Young House Love

Home Decorating & DIY Tutorials

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How To Deal With Criticism

It was fun to crack open a little bit of our personal “stuff” last Tuesday for this post about the real $herdog (yes, I’m still patiently waiting for that nickname to catch on) and John’s J-Boom version. And a funny thing happened after sharing those. Not only did they receive over 1,200 amazingly awesome and encouraging comments (note to self: apparently you’re not a social pariah if you admit that you sometimes have strawberry cream cheese on your ear and are inclined to impersonate Cindy Lou Who) but we also got dozens of emails – not even exaggerating – asking about how to deal with criticism and respond to negative comments. And thus this post was born.

dealing-with-online-criticism-and-negative-comments

I guess by sharing all of our weird idiosyncrasies it encouraged people to write about something they’re struggling with and ask how we handle it? It also could have had something to do with this thread on the $herdog post. Either way, the emails mostly came from folks who run small blogs who have somehow fallen into larger readerships thanks to being pinned on Pinterest or otherwise thrust into the spotlight suddenly (like a feature on Apartment Therapy or Design Sponge). And the general gist of every single email was this: someone was blogging along about whatever they blog about (some of these people aren’t home bloggers at all) and then… zinger… it happened. A not-so-nice comment. And it stung.

Close Hummus

With more readers definitely comes more “feedback” – both good and bad. And you know I’m happy to be that spunky little cheerleader on your shoulder shouting high-pitched overly-enthusiastic things like: “you can do it!” and “reach for the stars!” – so here’s my humble advice in a nutshell:

  • It’s your blog.
  • Be who you are. That is enough.
  • Try to give the good feedback as much weight as the bad.
  • Do all things with love.

Sounds corny huh? But I’ll explain how those four things have really helped us deal with the whole “you’re putting yourself out there and I’m anonymous so I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel” phenomenon. After all we’ve been told (both nicely and not so nicely) a few of the following things:

  • I’m not really interested in posts about _____, so I vote you skip them
  • I’m losing interest in big projects – do more little ones
  • Do more big projects – the small ones are filler
  • I want more Clara and Burger and everyday stuff
  • I want less Clara and Burger and everyday stuff
  • That paint color/art/room is ugly/not the right choice
  • Stop using certain words/expressions because they make me cringe
  • Stop being so cheap and spend some money
  • Stop spending so much money and be more frugal
  • Move faster, I’m bored
  • Move slower so I can catch up
  • I’m disappointed in this choice/this idea/you
  • This blog used to be better because _________
  • I will no longer read this blog because ________

See all the contradictions going on in there? Basically if we listened to every suggestion, well, we wouldn’t have a thing to blog about. Not a single thing. And after 2,000+ posts and over four years of doing this, we’ve definitely learned that some folks like things that others hate and some people have an opinion when it comes to how they’d run this blog if it were theirs. But here’s the thing. It’s not theirs.

Which brings us to…

Tip #1: It’s your blog. It might sound weird to point out, but your blog isn’t a magazine with a team of 30 people who poll their readers and try to please the largest group (at least I don’t think it is). The very definition of a blog is just an outlet to write whatever you want and share whatever part of your life that you’re passionate about in your own words and at your own pace and in whatever way feels natural to you. Whether you do it full time or as a hobby once a month, your only real task is to be who you are and share what you like and those who like it will drop in.

In our case, we’re just two people with a dog and a kid who happened to gain a following sharing our adventures on the home front. We just write about whatever’s going on in our lives and seems interesting to us, which has gotten us here (we’re not Facebook or Pinterest, but 5 million hits a month = crazytown to two kids like us). See, if you attempt to please every last commenter, as much as you love and value your readers, know that it’s Mission Impossible – and it could even lead to your blog’s downfall (it won’t be yours anymore). So trust yourself. Everyone else might have an opinion, but your voice really should be the loudest and your vote really should be the one that counts.

Cheesy Burger Picture

Tip #2: Be who you are. That is enough. I think most people are a little guilty of the whole wanting-more syndrome. When a show ends I immediately want the next episode to come on (and I want it to be even better than the last). When I get a magazine and it’s feeling a little thin I wish it were twice as thick. And I think boxes of Oreos should be bottomless (I expect them to refill themselves while I’m sleeping). So it’s no surprise that when it comes to blogging, well, readers are inclined to want more. They might say it not-so-nicely, or very kindly indeed. And either way it might make you feel sort of womp-womp. But it’s just human nature. And I can tell you from experience that you will be a happier person and a better blogger if you make peace with that completely normal phenomenon.

