It’s nearly a year late (I can’t believe I’m going to be the mother of a one year old in three short weeks). And the reason for the delay is simple. Thinking / typing / talking about the day that Clara was born still scares the pants off of me. Even 11+ months later. This little lady made quite the dramatic entrance.
Yup, the day that Clara came into the world was the most amazing life-changing day of my existence, but it was easily also the single most terrifying one. I’ve mentioned some details a few times in comments on other Clara-related posts (many readers wanted to know all about the bean’s birth right away) but I think now that she’s almost a year old I’ve processed that day enough to really share it fully with the interweb. By no means am I over it (don’t really know if I ever will be), but I can talk about it now without crying. So that’s a start, right? A few friends of mine have actually recommend that I write this post as part of the whole healing process (a lot of the posts that we write are actually for our own benefit since this is just an online diary to document our lives for our own selfish purposes, haha). So I thought it made sense. I know that how Clara came into the world will affect future pregnancies and how nervous/anxious/wary/afraid I’ll be if any of the same complications pop up again, so perhaps talking about it after processing it for almost a year might help me come to terms with it a bit more. So here it goes (deep breaths, deep breaths).
I had an amazing low risk fabulous pregnancy. No high blood pressure. No weird pains. Over 100 days of morning sickness (yes I counted) but that’s to be expected. Or at least tolerated in the name of baking a human. Other than that (and once that ended) it was amazeballs as my girl Bethenny Frankel would say. I felt great. I loved feeling my little bean kicking around in there. I basked in the glory of being prego. I told John I could do it ten more times. Life was good.
My tiny 4’11” mom had two natural (and very fast) child births, so I had high hopes of a normal (if not very quickly progressing) delivery. Maybe without drugs, and maybe with them. I wasn’t going into it with any strong feelings either way, but I had taken some classes on pain management and learned about The Bradley Method so I was actually feeling very bring-it-on by the end. Either way I kept telling myself “in the end the baby will be out and I’ll get to meet her, so no fear is allowed – it’s going to be a happy day – with drugs or without them. No pressure. Just try to go with the flow and relax.” I had orders to “run, don’t walk” to the hospital if I had any signs of labor (my mother had me in four hours and my brother within two) so that had me a little on edge, but the only thing I worried about was having the baby at home or in the car since I feared it would all happen really fast because that runs in the family.
John was working downtown at the time and I was at home without a car (we’re a one car family, so he’d take the car during the day and after he came home we’d run any errands I needed to do). So admittedly the whole being at home without the car thing was kind of scary but I knew about fifty neighbors who volunteered to drive me to the hospital if things got crazy and John couldn’t make it home to get me in time. The funny thing is that he answered his cell phone on the first half-a-ring for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, so I knew he was on high alert and was confident that he’d hightail it home in time (it was only a 15 minute drive).
I never felt a single contraction (not even Braxton Hicks) until the day I went into labor, but I knew I was dilated to a 3.5 at 39 weeks (yes I walked around at a 3.5 without going into labor with my first child, which I hear is really uncommon). Clara must have been holding onto the walls in there. So although I was still about a week “early,” my doc said I was going to have the baby any second. Hence John being on high alert. Oh yeah and my belly looked like this. I was officially ready to pop.
I noticed on the morning of May 14th (it was a Friday) that I was having some pretty intense contractions. My first contractions ever (well that I felt). At first they were oddly irregular so I thought it was just prelabor (didn’t even tell John because I didn’t want him to get all crazy and come running home for a false alarm). But slowly they started to establish a pattern and by the time I started timing them they were just four minutes apart. And they were an 11 on the pain scale. I felt like my insides were ripping apart and my back was killing me. I called John who was out to lunch with all of his coworkers to celebrate his very last day at the office (he was resigning to come on full time as a dad/blogger) and told him to get the eff home. He laughed about how good my timing was because he was just finishing his burrito. I groan-cried in the middle of a contraction and he knew I meant business. So home he came flew.
By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were already two minutes apart. I remember having a hard time even walking from the car to the door because they were just coming nonstop and they were bring-you-to-your-knees painful. I thought I might have a baby right there in the parking lot. They sent me straight into labor and delivery. As we waited for the doctor to arrive and check my progress my water broke in the hospital bed- but instead of being clear it was red. So much blood. Very scary. I didn’t even see most of it (thanks to my giant belly and the sheet over my lower half) but John did along with my OB who happened to be in the room. John’s face went white and the OB snapped into hyperdrive.
Immediately the room filled with frenzied nurses and doctors and they explained that I was having a placental abruption, which happens when the placenta has inexplicably detached from the uterine wall. This is very bad news before the baby is born. And it explains the feels-like-my-body-is-ripping-apart pain I’d been experiencing. It’s an extremely dangerous complication for the baby (since they get their nourishment from the placenta and can go into shock and die) and the mother can hemorrhage (and can also die in cases of extreme bleeding). So it was a pretty dire situation all around (although nobody stopped to explain it, the look on the doctor and nurse’s faces kind of said it all).
Within about a minute they had me in the OR and within three minutes they had sweet baby Clara out thanks to an amazingly fast emergency c-section. They saved her life by acting so fast.
It was a blur. All I remember was them running my gurney into the walls while turning corners in the hallway trying to get me into an ER as fast as possible. They looked panicked. And it scared the heck out of me. I didn’t care about me or my body – just the baby. I remember screaming inside of my head “just cut her out of me, cut and I don’t care if I feel pain or if I get hurt or if I have scars all over, just save her. Do it right here in the hallway if you have to.” Of course my lips weren’t moving. It was one of those out-of-body mind screams that nobody else can hear.
