It’s nearly a year late (I can’t believe I’m going to be the mother of a one year old in three short weeks). And the reason for the delay is simple. Thinking / typing / talking about the day that Clara was born still scares the pants off of me. Even 11+ months later. This little lady made quite the dramatic entrance.
Yup, the day that Clara came into the world was the most amazing life-changing day of my existence, but it was easily also the single most terrifying one. I’ve mentioned some details a few times in comments on other Clara-related posts (many readers wanted to know all about the bean’s birth right away) but I think now that she’s almost a year old I’ve processed that day enough to really share it fully with the interweb. By no means am I over it (don’t really know if I ever will be), but I can talk about it now without crying. So that’s a start, right? A few friends of mine have actually recommend that I write this post as part of the whole healing process (a lot of the posts that we write are actually for our own benefit since this is just an online diary to document our lives for our own selfish purposes, haha). So I thought it made sense. I know that how Clara came into the world will affect future pregnancies and how nervous/anxious/wary/afraid I’ll be if any of the same complications pop up again, so perhaps talking about it after processing it for almost a year might help me come to terms with it a bit more. So here it goes (deep breaths, deep breaths).
I had an amazing low risk fabulous pregnancy. No high blood pressure. No weird pains. Over 100 days of morning sickness (yes I counted) but that’s to be expected. Or at least tolerated in the name of baking a human. Other than that (and once that ended) it was amazeballs as my girl Bethenny Frankel would say. I felt great. I loved feeling my little bean kicking around in there. I basked in the glory of being prego. I told John I could do it ten more times. Life was good.
My tiny 4’11” mom had two natural (and very fast) child births, so I had high hopes of a normal (if not very quickly progressing) delivery. Maybe without drugs, and maybe with them. I wasn’t going into it with any strong feelings either way, but I had taken some classes on pain management and learned about The Bradley Method so I was actually feeling very bring-it-on by the end. Either way I kept telling myself “in the end the baby will be out and I’ll get to meet her, so no fear is allowed – it’s going to be a happy day – with drugs or without them. No pressure. Just try to go with the flow and relax.” I had orders to “run, don’t walk” to the hospital if I had any signs of labor (my mother had me in four hours and my brother within two) so that had me a little on edge, but the only thing I worried about was having the baby at home or in the car since I feared it would all happen really fast because that runs in the family.
John was working downtown at the time and I was at home without a car (we’re a one car family, so he’d take the car during the day and after he came home we’d run any errands I needed to do). So admittedly the whole being at home without the car thing was kind of scary but I knew about fifty neighbors who volunteered to drive me to the hospital if things got crazy and John couldn’t make it home to get me in time. The funny thing is that he answered his cell phone on the first half-a-ring for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, so I knew he was on high alert and was confident that he’d hightail it home in time (it was only a 15 minute drive).
I never felt a single contraction (not even Braxton Hicks) until the day I went into labor, but I knew I was dilated to a 3.5 at 39 weeks (yes I walked around at a 3.5 without going into labor with my first child, which I hear is really uncommon). Clara must have been holding onto the walls in there. So although I was still about a week “early,” my doc said I was going to have the baby any second. Hence John being on high alert. Oh yeah and my belly looked like this. I was officially ready to pop.
I noticed on the morning of May 14th (it was a Friday) that I was having some pretty intense contractions. My first contractions ever (well that I felt). At first they were oddly irregular so I thought it was just prelabor (didn’t even tell John because I didn’t want him to get all crazy and come running home for a false alarm). But slowly they started to establish a pattern and by the time I started timing them they were just four minutes apart. And they were an 11 on the pain scale. I felt like my insides were ripping apart and my back was killing me. I called John who was out to lunch with all of his coworkers to celebrate his very last day at the office (he was resigning to come on full time as a dad/blogger) and told him to get the eff home. He laughed about how good my timing was because he was just finishing his burrito. I groan-cried in the middle of a contraction and he knew I meant business. So home he came flew.
By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were already two minutes apart. I remember having a hard time even walking from the car to the door because they were just coming nonstop and they were bring-you-to-your-knees painful. I thought I might have a baby right there in the parking lot. They sent me straight into labor and delivery. As we waited for the doctor to arrive and check my progress my water broke in the hospital bed- but instead of being clear it was red. So much blood. Very scary. I didn’t even see most of it (thanks to my giant belly and the sheet over my lower half) but John did along with my OB who happened to be in the room. John’s face went white and the OB snapped into hyperdrive.
Immediately the room filled with frenzied nurses and doctors and they explained that I was having a placental abruption, which happens when the placenta has inexplicably detached from the uterine wall. This is very bad news before the baby is born. And it explains the feels-like-my-body-is-ripping-apart pain I’d been experiencing. It’s an extremely dangerous complication for the baby (since they get their nourishment from the placenta and can go into shock and die) and the mother can hemorrhage (and can also die in cases of extreme bleeding). So it was a pretty dire situation all around (although nobody stopped to explain it, the look on the doctor and nurse’s faces kind of said it all).
