usually the lowest score you can get before permanent brain damage if things don’t improve by the five minute Apgar retest. They didn’t announce the time of birth or her weight very loudly or say anything like in the movies, you know like “it’s a girl!” or “happy birthday!” or “what’s her name?” and she didn’t come lay on my chest. I still couldn’t even see her thanks to the screen they had put up to block the surgery. They were all just working on this baby that I couldn’t even see. My baby. And I just stared at John in a silent freeze, tears in my eyes but nothing coming out of my mouth. At some point after closing me up the doctor said “she’s bleeding – she reopened, get over here” and half of the team ran back to work on me. My incision which had been sewn and stapled shut had reopened and I could hear from the doctors tone that it wasn’t an ideal situation. But I still wasn’t scared for me. In any other scenario it would have been intensely alarming, but I had a one track mind: the baby. I want to hear the baby cry.
It felt like five years went by (in reality it was less than five minutes) but slowly the people working on me thinned out and the people working on Clara seemed to start moving more casually and slower. As if it wasn’t such an emergency anymore. I remember thinking “this is either a very good or a very bad sign.” Thankfully, by her five minute Apgar test she pinked up, cried a glorious and spirited cry, and got a 9 (we later learned that the five minute Apgar retest is the most important and revealing one). They said that a 9 was as close to perfect as it gets and that even super healthy children rarely get 10s. And they told us that it was so great that she rebounded so well and was looking fantastic. She was a fighter for sure. They even let John go over and see her (I was still strapped down so I had to wait).
She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but we didn’t know that at the time, so we started to rejoice and John even took some video on the iPhone to bring back over to show to me since I hadn’t even laid eyes on her yet (we were so lucky that the iPhone happened to be in John’s pocket before all hell broke lose, otherwise we wouldn’t have any documentation of Clara’s birth at all). We later learned they were somehow testing her cord blood to see if she was without oxygen for so long that she sustained permanent brain damage. Only when the test came back all-clear (indicating that there were no worries of that) did the nurses and doctors really seem to relax.
Apparently infants who live after a placental abruption have a 40-50% chance of complications, which range from mild to severe (and sometimes mothers who survive end up with a hysterectomy to control the hemorrhaging). Only then did it start to sink in how lucky we really had been. And what a miracle our baby girl really is.
Finally, after what literally felt like days, they wrapped her up and brought her over to me. My arms were strapped down from the surgery, so John held her right near my head and I just stared at her in disbelief. I was still in shock, and bloated with fluids from the IV along with fear and disbelief and unconditional love.
What did I do to deserve such a happy ending? How would I have survived coming home empty handed to a beautiful nursery that I shared with the world while being so confident that I was guaranteed a cute little baby to put in that crib? Basically it was the scariest day of our lives, and I still ask why. Why me (in that annoying “poor me” way) and why me (in the “why-was-I-so-lucky-she-was-spared” way). But the main thing I feel is full. Of relief. Of gratitude. Of love for my little fighter. My little miracle. I’m SO THANKFUL that the doctors and nurses worked so quickly to come to her (and my) rescue. I’ll never know for sure, but if another team had been on duty I don’t know that I would have had the same outcome. They were just so on it. So invested and so amazing. And I can’t even begin to think about what could have happened if I wasn’t in the hospital when I started bleeding.
Other nurses and doctors in the hospital dropped in to see us for days just to tell us how lucky we were (news of our complications were apparently the talk of the hospital). We even had a friend on another floor (coincidentally she was there on the same day that I went into labor for a pre-term labor scare) who had overheard nurses and doctors talking about “that woman who had both a cord prolapse and a placental abruption at the same time but the baby actually survived.” Only later did she find out that it was me they were talking about. I still get chills when I think about that. How lucky we were. How scary it was. And how gorgeous and amazing that little girl in my arms was. And still is.
So that’s the story of the scariest/best day of our lives. Whew. No wonder we’re obsessed with the girl.