John suddenly wasn’t with me. They just left him behind and ran with me down the hall calling up to get emergency doctors and nurses on hand since the main OR was already in use for a scheduled c-section. I remember people popping out of doorways saying “I’ll help” and joining the frenzied mob and going over all of my stats (blood type, number of weeks prego, etc) while saying things like “baby in distress” and “profuse bleeding.” I couldn’t have created a scarier nightmare scenario in my head if I tried. Lots of people swarmed into the OR in the next thirty seconds. But no John. I could barely breathe at the thought of something going so wrong without him by my side. Once they had me fully prepped for surgery (which happened within less than a minute, they were so amazing) someone must have run off to get him.
I wish I could say it was thanks to me calling out for him but I was in shock so I couldn’t talk or even move. I was frozen. It almost felt like I wasn’t even there and I was watching it all happen to someone else on TV. John says he remembers standing in the hallway as everyone ran off with me. So freaked out and completely alone. Just waiting. That always makes me cry when I think about it. I didn’t know it at the time because of the chaos, but someone had tossed scrubs at him when I was being wheeled out (he would need them since it had to be a sterile environment for the c-section) so he was just standing there in the hallway wearing his scrubs and waiting. And going crazy. Finally someone came out to retrieve him and he was allowed to come hold my hand right as they started to cut. I just stared at him. I was frozen. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk. I was just in shock at how quickly everything was happening.
Once they opened me up they saw that not only was Clara in distress from the placental abruption, but the umbilical cord had somehow been pinched (which is called “cord prolapse”) so she was without oxygen while fighting to make it through the abruption. I heard them toss out the word “cord prolapse” (they didn’t have time to explain what was going on, so I learned the details later) but in my odd state of panic and shock I thought they were talking about someone else. I was the one with a placental abruption. The scariest page of my birth book at home. The one I didn’t even read because it wouldn’t happen to me because I didn’t have high blood pressure or any of the other risk factors. My baby couldn’t also be dealing with cord prolapse. How could that be? Who could be that unlucky? Then they said “she’s not going to cry ok – don’t wait for her to cry just try to stay calm and breathe slowly.” That was when my heart broke and I started to cry. I guess I was crying for her.
I couldn’t see anything thanks to the screen they threw up before cutting into me, but they were right. She didn’t cry when they yanked her out with all of their might. All I remember was extreme pressure but no pain. Well, no physical pain. Emotional pain = off the charts. They had NICU specialists standing by, and when I heard them say “NICU” out loud that it was the first time I actually thought “what if this doesn’t end the way I thought it always would? What if all those pep talks I gave myself about it being a happy day because “drugs or no drugs I would get to meet my sweet baby girl” weren’t going to be true?
John later admitted that thought had hit him a lot earlier than it had hit me. He said he knew something was very wrong when he saw all the blood before they whisked me away. And when he was standing alone in the hallway after I got wheeled off to the OR he wondered if things were about to end badly. See why that visual of him in the hall makes me cry? It was just so surreal and terrifying. John later confessed that once he was allowed into the OR to hold my hand that he couldn’t really watch as they pulled her out of me, even though he was much taller than the screen they had set up to block my view. Not because he was afraid of the blood or passing out, but because he didn’t want to see our baby “not make it.”
But after about one felt-like-eternity minute they got her to moan. Kind of like a kitty meowing. It was so soft and weak and just heart breaking. I remember thinking “I want her to cry so she’s ok, but I don’t want to hear her if she’s not going to be ok because I’m falling in love already. I can’t hear her moan and then fall silent- she has to start wailing. Right now!” But no dice. I remember thinking that all the silence felt so loud. Like it was almost deafening to listen so desperately for some sign of a cry. Clara got a 4 on her initial Apgar test, which we later heard is usually the lowest score you can get before permanent brain damage if things don’t improve by the five minute Apgar retest. They didn’t announce the time of birth or her weight very loudly or say anything like in the movies, you know like “it’s a girl!” or “happy birthday!” or “what’s her name?” and she didn’t come lay on my chest. I still couldn’t even see her thanks to the screen they had put up to block the surgery. They were all just working on this baby that I couldn’t even see. My baby. And I just stared at John in a silent freeze, tears in my eyes but nothing coming out of my mouth. At some point after closing me up the doctor said “she’s bleeding – she reopened, get over here” and half of the team ran back to work on me. My incision which had been sewn and stapled shut had reopened and I could hear from the doctors tone that it wasn’t an ideal situation. But I still wasn’t scared for me. In any other scenario it would have been intensely alarming, but I had a one track mind: the baby. I want to hear the baby cry.
It felt like five years went by (in reality it was less than five minutes) but slowly the people working on me thinned out and the people working on Clara seemed to start moving more casually and slower. As if it wasn’t such an emergency anymore. I remember thinking “this is either a very good or a very bad sign.” Thankfully, by her five minute Apgar test she pinked up, cried a glorious and spirited cry, and got a 9 (we later learned that the five minute Apgar retest is the most important and revealing one). They said that a 9 was as close to perfect as it gets and that even super healthy children rarely get 10s. And they told us that it was so great that she rebounded so well and was looking fantastic. She was a fighter for sure. They even let John go over and see her (I was still strapped down so I had to wait).
