John’s dad’s nickname is El Cheapo and he truly is one of our money management role models. It’s not like he wears shoes with holes in them or lives without creature comforts- he just saves for what is truly important to him (like a family-sized vehicle and even a vacation home for us to gather) and forgoes things that don’t mean as much to him (like fancy meals on the town and a room-sized flat screen TV). Of course deciding what matters to you and being frugal in other areas is truly a personal decision (so if a flat screen TV will give you more joy than a minivan you should certainly follow your heart and save up for that!).
But the point is that Tom literally squirrels away moolah for years to put towards a new car, buys it after extensive research, and then drives it until it has record breaking amounts of mileage (which averages much less cost per year or per mile than most people would ever think possible). True story: he still drives a fully functional 1998 Nissan Quest with over 300,000 miles on it (!) while his wife drives a new Honda Pilot (they saved up for that but the Nissan still works so his thoughts are “why not drive it until it dies?”). In short, the man knows what he wants to save money on and he knows what he wants to spend it on. And he’s not afraid to divert funds from one area to attain something that will bring him and his family great joy- which is always an honorable quality.
In fact we referenced both him and my father when we answered the big “how do you budget and afford so many DIY projects?” question a few months back (see more on that subject right here).
And after reading that post, he sent us an inspiring and memorable email that we just had to share (note: we’re always astounded when our relatives email us to say that they read our blog). So without further ado, the wise words of Tom Petersik:
“Loved your frugal blog post! Funny thing: I was just “admiring” that puffy painted tie from John yesterday. But onward to the main point: too often frugality is incorrectly viewed as “giving up,” when the real point of frugality is “getting what you really really want.” Many times I think the main point of frugality isn’t in “not buying;” the main point of frugality- and perhaps life- is to recognize what brings you the greatest rewards and to go enthusiastically for those things. When Kathy and I got married, buying our first home was a biiig stretch, all $27,500, but we loved every minute of it. And buying our current home was a bigger stretch, but it has been a great blessing. And they were both “frugal” decisions. The point is, if you as a person truly derive great pleasure from something, the frugal behavior is to “go for it” – enthusiastically and whole hog. Who cares if you’re not going out to dinner if the money you’re saving can afford you the things you really want? What is given up means little compared with the pleasure of the better choices.” -Love, Tom/Dad
So we thought we’d share those inspiring words with you guys since they meant so much to us- and because so many of you seemed to relate to that original money management post that he’s referring to. And while we’re on the subject of great parental advice, have you guys ever been taught something by your parents (or another wise-beyond-their-years family member) that you’d like to share? We’d love to hear what legacy your relatives are passing down and inspiring in your household.
Riverside Simplicity says
What wise words! Sadly I was not taught to be frugal or save and now in my early 30’s and newly married we’re learning to do this. It’s a struggle for us but thanks to your blog and other inspirational sites, we’re able to get great tips especially when it comes to sprucing up our rental space.
My parents did teach me to have compassion, treat everyone as I would want to be treated, not to judge and to use my head. All things that have served me well I must say :)
I’m still in awe as to how you two (now three) do it all :)
Samantha says
I told my dad in casual conversation that I just found out my grandfather was selling his first and only house of 56 years. My dad asked how much he was selling it for. I said I didn’t know, didn’t really care. He told me I should offer him assessment value once he found out how much it was assessed for. He said if I didn’t buy it, he would. I did the math, and the apartment I was about to move into was $1,000/month for a 1 bedroom. The mortgage on this house would be $945. I figured since it’s cheaper to buy this house than it is to rent, I’m in. He was so smart to give me that reverse psychology, because I still absolutely adore my little house!
I ended up refinancing the mortgage a year in when rates dropped and the new mortgage is just over $800/month. It’s no luxury home, it’s a fixer upper in every sense of the word. But averaged out, all the repairs STILL come up monthly less than that apartment!
He also told me to charge $25 on my credit card, and pay it off when the bill comes to keep it current. Now my DH and I charge all the time, but we use it for points then transfer the money from checking to pay it off. We get TONS of cash back (it’s home improvement cash back time! Great time for our kitchen remodel!). We also have high interest savings accounts. Back when I bought the house, I saved up thousands for a future kitchen remodel. I put it on hold until now, but I earned enough interest over the last 2-3 years to pay for things to put in the kitchen by doing nothing more than letting my money sit!
