It’s nearly a year late (I can’t believe I’m going to be the mother of a one year old in three short weeks). And the reason for the delay is simple. Thinking / typing / talking about the day that Clara was born still scares the pants off of me. Even 11+ months later. This little lady made quite the dramatic entrance.
Yup, the day that Clara came into the world was the most amazing life-changing day of my existence, but it was easily also the single most terrifying one. I’ve mentioned some details a few times in comments on other Clara-related posts (many readers wanted to know all about the bean’s birth right away) but I think now that she’s almost a year old I’ve processed that day enough to really share it fully with the interweb. By no means am I over it (don’t really know if I ever will be), but I can talk about it now without crying. So that’s a start, right? A few friends of mine have actually recommend that I write this post as part of the whole healing process (a lot of the posts that we write are actually for our own benefit since this is just an online diary to document our lives for our own selfish purposes, haha). So I thought it made sense. I know that how Clara came into the world will affect future pregnancies and how nervous/anxious/wary/afraid I’ll be if any of the same complications pop up again, so perhaps talking about it after processing it for almost a year might help me come to terms with it a bit more. So here it goes (deep breaths, deep breaths).
I had an amazing low risk fabulous pregnancy. No high blood pressure. No weird pains. Over 100 days of morning sickness (yes I counted) but that’s to be expected. Or at least tolerated in the name of baking a human. Other than that (and once that ended) it was amazeballs as my girl Bethenny Frankel would say. I felt great. I loved feeling my little bean kicking around in there. I basked in the glory of being prego. I told John I could do it ten more times. Life was good.
My tiny 4’11” mom had two natural (and very fast) child births, so I had high hopes of a normal (if not very quickly progressing) delivery. Maybe without drugs, and maybe with them. I wasn’t going into it with any strong feelings either way, but I had taken some classes on pain management and learned about The Bradley Method so I was actually feeling very bring-it-on by the end. Either way I kept telling myself “in the end the baby will be out and I’ll get to meet her, so no fear is allowed – it’s going to be a happy day – with drugs or without them. No pressure. Just try to go with the flow and relax.” I had orders to “run, don’t walk” to the hospital if I had any signs of labor (my mother had me in four hours and my brother within two) so that had me a little on edge, but the only thing I worried about was having the baby at home or in the car since I feared it would all happen really fast because that runs in the family.
John was working downtown at the time and I was at home without a car (we’re a one car family, so he’d take the car during the day and after he came home we’d run any errands I needed to do). So admittedly the whole being at home without the car thing was kind of scary but I knew about fifty neighbors who volunteered to drive me to the hospital if things got crazy and John couldn’t make it home to get me in time. The funny thing is that he answered his cell phone on the first half-a-ring for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, so I knew he was on high alert and was confident that he’d hightail it home in time (it was only a 15 minute drive).
I never felt a single contraction (not even Braxton Hicks) until the day I went into labor, but I knew I was dilated to a 3.5 at 39 weeks (yes I walked around at a 3.5 without going into labor with my first child, which I hear is really uncommon). Clara must have been holding onto the walls in there. So although I was still about a week “early,” my doc said I was going to have the baby any second. Hence John being on high alert. Oh yeah and my belly looked like this. I was officially ready to pop.
I noticed on the morning of May 14th (it was a Friday) that I was having some pretty intense contractions. My first contractions ever (well that I felt). At first they were oddly irregular so I thought it was just prelabor (didn’t even tell John because I didn’t want him to get all crazy and come running home for a false alarm). But slowly they started to establish a pattern and by the time I started timing them they were just four minutes apart. And they were an 11 on the pain scale. I felt like my insides were ripping apart and my back was killing me. I called John who was out to lunch with all of his coworkers to celebrate his very last day at the office (he was resigning to come on full time as a dad/blogger) and told him to get the eff home. He laughed about how good my timing was because he was just finishing his burrito. I groan-cried in the middle of a contraction and he knew I meant business. So home he came flew.
By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were already two minutes apart. I remember having a hard time even walking from the car to the door because they were just coming nonstop and they were bring-you-to-your-knees painful. I thought I might have a baby right there in the parking lot. They sent me straight into labor and delivery. As we waited for the doctor to arrive and check my progress my water broke in the hospital bed- but instead of being clear it was red. So much blood. Very scary. I didn’t even see most of it (thanks to my giant belly and the sheet over my lower half) but John did along with my OB who happened to be in the room. John’s face went white and the OB snapped into hyperdrive.
Immediately the room filled with frenzied nurses and doctors and they explained that I was having a placental abruption, which happens when the placenta has inexplicably detached from the uterine wall. This is very bad news before the baby is born. And it explains the feels-like-my-body-is-ripping-apart pain I’d been experiencing. It’s an extremely dangerous complication for the baby (since they get their nourishment from the placenta and can go into shock and die) and the mother can hemorrhage (and can also die in cases of extreme bleeding). So it was a pretty dire situation all around (although nobody stopped to explain it, the look on the doctor and nurse’s faces kind of said it all).
Within about a minute they had me in the OR and within three minutes they had sweet baby Clara out thanks to an amazingly fast emergency c-section. They saved her life by acting so fast.
