It’s nearly a year late (I can’t believe I’m going to be the mother of a one year old in three short weeks). And the reason for the delay is simple. Thinking / typing / talking about the day that Clara was born still scares the pants off of me. Even 11+ months later. This little lady made quite the dramatic entrance.
Yup, the day that Clara came into the world was the most amazing life-changing day of my existence, but it was easily also the single most terrifying one. I’ve mentioned some details a few times in comments on other Clara-related posts (many readers wanted to know all about the bean’s birth right away) but I think now that she’s almost a year old I’ve processed that day enough to really share it fully with the interweb. By no means am I over it (don’t really know if I ever will be), but I can talk about it now without crying. So that’s a start, right? A few friends of mine have actually recommend that I write this post as part of the whole healing process (a lot of the posts that we write are actually for our own benefit since this is just an online diary to document our lives for our own selfish purposes, haha). So I thought it made sense. I know that how Clara came into the world will affect future pregnancies and how nervous/anxious/wary/afraid I’ll be if any of the same complications pop up again, so perhaps talking about it after processing it for almost a year might help me come to terms with it a bit more. So here it goes (deep breaths, deep breaths).
I had an amazing low risk fabulous pregnancy. No high blood pressure. No weird pains. Over 100 days of morning sickness (yes I counted) but that’s to be expected. Or at least tolerated in the name of baking a human. Other than that (and once that ended) it was amazeballs as my girl Bethenny Frankel would say. I felt great. I loved feeling my little bean kicking around in there. I basked in the glory of being prego. I told John I could do it ten more times. Life was good.
My tiny 4’11” mom had two natural (and very fast) child births, so I had high hopes of a normal (if not very quickly progressing) delivery. Maybe without drugs, and maybe with them. I wasn’t going into it with any strong feelings either way, but I had taken some classes on pain management and learned about The Bradley Method so I was actually feeling very bring-it-on by the end. Either way I kept telling myself “in the end the baby will be out and I’ll get to meet her, so no fear is allowed – it’s going to be a happy day – with drugs or without them. No pressure. Just try to go with the flow and relax.” I had orders to “run, don’t walk” to the hospital if I had any signs of labor (my mother had me in four hours and my brother within two) so that had me a little on edge, but the only thing I worried about was having the baby at home or in the car since I feared it would all happen really fast because that runs in the family.
John was working downtown at the time and I was at home without a car (we’re a one car family, so he’d take the car during the day and after he came home we’d run any errands I needed to do). So admittedly the whole being at home without the car thing was kind of scary but I knew about fifty neighbors who volunteered to drive me to the hospital if things got crazy and John couldn’t make it home to get me in time. The funny thing is that he answered his cell phone on the first half-a-ring for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, so I knew he was on high alert and was confident that he’d hightail it home in time (it was only a 15 minute drive).
I never felt a single contraction (not even Braxton Hicks) until the day I went into labor, but I knew I was dilated to a 3.5 at 39 weeks (yes I walked around at a 3.5 without going into labor with my first child, which I hear is really uncommon). Clara must have been holding onto the walls in there. So although I was still about a week “early,” my doc said I was going to have the baby any second. Hence John being on high alert. Oh yeah and my belly looked like this. I was officially ready to pop.
I noticed on the morning of May 14th (it was a Friday) that I was having some pretty intense contractions. My first contractions ever (well that I felt). At first they were oddly irregular so I thought it was just prelabor (didn’t even tell John because I didn’t want him to get all crazy and come running home for a false alarm). But slowly they started to establish a pattern and by the time I started timing them they were just four minutes apart. And they were an 11 on the pain scale. I felt like my insides were ripping apart and my back was killing me. I called John who was out to lunch with all of his coworkers to celebrate his very last day at the office (he was resigning to come on full time as a dad/blogger) and told him to get the eff home. He laughed about how good my timing was because he was just finishing his burrito. I groan-cried in the middle of a contraction and he knew I meant business. So home he came flew.
By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were already two minutes apart. I remember having a hard time even walking from the car to the door because they were just coming nonstop and they were bring-you-to-your-knees painful. I thought I might have a baby right there in the parking lot. They sent me straight into labor and delivery. As we waited for the doctor to arrive and check my progress my water broke in the hospital bed- but instead of being clear it was red. So much blood. Very scary. I didn’t even see most of it (thanks to my giant belly and the sheet over my lower half) but John did along with my OB who happened to be in the room. John’s face went white and the OB snapped into hyperdrive.