As for if those complications are more likely to occur with any subsequent pregnancies, cord prolapse is totally random and can happen to anyone, so it doesn’t become more likely if you’ve experienced it before (but it’s rare, so if you’re prego and reading this story know that my combination of complications were about as likely as winning the lottery). However, placental abruption is more likely to reoccur (around one in four women experience it again) and it can happen as early as around twenty weeks (when the baby isn’t viable yet, which means the baby wouldn’t make it). So it can be devastating and scary. I have strict orders to wait at least two full years between pregnancies to let everything heal up nice and strong, which probably means over three years between Clara and her younger brother or sister, assuming all goes well. I’m fine with the wait since I’m happy to just enjoy Clara for a while and take that time to continue to process the whole birth experience and build up my courage. But I’m sure when I’m pregnant again I’ll be much less happy go lucky about it.
Which is really sad. John keeps begging me to let it be the same joyful and unabashedly exciting time as it was before. But I know myself. And I’ll be on high alert. Searching for any signs or symptoms that something’s wrong. And scared even if there aren’t any signs of trouble (because there weren’t any before I started feeling contractions with Clara- it just all came out of nowhere). I’m scared that I might even be afraid to get a nursery ready. You know, so as not to jinx things. So my plan is to know myself, and accept that I’m going to be scared. But to do my best to enjoy it as much as I can and remind myself that I now know what an abruption feels like (so I should instantly be able to identify it) and that I have more information than I had with Clara (plus the doctors also know about my history now that I’ve had it happen). So I’ll hopefully have just as good of an outcome should it reoccur, as long as it doesn’t happen before the baby is developed enough to be delivered.
But I’m not gonna lie. I’m going to be petrified.
I also might be a “high risk” pregnancy next time without any chance of natural labor (if signs of another abruption occur they’ll rush me to a c-section if the baby is old enough to live outside the womb). I’m ok with that. Anything for a healthy baby. Now not only am I open when it comes to drugs or no drugs, I’m totally down with a c-section too. Slice and dice, baby. Whatever it takes.
Megan S. says
Thanks for sharing, Sherry. It really helps to hear real-life stories about difficult pregnancies when you’re considering the prospect of bringing life into the world. It was brave of you to tell your story. Congratulations to you and John on Clara’s first year of life!
Amy says
Thank you for this beautiful post, and for sharing your thoughts and fears. My water broke when I was 21 weeks pregnant, and we were counseled about low probability of a successful outcome. Miraculously, I did not go into labor, but entered the hospital at 24 weeks (as they would not admit me pre-viability) and spent the next 10 weeks in the hospital, with fluid leaking constantly. Our perfect (now 15 month old) son was born at 34 weeks and spent his first month in the NICU. I understand your apprehension in having your second child as I feel the same way – thank you so much for sharing.
Amanda says
Thank you so much for putting this out there – I can totally see why you’ve waited 11.5 months to post it, despite all the requests! I am so, so glad for this happy ending for you and for Clara, and I think there will be a lot of us out here in Blogland thinking and worrying about you whenever you guys do have baby #2! You’ll not only have supportive family, friends, and doctors, but also a heck of a lot of good vibes and support coming from the cyber side of things!
Happy Birthday, Clara! We’re glad you’re here and that you and your Mom are OK!
Mandy says
Oh my goodness guys, I wish I could hug you right now!! Thanks so much for sharing with us, and it makes every single time I coo at Clara and think she is just one of the most adorable babies I have ever seen (and I have 2 nieces and nephews who I thought no one could compare to!) that much more meaningful, knowing that she was so close to not being here. My heart breaks for you, because I could not even imagine what you went through, each of you both living in your own form of hell. I am so so so glad that things turned out as amazingly as they did. Can I be honest – every time you guys post something this personal, it makes me feel like we’re real life friends….is that weird???
And, my brother and I were 3 years 8 months apart, and inseparable growing up!!
YoungHouseLove says
Nope, it’s not weird at all. We consider all of you guys to be our friends! Haha. Hope that doesn’t creep anyone out.
xo,
s
Linda Miller says
Your story touched so many emotions with me from years ago. We lost out first baby who was full term due to a prolapsed cord 41 years ago. I suffered 3 miscarriages after amd finally gave birth to our son on May 14, 1972. I worried throughout the entire pregnancy and when I was informed a week before his birth that he was breech I was terrified.
Every baby is a miracle and Clara is adorable. Whenever I see a picture of her on your blog, I always see the biggest smile on her face. She is such a happy baby.
YoungHouseLove says
I’m so sorry for your loss Linda. But so glad your son came along on May 14th. Such a meaningful day for both of us!
xo,
s
Eleanor says
I am so glad that you & Clara are ok!