By the way, I bought my house when I was 21, and husband was still in college working only PT. It was tight, but we made it just fine since we’re so frugal. We ended up with enough savings to pay for my e-ring, and our entire wedding, bathroom remodel, and countless other fixes in cash on our own just 6 months after he got his first job!
We don’t eat out, because we both feel gross afterwards, so that saves a ton of money! We do have flat screen tv’s though. I had my tube tv for 6 years before it bit the dust. It was a high school graduation present, so it was free. I’ve never had cable while living on my own, but the DTV signal is great, and we have netflix so I just watch back seasons and new releases come in the mail. We haven’t gone to a theatre since 2005.
We look like we’ve got money, we’re even told “maybe if I was rich like you I could…” but the truth is, we give ourselves a little fun money, pay our bills, and save the rest. One of us could quit our jobs at any time and we’d be fine, but we have a sick obsession with savings, so that extra salary is a big bonus :) And those savings bought us our cars, luxuries, upgrades, etc by doing nothing more than enjoying life at home with each other and letting our excess cash build up in savings. It’s so easy on auto-pilot!
adhocmom says
I think that is brilliant advice. My family is a little TOO frugal and has trouble letting go of money and is always saving. We’ve decided doing things to make memories with our daughter. . like taking vacations, etc. is NOT TO BE PUT OFF FOREVER. You gotta do it!
adhocmom
Cindy says
From my parents I have learned what NOT to do. They have always had the mentality of “you’ll never have anything if you don’t have debt”. Now I see them in their mid 50’s having to work just as hard as when I was little just to pay their truck, tractor, motorcycle, and camper payments…plus their mortgage. They can’t miss a day of work or they are doomed. So, as much as it saddens me to say this…my parents have taught me a few lessons. They have just had to learn them the hard way while I make better choices for my family.
Katrna says
What a wonderfull post. My parents raised my sister and I to take care of what you have and make it last. I’ve applied this to my own life, we bought our modest first home with great potenial and so much charm (even though at first it wasn’t cute) We don’t go into debt to furnish house and update it. We do small projects that create bug impact by paying cash and not charging it. We only have one car payment and plan on paying it off soon. We dont go out to eat and cherish time at home cooking dinners…its the simple things that add up to a nice savings..
Begoña says
When I got my first real job my mom told me that everymonth, as soon as i got the paycheck, I should take x amount of money, putting away and never think about it until i really and truly need it. Everymonth the same amount, no matter what and put it on a savings account.She said, “dont count on it, dont think about it, dont touch it for little things”. It turns out I always have money when unforeseen expenses show up or i could buy a house if i wanted to. Appart from that, I pay my credit card on full each month and I cook a lot from scratch (cheaper and healthier that frozen food or fastfood). My parents taugh me you cant have everything so you have to be sure about your priorities! I love the both pretty much
Sue says
Great post! Thanks, you guys, for bucking the trend of having that entitled mindset that so many young people have these days. It’s awesome that you can encourage other people to use their money wisely.
lana @ make a house a home says
my dad always tells us:
decide what your hourly worth is. if someone is willing to do the job for less, let them.
we stick to this when projects aren’t fun. like cleaning the gutters, or dealing with a flooded kitchen!
Kelsey says
My husband and I definitely model our financial behavior after our parents, both sets are very smart with money. At our recent April 1st wedding my husband’s grandfather shared some wise words as well, “It’s not what you save, it’s what you don’t spend.” So I guess it runs in the family!
Thanks for the post! I think that if we as a society were more open to talking about money and how to handle it wisely it would be a very good thing.
Lauren says
What a great post! My husband and I live by all the same financial principles that you do, and it’s weird to think that we’re not the norm. Other people are shocked that we can afford a nice house on only one average income (I can stay home with the kids). I loved this post and your previous one on money management because it’s actually good information that everyone can implement in their lives. Hooray for frugalistas!
Melissa says
This has nothing to do with money, but everything to do with happiness…
My mother ALWAYS told me, “Find someone you love who does the ‘little things’ for you. That’s what counts.” and she was so right.