It was a blur. All I remember was them running my gurney into the walls while turning corners in the hallway trying to get me into an ER as fast as possible. They looked panicked. And it scared the heck out of me. I didn’t care about me or my body – just the baby. I remember screaming inside of my head “just cut her out of me, cut and I don’t care if I feel pain or if I get hurt or if I have scars all over, just save her. Do it right here in the hallway if you have to.” Of course my lips weren’t moving. It was one of those out-of-body mind screams that nobody else can hear.
John suddenly wasn’t with me. They just left him behind and ran with me down the hall calling up to get emergency doctors and nurses on hand since the main OR was already in use for a scheduled c-section. I remember people popping out of doorways saying “I’ll help” and joining the frenzied mob and going over all of my stats (blood type, number of weeks prego, etc) while saying things like “baby in distress” and “profuse bleeding.” I couldn’t have created a scarier nightmare scenario in my head if I tried. Lots of people swarmed into the OR in the next thirty seconds. But no John. I could barely breathe at the thought of something going so wrong without him by my side. Once they had me fully prepped for surgery (which happened within less than a minute, they were so amazing) someone must have run off to get him.
I wish I could say it was thanks to me calling out for him but I was in shock so I couldn’t talk or even move. I was frozen. It almost felt like I wasn’t even there and I was watching it all happen to someone else on TV. John says he remembers standing in the hallway as everyone ran off with me. So freaked out and completely alone. Just waiting. That always makes me cry when I think about it. I didn’t know it at the time because of the chaos, but someone had tossed scrubs at him when I was being wheeled out (he would need them since it had to be a sterile environment for the c-section) so he was just standing there in the hallway wearing his scrubs and waiting. And going crazy. Finally someone came out to retrieve him and he was allowed to come hold my hand right as they started to cut. I just stared at him. I was frozen. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk. I was just in shock at how quickly everything was happening.
Once they opened me up they saw that not only was Clara in distress from the placental abruption, but the umbilical cord had somehow been pinched (which is called “cord prolapse”) so she was without oxygen while fighting to make it through the abruption. I heard them toss out the word “cord prolapse” (they didn’t have time to explain what was going on, so I learned the details later) but in my odd state of panic and shock I thought they were talking about someone else. I was the one with a placental abruption. The scariest page of my birth book at home. The one I didn’t even read because it wouldn’t happen to me because I didn’t have high blood pressure or any of the other risk factors. My baby couldn’t also be dealing with cord prolapse. How could that be? Who could be that unlucky? Then they said “she’s not going to cry ok – don’t wait for her to cry just try to stay calm and breathe slowly.” That was when my heart broke and I started to cry. I guess I was crying for her.
I couldn’t see anything thanks to the screen they threw up before cutting into me, but they were right. She didn’t cry when they yanked her out with all of their might. All I remember was extreme pressure but no pain. Well, no physical pain. Emotional pain = off the charts. They had NICU specialists standing by, and when I heard them say “NICU” out loud that it was the first time I actually thought “what if this doesn’t end the way I thought it always would? What if all those pep talks I gave myself about it being a happy day because “drugs or no drugs I would get to meet my sweet baby girl” weren’t going to be true?
John later admitted that thought had hit him a lot earlier than it had hit me. He said he knew something was very wrong when he saw all the blood before they whisked me away. And when he was standing alone in the hallway after I got wheeled off to the OR he wondered if things were about to end badly. See why that visual of him in the hall makes me cry? It was just so surreal and terrifying. John later confessed that once he was allowed into the OR to hold my hand that he couldn’t really watch as they pulled her out of me, even though he was much taller than the screen they had set up to block my view. Not because he was afraid of the blood or passing out, but because he didn’t want to see our baby “not make it.”
But after about one felt-like-eternity minute they got her to moan. Kind of like a kitty meowing. It was so soft and weak and just heart breaking. I remember thinking “I want her to cry so she’s ok, but I don’t want to hear her if she’s not going to be ok because I’m falling in love already. I can’t hear her moan and then fall silent- she has to start wailing. Right now!” But no dice. I remember thinking that all the silence felt so loud. Like it was almost deafening to listen so desperately for some sign of a cry. Clara got a 4 on her initial Apgar test, which we later heard is usually the lowest score you can get before permanent brain damage if things don’t improve by the five minute Apgar retest. They didn’t announce the time of birth or her weight very loudly or say anything like in the movies, you know like “it’s a girl!” or “happy birthday!” or “what’s her name?” and she didn’t come lay on my chest. I still couldn’t even see her thanks to the screen they had put up to block the surgery. They were all just working on this baby that I couldn’t even see. My baby. And I just stared at John in a silent freeze, tears in my eyes but nothing coming out of my mouth. At some point after closing me up the doctor said “she’s bleeding – she reopened, get over here” and half of the team ran back to work on me. My incision which had been sewn and stapled shut had reopened and I could hear from the doctors tone that it wasn’t an ideal situation. But I still wasn’t scared for me. In any other scenario it would have been intensely alarming, but I had a one track mind: the baby. I want to hear the baby cry.