She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but we didn’t know that at the time, so we started to rejoice and John even took some video on the iPhone to bring back over to show to me since I hadn’t even laid eyes on her yet (we were so lucky that the iPhone happened to be in John’s pocket before all hell broke lose, otherwise we wouldn’t have any documentation of Clara’s birth at all). We later learned they were somehow testing her cord blood to see if she was without oxygen for so long that she sustained permanent brain damage. Only when the test came back all-clear (indicating that there were no worries of that) did the nurses and doctors really seem to relax.
Apparently infants who live after a placental abruption have a 40-50% chance of complications, which range from mild to severe (and sometimes mothers who survive end up with a hysterectomy to control the hemorrhaging). Only then did it start to sink in how lucky we really had been. And what a miracle our baby girl really is.
Finally, after what literally felt like days, they wrapped her up and brought her over to me. My arms were strapped down from the surgery, so John held her right near my head and I just stared at her in disbelief. I was still in shock, and bloated with fluids from the IV along with fear and disbelief and unconditional love.
What did I do to deserve such a happy ending? How would I have survived coming home empty handed to a beautiful nursery that I shared with the world while being so confident that I was guaranteed a cute little baby to put in that crib? Basically it was the scariest day of our lives, and I still ask why. Why me (in that annoying “poor me” way) and why me (in the “why-was-I-so-lucky-she-was-spared” way). But the main thing I feel is full. Of relief. Of gratitude. Of love for my little fighter. My little miracle. I’m SO THANKFUL that the doctors and nurses worked so quickly to come to her (and my) rescue. I’ll never know for sure, but if another team had been on duty I don’t know that I would have had the same outcome. They were just so on it. So invested and so amazing. And I can’t even begin to think about what could have happened if I wasn’t in the hospital when I started bleeding.
Other nurses and doctors in the hospital dropped in to see us for days just to tell us how lucky we were (news of our complications were apparently the talk of the hospital). We even had a friend on another floor (coincidentally she was there on the same day that I went into labor for a pre-term labor scare) who had overheard nurses and doctors talking about “that woman who had both a cord prolapse and a placental abruption at the same time but the baby actually survived.” Only later did she find out that it was me they were talking about. I still get chills when I think about that. How lucky we were. How scary it was. And how gorgeous and amazing that little girl in my arms was. And still is.
So that’s the story of the scariest/best day of our lives. Whew. No wonder we’re obsessed with the girl.
As for if those complications are more likely to occur with any subsequent pregnancies, cord prolapse is totally random and can happen to anyone, so it doesn’t become more likely if you’ve experienced it before (but it’s rare, so if you’re prego and reading this story know that my combination of complications were about as likely as winning the lottery). However, placental abruption is more likely to reoccur (around one in four women experience it again) and it can happen as early as around twenty weeks (when the baby isn’t viable yet, which means the baby wouldn’t make it). So it can be devastating and scary. I have strict orders to wait at least two full years between pregnancies to let everything heal up nice and strong, which probably means over three years between Clara and her younger brother or sister, assuming all goes well. I’m fine with the wait since I’m happy to just enjoy Clara for a while and take that time to continue to process the whole birth experience and build up my courage. But I’m sure when I’m pregnant again I’ll be much less happy go lucky about it.
Which is really sad. John keeps begging me to let it be the same joyful and unabashedly exciting time as it was before. But I know myself. And I’ll be on high alert. Searching for any signs or symptoms that something’s wrong. And scared even if there aren’t any signs of trouble (because there weren’t any before I started feeling contractions with Clara- it just all came out of nowhere). I’m scared that I might even be afraid to get a nursery ready. You know, so as not to jinx things. So my plan is to know myself, and accept that I’m going to be scared. But to do my best to enjoy it as much as I can and remind myself that I now know what an abruption feels like (so I should instantly be able to identify it) and that I have more information than I had with Clara (plus the doctors also know about my history now that I’ve had it happen). So I’ll hopefully have just as good of an outcome should it reoccur, as long as it doesn’t happen before the baby is developed enough to be delivered.
But I’m not gonna lie. I’m going to be petrified.
I also might be a “high risk” pregnancy next time without any chance of natural labor (if signs of another abruption occur they’ll rush me to a c-section if the baby is old enough to live outside the womb). I’m ok with that. Anything for a healthy baby. Now not only am I open when it comes to drugs or no drugs, I’m totally down with a c-section too. Slice and dice, baby. Whatever it takes.
Jennifer says
You wrote that beautifully. Captured it so well. i cried, of course, but it was just beautiful.
Clara is a blessed bean to have you for her Mama.
Bethany says
Wow, that was an amazing story that brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for sharing!!
rachael says
I don’t know why I decided to read Clara’s birth story again, I just felt prompted? But I smirked (in a no disrespect kind of way) a bit when I read about her Agpar score, and the stuff about her possibly having brain damage, and that is just so INSANE to me!! When I watch her videos and see her COUNTING, saying the alphabet, and singing, I just think God, what a miracle!!! You two are so blessed. So SO very blessed.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Rachael! We’re grateful every day!
xo,
s
Chris says
Thanks so much for sharing. Mr daughter is an ER doc expecting her first baby this summer, she’s already seen so much. But her perspective calms me, wanting to have her baby in a hospital instead of the alternatives. Your birth story is empowering in many ways and you are both very lucky.
Happy 1st Birthday!