Immediately the room filled with frenzied nurses and doctors and they explained that I was having a placental abruption, which happens when the placenta has inexplicably detached from the uterine wall. This is very bad news before the baby is born. And it explains the feels-like-my-body-is-ripping-apart pain I’d been experiencing. It’s an extremely dangerous complication for the baby (since they get their nourishment from the placenta and can go into shock and die) and the mother can hemorrhage (and can also die in cases of extreme bleeding). So it was a pretty dire situation all around (although nobody stopped to explain it, the look on the doctor and nurse’s faces kind of said it all).
Within about a minute they had me in the OR and within three minutes they had sweet baby Clara out thanks to an amazingly fast emergency c-section. They saved her life by acting so fast.
It was a blur. All I remember was them running my gurney into the walls while turning corners in the hallway trying to get me into an ER as fast as possible. They looked panicked. And it scared the heck out of me. I didn’t care about me or my body – just the baby. I remember screaming inside of my head “just cut her out of me, cut and I don’t care if I feel pain or if I get hurt or if I have scars all over, just save her. Do it right here in the hallway if you have to.” Of course my lips weren’t moving. It was one of those out-of-body mind screams that nobody else can hear.
John suddenly wasn’t with me. They just left him behind and ran with me down the hall calling up to get emergency doctors and nurses on hand since the main OR was already in use for a scheduled c-section. I remember people popping out of doorways saying “I’ll help” and joining the frenzied mob and going over all of my stats (blood type, number of weeks prego, etc) while saying things like “baby in distress” and “profuse bleeding.” I couldn’t have created a scarier nightmare scenario in my head if I tried. Lots of people swarmed into the OR in the next thirty seconds. But no John. I could barely breathe at the thought of something going so wrong without him by my side. Once they had me fully prepped for surgery (which happened within less than a minute, they were so amazing) someone must have run off to get him.
I wish I could say it was thanks to me calling out for him but I was in shock so I couldn’t talk or even move. I was frozen. It almost felt like I wasn’t even there and I was watching it all happen to someone else on TV. John says he remembers standing in the hallway as everyone ran off with me. So freaked out and completely alone. Just waiting. That always makes me cry when I think about it. I didn’t know it at the time because of the chaos, but someone had tossed scrubs at him when I was being wheeled out (he would need them since it had to be a sterile environment for the c-section) so he was just standing there in the hallway wearing his scrubs and waiting. And going crazy. Finally someone came out to retrieve him and he was allowed to come hold my hand right as they started to cut. I just stared at him. I was frozen. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk. I was just in shock at how quickly everything was happening.
Once they opened me up they saw that not only was Clara in distress from the placental abruption, but the umbilical cord had somehow been pinched (which is called “cord prolapse”) so she was without oxygen while fighting to make it through the abruption. I heard them toss out the word “cord prolapse” (they didn’t have time to explain what was going on, so I learned the details later) but in my odd state of panic and shock I thought they were talking about someone else. I was the one with a placental abruption. The scariest page of my birth book at home. The one I didn’t even read because it wouldn’t happen to me because I didn’t have high blood pressure or any of the other risk factors. My baby couldn’t also be dealing with cord prolapse. How could that be? Who could be that unlucky? Then they said “she’s not going to cry ok – don’t wait for her to cry just try to stay calm and breathe slowly.” That was when my heart broke and I started to cry. I guess I was crying for her.
I couldn’t see anything thanks to the screen they threw up before cutting into me, but they were right. She didn’t cry when they yanked her out with all of their might. All I remember was extreme pressure but no pain. Well, no physical pain. Emotional pain = off the charts. They had NICU specialists standing by, and when I heard them say “NICU” out loud that it was the first time I actually thought “what if this doesn’t end the way I thought it always would? What if all those pep talks I gave myself about it being a happy day because “drugs or no drugs I would get to meet my sweet baby girl” weren’t going to be true?