It felt like five years went by (in reality it was less than five minutes) but slowly the people working on me thinned out and the people working on Clara seemed to start moving more casually and slower. As if it wasn’t such an emergency anymore. I remember thinking “this is either a very good or a very bad sign.” Thankfully, by her five minute Apgar test she pinked up, cried a glorious and spirited cry, and got a 9 (we later learned that the five minute Apgar retest is the most important and revealing one). They said that a 9 was as close to perfect as it gets and that even super healthy children rarely get 10s. And they told us that it was so great that she rebounded so well and was looking fantastic. She was a fighter for sure. They even let John go over and see her (I was still strapped down so I had to wait).
She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but we didn’t know that at the time, so we started to rejoice and John even took some video on the iPhone to bring back over to show to me since I hadn’t even laid eyes on her yet (we were so lucky that the iPhone happened to be in John’s pocket before all hell broke lose, otherwise we wouldn’t have any documentation of Clara’s birth at all). We later learned they were somehow testing her cord blood to see if she was without oxygen for so long that she sustained permanent brain damage. Only when the test came back all-clear (indicating that there were no worries of that) did the nurses and doctors really seem to relax.
Apparently infants who live after a placental abruption have a 40-50% chance of complications, which range from mild to severe (and sometimes mothers who survive end up with a hysterectomy to control the hemorrhaging). Only then did it start to sink in how lucky we really had been. And what a miracle our baby girl really is.
Finally, after what literally felt like days, they wrapped her up and brought her over to me. My arms were strapped down from the surgery, so John held her right near my head and I just stared at her in disbelief. I was still in shock, and bloated with fluids from the IV along with fear and disbelief and unconditional love.
What did I do to deserve such a happy ending? How would I have survived coming home empty handed to a beautiful nursery that I shared with the world while being so confident that I was guaranteed a cute little baby to put in that crib? Basically it was the scariest day of our lives, and I still ask why. Why me (in that annoying “poor me” way) and why me (in the “why-was-I-so-lucky-she-was-spared” way). But the main thing I feel is full. Of relief. Of gratitude. Of love for my little fighter. My little miracle. I’m SO THANKFUL that the doctors and nurses worked so quickly to come to her (and my) rescue. I’ll never know for sure, but if another team had been on duty I don’t know that I would have had the same outcome. They were just so on it. So invested and so amazing. And I can’t even begin to think about what could have happened if I wasn’t in the hospital when I started bleeding.
Other nurses and doctors in the hospital dropped in to see us for days just to tell us how lucky we were (news of our complications were apparently the talk of the hospital). We even had a friend on another floor (coincidentally she was there on the same day that I went into labor for a pre-term labor scare) who had overheard nurses and doctors talking about “that woman who had both a cord prolapse and a placental abruption at the same time but the baby actually survived.” Only later did she find out that it was me they were talking about. I still get chills when I think about that. How lucky we were. How scary it was. And how gorgeous and amazing that little girl in my arms was. And still is.
So that’s the story of the scariest/best day of our lives. Whew. No wonder we’re obsessed with the girl.
As for if those complications are more likely to occur with any subsequent pregnancies, cord prolapse is totally random and can happen to anyone, so it doesn’t become more likely if you’ve experienced it before (but it’s rare, so if you’re prego and reading this story know that my combination of complications were about as likely as winning the lottery). However, placental abruption is more likely to reoccur (around one in four women experience it again) and it can happen as early as around twenty weeks (when the baby isn’t viable yet, which means the baby wouldn’t make it). So it can be devastating and scary. I have strict orders to wait at least two full years between pregnancies to let everything heal up nice and strong, which probably means over three years between Clara and her younger brother or sister, assuming all goes well. I’m fine with the wait since I’m happy to just enjoy Clara for a while and take that time to continue to process the whole birth experience and build up my courage. But I’m sure when I’m pregnant again I’ll be much less happy go lucky about it.
Which is really sad. John keeps begging me to let it be the same joyful and unabashedly exciting time as it was before. But I know myself. And I’ll be on high alert. Searching for any signs or symptoms that something’s wrong. And scared even if there aren’t any signs of trouble (because there weren’t any before I started feeling contractions with Clara- it just all came out of nowhere). I’m scared that I might even be afraid to get a nursery ready. You know, so as not to jinx things. So my plan is to know myself, and accept that I’m going to be scared. But to do my best to enjoy it as much as I can and remind myself that I now know what an abruption feels like (so I should instantly be able to identify it) and that I have more information than I had with Clara (plus the doctors also know about my history now that I’ve had it happen). So I’ll hopefully have just as good of an outcome should it reoccur, as long as it doesn’t happen before the baby is developed enough to be delivered.
But I’m not gonna lie. I’m going to be petrified.
I also might be a “high risk” pregnancy next time without any chance of natural labor (if signs of another abruption occur they’ll rush me to a c-section if the baby is old enough to live outside the womb). I’m ok with that. Anything for a healthy baby. Now not only am I open when it comes to drugs or no drugs, I’m totally down with a c-section too. Slice and dice, baby. Whatever it takes.
Leanne says
I have a very similar story, my wee babe was born at 28 weeks and it was a miracle that we all survived. I completely understand the trauma and agree that telling your story will hopefully help with the healing process. I always love to read about the happy endings – my son is now 5 and is an extremely happy and healthy boy. He was 3 and a half when his brother was born after a beautifully redemptive, perfect, text book labour and delivery.