Within about a minute they had me in the OR and within three minutes they had sweet baby Clara out thanks to an amazingly fast emergency c-section. They saved her life by acting so fast.
It was a blur. All I remember was them running my gurney into the walls while turning corners in the hallway trying to get me into an ER as fast as possible. They looked panicked. And it scared the heck out of me. I didn’t care about me or my body – just the baby. I remember screaming inside of my head “just cut her out of me, cut and I don’t care if I feel pain or if I get hurt or if I have scars all over, just save her. Do it right here in the hallway if you have to.” Of course my lips weren’t moving. It was one of those out-of-body mind screams that nobody else can hear.
John suddenly wasn’t with me. They just left him behind and ran with me down the hall calling up to get emergency doctors and nurses on hand since the main OR was already in use for a scheduled c-section. I remember people popping out of doorways saying “I’ll help” and joining the frenzied mob and going over all of my stats (blood type, number of weeks prego, etc) while saying things like “baby in distress” and “profuse bleeding.” I couldn’t have created a scarier nightmare scenario in my head if I tried. Lots of people swarmed into the OR in the next thirty seconds. But no John. I could barely breathe at the thought of something going so wrong without him by my side. Once they had me fully prepped for surgery (which happened within less than a minute, they were so amazing) someone must have run off to get him.
I wish I could say it was thanks to me calling out for him but I was in shock so I couldn’t talk or even move. I was frozen. It almost felt like I wasn’t even there and I was watching it all happen to someone else on TV. John says he remembers standing in the hallway as everyone ran off with me. So freaked out and completely alone. Just waiting. That always makes me cry when I think about it. I didn’t know it at the time because of the chaos, but someone had tossed scrubs at him when I was being wheeled out (he would need them since it had to be a sterile environment for the c-section) so he was just standing there in the hallway wearing his scrubs and waiting. And going crazy. Finally someone came out to retrieve him and he was allowed to come hold my hand right as they started to cut. I just stared at him. I was frozen. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk. I was just in shock at how quickly everything was happening.
Once they opened me up they saw that not only was Clara in distress from the placental abruption, but the umbilical cord had somehow been pinched (which is called “cord prolapse”) so she was without oxygen while fighting to make it through the abruption. I heard them toss out the word “cord prolapse” (they didn’t have time to explain what was going on, so I learned the details later) but in my odd state of panic and shock I thought they were talking about someone else. I was the one with a placental abruption. The scariest page of my birth book at home. The one I didn’t even read because it wouldn’t happen to me because I didn’t have high blood pressure or any of the other risk factors. My baby couldn’t also be dealing with cord prolapse. How could that be? Who could be that unlucky? Then they said “she’s not going to cry ok – don’t wait for her to cry just try to stay calm and breathe slowly.” That was when my heart broke and I started to cry. I guess I was crying for her.
I couldn’t see anything thanks to the screen they threw up before cutting into me, but they were right. She didn’t cry when they yanked her out with all of their might. All I remember was extreme pressure but no pain. Well, no physical pain. Emotional pain = off the charts. They had NICU specialists standing by, and when I heard them say “NICU” out loud that it was the first time I actually thought “what if this doesn’t end the way I thought it always would? What if all those pep talks I gave myself about it being a happy day because “drugs or no drugs I would get to meet my sweet baby girl” weren’t going to be true?
John later admitted that thought had hit him a lot earlier than it had hit me. He said he knew something was very wrong when he saw all the blood before they whisked me away. And when he was standing alone in the hallway after I got wheeled off to the OR he wondered if things were about to end badly. See why that visual of him in the hall makes me cry? It was just so surreal and terrifying. John later confessed that once he was allowed into the OR to hold my hand that he couldn’t really watch as they pulled her out of me, even though he was much taller than the screen they had set up to block my view. Not because he was afraid of the blood or passing out, but because he didn’t want to see our baby “not make it.”
But after about one felt-like-eternity minute they got her to moan. Kind of like a kitty meowing. It was so soft and weak and just heart breaking. I remember thinking “I want her to cry so she’s ok, but I don’t want to hear her if she’s not going to be ok because I’m falling in love already. I can’t hear her moan and then fall silent- she has to start wailing. Right now!” But no dice. I remember thinking that all the silence felt so loud. Like it was almost deafening to listen so desperately for some sign of a cry. Clara got a 4 on her initial Apgar test, which we later heard is usually the lowest score you can get before permanent brain damage if things don’t improve by the five minute Apgar retest. They didn’t announce the time of birth or her weight very loudly or say anything like in the movies, you know like “it’s a girl!” or “happy birthday!” or “what’s her name?” and she didn’t come lay on my chest. I still couldn’t even see her thanks to the screen they had put up to block the surgery. They were all just working on this baby that I couldn’t even see. My baby. And I just stared at John in a silent freeze, tears in my eyes but nothing coming out of my mouth. At some point after closing me up the doctor said “she’s bleeding – she reopened, get over here” and half of the team ran back to work on me. My incision which had been sewn and stapled shut had reopened and I could hear from the doctors tone that it wasn’t an ideal situation. But I still wasn’t scared for me. In any other scenario it would have been intensely alarming, but I had a one track mind: the baby. I want to hear the baby cry.