My boyfriend (may as well be married, just haven’t done the ceremony yet) makes sure I have everything I need before going on a day-long trip, buys extra toilet paper, fills the water pitcher, and takes out the trash every time it’s needed. He brings home oreos when he knows I’m due to be pmsing, dusts when my brother is coming to visit and bakes fresh bread because he knows how much I like the smell.
None of that matters that much… it’s the little things. No big, extravagant gestures. Nothing meant for other people to see “how good we have it” or “how much we must love each other.” It’s all in the every-day, love you, take care of you category.
And ten years ago, I had no idea what my mom was talking about… but now I see how much it means that my love makes sure to tell me he loves me in all the “little ways” that mean so much. :)
Thanks for reminding me of this…
Melissa says
Just have to say that while this entire post was encouraging… I was especially excited to hear that he’s driving a Nissan Quest with over 300,000 miles! We have been living frugally for some time now, and were just recently blessed from a family member who gave us a 2000 Nissan Quest with 216,000 miles which seems crazy high, but 300,000+ ?! That’s awesome! Praying ours makes it that far too! ;)
Molly says
My mother worked as a medical technologist for 20 years, doing wedding and portrait photography on the weekends for a few extra bucks. Finally, a really low “pay increase” pushed her to the edge and she quit; two months later, the foundation was dug for her new photography studio. She’s never looked back in starting in her own small business (that was in 1997 and it’s still thriving–so much so that I work for her part-time!), and I truly admire her for that.
One of her favorite quotes, which has become one of mine, is: “Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”
So true, Mom, so true…
Renee says
my dad broke his neck as a teenager and was paralyzed from the neck down for a month and not suppose to walk ever again. however, the doctors performed some miracle surgery and he’s totally fine now. i grew up with him always saying, “if you’re able to get up and walk, you’re having a good day”. that sticks w/me when i start to feel sorry for myself or get upset over little things. just puts what really matters into perspective (of course people who are paralyzed can be perfectly happy, but i think you get the drift! :)
also, he’s notorious for calling the cops on people who illegally park in handicap spots. he says handicap people would love to be able to park far away and walk the distance…..i just love his take on life!
Denise Stark says
Your original post on money management really brought on a change for me, truly.
I am not someone who needs to save money, we have a years salary in savings, paid cash for a brand new car last year and we use a credit card for everything due to the cash back we get, but we pay it off entirely each month.
What has changed is that I think different about WHAT I buy. I have realized that I don’t need to have 2 of everything, I need to use something up before buying a new one, and I don’t need to buy something just because it is a good deal, etc…
I cannot tell you how many times since I read that post, that I have thought if it before I bought something that I really did not need. If I am tired of the curtains in my bedroom, I need to re-purpose them else ware. I don’t need to get a new outdoor rug if I can clean the old one. I find myself in a totally new mindset just from that post and I didn’t realize it until recently.
So as much as I LOVE your great projects and decorating ideas, your advice on making money changes has really made an improvement in me.
Lindsey says
The words of Dad/Tom are incredibly inspirational. Thank you for sharing them, it’s just another reason why we work hard for things. Thank you for that, I just read it aloud to my hubs too!!
Jessica Fulkerson O'Brien says
oh my gosh – I just blogged about a similar perspective: http://jessicafulkerson.blogspot.com/2010/05/theres-quieter-magic.html
I read a great article in O Magazine called, “The Pleasure of Pinching Pennies” and loved these two quotes from it:
“thrift is often dismissed as the sort of julie andrews of virtues: familiar and comfortable, but hardly scintillating. not so. done right, deliberating how you spend has a hidden voluptuousness. thrift allows you to appraise the world anew. it’s about perusing life’s possibilities, then homing in on the ones that make you happiest.”
+
“thrift connects you, not just to people but to processes. it makes you less passive, more alert—to more than your bank statements.”
:)
Dana @ House*Tweaking says
Such wise words from an honorable man! Ditto that, Tom!
My Dad taught me the way to live simply and unattached to objects. This way, I’m (and he, too, is) able to live clutter-free. If an item isn’t getting used (and this can mean physically like a piece of furniture or emotionally like an old picture I drew when I was a kid) it gets tossed, recycled, repurposed or donated. He also taught me not to sweat the small stuff OR the big stuff…it’s all just stuff in the end. Love ya, Dad!