Happy early Birthday to your beautiful girl and happy almost one year recovery to you.
PS Love your blog!
Lisa says
Oh, Sherry.
I read your blog all the time but have never commented. This post made me cry and as a fellow momma, I can only imagine how horrifying that was. No one’s birth experience should be so traumatic. What a little fighter you both are.
I am training to be a nurse-midwife and I have seen/heard several stories of placental abruption where the mother went on to have a beautiful and uncomplicated birth later on. I sincerely wish for your next experience to be everything you had hoped your first would be.
When you do become pregnant again (or perhaps before), please remember that there are counselors that specialize in birth trauma. Take care of yourself as well as you do that sweet little girl!
Erin says
Wow. I definitely was bawling at my desk reading this one. Thank you so much for sharing – I love reading all birth stories, good and bad. I had a velementous cord insertion (where the umbilical cord is basically shredded, and sometimes can separate from the placenta during labor and result in stillbirth) that I didn’t know about until after I had my 15 month old, and was told that I was “lucky to be holding a live baby” but I was told that WHILE I was holding my baby, and that was scary enough.
AlaskanAlison says
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m not a mom yet but it brought me to tears thinking about how terrified you and John must have been. You are both so strong and so blessed. I’m so happy that everything worked out for the best. Happy 1st birthday to Clara!
Yulia says
Oh my goodness! I stayed up until 2am last night crying through your story and the posted comments. Even though I only got through a handful of the comment pages, I am touched by your honesty and that of your readers. I am in my second trimester right now and a bit of a worry wort, so I probably shouldn’t be reading any of this, but I just couldn’t help myself. I never realized how many thing can go wrong and how many people end up going home to an empty crib. My heart breaks for all of them. Makes me appreciate even more that every child is a blessing!
With my first son, I started spotting early on and at one point I didn’t “feel” pregnant anymore. I cried my eyes out. They measured my hormones and for some reason they had dropped, but miraculously everything turned out just fine. Actually, at the end of the term I was walking around 5cm dilated for a whole week. So four years later when I went into labor with baby #2, I was shocked to find out that I was only at 1 cm. I felt as though my cervix was playing tricks with me.
Every birth story is different, but we moms worry about our little beans from the moment we find out we’re pregnant. I suppose it doesn’t ever stop. It’s just out way of trying to protect our miracles. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I wish you many more happy and healthy babies.
Travelstovegas says
I’m currently 5 months pregnant with my first child, so reading your post was definitely scary for me, but I’m so glad you shared your birth story with us. Although I have not experienced traumatic symptoms myself, I have a number of friends who have struggled with infertility and pregnancy problems, so it has been very hard for me to be focused only on the happy & exciting aspects of this pregnancy – I am prone to worrying about all the “what ifs”.
That said, no matter how worried I’ve been or will become, there’s no doubt that being pregnant is a time of amazement and wonder, and I am sure that’s the case no matter whether it’s your first pregnancy or your 10th! So, despite your fears, I have every confidence that your next pregnancy will still be beautiful and exciting for you & your family.
A big shout of appreciation to all the doctors & nurses and hospital staff out there who work so hard to keep us pregnant chicks and our babies safe!
Stephanie Tanner says
Thank you so much for sharing such a touching story. As Moms we will do whatever it takes for our babies endure great sorrow/pain and even though we may not know it at the time we are much stronger. Enjoy your beautiful Clara and this Mother’s day celebrate what a strong beautiful mother you have become!
Stephanie
Kimberly says
Thank you for sharing your story. I had never heard a detailed account of a difficult birth before I read your post. I’m so happy for you two and Clara, and thankful that everything worked out for your family.
Clara is so lucky to have parents that will spend hours distressing wood and trying to sew stuff so that she’ll have a nice home and birthday party!
I really enjoy your blog and wish you all the best!
Nicole says
Wow, I definitely was in tears while reading your story. What an amazing story, and now we all understand why you are so thankful for little Clara’s life. I know that God had a plan in having you go through that experience, and I also know that he has a plan for little Clara’s life that may involve more miraculous events! Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Cara says
What a blessing Clara is! Thanks for sharing your story. Hopefully you do feel better after putting it out there. You definitely got me all teared up reading this, especially picturing John in the hallway. Sounds like you’re an amazing and loving wife and mom!
Sara says
Sherry,
Thank you for this beautifully written, awe inspiring story. You’ve obviously touched so many people. As a nurse, I’d like to say a special thanks to you for the shout out you gave to all the doctors and nurses that helped you that day. Sometimes it seems, especially when it comes to labor and delivery, that people see us as the enemy. Not to mention, someone just might read your story and decide against that home birth!
One truly amazing thing about Clara’s birth is not just the fact that you had two rare complications, but also that having the abruption may have actually saved Clara’s life. A cord prolapse can be much more dangerous for the baby and sometimes isn’t picked up right away. The abruption put the staff in the “get the baby out now” mode. Its mind boggling when you think about it!