Jackie says
Hey…
I just read this, while half-bawling in my office (slow day). The part about your husband standing there alone…it is my exact experience. We had similar experiences, yours was definitely more life-threatening…I hope your NICU and postpartum experience was better than mine. I feel like we’re sisters now…you can read my story here. Thanks for sharing, I’m just getting closure on these things now, 14 months later, and it’s still hard. http://puffslifetoday.blogspot.ca/2011/04/birth-story.html
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Jackie! Off to read your story (and grab a box of tissues)!
xo,
s
Chelsea @ Chelsea Eats Treats says
Wow I never knew this about you guys. You are both so incredibly strong to have dealt with this and I’m in awe of your strength. I’m sure everything will go fine next time and even though you’ll be scared, it will be worth it. This makes the post about Clara’s second birthday even more special :)
Sherry from BC says
Oh my. I hadn’t read this before….I always new Clara was a special little lady but OMG! You are such an eloquent writer. I hope that you have been truly able to process the experience and can look forward to another child. It would be lovely for Clara to have a sibling. But also if you can’t face it that we understand that too. Just know that there are tons of people out her in the blogosphere supporting you and yours. Keep doing exactly what you are doing so well. Your blog is so much more than DIY and decorating it is about living well. The two of you manage to suck every little bit of joy and creativity out of the most mundane tasks…..Cheers! From a granny on the West Coast, I raise my coffee mug to you!
Keri says
Hi Sherry,
I’m new to your blog, but wanted to let you know I also had a placental abruption with my first baby, but not my second (23 months later). So there is a chance your next pregnancy will go just fine :)
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks so much Keri! So helpful to hear that! And so glad for you and your little one!
xo,
s
Mindy says
I’m a new reader and I just saw this post. I had an emergency c-section due to a prolapsed cord, and your story sounded so familiar, right down to the gurney running down the hallway and the husband being thrown scrubs and waiting outside. I’m so glad you shared, because it made me feel normal for having such strong emotions surrounding
that day! I am so thankful for my healthy little boy!
YoungHouseLove says
So glad he was ok!
xo,
s
Stephanie says
I had tears in my eyes throughout the whole post! Thank you for sharing your miracle with us. My heart goes out to you and John. Happy 2nd birthday Clara!
Michele says
Glad to read your story, as I can relate on so many levels…don’t let your fears keep you from something, I would give almost anything to have…the ability to have another child. My horrific complications while delivering my daughter, resulted in drastic measures to save my life and as a result, I will not be able to carry another child. Just be sure to count your blessings that you do have that option…as it doesn’t always end that way…Good luck!
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks Michele! You’re right, I definitely have so many things to be thankful for. So glad they were able to save you life!
xo,
s
Rachel Mooney says
Sherry,
I have only been following you guys for a short while, so I wasn’t around when you posted it (hence why I’m just now commenting), but my little guy just turned 4 months old and I swear reading this story was like re-living my experience all over again. I had a perfect pregnancy. A perfect labor, and at 10 cm it all went to hell. He was “face presentation” and if I contracted any more I could (and most likely would) snap his neck in the birth canal. I was rushed to the OR and my husband was left waiting in the hall. I had no meds in my system when they began to cut (it was really life or death at that moment and they were less worried about my pain management). Minutes (seeming like hours) into the surgery (still alone with no hubby at my side) they put me under because they couldn’t manage the pain and three hours later (yes, a three hour Cesarean!!)I was wheeled into recovery (still unconscious) and wasn’t awake to see/hold/feed/her my boy until 6 (!) hours after he was born! That was more information than you needed, but I wanted to thank you for posting this. It was such a traumatic experience that I’m grateful to have someone who understands (being surrounded by women with perfect L&Ds make me want to cry). Thank you Sherry. You’re such a strong woman.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh my gosh Rachel, that gave me goosebumps. I’m so glad you and your baby boy were ok! What a miracle! It sounds like a terrible thing to have to go thorough but I’m so happy he’s ok and you are too! That must have been terrifying!
xo,
s
Lynn says
How precious that you shared your story with us. Every pregnancy is completely unique…so my advice to you is to do as your husband asks. Study up on the Law of Attraction. You will see that thinking about all the awful things which could happen is honestly drawing it to you. And of course that is NOT what you want. So visualize it being happy, event-free, blessed. I’m a Christian and I am so thankful I know about this law of the universe! It’s all through the Bible!
Jeannie says
I am just now reading this for the first time, and sitting here at my desk at work with tears in my eyes. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but so thankful you have your precious, healthy, little Clara.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Jeannie!
xo,
s
Mary says
I am just reading this and my heart goes out to you. I wanted to encourage you with a little excerpt from my story…. I had a placental abruption during a delivery in which we already knew the baby would not make it. I didn’t even care about the abruption because of the circumstances. The encouraging part to you is that I went on to have three more children without even a hint of abruption. I hope you are just as blessed with another healthy pregnancy. Clara is amazing! I have a little girl who is just a week younger than Clara.