With my pregnancy (my bug will be 3 in a month *sniff*) I did have complications. Pregnancy induced hypertension that evolved into preeclampsia & then mild eclampsia, which put me in the hospital at 33 weeks for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy. #RVA St. Mary’s AntePartum Nurses are amazing! That was a hard month for us. I was sad & scared in the hospital. Laid on my left side & rested so much in hopes to control my blood pressure & keep my little one growing strong.
I was induced at 37 weeks. I had hoped to go naturally, even taking Birthing from Within Courses. However, I knew that by being induced with pitocin, that my chances of being able to tolerate the labor were less. With the pitocin, my water was broken & I started with the ‘labor shakes’ which made it hard for me to relax between contractions. I made it 4 hours before I caved & begged for the epidural. They had jacked my pitocin up & my contractions were piggy-backing. I remember the anesthesiologist telling me that i’d feel a slight prick – like a bee sting & I thought ‘bee sting? bring it!’ after what I was feeling!
After a couple more hours – I was complete & felt the pressure to push. Right as my OB made it in – my little one started having decels. They put the oxygen mask on me, dropped the head of my bed, were rolling me back & forth & they even put the little thing on her head to try to zing her back out of my pelvis. Nothing was working & they called for an emergency csection.
As they rushed me back to the OR all I could think in my head was “Please God, don’t let my baby die” over and over and over. My husband was left waiting in the room until the nurses came back to get him. It was about 5 minutes but he said that it felt like an eternity. The room went from chaos to so quiet you could hear a pin drop and he said that his heart was in his ears.
Thankfully, she was born perfectly fine – perfect apgars. Recovery was slow, especially due to the Mag Sulfate I had to have after my delivery to prevent any possibly strokes due to my eclampsia.
I will be high-risk with my next pregnancy but have done so much research on things that i can do to help prevent eclampsia again. I didn’t do anything to cause it but there seem to be a few things that i can do with my diet and activity that could possibly help prevent it again. I too, will be very nervous though, I am sure.
We won’t be attempting a VBAC. The end of my pregnancy was a comedy of complications, it seemed & we won’t risk any of that again. We will schedule a csection & are confident in our decision.
Thank you for sharing, and for letting me share! It does lift a little weight when you can share your story. You certainly aren’t alone in your birth experience…
Happy early bday wishes for Miss Clara!
Ally says
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Clara’s birth story was very touching and I can see why it was so hard to put in to writing for so long. I am a first time expecting mother and love reading birth stories, but yours was extra special considering I follow your blog every day. Your family is an extra special part of my mornings. I can hardly wait until you try for a second one!
Good Luck!
K says
Just blew my nose at my desk; mascara wipe is coming soon.
You are one tough cookie, Sherry, and you clearly passed it on to the bean.
Basically, the three of you are completely awesome. Thanks for sharing that with us.
Sam says
Found your blog a few months ago when I clicked on a link from another blog. Imagine my surprise that you, too, have a sweet baby girl named Clara. (Not that common of a name!)
When I read yesterday’s post, I was brought to tears. My first child (son) was born via urgent c-section, and it was very traumatic for me. I cried for a full year every time I looked at pictures of his birth, and I tried to put on a happy face every time someone asked about his birth. I didn’t think that I’d ever be able to let go and move on to have another child. Eventually, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and was able to get some support.
It wasn’t until the birth of my second child (daughter), when I was able to have a drama-free VBAC, that I truly believed that everything was going to be okay again. Now I look at my son’s birth, and how much stronger of a person I’ve become by going through it and healing from it. I can now see that day for exactly what it was–a day when I received one of the most precious gifts that life can give.
Nothing I say can erase what you are going through, but I wanted you to know that it is okay to feel the way you do.
Laura Bellamy says
Dear Sherry,
I found your site through Craft Apple and have really enjoyed it. Thank you for taking the time. I am a home-school mom and it is nice to have a few stories from other’s lives to avoid cabin fever.
I read your birth story. It brought back so many memories of my first deliver although I had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks afterwards. Nearly four years later we were brave enough to have a second. Now we have 5 boys. Loads of fun (and sheet rock repair!) I cried. These memories have never faded but have definately helped me to be more grateful and hopefully more understanding of other people in distress. They are good memories now and that precious boy who could not cry is 19 years-old and has a black belt in karate. It seems like yesterday. I look at my 5 year-old and beg him not to grow so fast!