It felt like five years went by (in reality it was less than five minutes) but slowly the people working on me thinned out and the people working on Clara seemed to start moving more casually and slower. As if it wasn’t such an emergency anymore. I remember thinking “this is either a very good or a very bad sign.” Thankfully, by her five minute Apgar test she pinked up, cried a glorious and spirited cry, and got a 9 (we later learned that the five minute Apgar retest is the most important and revealing one). They said that a 9 was as close to perfect as it gets and that even super healthy children rarely get 10s. And they told us that it was so great that she rebounded so well and was looking fantastic. She was a fighter for sure. They even let John go over and see her (I was still strapped down so I had to wait).
She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but we didn’t know that at the time, so we started to rejoice and John even took some video on the iPhone to bring back over to show to me since I hadn’t even laid eyes on her yet (we were so lucky that the iPhone happened to be in John’s pocket before all hell broke lose, otherwise we wouldn’t have any documentation of Clara’s birth at all). We later learned they were somehow testing her cord blood to see if she was without oxygen for so long that she sustained permanent brain damage. Only when the test came back all-clear (indicating that there were no worries of that) did the nurses and doctors really seem to relax.
Apparently infants who live after a placental abruption have a 40-50% chance of complications, which range from mild to severe (and sometimes mothers who survive end up with a hysterectomy to control the hemorrhaging). Only then did it start to sink in how lucky we really had been. And what a miracle our baby girl really is.
Finally, after what literally felt like days, they wrapped her up and brought her over to me. My arms were strapped down from the surgery, so John held her right near my head and I just stared at her in disbelief. I was still in shock, and bloated with fluids from the IV along with fear and disbelief and unconditional love.
What did I do to deserve such a happy ending? How would I have survived coming home empty handed to a beautiful nursery that I shared with the world while being so confident that I was guaranteed a cute little baby to put in that crib? Basically it was the scariest day of our lives, and I still ask why. Why me (in that annoying “poor me” way) and why me (in the “why-was-I-so-lucky-she-was-spared” way). But the main thing I feel is full. Of relief. Of gratitude. Of love for my little fighter. My little miracle. I’m SO THANKFUL that the doctors and nurses worked so quickly to come to her (and my) rescue. I’ll never know for sure, but if another team had been on duty I don’t know that I would have had the same outcome. They were just so on it. So invested and so amazing. And I can’t even begin to think about what could have happened if I wasn’t in the hospital when I started bleeding.
Other nurses and doctors in the hospital dropped in to see us for days just to tell us how lucky we were (news of our complications were apparently the talk of the hospital). We even had a friend on another floor (coincidentally she was there on the same day that I went into labor for a pre-term labor scare) who had overheard nurses and doctors talking about “that woman who had both a cord prolapse and a placental abruption at the same time but the baby actually survived.” Only later did she find out that it was me they were talking about. I still get chills when I think about that. How lucky we were. How scary it was. And how gorgeous and amazing that little girl in my arms was. And still is.
So that’s the story of the scariest/best day of our lives. Whew. No wonder we’re obsessed with the girl.
As for if those complications are more likely to occur with any subsequent pregnancies, cord prolapse is totally random and can happen to anyone, so it doesn’t become more likely if you’ve experienced it before (but it’s rare, so if you’re prego and reading this story know that my combination of complications were about as likely as winning the lottery). However, placental abruption is more likely to reoccur (around one in four women experience it again) and it can happen as early as around twenty weeks (when the baby isn’t viable yet, which means the baby wouldn’t make it). So it can be devastating and scary. I have strict orders to wait at least two full years between pregnancies to let everything heal up nice and strong, which probably means over three years between Clara and her younger brother or sister, assuming all goes well. I’m fine with the wait since I’m happy to just enjoy Clara for a while and take that time to continue to process the whole birth experience and build up my courage. But I’m sure when I’m pregnant again I’ll be much less happy go lucky about it.
Which is really sad. John keeps begging me to let it be the same joyful and unabashedly exciting time as it was before. But I know myself. And I’ll be on high alert. Searching for any signs or symptoms that something’s wrong. And scared even if there aren’t any signs of trouble (because there weren’t any before I started feeling contractions with Clara- it just all came out of nowhere). I’m scared that I might even be afraid to get a nursery ready. You know, so as not to jinx things. So my plan is to know myself, and accept that I’m going to be scared. But to do my best to enjoy it as much as I can and remind myself that I now know what an abruption feels like (so I should instantly be able to identify it) and that I have more information than I had with Clara (plus the doctors also know about my history now that I’ve had it happen). So I’ll hopefully have just as good of an outcome should it reoccur, as long as it doesn’t happen before the baby is developed enough to be delivered.