YoungHouseLove says
Wow- I never really thought about that but now I have goosebumps. It’s amazing to think that something I thought of as being “extra unlucky” could have saved Clara’s life.
xo,
s
kelly says
i am so sorry that you had to go through this! i too will be high risk if we have another baby. we only have one baby and he is now 15 months. we had a normal delivery with no complications. but 6 days after he was born, i went back to the hospital with chest pains and was diagnosed with postpartum cardiomyopathy. my heart went into heart failure after having the baby and was only working at 50%. i never had any heart problems before. i was totally healthy. but the cardiologist in the ER told me i should never get pregnant again because it can come back. but after talking to my OB, he said i could possibly have another baby but i would have to wait a few years and i would have to be totally healthy. my heart is back to normal now and there was no problems with my son, but it was scary to hear that i should never have any more babies. my husband and i wanted at least 3 or maybe even 4. we wanted a big family. but now it is scary, if we decide to have another one, i will be high risk the whole time and i would be putting my life at risk. is it worth it?? there are other women with this condition that have been pregnant again and everything went just fine. so there is hope but now there are so many things to think about.
Dayna says
Many blessings to you and I love reading this blog. Thank you for sharing your emotional story. I will share with you a similar experience although our daughter did go to Heaven. For us it was so surreal; like an episode of E.R. with a tragic outcome. After much therapy in group with other women who had similar experiences and the birth of my sons (9 and almost 6)our grief moved to a different place, although we will never forget the daughter we knew who lived for about an hour. Your apprehension regarding getting pregnant again is what I went through with my subsequent pregnancies. I swear I was afraid to breathe! All turned out beautifully though and we have two awesome sons who know they had a sister before them who paved the way. Love to you three! This blog is so awesome and I say it anytime I write anything on here. Every time I read it, it brightens up my day! Happy Birthday Clara!
YoungHouseLove says
I’m so so sorry for your loss Dayna. Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. It’s so great to hear that you had two gorgeous and healthy sons after such a tragedy.
xo,
s
Natalie Hua says
I cry all over as I read this. I have all the visuals in your story like I was watching a movie. You guys deserve the happy ending of this story! Your baby is gorgeous and she’s turning one! Yay!
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful story!
Erica says
I totally feel your pain of a scary day! When I had my daughter I had an emergency c-section too. But in my case the hubby couldnt be in the room. My blood pressure had risen to 200/101 worrying the hosptial I would have a stroke or blood clots. Camryn came in this world weighing only 3 pounds. So I can really relate and I am glad you and Clara are doing well today :)
Kristin says
I am a little late with my comment, but wanted to say thanks for sharing too! I read this post yesterday evening (I’m in germany, so the usual time for your “morning post” is ca. 5 p.m. here) on my mobile while we were out with some friends, so I didn’t expect a dramatic post like this one.
We do not have children yet, but I was a breech birth myself. Uusually a c-section is made then, but it was discovered too late that I had turned again. I also didn’t start breathing right away. I had some problems with my motor skills as a baby, but it all turned out well, I don’t have any problems anymore and doing my PhD right now.
You are an amazing family. I wish you all the best, you deserve it!
Chari says
Thank you so very much for sharing. I am so inspired, that I’m going to write my baby Sullivan’s birth story too. He was born in Dec, and it too was very very unexpectedly scary. I’m so happy to know that other mom’s have “something to get over” too… and it’s not just me :) Sometimes I feel guilty for still being upset about it… Thanks so much!!
xoxo
Danielle Boutwell says
Sherry,
I know your biggest concern was scaring anyone who is expecting. Well I’m definitely not expecting at this point in my life, but I have always been anti having children when I grow up and get married. However, I want you to know that this post almost inspires me to have children. It sounds horrifying and awful, but to see the love and undeniable connection between mother and baby is incredibly powerful to hear about. You are beyond selfless – wanting nothing more than to carry that child home regardless of what you were experiencing. I know you are too humble to admit how amazing you are, but you are someone to look up to for me as a young reader.
Don’t ever change!
Danielle
YoungHouseLove says
Wow Danielle you’re just awesome. Thanks so much for saying that because I did definitely worry that I would make having children sound like a nightmare and I definitely didn’t want to scare anyone who is expecting or hasn’t had kids yet but wants them. It really means a lot to hear that.
xo,
s
Melanie says
Wow… Thank you so much for sharing your story here. I hope that it was cathartic to write about it, and I think it will help other future moms be prepared for a bad-case scenario.
One of my best friends had a similar situation with the placental abruption with her son and the power went out at the hospital at the same time. Her husband always jokes that they should sell their story to Lifetime, as their son did make it and was bathed by candlelight in the waiting room. But, the important part is that he lived and is healthy and she had a very easy 2nd pregnancy with her little girl 3 years later. I hope that if you do have another child, it is a much simpler birth and you get another baby equally as happy and cute as Clara. ((hugs))
Risa says
Wow, this just made me cry. I have had 2 emergency c-sections and my son had to stay in the NICU too. I know how scary it all is! God bless all of you! Her birth story shows how strong, brave, and resilient you all are :)
Kara says
Sherry, your story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it. How frightening and traumatic – but miraculous at the same time. Families who have experiences like yours is why I became a NICU and fetal health social worker. I see people in our culture often minimize the birth experience – as if it doesn’t matter – and that could not be further from the truth. I’m grateful you have found some healing and peace in the past year. Happy early birthday to Clara, and happy birth-day to you.