God Bless,
Mary
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks so much Mary. That’s so good to hear! Very sorry for your loss.
xo,
s
Colleen C. says
I am not going to lie I cried the entire time I was reading this and I am at work so I prob. should dry it up…words can not even begin to express how blessed you all are…Clara is truely a miracle and I know y’all cherish her everyday…I know it was hard but thank you for sharing this story with us.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Colleen! You’re so sweet. We definitely feel very blessed and thankful.
xo,
s
Keisha says
Such a scary story! I had low fluid with my first pregnancy so I was all worried about complications from that but instead I had our daughter while I had the flu which made her sick when she was born. She stopped breathing in the nursery and they had to rush her to the NICU. I didn’t even find any of this out until it was over. She had to stay in the NICU for a week. Even though she was going to be ok after antibiotics, it’s hard to see your baby with iv’s and cords and then have to leave her there because you get discharged. I was there all day every day, except when they kick you out at shift change. They said they’d never had parents be there so much. :)She is a healthy 8 year old now and I’m glad to see everything went well with Clara. I went on to have two more kiddos. Even without the crazy ordeal you went through we (women) still worry about every tiny thing when we’re pregnant, it’s just closer to the front of your mind when it’s actually happened to you. I think you can overcome it and it will still be joyful even if you are scared, it will just be a little different than the first time. You have a good support system and thousands of people to pray for you. :)
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Keisha! That sounds so scary- so glad your little one was ok!
xo,
s
Deanna says
Sherry,
You are so strong and so brave and consequently, a wonderful momma to little Clara! Besides, enjoying a two year old in all her hilariousness doesn’t hurt.
Happy birthday over a month late to the cutest two year old!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Deanna!
xo,
s
Erin @ DIY On the Cheap says
Just read this and I have tears streaming down my face! Wow, what a dramatic and emotional ordeal you went through. I’m so glad everyone is ok and that Clara turned out to be a happy, healthy little girl. It’s easy to take the whole childbirth process and having a smooth delivery and healthy baby for granted, but this is such a great reminder of what a blessing motherhood really is. Thanks for sharing your story! I know it must’ve been difficult to write about.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Erin!
xo,
s
Jana says
I’ve been with you guys for several months and read parts of this story but just sat down and read the whole thing. I didn’t have tears in my ears … I bawled like a baby. I cried for you both and what you went through and the fear I know you’ll have next time but also for myself and the sweet angel that I miss everyday. I was very young when I got pregnant, I was naive and practically single. I had zero complications for over 8 months and then 1 day she stopped moving. I listened to everyone else and waited. I drank juice, I “relaxed”, I put a flashlight on my belly … Everything the nurses told my mom to tell me via phone. After an hour I went to the emergency room in the middle of the night. I’ll never forget what I thought was the most intense fear entering the hospital. I thought it could never increase and then every moment it seemed to get worse. I knew something was wrong but no one would talk to me. The first nurse couldn’t find a heartbeat but acted like nothing was wrong. Then they rolled in a mobile sonogram machine and my friends dad was operating it. He didn’t say a word he just left but I saw tears in his eyes before he turned away. By this time they had called my doctor in at 3am. She walked in the room, sat by my bed and just cried. She had been my mom’s employer for many, many years so I wasn’t just some other patient. It was the moment I saw her cry that I finally allowed all those fears to erupt. I sobbed until my whole body felt like it would come unhinged. After awhile I felt like I had no tears left and finally was ready to discuss details. The umbilical cord had wrapped around her neck. I no longer hurt for my loss but the pain of knowing my child had passed away slowly is to this day, 13 years later, the worst pain I’ve ever known. I gave birth the next morning to my precious Josslyn … My own angel who I’ll never hear cry. I tell this horrible story, not to spread the pain but to tell you that you are courageous to know your own fear and to acknowledge it. I knew logically that it was a freak accident and I had no higher risk of complications with other pregancies but it didn’t matter. I had my next daughter 2 years later and although nothing went wrong I was on edge every … Single …. Day. My doctor was kind and patient and allowed me to start sonograms early and frequently, I listened to the heartbeat almost every week. They knew my chances were slim of issues but they allowed me to worry and treated me like family. I had my youngest 5 years later. Now it had been many years since my loss and I’d had delivered 1 healthy baby girl but the fear was still exaggerated the whole time. I had moved states and had a new team of medical professionals but again they were extra sensitive and allowed me to be overly cautious. My whole point is this … Have a team of doctors and nurses that will NOT tell you not to worry but will support you in whatever extra confirmation you need. And lastly, do not try to stifle your feelings … If its fear you feel … Embrace it. It just means you love your children more than yourself and you only want the best for them. I’m sorry for my long-winded story but I couldn’t help but share that it is ok to have a horrible situation and bear the emotional scars. The greatest gift that Josslyn gave me was the ability to know loss. Because of my loss, I will never take a moment with my other two girls for granted. Thank you for sharing your life with the world … You’re a beautiful family and I enjoy every sneak peek I get into your world.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Jana, I am so sorry for your loss. And your advice is amazing. It gave me goosebumps. I have to just embrace the fear and if that means being cautious and going in to check things if I’m worried, it’s worth it! Thank you thank you thank you!
xo,
s
Rebecca Meier says
Jana, I am sitting here at my desk at work bawling as I read your comment. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I have a 7-1/2 month old son (my first) and could NOT EVEN IMAGINE going through something like that. You are one srong woman! And though your first daughter may be up in heaven, she’s probably up there smiling, watching over your family and two other girls :)
Virginia says
So beautiful Sherry. I cried about 4 times. Thank you for opening up and sharing. I don’t even know what to say other than thank you.
Kelly says
I have been spending a lot of time on your website finding ideas of ways to “cut back” in my life. To reuse and repurpose. Today I read your daughter’s birth story and I was amazed. Amazed because I could have almost written it myself.
I was at home when my placental abruption occured and my hospital was 40 miles away. Not thinking, we drove. Big mistake. I spent less than five minutes in a L&D room before being rushed to OR for an emergency C-Section. Our daughter, Madeleine, was still born but they were able to revive her. However, because we drove rather than calling 911 she suffered a severe amount of brain damage. Two days later we made the heartbreaking decision to take her off of life support and let God and Mother Nature do what they felt was best. She passed away in my arms.