Amy says
My parents are definitely my financial role models as well. They have occasionally been the butt of a joke or two about having ‘coffee cans buried in the backyard’ because they don’t spend money. Growing up I dont think we were particularly rich, but we made it. My parents saved everything and now have lots to show for it. They still live in the first home they bought, but everything is paid off, they’ve invested some and pay off credit cards each month so the balance is zero. Growing up they set up a savings acct for me, but never let me touch it. Even now I never withdrawn from that acct or on the rare chance I have, I’ll replace it right away. They also kinda instilled in me that credit cards are evil. And they are in a sense! So… I guess just save money, bargain shop! and invest in quality items- not cheap ones you’ll have to keep replacing. My brother, on the other hand, is a bit more reckless and hasn’t taken these lessons to heart.
:)
jessica says
thanks for the post. We are currently(at least I am) trying to shift my thought process to a more frugal place. So that post helped alot-put it in a great way. My favorite & most oft used advice passed onto me from my grandma was “eat what you don’t like first, save what you love for last.” which is a great thing to apply to anything you’re doing, eating or otherwise. That way, you get to finish up with the fun stuff, instead of procrastinating the worst for last. Yet another thing I’m still working on :D thanks again!
Rachel says
My hubby is a police officer & makes extra $ working as security for a local movie theater. Aside from the cash, it also means that we can see movies for free.
About 3 years ago, we chose to give up our satellite. We only watched a few channels & it was wayyyy too easy to waste an afternoon on trash, so we dropped it & now use Netflix.
I get the Sunday paper only (during a $1/week special) & the coupons more than make up for the expense…along with a fabulous site: southernsavers.com. She finds all the best deals each week & then lists every current coupon to go with it. I estimate saving over $1,000 just since January!
Don’t forget the free giftcards that a lot of drugstores are offering right now if you transfer a prescription. I use them to stock up on tp, paper towels, tooth paste, & never spend a dime.
Last, I found daveramsey.com (he’s on the radio, too & I listen to him whenever I can). His entire message is about becoming debt-free. There are no gimmicks & anyone can do it if they try. We paid off all our credit cards (we didn’t owe much…I’ve always been pretty cheap) because of his ‘debt snowball’ idea…next the student loan…then the mortgage!!
melissa says
From my dad, “if you can’t afford to pay cash, then you can’t afford it!” ~obviously excluding housing and vehicles!:D
Shannah says
As my dad (and grandpa) say:
You can have anything you want in life, as long as you know what you’re willing to give up.
{The Classy Woman} says
My mom taught me to be frugal. My dad taught me to go after my dreams, no dream is too big! To this day he and my husband are my greatest supporters and encouragers. :)
My dad also taught me the importance of a clean and organized space. He is the neat freak in our family and he definitely passed it down to me, for which I am grateful.
That’s so great that your Dad read your blog! My dad knows of my blog but I doubt he’d have the time to read my blog for women. LOL.
~Karla
Briony says
I vote for another Dad advice post on Father’s Day as I enjoyed reading this one!
My Dad has taught me many lessons. He has always said,”Remember that who you work for is at home.” By this he means that the family is the most important thing in life. That is where the money you earn, and most importantly your time goes. Family matters and stuff does not.
Natalie says
John and Sherry, you are both so lucky to have such wise parents. What a great start that has set you up for life.
Neither my husband nor I had this. We have had to learn our own lessons later in life (at 30) unfortunately and financially we are not where we would like to be. “Better late than never though” is what I keep telling myself. We have 2 little girls and endeavour to be the best role models we can for them.
To be honest, you both inspire me even though I don’t know you personally. Your blog gives great financial and lifestyle advice and is way more than just a design and renovation site. THANK YOU!
Natalie says
Oh, and I just have to say….John’s dad looks exactly like the dad on the 80’s tv show ALF. What do you think?
YoungHouseLove says
We’ve actually never seen it. We’ll have to google around to check it out!
xo,
s
Riding Boots says
Dad’s are just the best and they come out out with real nuggets of wisdom
Erin Clark says
Great advice…that is our philosophy too. We don’t drive fancy cars or wear fancy clothes, but we save money for big vacations like Thailand and a nice home. Now that we have a little one on the way, I have saved so much by buying clothes and other items second hand.