John later admitted that thought had hit him a lot earlier than it had hit me. He said he knew something was very wrong when he saw all the blood before they whisked me away. And when he was standing alone in the hallway after I got wheeled off to the OR he wondered if things were about to end badly. See why that visual of him in the hall makes me cry? It was just so surreal and terrifying. John later confessed that once he was allowed into the OR to hold my hand that he couldn’t really watch as they pulled her out of me, even though he was much taller than the screen they had set up to block my view. Not because he was afraid of the blood or passing out, but because he didn’t want to see our baby “not make it.”
But after about one felt-like-eternity minute they got her to moan. Kind of like a kitty meowing. It was so soft and weak and just heart breaking. I remember thinking “I want her to cry so she’s ok, but I don’t want to hear her if she’s not going to be ok because I’m falling in love already. I can’t hear her moan and then fall silent- she has to start wailing. Right now!” But no dice. I remember thinking that all the silence felt so loud. Like it was almost deafening to listen so desperately for some sign of a cry. Clara got a 4 on her initial Apgar test, which we later heard is usually the lowest score you can get before permanent brain damage if things don’t improve by the five minute Apgar retest. They didn’t announce the time of birth or her weight very loudly or say anything like in the movies, you know like “it’s a girl!” or “happy birthday!” or “what’s her name?” and she didn’t come lay on my chest. I still couldn’t even see her thanks to the screen they had put up to block the surgery. They were all just working on this baby that I couldn’t even see. My baby. And I just stared at John in a silent freeze, tears in my eyes but nothing coming out of my mouth. At some point after closing me up the doctor said “she’s bleeding – she reopened, get over here” and half of the team ran back to work on me. My incision which had been sewn and stapled shut had reopened and I could hear from the doctors tone that it wasn’t an ideal situation. But I still wasn’t scared for me. In any other scenario it would have been intensely alarming, but I had a one track mind: the baby. I want to hear the baby cry.
It felt like five years went by (in reality it was less than five minutes) but slowly the people working on me thinned out and the people working on Clara seemed to start moving more casually and slower. As if it wasn’t such an emergency anymore. I remember thinking “this is either a very good or a very bad sign.” Thankfully, by her five minute Apgar test she pinked up, cried a glorious and spirited cry, and got a 9 (we later learned that the five minute Apgar retest is the most important and revealing one). They said that a 9 was as close to perfect as it gets and that even super healthy children rarely get 10s. And they told us that it was so great that she rebounded so well and was looking fantastic. She was a fighter for sure. They even let John go over and see her (I was still strapped down so I had to wait).
She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but we didn’t know that at the time, so we started to rejoice and John even took some video on the iPhone to bring back over to show to me since I hadn’t even laid eyes on her yet (we were so lucky that the iPhone happened to be in John’s pocket before all hell broke lose, otherwise we wouldn’t have any documentation of Clara’s birth at all). We later learned they were somehow testing her cord blood to see if she was without oxygen for so long that she sustained permanent brain damage. Only when the test came back all-clear (indicating that there were no worries of that) did the nurses and doctors really seem to relax.
Apparently infants who live after a placental abruption have a 40-50% chance of complications, which range from mild to severe (and sometimes mothers who survive end up with a hysterectomy to control the hemorrhaging). Only then did it start to sink in how lucky we really had been. And what a miracle our baby girl really is.
Finally, after what literally felt like days, they wrapped her up and brought her over to me. My arms were strapped down from the surgery, so John held her right near my head and I just stared at her in disbelief. I was still in shock, and bloated with fluids from the IV along with fear and disbelief and unconditional love.
What did I do to deserve such a happy ending? How would I have survived coming home empty handed to a beautiful nursery that I shared with the world while being so confident that I was guaranteed a cute little baby to put in that crib? Basically it was the scariest day of our lives, and I still ask why. Why me (in that annoying “poor me” way) and why me (in the “why-was-I-so-lucky-she-was-spared” way). But the main thing I feel is full. Of relief. Of gratitude. Of love for my little fighter. My little miracle. I’m SO THANKFUL that the doctors and nurses worked so quickly to come to her (and my) rescue. I’ll never know for sure, but if another team had been on duty I don’t know that I would have had the same outcome. They were just so on it. So invested and so amazing. And I can’t even begin to think about what could have happened if I wasn’t in the hospital when I started bleeding.