You can’t control how every single person reacts to your blog, but you can control how you blog. And struggling to eke out more to the point of exhaustion or burnout (be it recipes, sewing tips, DIY stuff, photography pointers, craft ideas, or anything else you blog about) just isn’t the answer. At least not if – in the words of Claire Danes in Homeland – you’re playing the long game. Ideally your method of blogging should make you feel more inspired, creative, and enthusiastic about blogging – which in turn will shine through so your readers get just as giddy about it as you do. There’s a reason that your blog is attracting a readership and people are coming back. So just go at your own pace and concentrate on doing things well and not making yourself sick or neglecting your family because a few usually very well-intentioned folks want something that should take ten days to be done, photographed, and blogged about in five. Forgive people for being excited and impatient. We all do it.

Of course establishing these boundaries applies to other scenarios too, so if you have a family blog and folks want more photos/info about your kids than you’re comfortable sharing, know that whatever you want to share = enough. In blogging I generally think if it feels wrong (or makes you feel tired/sad/uninspired), it’s wrong. So don’t do it. As much as I hate being told to relax (seriously, ask John, it’s on his “do not ever say that to me unless you want me to go crazy on you” list), just try to relax and do your thing.

Clara Rocker Far

Tip #3: Try To Give The Good Feedback As Much Weight As The Bad. The funny thing is that everyone we talk to who is wrestling with comment criticism admits they still get waaaaay more positive comments than negative ones. I mean the ratio is usually astounding. We know it just takes one cutting comment to get under your skin, but when the vast majority of people love something, it sucks to let one commenter sink your battleship. Let’s do some light math (I don’t do heavy math, but light math is ok). If over the course of a week or two, 99 people take the time to say they like your blog/post/project/house/whatever and one person chimes in to say something’s not their cup of tea, that still adds up to a 99% success rate. And those are good odds my friend- so keep on keeping on! Heck, even if a ton of your readers don’t like something but you like it, I wholeheartedly think that you should keep blogging about it. Why? Because you like it and – once again, for the folks in the back – it’s your blog. Picture me up stage wearing a pant suit and a pocket protector saying “I can’t hear you!” and holding the mic out so you can shout that chorus with me. Or dancing around in this outfit chanting it with my lovely family while serving up a heaping portion of jazz hands (Burger’s clearly hiding because he doesn’t want to be seen in this getup).

JibJab Big Finish

Tip #4: Do everything with love. It’s admittedly extremely cheesy (and you might hear a tiny violin playing in the background) but my favorite advice is usually summed up in that phrase. It’s actually written on a post-it note that I’ve had stuck to my laptop for the longest time. When someone takes time out of their day to say something they’d most likely never say to anyone’s face (or would they…?) I’ve come to realize that spewing the same venom that they flung in my direction won’t make me feel any better (heck, it would probably make me feel significantly worse).

So I try to look at them from a place of love. Maybe they’ve had a terrible day. Maybe they’ve lost someone they love very much and they’re hurting. It may seem weird to try to have compassion for those who don’t seem to be very sensitive to your feelings, but I’m telling you that there’s something to it. It helps me respond with humor or a quick explanation from my point of view without getting too heated. Or even just with the words “Merry Christmas to you and your family!” like I did when someone said that decorating our family Christmas tree with paint chips was akin to decorating it with tampon wrappers. Growing up my mom always said that above being successful, popular, or athletic (all the things I worried about so much back then), being kind was the most important thing. And that’s something I’d love to pass down to Clara. Sing it with me: all ya need is love.

BurgerOttoman Nuzzle

So there it is. My brain dump. I hope it helps at least one or two of you out there who might be struggling with growing and having more eyes on you. I know it sounds corny, but for us this blog is just about sharing our adventures and hopefully helping you guys along the way. That’s why we make videos about grouting and cabinet painting and take so many photos and share every last detail – in the hope of helping a handful of you guys at home. And it’s also why we love sharing behind the scenes blogging stuff like this (since so many of you are fellow bloggers these days). I am completely embarrassed to admit this, but we wrote the Thank You part of our book a few weeks ago, and it wasn’t the part about our family and friends that made me cry, it was the part about you, our lovely readers. Crying isn’t even the word. It wasn’t cute. I was weeping. There was smeared mascara and a runny nose. The whole nine yards.