Ten months later, there we were, same hospital with a semi-different situation. This pregnancy we had a scheduled C-Section. A half hour after Marissa was born she was taken to the NICU where she spent the next eight days due to a collapsed lung.
I’m relieved that you didn’t go through the pain and heartbreak that we did.
God Bless,
Kelly
YoungHouseLove says
Oh my gosh Kelly, I’m so sorry for your loss! What a heartbreaking situation! Thanks for sharing your story and the kind words!
xo,
s
Anna says
Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. I really think you are very brave and honest with yourself.
monique says
Thank you for sharing your story. This brought tears to my eyes. I can understand why you have fear of trying again. But I’m glad you guys are taking your time. Whenever that day comes when you are expecting baby number two, just know that you have a huge fan base of support and I’m sure there are many prayer warriors within that fan base that will be covering you in prayer.
Praise God for LIFE!!
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks so much Monique! You’re so sweet.
xo
s
Jessica says
Hi. I found your blog through pinterest. I just read this story about your pregnancy and I am sitting here crying. I am so happy that you and Clara are ok and healthy. I love your weekly photos of her from year one, and the monthly of year two. It’s so sweet. I’m engaged to be married July 2013, and we plan on having kids right after. I will say I am a nurse and more than aware of complications that can occur in pregnancy, but it is so scary and moving to read someone’s perspective of two of the most horrific things that could occur in pregnancy and both you and your child make it. God bless your family! I can’t wait to explore more of your blog, thank you so much for your very moving stories!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks so much Jessica! You’re so sweet- all the best with your upcoming marriage and lots of wishes for a healthy and happy pregnancy for you!
xo,
s
Amanda / Bulldrogs and Bulldogs says
Hi there. I am a newer fan of your blog and although I have known of you guys for some time, I just recently started to read your blog. I’m so happy that you baby girl is healthy and there was a happy ending. Your story brought tears to my eyes.
Cheers!
Amanda
Kait says
I just reread this because I remember it being so moving the first time I read it. Once again, it brought me to tears. I’ve been following your blog for years now, and honestly feel like I know you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing your story! I know when you decide to expand your family further you will have a lot people sending good thoughts your way.
Ann says
What a story! Oh my goodness. Thankfully you have your lovely daughter after a frightening experience and you are ok. Well done to all medical staff there and around the world.
Greetings Ann.
Anastasia says
I’m 34 and have heard my parents tell the story of how my mom experienced placenta abrupt ion with me at 32 weeks and how terrifying it was. I always roll(Ed) my eyes because as far as I can tell everything worked out ;) but reading your story gives me a greater appreciation of the fear that they experienced (not to mention that their first child was a full term still born – and when they rushed my mom into the OR they too were wondering the worst). Holy moly. I’m so glad both birth storied – yours and theirs – ended happily. all the best to your sweet family.
sireeta says
Wow, God bless you and your family! I found your DIY site last night while I had insomnia :) What I pray for you all is to be whole and healed so you can grow your family even bigger. Just trust in what God equipped you with, you are a strong woman who can bring forth life!
Meryl says
Wow, what an incredible birth story. I found your blog via Pinterest and I’ve just been reading the DIY posts for a while, but I’ve only just seen this. Our daughter Mila was born May 16 2010, just a couple of days behind Clara. Her entrance was also a lot less than ideal… but not crazy-scary-unlucky-but-lucky like Clara’s!
I happen to think May 2010 babies are the cutest, too ;)
Caroline says
Just was told about your blog and am reading about you guys and your sweet girl. I was just on the edge of my seat reading that – thankful that you DID get that happy outcome and thankful that you DO realize how lucky you our. Our first son wasn’t so lucky. At almost 39 weeks I went into labor and was told he no longer had a heartbeat. His cord was compressed and he passed away in my womb. Hardest thing ever – delivering a stillborn baby and then trying to figure out how best to mother a child who is not here, but still very loved and very missed. I’m so glad you don’t have to know that kind of pain and hope you never do.
Thanks for sharing her story – I’m glad there’s so much more to be told.
I love your blog (although I now want to completely renovate my house)
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Caroline I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking about you and your family.
xo,
s
Karen says
Your story touched my heart and brought me to tears. I’m a mom of two lovely ladies ages 23 and 21. I’m so glad that Clara is safe and healthy and that you came through, also.
Your blog is so cheerful and the LOVE your sweet family shares comes through! I will look for your book, too!
Karen
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks so much Karen!
xo,
s
Natalie says
I stumbled on your site because i wanted tips on how to make our bedroom feel less like mine and more like ours. I’m 20 and have been living with my boyfriend since march. im a DIY nut too.. always have been, so your blog was like winning the lottery! Somehow i found the link to this article, and before you even wrote it i wondered if the complication would be a placental abruption. My mum suffered one of those with my sister. She was rushed for an emergency c-section and my dad was told to prepare for the worst. My sister had also wrapped the cord around her neck so there was a chance of brain damage if she survived..
the world stopped…
and then my sister cried, my mum woke up from surgery and everything was okay again. 2 and a half years later my parents had a second baby girl (2 weeks early by c-section to avoid the chance of anything happening).. that baby girl was me :) so don’t be afraid. you’ve both been touched by a miracle. all you need to worry about now is that the next baby will demand their bedroom is redecorated every 10minutes like i did… ;) lovely discovering you. good luck guys X Natalie X
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks so much Natalie. What a lovely story. So glad everything was ok :)
xo,
s
Silvana says
I know this comment is late coming but I only just read this post.