Other nurses and doctors in the hospital dropped in to see us for days just to tell us how lucky we were (news of our complications were apparently the talk of the hospital). We even had a friend on another floor (coincidentally she was there on the same day that I went into labor for a pre-term labor scare) who had overheard nurses and doctors talking about “that woman who had both a cord prolapse and a placental abruption at the same time but the baby actually survived.” Only later did she find out that it was me they were talking about. I still get chills when I think about that. How lucky we were. How scary it was. And how gorgeous and amazing that little girl in my arms was. And still is.
So that’s the story of the scariest/best day of our lives. Whew. No wonder we’re obsessed with the girl.
As for if those complications are more likely to occur with any subsequent pregnancies, cord prolapse is totally random and can happen to anyone, so it doesn’t become more likely if you’ve experienced it before (but it’s rare, so if you’re prego and reading this story know that my combination of complications were about as likely as winning the lottery). However, placental abruption is more likely to reoccur (around one in four women experience it again) and it can happen as early as around twenty weeks (when the baby isn’t viable yet, which means the baby wouldn’t make it). So it can be devastating and scary. I have strict orders to wait at least two full years between pregnancies to let everything heal up nice and strong, which probably means over three years between Clara and her younger brother or sister, assuming all goes well. I’m fine with the wait since I’m happy to just enjoy Clara for a while and take that time to continue to process the whole birth experience and build up my courage. But I’m sure when I’m pregnant again I’ll be much less happy go lucky about it.
Which is really sad. John keeps begging me to let it be the same joyful and unabashedly exciting time as it was before. But I know myself. And I’ll be on high alert. Searching for any signs or symptoms that something’s wrong. And scared even if there aren’t any signs of trouble (because there weren’t any before I started feeling contractions with Clara- it just all came out of nowhere). I’m scared that I might even be afraid to get a nursery ready. You know, so as not to jinx things. So my plan is to know myself, and accept that I’m going to be scared. But to do my best to enjoy it as much as I can and remind myself that I now know what an abruption feels like (so I should instantly be able to identify it) and that I have more information than I had with Clara (plus the doctors also know about my history now that I’ve had it happen). So I’ll hopefully have just as good of an outcome should it reoccur, as long as it doesn’t happen before the baby is developed enough to be delivered.
But I’m not gonna lie. I’m going to be petrified.
I also might be a “high risk” pregnancy next time without any chance of natural labor (if signs of another abruption occur they’ll rush me to a c-section if the baby is old enough to live outside the womb). I’m ok with that. Anything for a healthy baby. Now not only am I open when it comes to drugs or no drugs, I’m totally down with a c-section too. Slice and dice, baby. Whatever it takes.
Clare says
When I started reading I didnt think I would cry. I thought about how you were maybe tearing up while writing this and my heart was heavy for you. By the end of the story I was crying. Tears of fear in the first part and tears of joy in the second. You say Why me, but I think it’s pretty obvious – you guys seem to be awesome parents and love that girl more than anything. Even more than home renovating!! Thank you for sharing your story with the world. Yall are a beautiful family and I am glad this one had a happy ending :-)
Alicia says
Thanks for sharing. Very scary, but I hope that sharing it helped you. I know it made me want to cry and scare the pants off of me (I’m 30 weeks preggo right now). So very brave and a lucky family.
Samantha says
Wow, very moving story. So happy for you guys that you were able to bring your baby home!!! It is so scary when you don’t know what’s going on and you are emergency forced into something and you have no idea what the f* is happening (been there). You guys are so strong!!! What a miracle!!
Sara says
Your story is so amazing and inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing.
Jen says
Thank you for so much for sharing your story. Took my breath away. Happy Birthday to sweet Clara, and I wish you and John all the best this life has to offer.
Ashley E. says
thank you so much for sharing this. I’m completely in tears! You and John are lovely people, and Clara is seriously the most adorbs baby I’ve ever seen. You’re incredibly strong and brave, and if I thought I loved your blog before…well, I’m pretty much hardcore smitten now. Best wishes, and happy almost b-day to Clara!