The enthusiasm, sweetness, and support that you folks send our way is nothing less than life-changing. I really mean that. The least we can do is crack open a little bit of ourselves in beyond-DIY posts like this from time to time (every once in a while we get the itch to overshare, like this and this along with our more recent J-Boom and $herdog posts). So lets get all sappy and share mom and dad quotes in the comments. Or any other older and wiser family member who said something while you were growing up that rings oh so true to you. My mom was also famous for saying “always wear nice underwear in case you end up in the emergency room” throughout my formative years. And let me tell you, she was right on the money about that too. It’s waaaaaaaay too embarrassing to go into, but I didn’t follow her advice and I royally regretted it. There were Care Bears involved. And I was 21. And I don’t think the doc grasped the concept of ironic underwear. I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination.

Update – Some of the most frequent requests that we get are for info about professionally blogging (how we made our site, how we grew our following, how we make money, etc) so we shared all of the details about how we started a blog, grew our traffic, and turned it into a full time job. 

Comments

  1. Julie @ There and Back Again says

    I am a frequent reader but infrequent commenter – but couldn’t help saying that this is a great entry. It gives me so much respect and admiration for the two of you! You are brave to put so much of your genuine selves out there for anyone to see and respond to each day, and the way you handle negativity with humor and grace is truly inspirational. Just keep on being the real $herdog and J-Boom, because they’re pretty dang cool :)

    Reply

    • Krysti says

      Another ditto for everything Julie said! You make it clear that you respect and value your readers…I hope you and John know the feeling is mutual!

    • Cindy says

      Ditto again, what Julie says.
      I think your post is a life lesson too. I’ve heard people complaining that someone hasn’t blogged for several days. That just bugs me no end. I like rapid fire blog posts (if I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t care enough to be reading in the first place) but it’s not an obligation. If you’re blogging and I’m interested, hey, lucky me. And if you’re blog that day doesn’t touch my heart, then so be it…. you didn’t owe me a thing!
      Keep on with what you do, because obviously you’re doing it right as Sherdog and J-Boom. Love you lots!

    • Elizabeth says

      Julie is so right! We have this little saying in my office (work in customer service), “kill them with kindness!” You two do it so well.

    • Meghan says

      I do the same thing!! I recently saw a baby t shirt at Old Navy with a Chihuahua on it and thought this would be so cute for little Clara..I said to my sister is that weird I thought of them like were real life friends? Hopefully not haha but, it would be pretty cool to be real life friends..you guys are great! xo

    • Penny says

      @Amanda, Weird, why would you think that? I saw a monkey ottoman at a store yesterday and took a picture of it for Clara…um, where did I think I was going to send it :)

  3. julie g. says

    Well said $herdog! I have never understood why people leave non-constructive negative comments. If you don’t care for a blog then don’t read it. It is as simple as that. And who want LESS Clara and Burger!?
    You and John have changed our home room by room. I only read two blogs on a regular basis and you would be amazed at how much yours has influenced our home and how we feel about it. It is more “ours” then we ever thought possible!!! So please just keep being you and doing what you’re doing.

    Reply

    • Belinda says

      Agreed! Julie says it so well, I have nothing to add. Keep it up, you guys are doing an amazing job.

    • Amanda says

      So true! Your tutorials have helped my husband and I get through a bunch of projects…actually the first post I read was the one where you put your initials above your bed in your old house, and I was hooked – we copycatted your idea and put our initials above our bed as well. I love it every day, and reading your blog entries once or twice a day is seriously a highlight. Thank you so much for all of your hard work and your positive energy :-)

  4. Danielle says

    You guys are awesome! Thanks for all the how-to’s, what-not-to-do’s and all around great tips and inspiration! :)

    Reply

  6. Jodi says

    Have you seen the SNL sketch about people who leave mean comments? It was when “Molly” from Mike & Molly hosted (sorry I’m spacing her real name, you can give a mean comment about that if you’d like). Check it out, you’ll laugh. Keep up the good work, I don’t have a blog but I think these are all valid points for life in general.

    Reply

  7. Beth says

    Love everything about you guys and your blog. Stalk it every single day, and appreciate how you keep it real. Kudo’s.