Cat says
Holy bananas! What a story!! I’m so glad that you and sweet Clara survived that blessed event (blessed, though scary!!) and have flourished ever since. I don’t know what the world would have done without her and thankfully we don’t even have to think about that. Thanks for sharing your story- I hope it helped to write it down and tell all of us. We think of y’all as our very best virtual bff’s so there are lots of virtual hugs coming at you! And you better believe you’ll have all the virtual support you can stand when the time comes for the next little petersik to bake :) Hugs!
Sammy says
Dear Sherry and John,
I just wanted to tell you that both of you were (and still are) immensely brave and that you can be really proud of Clara – she’s adorable and already such a great and inspiring person who surely is pretty proud of her parents.
Happy birthday!
Ashley says
My goodness, what a horrific story! What an experience. I thought I had a scare during the delivery of my first child, but it was nothing compared to the scene you described. You definitely have a beautiful blessing in your little girl and it’s so wonderful you have been able to spend as much time with her as you do. Cherish it!
On a lighter note, you looked great during pregnancy. Where did you get your maternity shirts? They still make you look trendy without being too “maternity style” if you know what I mean. I’ve been looking around for some better styles :)
YoungHouseLove says
Most of them were from Old Navy and Target but weren’t meant for maternity (some were in the end though)- I just got them larger and squeezed my belly in. Haha.
xo,
s
Dawn says
I had a traumatic first birthing experience, not nearly as terrifying as yours, but it took some time to come to grips with it. I can relate to how you feel about that. (and about being 3.5cm dilated in the last week of pregnancy, ugh! I was 3cm at 38 weeks, 3.5cm at 39weeks too. I think it was all the LIRR/Penn/Subway stair climbing I did for my commute! It must’ve been all that DIY housework for you!)
The fact that Clara is in your arms and healthy is a miracle. God Bless her and your family and I hope you have uneventful pregnancies in the future!
JoDi says
Wow, I am so happy we all knew there was a happy ending to this story! Thanks so much for sharing something so personal. What an amazing blessing that everything turned out OK.
I really was hoping to read every comment before commenting myself, but there are so many I’ll never get through them all! So many of us did not have our baby arrive as we hoped or planned and can feel for you and what you went through. I also had an emergency c-section because our baby was in distress, but my husband was not able to be in the room with me because it all happened so fast. I was SO happy to hear that they got John in there with you! I can still remember the details of that day like they happened yesterday even though it was over 20 years ago!
I love all your posts about Clara and Burger. It’s been so amazing to watch her grow this year, and it will be even more meaningful to read future posts now that we know how dramatic her arrival was! Wishing all the best for your little family!
Sarakenobi says
how absolutely horrible for you both!!!! I’m glad everything ended ok. I had a horrible complicated pregnancy that ended in an induction (4 days) with severe high blood pressure. when my son came out, I was so tired I thought he was dead (and it’s what I said!) and his apgar was 3, and a bit better at 5 minutes. they put him on O2 and whisked him away. There was a lot of horrible things *I* had to go through afterwards, they thought I had a stroke, the epidural tore a hole in my spine etc etc but Landon ended up OK. I was surprised by my second pregnancy and had NO IDEA that I would be panicked so badly. I had PTSD!!!!! I found peace towards the end of my pregnancy and although I still had major complications and Oliver was born at 35 weeks, the second time healed the first time and I can look forward to one more chance. I wish you healing sweetie <3
Rachel says
Thank you so much for sharing. As a “young married” who is nervous about having children at all, your story was incredibly impactful. Terrifying too, of course, but you have a beautiful way with words that really conveys your love for your daughter and how it was all worthwhile. I don’t know when or if my husband and I will take that plunge, but hearing stories from relatable people like you helps me with perspective.
Autumn says
Your post made me all teary eyed too. After losing my first pregnancy and very scary complicated deliveries with both of my girls I can completely relate. It is something you never quite get over but it does make you appreciate every second with them that much more. You are a very lucky family!