Elizabeth says
oh girl. i am sitting here crying at my desk. i’m so sorry you had to go through that but i’m SO glad that you and clara pushed through and your family is what it is! my mom is a nicu nurse at st. mary’s and i’ve heard so many stories about pregnancy complications, but now i feel like i understand what my mom and her patients go through a little better. thank you for sharing and i will be praying for you guys now and when you take on your next pregnancy :)
xo
elizabeth
xin says
I couldn’t stop crying while reading your story! You are so strong, I don’t know what I would do if I were you. Just enjoy Clara, and don’t rush into the second one, until you feel your body is strong enough. Give it more than two years.
My baby girl is about 6 months older than Clara, and for us to have her is also a miracle. We couldn’t get pregnant naturallly, so we went for IUIs and IVF. For insurance issue, one have to fail 3 IUIs to have a IVF. That’s what happened. And since I have a bone marrow disorder, I was on baby Aspirin. Even though the doctors said I would be OK, I was not. The night after the egg retrieval for the first IVF, I told hubby I want to sleep alone, because I was in pain and worrying he would accidentally turn and touch me. So, I slept in the guest room on the first floor. The pain was unbearable, at the end, I had to sit up straight in bed, because if I leaned back just a little bit, I could feel the pain like someone was riping my lung out through my collarbone. I went to bathroom twice, so dizzy, almost fainted. I totally thought I was just being a sissy, so I didn’t even call for hubby. I even waited for nurse’s call the next morning. After I told her how I felt, she told me to go back immediately. Turned out I had a very bad internal bleeding, lost about 1/4 of my blood in my belly!!! Thanks goodness the bleeding stopped on itself, otherwise I could have died that night! Long story short, we waited about a year to have the second IVF, and got a happy result. I was pregnant! The first 7 months were so smooth, I felt great. Then on one visit, (I was high risk, so had biweekly check ups) I happened to tell my doctor that I thought I was having Braxton Hicks. She was still joking, until she realized I was 2cm dialated! at week 30! I was put on bed rest immediately, had to get the steroid shots! Amazingly, my girl stayed inside until almost full term. They had to induce me just because she drank all my fluid! =) When they checked me in, I was already 6cm, without any contraction! I didn’t plan for a natural birth, but I had not choice then. She came out within a couple of hours! Till this day, I am still very proud of myself, no drug, no cry, no scream. My mom was so worried, she thought I was going to die!
Whew! This is the first time I told my birth story out loud! Now we are having so much fun with our little caterpillar, I feel like we are so blessed every single day!
Thanks for sharing your story. You guys are amazing parents! Clara is one lucky little girl! Oh, sorry about such a long comment!
Carol N. says
Wow, you are one blessed family! I’m so glad Clara is here and a beautiful, healthy baby. Hope this helps you to begin to heal, Sherry. And can’t wait to see the amazing birthday party for an amazing baby girl!
Marissa & Terry says
We had a similar birth story – placental abruption, emergency c-section, healthy baby boy. Against all odds he fought his way into this world. Clearly he needs to be here at this time with me as his mother. It sounds like Clara was the same way – they will both do great things.
Megan says
Thank you so much for sharing your story – I was actually in tears too by the end of this. I’m so glad everything worked out.
Amymargaretc says
Thank you for sharing your story !
My sister-in-law happened to have a scheduled C-section when they discovered that she had vasa previa and that if it was a natural birth, she most likely would have lost my niece. She went through a tough “why me” period as well, its actually called survivor’s guilt.
I am hopeful for you that next time around you can be the happy-go-lucky person you are and enjoy the pregnancy! xo
bridget b. says
wow Sherry, thanks for sharing your story. my sis is a former l&d nurse and she vouched for just how serious things were.
it really does show what a miracle it is to end up with a healthy baby (and mom). we’re all so happy everything turned out so well!
Jenny @ Bakography says
This made me cry at my desk! No wonder you waiting so long to tell it. I don’t know if it’s good I read this since we are talking about trying in a year or so, but it is reality. I’m just so glad that everyone was ok in the end. I think my husband will worry a lot more than I will, even though I’m usually the worrier, because he’s a doctor and knows everything and anything that can go wrong. Again, just glad everyone was ok.