But I’m not gonna lie. I’m going to be petrified.
I also might be a “high risk” pregnancy next time without any chance of natural labor (if signs of another abruption occur they’ll rush me to a c-section if the baby is old enough to live outside the womb). I’m ok with that. Anything for a healthy baby. Now not only am I open when it comes to drugs or no drugs, I’m totally down with a c-section too. Slice and dice, baby. Whatever it takes.
laurajane says
I cried from nearly start to end. Clara is a very lucky little girl, and so are you (though you know this, I’m sure).
My outcome was the exact opposite of yours and I wish every single day it was not. Losing a child is the absolute worst thing to happen to anyone, I swear to God it is. The nursery? Ready and waiting for the little boy who would never sleep in it. The stroller never used. My arms are empty. I am so thankful your outcome was different.
Your Clara is the most gorgeous little girl. I’m so glad you get to enjoy the heck out of her.
Ps. I feel the exact same way about delivery when I have my next- though I am 100% slice and dice me, scheduled birthdays and the whole shebang. :)
YoungHouseLove says
I’m so sorry for your loss Laurajane. Even though I had a tough day I really can’t imagine what you went through. Sending lots of thoughts and love your way.
xo,
s
Robin says
just thought I would drop a note to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my first at 40 weeks with a normal birth and it’s been a long road. I have since had 3 healthy babies and a birth experience very similar to Sherry’s in June, the baby lived this time. Have faith and know that others think of you and you are not alone.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Robin I’m so sorry for your loss as well. But it’s so great to hear that you have since had three healthy babies!
xo,
s
Sarah says
Sherry (and John) – it is very brave and kind of you to share such a traumatic and personal story. I’m glad you all came out of it happy and healthy and plus one adorable little girl. It sounds like Clara was too excited to have such wonderful parents to not overcome her obstacles!
I admire you for sharing your story. And I’ll think of your happy outcome and know that I’m not alone in being nervous as my husband and I get ready to start trying for a baby in the coming year (or two – I still need a little time to get used to the idea of not being able to control my own body for 9 months!).
Nicole says
Wow! How brave you and John were! Can’t even imagine going through those complications after a low risk/healthy pregnancy. My husband and I just had a miscarriage last Thursday after 9 weeks pregnant. It is still fresh in our minds and hard to believe I’m not pregnant anymore. I now will forever have a fear of getting pregnant again (like you), however, people have told me over and over again that God has a plan and things will work out. Hopefully, your next pregnancy (and ours) will be problem free. Thanks for the post.
YoungHouseLove says
I’m so sorry for your loss Nicole. A very good friend of mine lost a baby at 9 weeks and went on to have a super healthy little boy. So that’s my guess. You’ll end up with a bouncing baby boy.
xo,
s
Dawn SC says
Wow. I hope if nothing else this helps you, but thank you for sharing! Like many readers, you had me crying (at work, nonetheless… and I’m not a pretty crier :-P). I’m so happy everything worked out well for all 3 of you! I hear you on not reading the scary pages of those books. I’ve also been skipping them so far because I don’t want to freak myself out with 4 months still to go before our first arrives!
Megan says
That was a beautiful and powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing.
Lisa G. says
Thank you for sharing this with us all. I hope by writing it out it will help you also. I can’t imagine what you and John went through, but I know it will make Clara’s b-day celebration all the more happy!!! So enjoy that day.
Also wanted to say that my sister-in-law had a placental abruption with her 3rd and now due any day with her 4th.They have been amazing with her care this pregnancy. I’m sure your doctors will be also with it’s time for #2.
Jo says
As I read your story it took me back 20 yrs …After 5 yrs of infertility and a miscarriage I was pregnant again only to find out in my 5th month that I had placenta previa and would be on bedrest until the delivery. Being a nurse, I knew all the complications (hemorrhaging, abrupto, accredia death of both of us) but nothing prepped me for the weeks to come. I had many bleeding episodes and was in the hospital for 6 weeks The night my dtr was born 6 weeks early was like you’re a blur everything happened so fast, that the epidural didn’t have time to take effect b/4 they cut me open…but it didn’t matter all that mattered was she was born and healthy. I thought she was safe but unfortunately she had breathing problems and was in NICU for 2wks, Long story short when I took her home I went through the same feelings why was I lucky?, why did I live?, I didn’t have to have the hysterectomy, why did she pull through without any problems…every time I read abt women years ago dying in childbirth I know I would’ve died had it been years ago. I found talking abt it really made it easier. I didn’t have another pregnancy because my marriage didn’t survive and by the time I remarried I was too old to have another child. My dtr is a happy healthy 20 year old attending college with honors. The medical professionals train for this, if the need be they will be there for anyone who needs the same care. Please continue to talk abt it, it will help you. And keep talking during your next pregnancy, its ok to be afraid, but try not to let that over shadow enjoying the miracle that is happening within you
Natalie says
Wow this made me cry! I’m so glad everything worked out for you! I also had an emergency c-section with my first baby, although the circumstances weren’t as scary and life threatening as yours. I remember being so scared and worried. I had assumed I’d have an easy, natural labor like my mom had with her 3 children. Fortunately, my little Luke came out healthy and 15 months later I had another c-section (scheduled) to welcome my second son Chase. I love the 1st picture of the three of you in the OR. We have the same 1st picture with both of my kids. Life is such a miracle and I will pray that the second time around is an easier experience for you!