God bless you all. I hope you have a dozen.
Laura
Sarah O says
Thank you for sharing such an emotional story. I’m a new reader to your blog, and an instant fan. You are both so brave to put your lives out there for the world to see and I think your story proves that miracles happen every day. Bless you and your beautiful little girl.
Adrianne says
I have that exact same picture of me my baby and my husband. We also did a quasi-emergency c-section, but nothing like your situation. My labor was induced cause I was a week late, and my baby’s heart rate started going down with contractions. So we choose a c-section and I dont regret it for a minute.
Thanks for sharing your story, it was wonderful and courageous and I hope it will bring you peace.
Kate says
Thank you so much for sharing! I love your usual YHL upbeat style but it was really nice to hear this very personal story that thankfully had a very happy ending. Also, the picture of Clara at the top of the post may be the cutest ever.
Jenny says
Sherry,
You got the dramatic introduction to motherhood – once they are born your heart is running around outside your body.
Your story brought tears to my eyes. Though I had a higher risk pregnancy (twins) and a fairly drama free birth, my second came out blue and it was pretty terrifying. I know that feeling – completely blessed and terrified at the same time.
Happy birthday to sweet Clara! I’ve loved seeing pictures of her grow and so thankful that God decided she needed to be here for all of us.
Jenny
Courtney S. says
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and for being so raw and heartbreakingly honest! I can’t even begin to imagine how scared and helpless you must’ve felt. I hope writing about it has helped to ease your fears and mind, even if just a little bit.
Donita says
I’m so thankful that you and Clara are well. That was one scary time. This made me cry. My first born brought scary stuff as well, hemorrhaging, him and I both almost lost our lives. You are smart to wait until the Dr’s give you the go. Our son and daughter are 3 1/2 years apart. :-) If we had it to do over, they would still be that far apart. It was great, for both of them, and for me. SO happy for you, that you have healthy, beautiful Clara. So thankful that you are healthy as well. Thank you for sharing.
Elizabeth says
Hi!
I’m sorry I never comment unless it’s a contest, but I love your blog and how down-to-earth and funny y’all are! Clara is a doll and you truly are blessed to have her and her to have you. (Does that make any sense?) I’m so sorry your first birth experience was so harrowing! And I’m sure many prayers will be in your behalf when you get the green baby light again!
We have four children and our first had pretty severe complications at her birth, but she is a normal 9year old and we’ve had 3 more. You can hear a jovial recounting of her birth story and her wanting independance here: http://my-backdoor.blogspot.com/2010/12/end-of-beginning.html, but I know you have a gagillion comments, so I am totally ok if you don’t read it.
Thanks again for a great blog and I’m so happy for you sharing your thoughts. Was it helpful for you?
Have a wonderful day!
YoungHouseLove says
Yes, unbelievably helpful. Hearing from so many supportive readers was nothing short of amazing.
xo,
s
Callie says
I just welled up with tears reading this story. What an incredible miracle you have to celebrate! I’m so happy you were able to share this, I am sure it was very hard but if your story isn’t exhibit a that miracles happen, I don’t know what is. Happy early birthday to Clara! You guys deserve a huge celebration!
Gwen says
My God Sherry I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, I can’t even imagine what it was like for you to write this. What an EXTRA special love you must have for the little bean after an entrance like that.
Rayna says
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story. I can’t imagine what your family has been through. It takes someone so brave to share this, but in doing so maybe you can help just one person who went through the same thing. My daughter was born a preemie (6 weeks early) and at 4 lbs but it’s nothing compared to what you went through.
Isn’t it funny how we have this idea in our head about how things are going to go and it somehow seems that there’s a different plan in store for us? But you were meant to be Clara’s mommy & daddy, you were strong enough to be able to handle this! She is truly such a blessing.