I found it after reading your breastfeeding post.
Both made me cry, but for two very different reasons.
My little boy, Silas, is going to be 3 months on Sept 8th. Reading your breast feeding post was the first to get me because, unlike you, I have had a terrible time breastfeeding. I am one of 8 kids, all of which were breastfed at least a year. I figured, with that kind of lineage I would have it easy.
Instead it has been a non-stop struggle. We have finally resorted to supplementing with hypo-allergenic formula (he does not tolerate dairy or soy protein) because he had only gained back his birth weight at 7 weeks. He screamed constantly from hunger and no amount of extra pumping or fenugreek seemed to impact my supply.
Reading your post reminded me that baring a miracle, there is little to no chance I will still be nursing my precious boy by 14 months. It is something that breaks my heart on a daily basis as I witness my shaky supply dwindle.
This post brought me to tears for a different reason.
Silas was born 2 days shy of a month early. I developed severe pre-eclampsia in my 8th month. Besides a pretty atrocious 6 months of morning sickness, [I lost thirteen lbs in the first three months before I got on the Zofran] the pregnancy had no “real” complications.
And then, in less than a week, my blood pressure skyrocketed. My placenta was poisoning me. After two weeks on strict bed rest and in and out of the hospital, they decided to induce because I was only a few days from 37 weeks and my condition was worsening to rapidly.
I spent 36 hours lying in a bed on my left side. I was put on a catheter and multiple meds via IV. I was still holding out hope for a (somewhat) natural birth. But within the first few hours the medicines they gave me (to prevent seizures and stimulate labor) brought on a debilitating migraine. I suffer regular hormonal migraines, that had blessedly subsided during the pregnancy.
I was getting worse and worse. I was in so much pain all I could do was lie there motionless while someone (my husband, mother, baby sister) held my hand. I didn’t even feel the contractions the medicines had started to produce.
The doctors would come every few hours to check on my progress. However after a day and a half of excruciating pain, I was not even 2 cm dilated.
They had me on the max dose of pitocin, and finally one of my OB’s mentioned a c-section. Up until this point they had been supporting a normal birth. Silas was ok, but I was getting worse by the minute. She told me that at this point it was my decision. We could keep trying a while longer. I knew it was no use. I knew my body was not going to handle much more of the pain, and if by some miracle I made it to active labor, I was too exhausted to push.
I know the path that brought me to my c-section is so completely different from yours, but reading your story struck a nerve. The fear, the feeling of being unprepared. I KNEW I was going to have a normal birth. I never even researched c-sections. I was so afraid for my baby, for my husband. Strangely, I wasn’t afraid for myself, although I was the one in real danger. My husband was afraid enough for both of us. Once or twice when I began to doze off on the OR table (the pain meds they preemptively added to my spinal block finally killed the migraine) he thought I was dead, poor thing.
Your story reminded me again that I didn’t fail in some way, that the feelings I had and continue to have are valid and OK and normal. Thank you so much for sharing.
P.S. I live right up the road from you! Relatively speaking. We have an evil little split level in Fredericksburg.
~Silvana (and Silas)
YoungHouseLove says
Aw Silvana, I’m so sorry you had that type of birth. What a scary time. So glad Silas was a healthy little screamer in the end (and so glad you have found a hypo allergenic formula that works for him). Your evil little split level comment made me laugh out loud. I love your sense of humor.
xo,
s
Hildie says
I just read you and Clara’s story, Sherry, and I was so touched that you shared such a personal story with the world. I am particularly touched because I experienced the same thing during childbirth 6 and a half months ago – my placenta ruptured literally moments after the nurses broke my water and was rushed to the ER as our son’s heart rate plummeted from 150 to 40. Thank god I was dilated enough that they were able to use the vacuum in conjunction with me pushing as there wasn’t even enough time to prep me for an emergency C-section as they had originally thought. I shared your feelings of total horror and fear while delivering alone as they would not allow my husband in the OR during our boy’s birth. Only after, when he was on his way to the NICU, could my husband hold him for a moment, show his beautiful face to me. I wasn’t able to hold him until many hours later after a blood transfusion and many tests in the NICU. The first time I was able to see all of him, he was covered with monitors and tubes. Like you said, it was the scariest yet most wonderful day of your life and I am so glad you shared your story as many people (myself included prior to experiencing this)are now aware of these complications. Our babies are sure fighters – our boy is so amazing and seeing him chubby and healthy means that much more to us knowing how he entered this world.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Hildie, what a hard and miraculous day. So glad everything worked out well for your little fighter of a man!
xo,
s
Jenny says
Oh Sherry, this made me cry. Pregnancy and birth are such miraculous events, but can be so terrifying. I had an unplanned (and unwanted) C-section, but not under nearly as dire circumstances. I hope when you’re ready for another that you’ll be able to enjoy it. Clara is a beautiful girl and I’m so happy your story turned out the way it did. xox
Maggie says
Hi Sherry,
I am sure a million people have already shared their “similar” birthing stories with you, but I want to tell you that I completely feel for you. I didn’t have placental abruption, but I had everything else…emergency c-section after a tip top pregnancy filled with terrible nausea. I was depressed for almost a year after the birth of our daughter and I was terrified to go through it again. I did end up having our second daughter 4 months ago via a scheduled c-section (our girls are 3 years apart) and everything went beautifully. You do feel scared, but it is amazing how our hearts take over and just love that little person growing inside us. I have faith that you will handle a second pregnancy with grace and love. You can do it, girl! You will be in my prayers. I know how devastating issues regarding pregnancy and birth can be for a woman. Rock it, girl!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw, thanks so much Maggie, you’re so sweet.