T. says
Bless your hearts.
Alissa says
Sherry, thank you so much for sharing. I had a textbook pregnancy, and delivery – born on her due date even! A few hours after delivery, my daughter started having trouble breathing and turning blue – it turned out she developed an infection in utero, possibly pneumonia (extremely rare, and I wasn’t even sick). She spent her first 24 hours with heavy breathing assistance in the NICU, and stayed for a week in the NICU getting IV antibiotics, and I remember how awful it was to leave the hospital without her. But, I would also see the other NICU babies, all so much smaller and sicker than her, and see how lucky we were.
Anyway, I know every story is different, but I understand about having to “process” it all. My daughter is 16 months now, and I remember putting her to bed on her birthday – thinking that a year ago I had been asking this little baby in the NICU to be brave and strong all by herself. I hope Clara’s birthday for you will be a great day to enjoy how far you’ve all come!
Benedicte says
I totally just cried into my coffee cup!
Thank you for sharing such a personal story with the rest of us!
XOXO
Janet says
Wow! What an amazing story and thank you so much for sharing. This is a testament to everything working out in the end! I am pregnant with my first baby (25 weeks) and I certainly have fears of how the big day will go down, etc. I have a “plan” in mind but at the end of the day you just want what is best for your baby and you have to trust the medical staff that is taking care of you. Thanks for being so open about your experience. I love hearing about birth stories and it never ceases to amaze me how literally every pregnancy and every baby is different!
Claire says
You are so brave to write this all down and put it out there for the world. It will probably be helpful to your own healing but also to so many other women who experienced some sort of trauma around the birth of their child.
All babies are miracles but yours in particular- so glad she came through without any further complications. You celebrate that birthday with joy!
Erin says
Thanks for sharing your story! I am not sure why I read on after hearing it was scary because I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my second (my first will turn two around Clara’s birthday, yea!) and super emotional. But, I knew the ending was happy. I don’t think anyone ever feels completely sure about the outcome because something could always happen but keep the faith that your second will turn out to be a wonderful little baby just as the first did! That’s what I am trying to do :)
shannon says
i just want to hug you now. it’s amazing to get a little peek into your life. you are a strong and brave little family :)
Cristina says
Hi Sherry,
Wow, you are so amazing and strong. What a beautiful story. Clara is truly a little fighter and such a miracle.
My mom also had a placental abruption and had to have an emergency C-section within 3 minutes with my brother. Similar story to yours, nurses and doctors rushing all around. It was her last though (she already had me and my other brother) so I’m not sure if the problem would have reoccured or not. I can only hope for the best for you.
Kate says
This definitely brought me to tears. I had a little one just a month before you had Clara, and ever since that day, anything mama-related just makes me tear up.
You are so, so strong to share that with the world. And, I am pretty sure just from seeing your pictures, videos, and reading your posts about Clara, that she is one perfect little girl.
You are blessed! Thank you for sharing. It is nice to get that reminder every once in a while!
Jaye says
OMG, you are killing me! I am sitting at work, crying. I look at Clara Bara in a whole new light. She is a miracle baby and I will not forget that. I look forward to watching her grow and celebrate all of those milestones. You are truly blessed.
Brittany says
Sherry,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My mom had placenta previa with me, but the doctors were unaware until she started hemorrhaging (she was only 33 weeks). This resulted in an emergency c-section, when they removed me I was immediately rushed to the NICU (my lungs weren’t ready to be on the earth yet). I was rushed into surgery and my mom was fighting for her life. I ended up be life flighted to a town that was approximately 45 minutes away. My mom was still in surgery while this was happening, and unaware that they had taken me away (she was put to sleep during the C-section). She was in the hospital for 1 week, and still hadn’t seen me. This always left me with feeling of guilt. Your story allowed me to understand my mom’s perspective and what she went through while birthing me, it also allowed me to experience healing. Your ability to share this story is not only a healing experience for you, but it will be a healing experience for Clara when she is old enough to read this. Thank you.
Vonda says
Thanks for sharing, but girl, you are not supposed to make me cry at work!
If we’re lucky enough to conceive a child, I’ve already picked Henrico Drs. I’ve had a ton of friends go there and love it.