Jennifer says
Sherry and John,
That was a beautiful and terrifying story that has left me in tears. I have yet to write down my birth story about my 6 month old baby girl and am thinking it might really help me process some things. Her birth was actually fine, the scary part started the day after we brought her home, led to a trip to the ER, ultimately resulted in heart surgery, and ended with a wonderfully and thankfully healthy gorgeous girl. Anyway, thanks for being open enough to share this with others. It may have helped you, but it has helped me too.
Amanda says
This is so beautiful, in its terrifying yet good outcome way. Thank you for sharing!
Emily says
So glad everything worked out okay! Thanks for sharing your story. Such an emotional tale – you made me tear up several times!
Lynette says
Amazing. Thank you for sharing such a meaningful part of your life with us. Many continued blessings…….
Dani says
There are no words. Thank you for sharing this with us, and I am so thankful that the outcome was the best possible. Three cheers for Clara!
lark + linen says
wow, I had absolutely no idea! I just assumed everything went swimmingly. This post brought me to tears! I’m so happy that everything turned out for the best.
Justine Wicks says
Wow! What a miracle! I am so happy that the story had such a beautiful ending. You should turn this into Women’s Day or Some other magazine for a Mother’s Day story. . . or maybe Chicken Soup? I am sitting at my desk in tears while my class does their worksheet. Thank you for sharing. I will definitely keep you in my prayers when you become pregnant again!
Brooke says
Thank you for sharing this story, Sherry.
I’m currently over 7 months pregnant, so I’ll admit that reading it made me feel quite panicked…but also full of faith that things do work out in the end.
Both you are Clara are some mighty strong females! Happy and healthy (early) birthday to Clara!
TJ says
OMG Sherry you had me in tears and I NEVER cry and I am not maternal… I can’t believe you went through all of that (and then returned to blogging so quickly!)
You are amazing! So strong and obviously have passed that trait onto little Clara.
Thanks so much for sharing, I always knew you were pretty special, but understanding this new dimension gives me even more respect for you.
Only 12 more months until you can try for bean #2 (do we call that re-fried bean or something?) and I am sure everything will be just perfect.
xx
DJ says
I, too, had a traumatic birth experience. A fairly normal twin pregnancy, I went to 37 weeks. When I went to the hospital to be induced (one twin was growth restricted), I developed pre-E and HELLP syndrome. I had to have an emergency c-sec under general anesthesia, so my hubby couldn’t witness the birth. Hours later, I woke from my morphine haze to see one twin. I didn’t get to meet the other until the next night (he was in NICU). But now, they are amazing, healthy, happy toddlers. So worth it!
Christine says
I wonder how long it took you to type that out? I had to read it in little bits between the tears. I think all mom’s can relate. I hope that #2 is an easy delivery for you when the time comes, just so you can put this behind you and enjoy…..see how it is supposed to be.
YoungHouseLove says
Days. It took me so long. I worked on it in pieces over the last week or so. But it’s so nice to get it out. And to read all of the amazing and supportive comments. You guys rock.
xo,
s
Kate says
WOW!!!! What an intense, well written, and emotional post. Tears and tears over here! I just can’t imagine. I guess it goes to show that you truly NEVER know what life is going to throw at you. What a wonderful, miraculous story. I know you said that you’ll be on high alert with a second pregnancy but just like with this story, you NEVER know and the birth/pregnancy/everything could be 100%, absolutely PERFECT! And everyone will be hoping for that and praying for that when the time comes. You guys are wonderful! Thanks for sharing your lives with us!
oneida says
i’m crying too! i’m sitting here with my 2 1/2 month old and this has been the hardest journey of my life. my husband and i are also talking about what it would be like to have another child. when we got married (a year and a half ago), i wanted to have 6 kids and he said 4 max. now i’m not sure if i can even do it again, both mentally and physically. the fear of having a baby so early that he/she might not survive, of it being so incredibly difficult (i had a very rough pregnancy and afterwards many infections + pretty bad postpartum depression), of, honestly, not even knowing if i want to do this again because i’m so afraid . . . i just want to say THANK YOU for sharing so honestly. i know myself too and i know that it will take a lot in me to do this again. sometimes i cry because i wanted kids SO badly and it was a shock to my system that it was so difficult. i think it’s good that they are having you wait, not just for the physical aspect but for the emotional and mental aspect. i think that it’s amazing how the human race has continued and how life fights to survive. :) i also want to say thank you for being so honest because when you go through so much it seems like everyone else has this perfect life and you wonder, is something wrong with me? and then the more you talk about it, the more you realize that everyone has their struggle and we are all in the same boat, just helping each other along. i hope that writing this DID help you,;it is helping so many others!