Rayna
Krista says
Holy Shamoly… what an amazing, scary story. Thank you for sharing it with us. My daughter, Lucy, is just 11 days older than Clara so I’ve enjoyed watching her grow and meet milestones right long side my little girl. They even share the same bald head! I had a c-section with her (a repeat since my son was also c-section) and it is scary enough when it is planned– I cannot imagine what it must have been like in that moment. Clara is so blessed to have you both as her parents and it is evident in your writing that she is a precious gift to you too.
erin says
thank you so much for your story! it really is amazing what the human body and spirit can be put through and still come out with positive outcomes. the part that really got me was when you said “So my plan is to know myself, and accept that I’m going to be scared. But to do my best to enjoy it as much as I can.” i think that that is the only thing that one who has gone through something like this can do. my daughter is my life and for us, the third time was the charm. our first pregnancy led to the loss of twins when i was only about 8-10 weeks along, followed by 2 episodes of hemorraghing that landed me in the hospital getting blood transfusions and finally a dnc to make sure there was no more lingering tissue. our second pregnancy may have been twins as well, because i miscarried and had a repeat dnc but then 1 month later found out that i had an ectopic pregnancy only after my tube ruptured, requiring another hospital stay and removal of the tube. a short 3 months later i found out i was pregnant with my daughter. it was the scariest time of my life because i had no idea how it was going to turn out: was i going to have another ectopic and lose my last tube making pregnancy impossible for us or was it going to go well for a few months only to be hit with another miscarriage. my husband wasn’t even particularly excited until we got past the 12 week mark because he didn’t want to get his hopes up. our daughter reagan is a full of life 19 month old that i wouldn’t trade for the world! i was 3cm 3 weeks before her birth, 3.5 2 weeks before, and 4 a week before, so i know how crazy it is to think you’re going to have her any minute! we would like one more child to round out our family, but the thought of anything going wrong terrifies me! can we get so lucky twice? i just have to use what you said as my mantra: know myself, know that i will be scared, but try and enjoy the process as best as i can! thank you!
Amber says
Wow, you have been through a lot. I can definitely see that this has taken you a long while to process. And it’s healthy to be able to do that on your own time. What a blessing Clara is :)
Chrysalis says
Thank you for sharing your story! I hope it was healing for you! She is beautiful and so lucky to be your little girl!
Emily says
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so awed by your courage. I hope sharing your story makes you a little more confident for your next bean :)
Em Rohrer says
Reading your post made me almost lose my breath – my nephew entered the world almost the exact same way almost 5 years ago. My sister almost died on the table, needed blood transfusions, etc. and we were so scared for Cameron (my nephew) even after all the docs and nurses kept reassuring us they were both fine and going to make it. I barely remember driving the 2 hours to the hospital…which is probably a bad thing! My brother-in-law was in basic training at the time and the whole experience was terrifying and heart-wrenching. I thank God every day that both of them came through just fine.
I now have a 1 year old niece too, my sister’s pregnancy with her went just fine and there were no delivery complications…so hang in there and remember you could end up having a perfectly healthy and non-dramatic second pregnancy!
Thanks for sharing your story.
betty in munich says
What a beautifully written, emotionally raw story. So glad it had a happy ending…look at Clara she’s so gorgeous!
Elizabeth says
I enjoyed reading your very well written account of your delivery as I too experienced an abruptio placenta a number of years ago. We were not as fortunate though as it happened at home and we lost our baby son. We did go on however to have two more babies after that and everything was perfect. It was a very worrisome and scary time but thankfully there were no repeated complications. Happy Birthday to Clara!
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Elizabeth I’m so sorry for your loss. But it’s also amazing to hear that you went on to have two more perfect babies.
xo,
s
Michelle L says
I had tears in my eyes the whole story. That was beautifully written and I can only imagine how hard that was to say! Happy early birthday sweet Clara!
Caroline says
Wow! That is quite an intense story, and I totally understand what you mean about healing from the experience…
I’m 35 weeks pregnant, considered high risk, with a placenta previa that hasn’t resolved as of yet…I still have a smidgen of hope that I’ll be able to deliver this child naturally, but I’m also at higher risk for an abruption…it’s scary stuff! On top of it all, this IS my second child…which means that I have to worry about my son’s well being through all of this on top of it all!
A year later, I’m glad you can look back and see the good that came out of it. Clara is adorable! We are women, we are strong!
Linda @ Lime in the Coconut says
Your story is important to tell…to relive…to relish in the gifts… and saddness. Being in the birth profession for the past 20 years I have seen a lot of stories, most beautiful some sad. But all remind us to live in the now…revel in what you have.
Educate yourself, inform, but planning? Who knows if their even WILL be another. You are going to learn a lot from this little girl of yours. You’ve already learned how strong and how blessed you are!