Some of the greatest advice I ever received was from my father. In high school there was something expensive that I wanted and my Dad told me to think about how many hours I would have to work at my PT grocery store job to pay for that item and reevaluate if it was worth it. Guess what…it wasn’t. Even now, I use that same advice when determining if I am going to make big purchases and determine how many days worth of work I would be devoting to that one item.
I love your blog. Thanks for writing about the real world and providing such great ideas!
Sonja says
My 1996 Honda Civic is kissing close to 240,000 miles and my 16 year is eye balling it. I am saving for a new car but the 0% interest, $0 down promotions are making me weak. This post was right on time. Thanks.
Natalie says
Six years ago, I got divorced, and had a great new job and wanted to treat myself to a new car, my grandpa had worked for General Motors for decades and had retired. I got a family discount, and bought a 2004 Chvey Malibu that I was so proud of, because I did it “all by myself.” My Pap-pa was an over-the-top frugal man and actually did wear shoes with holes, while saving, saving, saving, his whole life for his retirement. I remember when I bought this car, he said to me, “you just can’t stand prosperity.” He simply didn’t think I “needed” the car. I financed that car for 72 months to make my payments affordable, and I wanted it hell or high water, even though he was right, I didn’t really “need” the car… My pap-pa lost his battle with Parkinson’s Disease one year ago, at the age of 70. This disease took away his quality of life, literally beginning the year he retired at age 62, the 8 year deterioration of his body didn’t allow him to enjoy ANY of the money he had worked so hard to save…
So it was a paradox of sorts… my entire family has learned many lessons from this. We all have a good sense of our finances, and joke with each other that “that is the Teddy in us” (Teddy was my Pap-pa). But on the flip side, we would have loved for him to LIVE his life when he was living without being so consumed with saving… so we all learned from it. We are living and saving, and enjoying the balance.
In September I will make my LAST car payment on that Malibu, and as many times as I have wanted something new, perhaps a little SUV, I can hear my Pap-pa echo, “you just can’t stand prosperity..” I have since decided to drive that car “until the wheels fall off,” I have never, EVER paid a car off… and I can’t wait to write that last payment, for my Pap-pa, I can finally become prosperous. I miss him so much.
~Natalie
J says
First off, I think John’s dad should have a weekly guest post on here! It’s always nice to share our knowledge in hopes of helping others. And I think he really touched on something so important, especially in today’s economy where people are just are going desperate because they have no money, no work or because they feel they need to live up to a certain standard and can’t. I have 2 kids and when I had my first, I made the decision to put my career on hold to be a stay at home mom while my husband became the sole provider. It’s been a sacrifice on one salary but we’ve never looked back and never have gone without. I thank God for that. At the same time, it’s been hard to save for not just emergencies, but our retirement, our kid’s future and other stuff. At the end of the day, I’m just glad we have a roof over our head, food on our table and our health. I used to spend money on everything I wanted but now it’s not as important. I’m fortunate that I can stay home with my children and hope that there will be better days when we can save more money for them and for us. Right now, as many folks are living, we’re living day by day and that’s okay.
Tonja Morris says
I am slowly teaching this lesson in frugality to my family. It also has the added benefit of reducing the clutter in our house.
The lesson that my mother taught me that has served me well is…”Can I affect a problem? If the answer is ‘no’, don’t stress about it. If you cannot affect the outcome, it is not worth stressing over.” This is another life lesson I am trying to pass on.
Hanna says
I’ve been blessed with lots of good advice over the years so I’ll keep to the topic at hand and say that my favorite financial advice is to buy once and buy well. Nothing is more expensive than something shoddily made that’s not only frustrating to use but breaks before its time.
Case in point, my sister-in-law and I were both expecting babies at the same time, I went with a very high end stroller that she just scoffed at (btw, she’s known for being cheap, not necessarily frugal) and she bought one of the most inexpensive strollers she could find. One and a half years later, not only has she has been through THREE frustrating strollers and spent as much as we did on ours, but she is now thinking of buying the exact stroller we have since ours still looks/acts brand new. Sometimes you get what you pay for!
We use this advice in almost every area of life, it means that generally we have way less than our friends, but we’re not pumping landfills full of junk and when we do get something new, we LOVE it and it still looks and operates great many years later.