katie torrance davis says
i’m crying and rejoicing with you from south carolina. whenever i see pictures of clara i think of how radiant she is…so full of life and joy and her wide-open-mouth smile is contagious. the two-year-old in my house is a little miracle herself, and i have yet to venture down the road of a second pregnancy. but every time i pray to be free of fear, and to just be able to bask in the joy of growing life in my belly, i’ll pray the same for you. and obviously, i’ll pray for the birth days of these sweet little ones to be happy days of bringing perfect life into the world=) and i faithfully read your blog every day, so i won’t forget;)
Sarah says
Thanks for sharing. What an amazing story! I know what you mean about being “superstitious” – After a late-ish miscarriage, I was afraid to assume that everything would be okay with my next pregnancy. I waited until the last minute to get the nursery ready, and left the tags on everything I bought because I didn’t want to make assumptions. Even though the pregnancy was sort of stressful, I feel like I appreciate my healthy daughter so much more because of it.
Amy says
You are so blessed to have such a beautiful girl! I totally cried while reading this. Probably strange since I don’t actually know you, but I’m 9 weeks pregnant with twins (so automatically a high risk pregnancy). The idea of twins scares me, but the idea of any complications and losing one or both scares me more.
oneida says
p.s. you have inspired me to write my own!
Catrina says
I had a placental abrubption with my first child at 24 weeks! I was so scared, and alone! My husband was out of town, I was treated for pre-term labor, and they nursed me along and somehow, (I don’t know how because doctors and nurses both said it would be a miracle if she made it) she not only survived, but she stayed in until 39 weeks gestation. I was on complete bed rest from 24 to 39 weeks! Congratulations to both of you, not only for getting though that difficult time, but now you have a beautiful one year old daughter! FYI – I know have a second daughter who I also had a small placental abrubtion at 34 weeks who was able to stay in until 37 weeks.
Dianne says
VERY SCARY indeed! Sounds exactly like my pregnancies combined. Scary emergency PA c-section with the first baby (apgars were 2 and 7) and cord prolapse c-section with the 2nd. Needless to say I’m grateful for both of my babies and my quiver is full :)
Andie says
Thank you a thousand times for sharing your story! What an amazing story of triumph, courage, love and hope! I’m so very happy for you and your little family to have conquered such a difficult day! You and your husband are so very strong to have gone through that and as a result been so lucky to be blessed with an insanely beautiful bundle of joy!
Much love to you, John and beautiful Clara!
Kristina says
Thank you for sharing your story.
Brittney says
Wow, your story brought tears to my eyes. What a miracle. I’m sure it was hard to share, but I hope it brings you healing. What a great reminder to always be thankful and to not take anything for granted. I wish your whole family health and happiness always!
Ever - The red house by the lake says
I dont know what to say. Thank you for sharing and what a well written post it is. I had tears in my eyes because I could really feel the terror you must have been going through.
I am so glad everything ended so well!
Allison says
What a remarkable story. I can’t believe what you went through and how difficult it was. I also can’t imagine how scary it must be when you anticipate baby #2.
Thank you so, so much for sharing. I do hope that the experience of sharing was cathartic.
All the best.
Hollie says
Luck has nothing to do with this story. This was God’s hand on your life and on Clara’s life. I pray you realize this!
Kati says
Sherry, I very much understand. I had a uterine rupture with my first baby. No risk factors. First baby. It, too, was one of the scariest and most beautiful day of our lives. She joined our family, healthy. And I will be forever grateful.
It’s traumatic. It does take time to process it, and you are probably right in that you will never forget. My daughter is seven now, but can you tell? It’s still very much with me. Although birthing a child has become less dangerous over time, it still can be. It can be terrifying.
I’m so glad everything worked out for your family in the end. I wish you all the best for sweet Clara’s first birthday and for your future family planning!