Lindsay says
Thank you for sharing this very emotional and miraculous story.
Give the bean a big hug & kiss from all of the YHL fans:)
Emily Jochim says
Ok, so I’m weeping. What an amazing miracle yor sweet Clara is! Thank you for sharing your story. Our first baby was born 2 months before Clara via scheduled c-section because she was breech. I was such a whiny mess because I wanted to deliver naturally. So thank you for putting me in my place! I mean, ultimately I really did just want a healthy baby but deep down I wanted to do it drug free and the “real way”. I can’t wait to see te big things Clara lives up to! God is bound to have big big plans for her!! Thanks again for sharing your miracle story!
Sarah says
Thank you for sharing that story Sherry. I am in tears because I could not imagine my life without my two boys and I cannot imagine what you went through that day. You are definitely blessed!!! Thanks for being an inspiration to us all! <3!
Valerie says
Sherry and John –
I am SO sorry that you had to go through such a terrifying ordeal on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life! This birth story had me in tears and covered in goosebumps – I had no clue that you had such a rough delivery and it caught me totally off guard.
I’m SO completely thrilled for you guys that everything worked out fine – what a miracle. Hugs and kisses to you both and to that sweet baby girl of yours :)
Becca says
Wow, what a story! I cried the whole time. You guys have a lot to be thankful for! :)
Jennifer says
Bawling! That is all :)
Melissa says
Wow, this post made me cry. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can imagine you not wanting to talk about it for a while since it is a lot to process.
I am currently 11 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage and it is hard. While it is extremely exciting to be able to have hopes and dreams of a new life forming…it is hard to be the person I was before it happened. I am not that person anymore. There are many more worries with this pregnancy than I had in the past. (I have a 3 yr old daughter and that was a perfect pregnancy followed by my last pregnancy which ended in miscarriage and I never saw it coming). All I have is hope and faith in God that He knows what will happen and that he loves this baby even more than I do. I also found it EXTREMELY helpful to talk with a counselor while trying to conceive again and also after getting pregnant. Therapy is wonderful…everyone should go! It’s comforting to sort out the mess with someone you respect and won’t judge.
As someone who is experiencing pregnancy after loss, I encourage you to just take it one day at a time when you get pregnant again:) It’s not easy every minute of the day, but I just tell myself everyday that I am pregnant right now, and that’s an amazing gift:)
Thank you for sharing your story:) How wonderful to be celebrating your daughter’s life after one year instead of tragedy!
PS-Totally love/stalk your blog:)
Erin C. says
Thank you for sharing such a personal story, Sherry. That day sounds like it was absolutely terrifying, and I was in tears just reading about it. I’m due in 4 weeks.. and praying my son’s birth is free of complications.
Clara is such a blessing, and I am so so glad that in the end, everything turned out ok. I love reading about precious Clara, and I get so excited when you post new pictures. Thank you for “sharing” her with us. :) I pray for continued blessings on you all for a happy and healthy family.
Aryn says
Whoa. Crazy and amazing and scary. Thank you for sharing. If all goes as planned, pregnancy will be in our near future as well…we keep going back and forth about home births vs. hospital births, and this story is one for the latter team. Was it hard to get insurance post this “pre-existing condition”? Self employed insurance is such a major bummer… I wish there was a magic insurance key someone hasn’t told me about yet (do you know it?!?).
Happy birthday to Clara, a cute-as-can-be fighter Petersik!
YoungHouseLove says
Thankfully I had the same insurance before and after Clara’s birth (we knew she was coming so we got insured before her arrival) so it’s not a pre-existing condition. That would have totally sucked. I agree that insurance (especially self employed insurance) can be really difficult to navigate.
xo,
s
Elisa says
Hubby and I work for small companies and are both self-insured. I’d love to hear about your self-insured-maternity-baby adventures in, perhaps, the next budget or keeping-it-real post. :D
YoungHouseLove says
I wish we had a great story to tell but we just got a few quotes and went with Anthem (called Blue Cross Blue Shield in other places) since they had the best coverage for us (we wanted to be covered really well with a baby coming into the mix). We pay waaay too much, but the peace of mind is worth it. Our best advice would just be to get quotes and see what feels like the best coverage for your money.
xo,
s
Jenny K. says
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful and heart-wrenching story. I cried through the whole thing. You are a strong, brave woman and I am truly inspired by you.
Hesper says
Wow. First of all, you totally just made me cry at work. Hard to be sneaky about blog reading when you have tears in your eyes! And second, I am SO glad everything turned out okay. I would be scared, too. You have such a beautiful little family/life.
Stacy says
I’m a labor and delivery nurse. I’ve seen pretty bad scenarios, some less intense as yours and some way worse. But even though I’ve seen my share of crazy deliveries, your story truly touched my heart. Maybe because I “know” you guys. You’ve opened up your home, life, and pregnancy journey with us, so to read the raw emotion in your birth story means alot to me.