Chelsea says
I love your style, after trying to google around and find something similar. Theirs nothing. Have you found another blog out there that has a similar style to your home?
I watched your apartment tour, I noticed you had the headboard from your guest bedroom, the malma bed. Did you have a game plan/mood boards for your current home before you even moved in?
Can you please, please, please do a post on how you organize your kitchen. People use their kitchens the most, what have you guys done to modify your kitchen to organize. Are you extra picky and style the inside of your cabinets or coordinate the color of your food (besides your glass cabinet)?
Thanks!
Chelsea
YoungHouseLove says
Hey Chelsea,
We love so many other blogs- some of which have similar tastes to ours along with lots of great tutorials and ideas. Just check out our Link Love section on the sidebar for lots of sites we adore. And as for decorating our own house, we’re pretty good at visualizing thibgs so we actually don’t make mood boards for ourselves, we just start with a wall color or bedding or some other piece of furniture/accessory and just slowly build the room around that item. And as for how we organize our kitchen, we actually have a cabinet organization makeover on the agenda soon (within a few weeks) so stay tuned…
xo,
s
Jennifer says
Just wanted to pass along a huge THANKS for always giving us some good financial perspective! I’m always inspired by your views on money (as clearly many others are as well), and while it’s a personal subject, I think these posts really resonate with people. Thank you for opening up your lives to us and reminding us we can still live our lives while being frugal :)
Melissa says
good advice! I love frugal tips! =)
andela says
MY parents have taught me that is better to know than to have.
Paige Graham says
Ah, the advice of parents. My father speaks very few words to me and that’s the way it’s always been. He’s a quiet guy, so when he does speak at length it is quite interesting and memorable. A few years ago I applied for and was accepted to a very prestigious college of Art and Design, but was so scared because I would be far from home and spending ridiculous amounts of money [cost of living+supplies&equipment+tuition=ridiculousity.]
So, after spending a few days gloating and freaking out I decided I needed to sit down with my parents and discuss it all, the one thing I can remember my father clearly saying was this; “If this is what you want to do, we will make it work. We didn’t save up anything for your college, we had other goals in mind like buying this house and putting food on the table, sorry. But we will make it work.”
That statement was a two-in-one for me, it really showed me how much they support and respect me, but it also revealed that they would sacrifice personal comforts and assurances for a short while in order to get me to a higher level of education and earning than either of my parents had ever achieved.
I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes you must sacrifice financial security in the short-term in order to finance something greater for someone you love. It isn’t all about obtaining the perfect car or the perfect house, sometimes it’s about building a life for someone you love.
Also, on that note, if you’ve got kids or are planning to have kids [I know that Baby P is on the way] please, PLEASE to ALL PARENTS save what you can for that kid’s college, no need to make it hard on anyone when the time comes.
Carolyn says
I can’t think of any good advice we’ve received off the top of my head, but experience has certainly taught us a great deal. We didn’t have a lot of money when my husband and I first got married (thanks to studying), so the only option was to go without for the first couple of years. I think this has helped us grow together as a couple, and also to appreciate what we do have now.
As for practical things we do to save money:
*wash our clothes in cold water
*dry our laundry on the washing line rather than in the dryer (living in a mild climate helps)
*put on extra layers of clothing in the cooler months to save on heating costs (again living in a mild climate probably helps, because we don’t have to worry about snow)
*borrowing books/dvd’s from the library
*go for a walk and appreciate the outdoors, instead of going to the mall/shops to entertain ourselves
*drive and maintain one car (1997 model and still working fine!)
*cook using less meat. We’re not vegetarian, but meat is expensive, so I try to find alternate recipes that my meatosaurus husband will enjoy.
I’m enjoying the challenge of living frugally (very different from my own upbringing). It helps me to think creatively and mindfully about how to enrich our lives whilst living on one income. I hope our daughter will grow up to know that money doesn’t buy happiness.
Apologies for my long post!