    Reply

    • Dianne says

      Ditto. Reading a blog is a choice — and in the case of Young House Love, a pleasurable choice. It is always first on my stalking list!

  9. Ashley W says

    I’m really astounded by how rude some people can be when commenting on anything. If I don’t like something (which… hasn’t happened on this blog, like, ever) I just mumble it to my computer screen and move on. It’s so weird to me that people think that their negative opinion is so important that they have to take the time to type a negative response.

    You guys keep doing what you’re doing! I love your blog and can’t wait to get your book! :)

    Reply

  11. Kelly says

    am I really first??? Wow! that is a first!

    $herdog and J-boom…I love you guys. I don’t comment very often, just whenever I feel the need. I can honestly say that I don’t read every post you post either. If it doesn’t seem interesting to me, I just skip it. However, there are other posts of yours that I have read so many times that I probably have them memorized. When I am talking to IRL friends, I say, “these friends in Virginia,” like we have met and are great buds or something. All this said, those people who post negative comments, well, they can just go suck a chicken for all I or you should care. Tell them to take a hike and stay away from your blog. They aren’t forced to, like would be thrown in jail if they didn’t, read it!! Both of you just, like the Brady kids would say (are you old enough for to get this?) “keep on keep on keep on keep on…” You are awesome!

    P.S. And who cannot love gettin’ their Clara and Burger Boy fix???

    Reply

  13. Amanda @ Our Humble A{Bowe}d says

    Yeah, the negative comments are hard to forget, despite all the nice/encouraging/helpful ones. Especially when a blog is completely optional to read. And reading blogs is a FREE way to get inspiration. So even if readers don’t like everything they see, I think they should remember (just as we have to remember to let the negative comments roll off our backs) bloggers are providing them a service. Usually, I don’t care if people don’t like our house/paint colors/projects, but it does sting being criticized about parenting/my kids. No one is perfect and everything is a brief glimpse into the life of the blogger. It is very easy to be taken out of context.

    Okay, that’s my little bit. My mom always said, ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.’ You know, that phrase has never been more true. Haha.

    Reply

    • Sandra T says

      Geez, this is so true, and I had to read it myself to remember it: You are providing FREE DIY advice, inspiration, help, encouragement and ENTERTAINMENT every day! I HATE when commenters get negative (and sometimes even nasty) on a blog! What the heck? You can disagree, but you are “visiting John and Sherry’s house” to play, can’t you at least be polite and respectful that this is their space? I read Dooce.com as well as your site…and this past week has been awful over there. It’s like all the cockroaches crawled out to see the light of day! I love you guys and Clara and Burger, too! Keep on spreading your sunshine, cause this crazy world sure needs it!

  14. Anna Lisa says

    Heh, I can definitely see why people who’ve suddenly been featured on Apartment Therapy would be asking about this issue. Their commenters are completely the worst. I am one of them but I really try to only leave negative comments if I have an actual suggestion for something that would add to it. Like, “Your house is so pretty, have you ever thought about adding crown molding in the living room, I think that would really help complete the look you seem to be going for” or whatever. And even then I feel bad that it might come across as criticism. Because, like, they have clearly spent a lot more time and effort on their house than I have on mine and how is it any of my business to say it’s not good enough?

    Reply

    • gk says

      just have to chime in to say that while i love AT, yes – people there can be harsh! i made the mistake of entering one of the color contests 6 years ago and i’m still kinda smarting over the person who said that my apartment looked like something out of the 80s. i clearly do not have thick enough skin to be a blogger :)

  15. Barbara says

    That’s really sweet and reminds me of advice a friend’s dad gave us in high school. We were out to dinner and the waitress was just horrible. She was rude and not helpful at all. When it came time for the check (which was hefty!) my friend’s dad left a very large tip. When asked why he rewarded such bad behavior he said, “we don’t know what kind of day she has had. She might be going through something really hard in life right now and needs something positive to happen for her. It’s my hope that this tip makes her feel better and maybe treat the next customer a little better.”
    It really touched me and has definitely changed how I react to Negative Nancys.

    Ps. I love your blog and think your family is just my kind of quirky!

    Reply

    • Robin says

      I did the same once for a car that almost hit my car at Dunkin Donuts and flipped me off. Paid for her coffee and donuts. Stayed just long enough to see the look on her face and drove away.