xo
s
Katie says
Hi guys- I wanted to say thank you for sharing this very personal story. I gave birth to our second child, a son, last Sunday and he was born via emergency c-section due to a placental abruption. Because the fabulous medical staff clued into everything early, and we were already in L&D being monitored when the situation developed, we were absolutely fine. He had a 9 and 9 on his apgars and I had no complications. Because I’d read your post some time ago, I had a reference for what was happening and some hope that everything would turn out perfectly. Which it did. So thanks again for making your story available to those you don’t personally know. It meant a lot in my family’s hour of need.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh my gosh, I’m so glad everything was ok Katie!
xo
s
Christina says
You are definintely one strong woman…and that sweet girl of yours is definitely a fighter! This whole blog made me cry…
God Bless!! :)
Cate O'Malley says
Just now read this (since it was linked from the blogiversary post today), and wow. Just wow. I miscarried right before I got pregnant with my (now) 4-1/2 year old daughter. I just wrote about it this week, so I completely understand how hard it is to relive it all, but agree that it might be a little cathartic too. I can’t imagine going through this, but am so glad you had a happy ending!
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Cate, I’m so sorry for your loss. One of the greatest things I have gotten from sharing this story was a deeper sense of comfort and not feeling as alone. I hope you post does the same for you.
xo
s
Britta says
This is the first time I re-read this since my daughter arrived 5 weeks early. They also told me “she may not cry”, and “she may have trouble breathing”. It was so scary and surreal. It was only 4 months ago and I’m still struggling with being both so thankful my heart aches and so mad that she and I didn’t get to have the same birth and baby days as our first. Did you get mad? Did it get better? Our baby girl Elsie is remarkably healthy and happy, so I try to focus on that instead.
Thank you for writing this – from all of us who went through scary birth experiences.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh yeah I think I definitely had a mad and jealous phase (of others who had great births, about how long I had to wait to feed her, etc). It gets better. I promise! I also heard about others in the same situation who didn’t end up with a healthy and happy baby so that kept it in perspective for me. In the end I decided to try to remember I was really lucky and not really unlucky.
xo,
s
Summer says
Man! How did I miss this post?!!
Wow! I (like everyone else it seems) am bawling my eyes out!
As moved as I am about your feelings for Clara, I am just blown away by how obviously crazy for one another you two are! Is it weird to adore a family I don’t know? :/
Thank you for sharing something so personal!
Stephanie says
I know I left a comment when you first wrote this, but I just reread your post and it made me cry all over again. I remembered the placental abrubption, but I didn’t remember that there was a cord prolapse with Clara.
I was induced with my second daughter and when the doctor broke my water, all hell broke loose. There was meconium and then an hour later, a cord prolapse. They were so fast in wheeling me down to the OR, and they got that baby out within 5 minutes I think. I was in shock as it was happening, but started crying when my husband came in because he missed the birth, which just made me so sad. But everyone who worked on me was so great – the anesthesiologist held my hand the entire time.
Luckily, my little girl (who is 6 months old now) was crying from the get-go, which was good because they needed her to cry in order to get the meconium out of her lungs. But it’s still scary to think about 6 months later. xoxo.
YoungHouseLove says
So glad everything worked out!
xo,
s
Marie says
I’m crying. At work. Even though I got up to take a breather mid post….I’m 27 weeks pregnant and you reminded me that I need to keep-on praying for our happy ending. And I’m going to make my husband read this when I get home…even tho he rolled his eyes when I told him about Clara’s nursery being in this months American baby!! Thank you for sharing!!!
Jen says
Came over here after your 5 year post today to read this story. Brought tears to my eyes! What scary minutes (that seemed like years) for your family. Thank you for sharing your story with the world.
Jessica says
I reread your story today, since it was mentioned in today’s post. And cried just as much as the first time. You are so strong, and so blessed! You guys as a family make me so happy, even from so far away! You’ve touched my life in a way that you will never know, and I love you all dearly.
In terms of another bean, just know that you have a ton of support. I, for one, am praying for peace in whatever decision you make. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Love you guys! :)
Jess
YoungHouseLove says
Aw Jess, you’re so sweet. Sniffle.
xo,
s
Whitney says
I cried reading this.
I had an emergency c-section too but nothing like your’s, we had a breech baby.
My entire pregnancy was normal, but I did develop high blood pressure in the last few weeks, and then I developed Bells Palsy the last week of my pregnancy and two weeks after delivery.
I remember being so upset in recovery because I didn’t get to hold my baby. She was about two hours old before I really got to see her. It broke my heart that other family members got to hold her before me.
I can’t imagine going through what ya’ll did…
Sandi Keene says
Thank you for sharing the details of the happiest/scariest/longest day of your lives. I did not know the story as I am a relatively new reader. Thank God that it ended happily and your beautiful Clara is a healthy little girl. Hugs to you all.
Sarah says
I know it’s been ages since you wrote this, and I read it when it first happened… but I re-read it today when you referenced it in today’s post. I had to read it in sections to keep from crying at work. I think it hits me differently now because I have a 3 month old. Birth and Life are such miracles, aren’t they? I’m so glad that everyone is ok. It’s a beautiful story. Thank you for posting it.