Sarah says
Wow, thank you for sharing that story. What a miracle life is! I often forget that, taking it for granted. Every birth, every day- it’s a miracle that we’re here! I’m so glad I knew the happy ending to that story before I read it. How terrifying!
rachael says
Sherry, I bawled when I read this story. Our daughter was born in July of 2010 and when I was 38 weeks pregnant we found out something was wrong and her chances of being stillborn were increased dramatically. They ran tests and they took her out a week later. I would sit for hours just waiting to feel her inside of me. And when I wouldn’t I would get nervous until she moved again. It was agony. I also had never thought that that pregnancy might turn out differently than I had hoped until I sat in the ER late one night. Thank the Lord it did. And thank God that Clara is here. Thank God!
Kirsteen says
Well done Sherry! I too had a terrible birth with my son and it took me almost a year and a half to get over it and even be able to talk about it. I know exactly how you feel! I even wondered if I was going down the post natal depression route but a talk with the midwife (our hospital holds ‘reflection’ appointments if you want one)really helped although it still took many more months(bubs was already almost 9 months when I had the appointment)to get over it. He did end up in NICU for a week. Life is precious and you and I both have wonderful little people to share ours with. All the best and once again, well done you!
Alison says
Thank you for sharing your amazing story. I hope you are able to heal by writing it down. There are so many “what ifs” in life that it’s hard not worry and be petrified. I don’t prepare nurseries in advance for that reason but I know you will have a wonderful future pregnancy and a beautiful brother or sister for Clara! You are very strong!
SShaw says
I’m at work, so I had to take a couple of breaks while reading this story to keep from crying! Thanks for sharing, I can certainly understand why it’s taken some time for you to be able to set it down. Clara’s a little miracle & I admire how selfless you were through it all. What a blessing those fast-acting dr’s & nurses were, that things ended the way they did.
Stefanie says
My heart is still beating out of my chest reading your story. I had a very, very, very traumatic birth story with my son but at the same time I feel so incredibly lucky that everything worked out so well. I look at him today and I can’t believe that I have been entrusted to raise this amazing little man.
And God has given me a second perfect baby in my daughter. Without going into details (which maybe this post will give me the strength to write about my own issues), my daughter saved my life.
On a side note, the recovery from a second c-section is SO MUCH easier than the first. I never needed a single pain med!
Thanks for sharing. I am so thankful that you have opened up your home and your heart for us. Lots of love from Texas!
Katharine says
Awww, I’m crying for you… this was a very powerful post. I can almost imagine the scariness, though I’m sure it was even worse than I can think. And thank God for healthy beautiful Clara!
I identify with the part about not being able to experience a carefree pregnancy next time. I had a miscarriage earlier this year and I know the next time (if I’m blessed with a next time) it’s going to be difficult for me to embrace the joy and anticipation too. I hope you can do it. The hope is the best part of being pregnant, isn’t it?
Michelle Kersey says
Thank you so much for sharing. I got sad, and had chills right along with you. I’m so very happy it all came out OK, I was pregnant the same time as you and have been following along your happy family for 2 yrs now (wow) I love your posts, your humor, and you all are just wonderful people. You are blessed to have that little girl in your life and blessed that it all ended so well…. Oh, and 3 yrs is a great age difference :) My kids are 2yrs 9months and it’s been awesome.
Take care, can’t wait to read about Clara’s first birthday!!
Pammy says
Wow. Your story has me in tears at my desk! Thank you so much for sharing this intimate, heart-wrenching story. You guys are amazing people. Maybe a little creepy, but I wish I could give you guys a big bear hug. Sending a hug to you through the interwebz.
Lisa says
Thank you so much for sharing your story! My husband and I are expecting our first baby, a girl, on August 6 and we’re about to move into a new house this weekend. So far, my pregnancy has been completely normal and wonderful, despite the 14 weeks of nausea. Like you, I love being pregnant.
I couldn’t stop crying while reading your story (hormones??). It’s really good to be reminded that not everything goes perfectly and there can be complications. I’ve read things about women who are mad that their birth plans aren’t followed to the T, but for us, it’s more important that we have a healthy baby, no matter what has to happen to get us there. You two are very strong and Clara is an amazing little fighter. Happy almost first birthday to Clara!