    • Meg Smith says

      So true! When my husband and I were dating, we experienced a similiar situation with a troubling waitress. My darling husband left her a gigantic tip and oh was I appalled! His reply, “I treat others because of who I am, not who they are to me”! Right in my gut and pretty much sealed my love for him! Isn’t that just like Christ who gives when we are so undeserving! Love to you, J & S! And I love hearing about all your crazy adventures!

    • Kathy says

      LOVE this! Random acts of kindness in response to criticism. I’m going to try this the next time I encounter negativity or anger. :)

    • Hayley says

      Wow, Barbara, what a wonderful story, it gave me goosebumps too. In fact this whole thread made me teary eyed!
      I just copied this thread and saved it as a reminder.

      Sherry, your attitude toward critical people is inspirational. I hope good things will always come to you because you are always doing good things.

  16. Farrah says

    Haters gonna hate! ;) I think you all are great. Husband and I are in the process of buying our first house and you and John are such an inspiration!

    Reply

    • kylie says

      me too, farrah! every dated house we see that my husband rolls his eyes at I say ‘remember john & sherry painted all their trim!” or “remember john & sherry white washed their brick & paneling!” “It can be saved!” lol.

  17. Lindsey d. says

    Someone very wise once said “You can’t please all of the people all of the time…” Y’all are doing a great job! Keep it up!

    Reply

    • Vonda says

      Oh my gosh, I’d almost forgotten hearing that as a kid. I love it.

      I guess I may be commenting on ‘that thread’, but I have been a follower of this blog since the beginning (ok, I may have missed about a year, but I read the whole thing in like 3 days) and since then I read or skim every post – never miss a one. You know what your blog did? It allowed me to see & enjoy different decorating styles and started the creative juices flowing again. I loved my house, but the decor had gotten stagnent. Without your blog (which caused me to find others that I adore as well), I’m not sure that my love for decorating & creativity would,ve resurfaced again.It’s hard to readjust a busy life but that was definitely the missing part. And it’s back baby!!

  18. Laura says

    Oh man, you guys are the BEST.

    And I thank you for the Care Bear snippet at the end. I spit coffee onto my monitor. Have a great day, and keep up the AMAZING work! :)

    Reply

  19. Kristin says

    You guys are awesome! I love this post. Great words of advice. Keep on keepin’ on! (also, LESS Burger and Clara? NO WAY!)

    :)

    Reply

  20. MJ says

    Hugs, Guys! You do amazing projects, but I doubt there’s any one person that’s going to be on board with every single one of them (raises hand), but that’s OK! Design is so personal, but that’s what makes it so much fun! I know any frustration I have with your projects is purely due to excitement. What will they think of next?! You’ve set the bar pretty high for yourselves, but do a really good job of mixing overarching house projects like the kitchen remodel with some quick house-tweak updates and I love how you keep moving forward!

    Reply

  21. Leigh Anne says

    Great post…but is it sad that when I read the Claire Danes quote, I immediately thought, “Yay, YHL is watching Homeland!”

    Thanks for blogging about the good, the bad, and the ugly and keeping true to yourselves. We readers are excited to be along for the ride!

    Reply

    • YoungHouseLove says

      Haha- we watched the entire season already! Gobbled that up! I needed something to break up 375 pages of manuscript reading and kitchen miscellany. Haha.

      xo,
      s

  22. Julia @ Chris loves Julia says

    How Timely! Just yesterday, Chris and I talked about and posted what we are going to do with negative comments–now that they are definitely rolling in from time to time. A lot of bloggers may delete these comments, but we decided to keep ’em up and follow a more “John and Sherry approach” of understanding not everyone is going to like everything we do. So we decided we aren’t going to delete any comments unless they are spam or wildly inappropriate they would make our moms blush.

    http://chrislovesjulia.blogspot.com/2012/01/commenting-good-bad-and-rude.html

    That being said, your “Do all things with love” approach is beautiful.

    Reply

    • YoungHouseLove says

      Such an interesting discussion! We fall right along where you fall on that subject. Our example is always this. A comment that stays: “this is ugly and your blog is stupid” (although it’s hardly constructive, we’re more than ok pushing publish). Comment that gets deleted: “your baby is ugly”. No need to make my mom want to reach through the computer and strangle people. Haha. Besides, we all know Clara is gorgeous so that person is just living in opposite day or something. I always picture someone’s nine year old son commandeering their computer and leaving a silly little comment like that. So bloop, it’s gone. I think we draw the line at extremely personal attacks that do nothing but get other readers riled up and create massive detours from the happy place we try to create.

      xo,
      s

    • Chelsea in Richmond says

      Do you seriously get “your baby is ugly” posts? I can’t even imagine what kind of person would write that. Bleh. So glad you guys have thick skins!