Mary says
Sherry,
Thank you for sharing your incredible story. You, John, and Clara have touched so many people. I also had an emergency c-section after my daughter’s heartrate dropped dangerously low very very early in labor. During the surgery, I remember hearing my doctor mumble something about the cord. Later I learned that my girl was triple wrapped in her umbilical cord — it was tightly wound around her neck, shoulder, and chest. With each contraction during my labor she was strangeld a little bit more. She never would have come out on her own. I, like you, have reflected on that day many times. I am so humbled to have had access to great medical care and to have a doctor who “called” the c-section so early on. Little did we know what he would find inside. I count this blessing each time I look at that happy and healthy little girl. It wasn’t my dream birth experience, but she is the daughter of my dreams and that’s what really matters.
Jenny says
What a miracle baby! While not as traumatic as your story, my birth story was rather traumatic and 4 years later, I’m still a bit freaked out. My baby had a 1 minute Apgar score of 1. So scary. You would never know that now, though. :) Try to enjoy your eventual 2nd pregnancy!
Wishing Clara a happy early birthday!
Wom-mom Ethne says
Thanks for sharing. I had a placental abruption at 14 weeks with my twin girls (they wouldn’t’ve been viable) – thank God it healed itself and I had a relatively uneventful (but nervous) pg after that. C-section at the end, which I’m totally down with!! ~Ethne
Sarah M. says
Someone was watching over you guys! It is wonderful to see how much Clara has grown since then! You are such strong people, Clara is very lucky to have you as parents! :)
Rachei says
Thank you for sharing. This blessed my soul to hear your story. You are a strong woman and have such a neat family. Please read Psalm 139 in the Bible…it is very encouraging and your story makes the Psalmist prayer even more amazing. God bless:)
melissa*320 sycamore says
I can’t tell you how much I loved reading this and can’t believe how emotional I got~life is so precious! I’m so glad everything turned out okay~blessings to all of you!
Lindsay says
Crying my eyes out over here. Thank you for sharing-the Lord has big plans for that little bean of yours!
Jaci says
Sherry,
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m about a month long into reading your blog and am a faithful follower. I look forward to it every day like a little piece of dark chocolate:) Yes I cried my eyes out like most people who read it and I have a scary story of my own when my son was born almost 8 years ago (severe post partum psychosis) but have since fully recovered. I’ve always wanted to write a book or story about my experience as well because I think it’s cathartic and you have inspired me. Thanks for everything:)
Christina Crouch says
Thank you both so much for sharing your story. I can’t believe that you had to go through that. Your little one is so amazing. It’s hard to believe that that beautiful little girl’s life started out that way.
I just want to throw out there that I had an unexpected high risk emergency c-section last minute for my first born. It was terrifying but the Doctors were amazing and my baby was safely born because of them. My second pregnancy I opted to have a schedule c-section… But she had different plans and I went into labor 2 days before my scheduled c-section and had her delivered (still by c-section) one day later by someone other than my planned Dr… Needless to say that all my pregnancies/deliveries have not gone as planned. But in the end, as your mother’s heart knows so well, it was all worth it. The worry, the scars, the emotional pain. All worth it to give that little one a fair chance at life. xoxo
All I’ll say to encourage you is, when the time comes for #2, you’ll be ready. Whatever journey your next pregnancy takes you, you’ll find the strength to get through. Hang in there and in there and in the meantime, Happy Birthday to Clara! <3 Have a wonderful celebration! You deserve it!
Meg Massey says
Sherry, I was moved to tears as I read this post. I can’t imagine how you felt on this day. Though I don’t have kids (yet) my mother went into labor with my little sister when she was only 6 months pregnant. No signs, no indications of anything wrong, her water just broke in the middle of a church service on. My sister was born at 1 pound 11 ounces in 1990, and at that time, there wasn’t much of a guarantee that she’d survive at that size and so early in development. I was only five at the time, but I can remember my mother crying because she was unable to stay with her in the hospital, where she was for three months after she was born. Thankfully, her story has a happy ending too. While she was on oxygen tanks for the first few months of her life, today she is a happy, healthy college student with no signs of permanent damage other than mild asthsma.