Marisue says
Wow. I had a hard time making it through the story so I read it in 3 parts. It brought back memories so fresh for me. You are so blessed to have survived that and for Clara to have no lasting damage. My twin boys were born in September after several years and two IVF attempts. I had a miserable pregnancy (I stopped counting the number of times I threw up each day because I realized it wasn’t going to stop!). I was determined to carry my boys to 38 weeks (37 is full term for twins) and I did everything I could to make it. Carrying twins is technically considered a high risk pregnancy, but other than that, there were no complications. I was scheduled for a c-section (both were breech) on a Thursday and had planned on working up to the day before (I know. Weird. I’m determined.). Sunday morning (4 days before the scheduled delivery) I was sitting in my recliner (aka my nap spot because I was hardly sleeping) trying to keep down 1/2 of a granola bar when I suddenly felt like I was passing out. Scared out of my mind, I groped every piece of furniture on my way to our bedroom to wake my hubby up and tell him something was wrong. I made it to the bed and just fell over. Of course he jolted up and freaked out! I ‘came to’ right away and had an unimaginable pain throbbing in my head. I could hear him saying he was going to call 911. In my, I’ve-got-it-under-control voice, I said, “No, I can make it to the hospital in the car. We’re only 3 miles away. Let’s just drive.” I pretty much lived in lounge pants and large t-shirts at home anyway so I only had to slide my ‘fat shoes’ on and walk out the door. We were at the hospital in 5 minutes. I wasn’t bleeding, didn’t feel contractions. Nothing except for my throbbing head. I explained to the nurse in OB triage that all I needed was to lie down and get some meds for this headache. They put me in a room and hooked up the monitors. I was surprised to learn that I was in FULL LABOR. They were concerned that I didn’t feel any contractions and that I had passed out. After a few hours of monitoring and a blood panel (which showed I was severely anemic), they called my OB (Thank God she was on call and already at the hospital!). She was in there in an hour (would’ve been sooner had the nurse relayed all the information). To make an already-long-story short, they whisked me directly in for an emergency c-section. When they opened me up they saw that I had suffered a placental abruption with baby A (my Danny). However, instead of bleeding out and being in excruciating pain (as happens with almost all abruptions), I was bleeding into his placenta. I had been pale white and didn’t know why…all that blood had gone into his placenta. Poor Danny had been ingesting the amniotic fluid and my blood for what they figured was close to 5 hours. They had pumped me so full of meds and I had so much blood loss that I don’t remember anything of what happened in the delivery room, other than the feeling of the boys being taken out of my belly. The next thing I remember was being wheeled from recovery up to the NICU that night (7 hours after the birth). That’s the first time I got to see my boys and hold them for just a minute. Both my boys survived and are happy & healthy and are 7-months-old. I didn’t actually know what happened until Tuesday when my OB came to talk to me after I had been taken off most meds and had completed blood transfusions. She tried to explain it to me but it was hard to comprehend it all. Since then, I haven’t thought about all those details very much (twins=not-much-time-to-think!)…until your story. We are unable to get pregnant on our own and since most IVFs result in multiples, we were warned against getting pregnant again. Like you, I would be worried the entire time if I were to get pregnant again. I visit your blog to glean ideas for things we will do around our house some day…I didn’t expect to read about your story. In fact, I almost scrolled over it. I’m glad I stopped and read it. I don’t personally know anyone else who has gone through this, so it was oddly comforting to read your experience. One day (maybe before they turn 1!) I will write the birth story of my boys. I expect it to take multiple stop-sob-kiss-and-hold-my-boys-sessions before I get through the entire thing. Crap! I’m out of tissues…I’m off to hunt some down before anyone walks into my office sees me! So happy you both made it through the birth!
YoungHouseLove says
So glad they (and you) were ok. What a scary thing!
xo,
s
Jennifer says
Sherry,
I have not yet been blessed with children, but hope to be one day. I just have to say that when I have my first child, I hope I can be half the woman and mother that you (and so many who commented here) are! You ROCK! Take care of yourself and your beautiful family. Thank you so much for sharing your story!!
HUGS!
Jeni
Katie says
Just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story. I couldn’t even make it through in one reading because you had me in tears. I’m currently 32 weeks along in my pregnancy and your story got me worrying about the ‘what ifs’, but there’s really nothing I can do, right? I had a heartbreaking miscarriage prior to this pregnancy and when I became pregnant again, I was so cautious and worrisome about every little thing because I didn’t want the same thing to happen. I imagine that’s what it may be like for you whenever you get pregnant again. In the end, it’s not in our control so worrying does no good (so much easier said than done though!). One thing is for sure though, tough situations like these make us appreciate everything even more.
Trisho says
Such an amazing story with a beautiful ending. Thank you for sharing. The three of you are so blessed! :)
Claire @ Claire K Creations says
Sherry you are one brave woman. What a horrible thing for you all to go through but what a wonderful, beautiful family you have now.
I hope that the experience doesn’t take away from your next happy pregnancy but I’m sure seeing Clara’s gorgeous smiling face will help you though any scary thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your story.
xx
Kristen @ K Leigh Ford says
So thankful everything went well for you at the end! This has very much upped my hug and kiss counts for my boys!
And what an awesome birthday Clara is going to have! Love the life and happiness you both let us all virtually live with you!
jeannette says
i am so sorry it was so hard for all three of you.
big hugs.
i like this meditation on childbirth — it’s from unity, a non-denom (christian-ish) New Thought church.
http://www.unity.org/prayer/inspirationalArticles/aTimeofFulfillment.html
and don’t forget, if you decide it’s too hard, that there are angels out here waiting to adopt you.
xxx
Stephanie says
Amazing story. And what an amazing little girl you have. It was meant to be.
Missy says
Wow! I was crying my eyes out when I read that. Thankyou for sharing… and give that little girl a big hug from all of your blog friends!
Jean says
Oh, Sherry, thank you. I’m a long-time mostly lurker. I found out I was pregnant for the first time right around the time you announced you were pregnant with Clara, and I remember being so excited and looking forward to seeing what you guys would do with your nursery to give me ideas for mine. But then I had a miscarriage, and I admit, ever since then it’s been difficult to read all of your pregnancy and Clara-related posts. So I almost didn’t read this post, because I was expecting a happy story that would make me cry tears of grief for my own baby. But I’m so glad I read it. It did make me cry, but it was with tears of sadness for what you experienced, and relief that Clara made it, and you don’t have to carry the pain of pregnancy loss.