      I also can’t believe someone told you that you might as well use tampon wrappers on the tree. Wow. That’s about all I can say on that topic while keeping it “PG”…

    • YoungHouseLove says

      Oh we only get one or two really over the top things like that a year. I really just picture someone’s kid getting on the computer and writing “you smell like a fart” or “your kid is ugly” when their parents aren’t watching. Haha. Sometimes you just have to laugh.

      xo,
      s

    • Kelly says

      HAHAHAHA. Can you please please leave the comment next time someone responds to your post about curtains with “you smell like a fart”? That would make my life! LOL

  24. Michelle says

    Loved this post and they way you see/deal the people that leave off comments is great. My dad’s always said “Don’t let anyone steal your happiness”. And he’s right. I have that choice to let someone affect the way I feel or to make that important decision myself :) Thanks for your words.

    Reply

  25. Katie says

    I am in LOVE with your blog and have never understood haters…don’t read it if you don’t like it! I am a stalker of your blog and though I don’t live in your area (I live all the way over in Iowa), I would probably be the odd one staring at you in the grocery store because you are famous to me!
    Keep up all your wonderful work, it inspires me daily! Thanks!

    Reply

    • YoungHouseLove says

      You never know, I drop in on Iowa from time to time (my BFFs family lives in Reinbeck and we fly into DesMoines. That would be a pretty funny run in because I can guarantee I’d out-awkward you.

      xo,
      s

    • Meredith says

      Fellow Iowan reader—I would FLIP OUT if I saw you in the Des Moines airport. It would just be one giant fest of awkward. (Also, clearly based on this Iowa love, Iowa needs to be a stop on your book tour). :)

    • Jackie says

      Yet another Iowa reader! I want to run into you guys too!!! Love your blog. I never comment, but I always send my love and positive thoughts out into the universe for you all. Keep on keeping on.

    • Marie says

      I’m in Iowa too! If you do come on the book tour, come in the late spring or early fall and you should definitely check out the sculpture garden in downtown Des Moines. http://www.desmoinesartcenter.org/visit/pappajohn-sculpture-park.aspx

      I have had two very vivid dreams that you were in. I saw you in Walmart in one, but played it cool and didn’t say anything. In the other, my husband I drove to see my sister in Leesburg and apparently somehow worked it out to stay one night at your house (because you would totally invite random strangers to stay in your guest room!).

      About the criticism, I don’t get why people take the time to basically say “I don’t care”. If you don’t care, why did you take the time to comment? My current decorating taste/style is probably closer to the style of your old house. That said, I love seeing your bold choices in the new house.

    • paintergal says

      Ooh! Count me in as another reader from Iowa. Would love to see you here for your book tour.
      How funny to hear the words “Reinbeck,Iowa” coming from your blog.

  26. betty in munich says

    Love ya guys just the way you are! Wait, except I think you should get a cat – then you guys would be purrfect. Hee Hee I just crack myself up.

    Reply

  27. Donna says

    Hey Sherdog,

    I am always amazed at how free people are to share their opinions and make negative comments. This post is excellent.
    You guys are great, I enjoy everything you write. Keep on keeping on.

    Also, when I was college several of my sorority sisters and I all had nicknames with dog in them. I was Dagdog, there was a Sheldog, a Lynnedog, Tdog and a smalldog (her last name was Smallwood). So I will think of you as Sherdog!

    Reply

  28. Maureen @ This (Kinda) Old House says

    I have said this before and i will say it again. I think you guys are amazing. You have inspired me so much! I have lived in my house since 2004, and never did too much with it because I always thought that I would never be able to DIY things and that anything we wanted to do would cost money that we don’t have. That leads to feeling badly about your house, and in turn, yourself. Finding your blog has changed ALL of that. It really may seem strange, to some people, to tell you guys that you have in some ways changed my life, but the truth is you have. I now have the ability to make our house our home. Thank you, guys!