Your last few paragraphs really got to me. It’s crazy to think of all of the families who go through the same scenarios, but don’t have the same happy endings we all hope for. Who can understand why one child survives while another doesn’t? Thinking about it would just make us crazy. I suppose all we can do is thank God for the miracles that DO happen in our lives, and pray that we’ll someday understand the ones that don’t. I thank God for my sister every day. She’s a miracle, and so is Clara! Thanks for sharing your story. I know it must have been hard, but I really hope that it helps others who have been through similar situations.
Lauren says
Thank you for sharing this story with us. Is it strange that I cried while reading it? And I don’t mean watery eyes. I am getting married in November, and although we don’t plan on having a baby for a few years, the conversation obviously comes up quite often. I have the biggest fear of either not being able to get pregnant or something going terribly wrong. Again, thank you for sharing your story! I can’t even imagine how you feel/felt. Your story had a happy ending because you two are such wonderful people. You deserve nothing but happiness.
kelly says
I recently visited my “kids” who I nannied for when I was in high school. The twins who came early one naturally the other by c-section dubbed the quarter million dollar babies. The only girl in a family of six kids – also placenta challenges and Mom almost bled out at home. Boy #4 who was the only one to go full term and delivered 01-01-01 and the baby who had a healthy delivery and spoke in animal noises for 4 years.
Every kid has a story, every birth is different. And while the family told me “our kids are the best birth control you’ll ever get” I love all those kids like they were my family. I’m so glad that you and Clara are healthy and thanks for sharing your story!
j says
wow, as i read this tears just flowed. thank you for sharing your story. it shows your unconditional love for clara, even before she was born. as i read your entry describing john waiting outside the OR, it actually reminded me of the movie She’s Having a Baby where Kevin Bacon is in the waiting room and the song “This Woman’s Work” is playing. do you remember? anyway, that’s a sidenote but you are truly blessed to have eachother. i pray that you heal completely and your health is restored for when you do plan to have another baby. put your worries in God’s hands and all will be well.
Aleah @HeyBaklenko says
OH my – what a story. I had to stop reading and come back to it at points because I was crying. Thanks for sharing with the world and reminding us that life is so, so fragile. Many blessings to you and your adorable family!
Elin Glenn says
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I, like many other readers, cried at my desk at work. The birth of my child didn’t go as I expected either, but it wasn’t nearly as scary as your story. Sharing was one of the ways that I could process it, but I still can’t look at pictures of families visiting newly-born babies at the hospital without tearing up, since my full term baby girl was in the NICU for four days. I applaud your brave step to share your bravely family’s story.
Chrystal says
As a mother of two (3 years and almost 4 months old) I read this with tears in my eyes, because its every moms worst nightmare to loose a baby. My parents lost a baby boy who would have been about a year older than be because of a prolapse cord. Back then (31 years ago) the hospital didn’t have an anethesiologist ready to go, they paged him and he never answered his page. The doctor was hesitant to use forceps and he died. I can’t imagine how heartbroken they were, or how relieved the hospital was that they chose not to sue. Lets just say I have never questioned if they loved me…maybe I was extra special to them because they lost my brother, at least I always felt that way.
My husband almost died from a prolapse cord when he was born. He was black in the face and they thought for sure he would have severe brain damage but he is one of the smartest people I know. For real.
Thankfully technology is so much better and response time is too, but its still been in the back of my mind with both births. I am so thankful for healthy boys. Every day I thank God for them, as I am sure you do for Clara. She is beautiful. I know you will never take her for granted, and will cherish every second with her.
Sherry G says
Thank you for sharing this Sherry. I too went through a complicated and scary birth with my son. I remember telling my doctor I felt traumatized and she agreed – I was. It is a hard thing to process, but I agree that talking about it helps a lot. I hope you find some peace from sharing your story.
Ashley says
Wow. Just wow. I’d tell you how incredible your story was, and how it choked me up, and how grateful I am that you shared it, but that’s all been said already. So maybe I can offer a little reassurance instead.
I’m not sure exactly what was going on when I was born (I’ll have to call my mom and ask), but it left me in pretty bad shape; I got a score of 2 on my initial Apgar (I had a pulse and was breathing, and nothing else). But by the 5 minute re-check I was up to 9, and I’ve been perfectly healthy and normal since (well, maybe not normal; depends on who you ask! lol). My mom then had two more kids, and had no problems with either of them.
kate says
You are such a strong lady, with an awesome husband and adorable baby girl and fur baby. Thank you so much for sharing.