I hope writing all of this down helped you heal. I think reading it helped me heal a little bit. I know that any trace of jealousy I had toward you as a mother is now gone. And I can totally relate to the fear that will certainly come with future pregnancies. When that day comes, I’ll be keeping you and John in my prayers.
Robin says
I started reading this post yesterday on my break at work, and I finished it sobbing in a stall in the bathroom. How scary! The story is so very touching. I’m so thankful you shared this with us, and you guys really deserved your happy ending. A couple of years ago, my doctor told me during a diagnosis she is not optimistic that I will be able to conceive. It’s pretty devastating news, but I cannot imagine how it must feel to have a precious baby in your belly for 9 months and fall in love, then have such a scary experience. Or worse, not bring your baby home at all. My heart goes out to the readers that have had that experience, and to you, Sherry. I hope your healing process goes well, I also hope you found a lot of value in writing this post.
Naomi says
*Hugs* – I’m in tears too, now. I can barely imagine how scary and traumatic that must have been, but am relieved and thankful that everything worked out well for you and Clara.
My mum suffered complications and severe bleeding when I was born – I was perfectly fine, but she was whisked away to the OR immediately after delivery. She didn’t even have a chance to see or hold me before they took her away. I’m not even sure if she was conscious at that point. Although I always knew the general story, Mum doesn’t talk about it much, and I didn’t realise how serious the situation had been until we celebrated her 60th birthday a few years ago. One of her friends was reflecting on the passing of time, and said “I remember when Naomi was born.” Mum replied that she was lucky to still be here, that she nearly didn’t make it. From the tone of her voice and the reaction of her friend I knew that she really meant it. Suddenly being aware of that, after so many years, had quite an impact on me. Reading your story reminded me of how fortunate I am to have my mum – just as you are so very lucky to have Clara, and she is lucky to have you.
Robin says
One more thing…with your honesty, you have inspired me to stop trying to deny my diagnosis, and to start working on what I can control to help my body heal enough to (hopefully) have a baby someday. I really want children and I even have some things picked out for my potential future babies, but I should have no realistic hope that I can conceive based on my Doctor’s findings. I need to face the facts and try to get my health on track, even if we’re not going to try for a couple of years still. Thankyou for sharing your story and giving me that much-needed push to try to see what I can do to make myself more likely to bring home a baby someday. Much love to all of you.
Heather (Laptops to Lullabies) says
WOW! That sounds like it was terrifying. So glad everything turned out OK, and that Clara is clearly healthy and thriving! I ended up needing a C-section, too (my son was born two weeks after Clara), but it wasn’t nearly this dramatic. Beautifully-written post.
Christy says
Sherry,
I teared up reading Clara’s birth story. Thank you for sharing as I know so many can relate and I know how hard it must have been to get to this point to tell the world. Clara is quite lucky to have you both as her parents. Many blessings!
Amy says
All the things I want to say sound trite, so I’ll just say virtual hugs to you, and I’m very glad you had a happy ending.
funloveadventures says
Just don’t know how to express enough of my admiration for you. To go through a trauma like that and be able to move forward in your cheery and positive way. Your story had me in tears. You poor things, I hope you recieved some counselling afterwards?
YoungHouseLove says
I’ve been lucky to have a ton of people to lend an ear and every time I talk things out it gets easier. I am definitely considering counseling during my next pregnancy if it ever gets overwhelming again. But I have to say that sharing our story and all of the encouragement that was slung our way has been amazingly healing. It sounds corny but you guys are the best. You have helped me in ways I can’t even explain.
xo,
s
Kara says
(((hugs))) A traumatic birth experience can be very hard to talk about and work through. I’m glad you and your little girl came out healthy, it’s a true miracle. Your story made me cry because it reminded me of my 3rd birth, where I transferred from a birth center to the hospital while pushing, and suddenly heard them talking about no heartbeat and emergency and having to put me under because I didn’t have an epidural, and I was just begging them to hurry and do it. And the whole time my husband didn’t know what was going on because he had to go register me at the front desk and so when he came back and I was gone and my mom told him they’d had to rush us to surgery he was just sitting in the hall crying not knowing if we were ok. I was terrified of going through labor again, especially when we found out I was having twins next and after 2 c-sections, I was afraid of the stress on my scars, but luckily I had a quick easy delivery with them.
Bethany says
My sister-in-law had a placental abruption with her first son and she had two more healthy pregnancies with no issues. He is now 18 years old.
I was young (18)when she had him..and I never thought to ask what she went through. Your story really hit home – to know for the first time what she went through. Thank you for sharing.
original_ann says
Oh my word, your story made me so emotional! So heartbreaking to hear about your incredible scare, individually and together… I’m so happy for your wonderful conclusion! What a beautiful outcome for a beautiful family. :)
Bobbie Brown says
Bless your heart! I hope that your next deliveries (if there are more than one!) are wonderfully un-eventful and you get to push a baby out and hear “Its a ___________!” with no worries. I was like you with the “drugs, no drugs, just get the baby here safely” method. With my first I opted for the drugs, for the 2nd I ended up going all natural…so ya just never know :) But whatever you do, however you do it, having a healthy baby and Momma are what matters.