As nurses (and techs and sometimes doctors) we run emergency drills, so we’re prepared for these situations. Included in the drills are ever scenario that you experienced (abruption, hemorrhage, prolapse, and infant resuscitation). When emergencies arise, we go into “professional mode. ” Emotions are out the door and we are “about our business.” Lives are at stake, there’s no time to explain the situation…
Your story opened my eyes to what my patients and their families go through during an emergency. I’ve seen my share of helpless, distraught fathers, and panic- stricken terrified patients and wondered ehat must be going through their head…Now I know. I’ve always prided myself on being a sensitive and empathetic nurse, and I think that reflecting on your story will help to keep me that way.
I am overjoyed that you and your daughter are healthy!
Stephanie Phillips says
The doctors and nurses at our hospital really did help me feel safe and taken care of in a way that I can’t explain very well. The combination of knowledgeable professionalism and deep empathy they showed me really was incredible. Thanks for all you do!
courtney Fillebaum says
I thought that my “baby story” didn’t go well..until I read yours. I too am sooooo grateful that she is here and healthy and will be forever grateful if we get blessed to have another. God is so good! He really is! I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t been able to pray and have my mom come in and pray. I went natural and definitely thought I wouldn’t make it. ::sigh:: I think back on that day and wish it could have been all picture perfect like it was in my mind going into it…but then I look at my little girl. She is picture perfect and that’s what matters. Like my dad told me. As long as the little booties are on the ground that’s all that matters. ::crying again:: I’m so happy to be a mom! I will be forever grateful that God allowed me this wonderful miracle/blessing!
Amanda K says
Thanks for sharing your story. I had to close my office door so an unsuspecting coworker wouldn’t walk in on me crying. I don’t have children and cannot begin to comprehend the fear you and John must have experienced, but I am in awe of your selflessness and bravery. I wish your family every happiness.
Chrissy says
Brought tears to my eyes. It helps to share! You’re a mom, so it’s just love to worry! I about break up every time my son has an asthma cough, we almost lost him to a bad asthma attack and had a 911 call. Even two years later I tear up thinking about it.
Lesley says
Thank you for sharing. I really cannot imagine any of it, and I can see why it would take time to get to a place where you can tell it as a story. It has always been obvious in your words that you two know the blessing you have, but this makes it even more so. Best to all of you!
Julia says
Thank you for sharing the story. I didn’t have anything nearly as scary happen, and my son is one year old today. I remember reading you and Katie (Bower Power) since we were all preggo at the same time.
You’re brave to share. And I understand if you have that fear or trepidation forever. Nothing nearly as horrific happened to me and I feel the same way – proceed with caution is not always the worst thing. God Bless.
Courtney says
I had a scary birth story with my daughter, but it was nothing, NOTHING like yours. I am so sorry, Sherry, but so thankful for such a wonderfully happy ending. What a little miracle. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. Love to you, Clara and John!
Kayla says
Thank you so much for sharing! I am so glad your story had such a happy ending. I can so relate to your feelings about being scared and not happy go lucky during pregnancy. I’ve had two miscarriages in a row, so the whole pregnancy innocence is gone for me – I know things can go wrong and that makes it so scary. It is sad to not have the unabashed excitment and joyfullness of pregnancy, but like you said – whatever it takes to bring a healthy baby into the world.
Cara says
There are no words. I’d never let her out of my sight after that. But I’m so glad that it had a happy ending.
janie says
How awful. My heart goes out to you. I teared up and had flashbacks while reading about the apgar scores and it’s been just shy of six years for me. I don’t think it’s ever going to be something you don’t tear up over, the memory of thinking your child is dead. And I get a sick feeling when I see naive happy go lucky people, especially when they’re headed off to their big scan as if the only news they could get is gender.
What helped me during my pregnancy was having a doppler. I could check on the baby’s heartbeat at any time, which was so reassuring. You might like to hire one next time?
YoungHouseLove says
That’s actually not a bad idea. A friend of mine had one and loved the peace of mind. We’ll have to see how I really feel in a few years when I’m (hopefully) prego again.
xo,
s
bn says
The doppler can go either way–my OB told me she doesn’t recommend them because sometimes people get a false sense of security–they hear the heartbeat, but since they aren’t sure how fast exactly the heartbeat should be, they ignore other signs and don’t seek help when they might have had they not had the doppler. That said, I think as long as you’re aware of ALL signs and don’t solely rely on the doppler, it is a wonderful comfort!
YoungHouseLove says
Very good to know! I think I’d grill my doctor for about thirty minutes before deciding to get one and then I’d hopefully have more info about using it accurately.
xo,
s
Alicia Seebach says
Wow and tears is all I’ve got.