Lesley G. says
This is my favorite thing about your dad- I’m always grilling Emily about how your folks raised 4 kids! (My other favorite thing about your dad is that the man still runs a 10k in like, 42 minutes. Outrageous!!)
ps- Thinking of you two over there in new baby land… :)
Lisa says
When I first moved to DC to find a job I lived with my Aunt and Uncle. During that time I learned A TON about savings and coupons. My aunt would compare all local grocery ads at the start of the week and use what was on sale to determine what meals to cook that week. She is an amazing cook, so I think it was like a test for her to figure out what she could do with the most on sale ingredients. She also taught her kids the importance of saving & at the grocery store the rule was we can’t get it if its not on sale or don’t have a coupon. This made sure her kids not only learned about being smart shoppers, but also probably avoided a few tantrums in the process.
Now I am married and use her advice all the time- my husband even bought me a coupon organizer as a wedding gift and every Sunday he reads the paper and search for deals- I am not always frugal (I love my Starbucks) but this is one area when I can find joy in helping us as newlyweds to save money for the bigs things that we are looking forward to. I will always be grateful to my Aunt for not only taking me in free of charge for several months, but for teaching me a lot about smart saving.
Fav tip from my Aunt- Bed/Bath & Beyond will take expired coupons so never throw them out!
Rachel P. says
When my husband and I became engaged we found one of our shared values was staying out of debt. What’s interesting is both our families struggle with finances and barely make ends meet in spite of making plenty of money. I guess the other way to learn to be frugal is to see exactly how it works to not be conscientious with your money.
Jill Stigs says
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” – Oprah Winfrey
Viv Walker says
Thanks so much for this post. His advice encapsulates exactly what I think, but could never manage to convey so perfectly. I am sending it to my kids!
Judy says
This column was very bittersweet to me. My beloved dad passed away the day after Christmas and we have been missing him terribly. He lived in the house next door to mine and had bed-ridden for several years, but his 86 year old mind was sharp to the end. My dad (and dear mom who died 32 years ago) were such good role models. My dad kept a record of his spending (not really a true budget) in spiral notebooks since 1947 when my parents got married. It’s a real sociological study of spending in middle America. The real lesson my dad taught me was to never buy anything I couldn’t afford to pay cash for (well, houses and cars were exempt from this rule!). I think he would be proud because with the small (and generous) inheritance I received from his estate, the first things I did were to pay off my house six years early and buy a new car for cash (trading in my 15 year old model with 180,000 miles on it). I’ve tried to pass these tenets onto my daughters. Good luck on your new adventures.
Aimee says
The absolute best lesson I learned from my mom is to say, “No.” We women too often feel like we are not allowed to say no when someone asks us to do something. As a consequence, most moms are overscheduled, drained of all energy, and making themselves ill. I watched my mom do exactly that, and end up in the hospital from it.
I have taken Mom’s lesson very seriously. I am one person, and I cannot do all the things people expect of a woman/mom in our society. No one can do them all WELL. It’s not possible. When we try to do everything, everything we try to do suffers to some extent. Prioritize and realize that the PTA, the church, the sports teams…they all have multiple people who help out. You, however, are the only you. Decide which areas you can reasonably handle, and when extras are asked of you, say, “No, not this time.”
It’s freeing, and it’s one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself and your family. My mother says it’s the best lesson she ever taught us.
Alicia (Atypical Type A) says
I see a lot of our peers (mid-twenties) building big houses and filling them with brand new furniture and huge TVs. We see how our parents live and want that NOW but sometimes forget that they worked for 30 years for that.
The Man and I try to live more like our parents did. Making do with hand-me-down furniture until we can afford to invest in quality items and living within our means so that we can afford what’s really important to us, like travelling, entertaining friends and paying off our home.
Jackie says
Love it John and Sherry! My dad is actually the same way and I really admire his frugalness.
I was raised in a family that is strongly influenced by our Finnish heritage. I think the message I heard the most from my Dad, grandmother, mom etc is “Sisu” It roughly means perseverance or never give up. Here’s a brief explanation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisu
I think this was the most important message for me growing up because I don’t expect life to be handed to me or for things to always be easy. I was also told about sisu and witnessed grandparents who worked every day of their lives trying to achieve the American dream. I also watched my parents work very hard to get where they are today. I try to live that way as well and think of the importance of sisu!
TG says
My father gave me advise I know pass on to my kid. “To get help, you have to help yourself first. When someone sees you helping yourself in a positive way, people will come forward and try to help you too.” I have seen this happen over and over throughout my life.