Emily@Decorchick says
Wow, reading this brought me back to my pregnancy days and how our little Emma was born. I didn’t have any of the things happen that you did, but I did end up with an emerg c-section. They were monitoring my contractions like normal, then the machine beeped and TONS of people come running in the room (this happened twice), and after the 2nd time they rushed me off running me down the halls too to have a c-section. Emma’s heart rate kept dropping really low when I had contractions. But they delivered her very quickly and she was ok. Turns out the cord was wrapped around her neck and one of her feet. So whenever I would have a contraction she would kick her feet and then that would tighten the cord around the neck cutting off her oxygen. SO scary. I loved reading your story–what a blessing and a miracle little Clara is.
Rebecca B. says
Well, now that I’ve just had an ugly cry here at work. I couldn’t even choke down my lunch for the huge lump (still!) in my throat! Thank GOD the story does have a happy ending.
I, too, had to have emergency C-section and it does happen so fast that I barely had time to process exactly what was happening. In this case I was at risk and baby was fine but I never once was concerned about myself. Like you, I had an easy pregnancy and no history of any issues to make me think the delivery would be anything but perfect.
The part that always bothered me was that my poor husband had to deal with the possibility that I might not make it. That still breaks my heart, those thoughts being in his head.
All is well, now 22 months later, and we couldn’t be happier with our little fam of three!
a @ directionsnotincluded says
Thanks for sharing that. I’m sure it will serve as a way to heal. How absolutely terrifying but I am so glad you are all safe and ready to celebrate her one year.
Katie says
Thank you for sharing! Reading your story brought back so many memories for me. When I was only 21, I got pregnant with our first child and had her two weeks after graduating college! I had a great pregnancy, despite being young and scared, but the delivery did not go as planned. After 30 hrs of labor, 3 hrs of pushing, vacuum, forceps and the most intense pain ever I ended up with an emergency c-section. Like Clara, my daughter wasn’t crying and was whisked away to the NICU where she spent the next four days. Once we took her home and got the clean bill of health, we couldn’t wait to enjoy our baby. When she was about one month old, she got sick. She was sleepy, when she wasn’t sleepy she was crying. She got a fever and started breathing loudly so I called the pediatrician who listened to her over the phone and calmly told us to go to the children’s hospital ER where he would have people waiting. They whisked her away again and it turned out she gotten sepsis from the Group B strep I tested positive for during pregnancy. She spent another five days in the hospital and it could’ve been fatal had we not acted quickly. Just like you, I did my reading afterwards and found out that babies can get sick with GBS within days of birth or at one to two months of age. No one ever told me anything about that, and they acted as though testing positive for Group B during pregnancy was so common that it was no big deal as long as I received antibiotics during labor (which I got a double-dose of!) Anyways, reading your story was very cathartic as I, too, was scared about getting pregnant again. I couldn’t think about the delivery for a long time after she was born without getting upset. I was also a maniac about whether or not I would test positive for GBS again! Finally, almost five years later we had another child and a third three years after that, all girls. After having two planned c-sections that went well with my wonderful OB doc, I finally have good memories of childbirth, even if they aren’t the traditional way that I always imagined. I am sure you will someday too :)
Katie says
Ack! Sorry – after I posted I saw how long it was! Haha, guess I shouldn’t have waited nine years to put it into words :)
Stephanie Phillips says
I’m glad you shared!
Berglind says
I shouldn’t have read this post at work, no way that I would not cry reading this beautyfull story.. well good thing I have my make up in the bag.
you are so brave! and little Clara is a true hero!.. a really cute little hero ;)
thank you for sharing this with us.
Kelli says
I just had my first baby in January, and now being able to put myself in your shoes, I’m sitting here bawling at my desk! I’m sad for you that you weren’t able to experience a happy delivery, but look how lucky you are. The thought of John being so alone and scared to death in that hallway…and why he wouldn’t look over the curtain. Gosh, it just makes my heart hurt for you!!! Thank God that you have a beautiful, funny, big-spirited little girl from it. Hugs to you both.
Suzanne says
I got chills as I read this…
My birth story with my daughter (also my first child), born just over a year ago, had quite a tramatic and dramatic birth story as well. Similar in many ways to yours. We weren’t expecting anything to go wrong with her birth (and my mother also gave birth relatively easily and quickly) although I have high blood pressure (well controlled with meds)–I had weekly ultrasounds and non-stress tests that came back PERFECTLY every time. At almost 38 weeks I developed a pain in my side (not anything like a contraction–but still painful)that was so bad my hubby made me call the doctor…who in turn had me come in to L&D for monitoring. Once there I was diagnosed with severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I was so sick they had to put me under to deliver the baby. Luckily even though there was meconium in the fluid, she turned out to be fine and after 24 hours on magnesium I was fine too. I was sad to have missed her birth but glad we are both ok! :)
When I think about having another one I am scared just like you!!
Thank you for sharing your story…sorry for the long comment…it is just nice to hear another great outcome of someone who had a difficult birth experience.
Heather says
ohmygosh what an amazing and SCARY story! I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. You truly are blessed after all of the things that could have gone wrong! thank you for sharing with us!