    Reply

  29. Marianne says

    Great advice! I am always amazed at the mean comments people sometimes leave. I often wonder what is going on in their lives to make them so hurtful and impassioned about such silly little stuff…

    Reply

  32. Helene says

    My dad is a calm, kind, sweet man and most things roll of his back. He almost never swears (when someone cuts him off in traffic, he calls him a “turkey” and he frequently uses the word “phooey” when he is frustrated).

    But one of his favorite observations about people who are inexplicably mean is that “There’s no shortage of a**holes in the world.” The simple obviousness of that statement always makes me laugh it off when I am really angry, hurt, or annoyed at someone.

    On another note, I’ve never understood why people take the time to complain about stuff they see on the internet. Do they not realize that they don’t have to read articles or blogs they don’t like?

    Reply

  33. Alex - Old Town Home says

    We try to roll with any criticism that we receive, following basically what you guys have outlined. We’ve been trying to grow our blog, so we’ve been toughening ourselves up and readying ourselves for what was sure to come. So when we had our Apartment Therapy home tour and had a few comments about “Not my taste but…” or “Very 1980s” we were able to laugh it off, or even look at it and say “Yep, they’re right, very 1980s, we should change that.”

    I think the biggest thing we’ve done for ourselves is to accept comments, both positive and negative, as things that can help us, not hurt us. If someone doesn’t agree or like what we’ve done, oh well, that happens, life goes on, and it’s ultimately our house/life/project.

    We like keepin it real, just like you guys do. I think that’s why we like your blog so much. You can’t have much fun in life if you can’t either make fun of yourself, or use criticism as a way to better your own life.

    Reply

  34. MandyP says

    No matter how you slice it, negative comments sting. My tiny, little blog has had 2 in its life. I am grateful for that LOW number, but I’ll tell you what…those 2 comments bothered me for…a loooong time. It’s hard to be out there and real and have someone (who almost always uses “Anonymous”) rip you to shreds in a few words.

    I never understood why someone can’t just click the red ‘X’ at the top of the page if they don’t like something rather than spewing their negativity. *shrug*

    Great post. Love you guys. Love your blog.

    Reply

  36. Meg@Green Motherhood says

    What a well written and well timed post. I’m seeing more and more bloggers dealing with this fact. I love how positive you are with those who leave some “negative” type comments.
    I’ve noticed that “mom blogs” get it the worst. I guess because there are so many opinions when it comes to child raising (and unfortunately, Katie B. probably knows this fact first hand-she handled it so well too.) Since I mostly post about Isla June, I’m extra careful with what I share. It’s just how I try and protect myself and my family. But, one that same note, it is my blog and anything I share I am totally willing to stand behind 100%.

    I think MLK said something along the lines of returning hate for hate just breeds more hate.

    We need more people like you out there, Sherry!

    Reply

  38. Lauren says

    So, thank you for this post. I’m almost sort of tearing up right now. My blog is still small, but it’s definitely growing (almost a thousand hits a day is CRAZY to me, so five million a month is jaw-dropping.)

    Anyway, my blog is humor-based but tends to be very personal. And I just got my first ever mean (like hugely mean) email.

    And it sucked. And sort of broke my heart a little.

    This post helps give me a little perspective on the whole thing.

    And hey, it’s a blog milestone right? My first negative feedback!!

    Reply

  39. Andrea Dvorak says

    Thanks for writing about this topic, $herdog (I’m trying to help you out there…) I don’t have a blog, but your tips for taking blog criticism are all good tips about living life in general, I think! I’m on a rough road with a couple personal relationships, and all these ideas relate well to making the best of those situations too. So thank you for offering good living advice (not just good blogging advice)!

    I also want to say that, while I understand the impulse we can all have to say exactly what we think on blogs without thinking about basic kindness, we should all remember that we usually don’t interact with people on impulse. We think before we speak, and we should do that online too!

    Reply

  40. Michele says

    Love this post! Not sure if you’re fans of Parks & Rec, but last night’s episode was sort of all about this topic.

    Reply

  41. Betsy says

    I’m laughing. Anyone who thinks they could do better can have at it! FWIW, I think you guys are awesome. Kind of like Martha Stewart, but on my planet.

    Reply

  42. bridget b. says

    i can’t believe someone actually made that tampon wrapper comment about your christmas tree! some folks have no manners!

    i’ve always admired the way that you guys handle negative/dissenting opinions. some of those comments would have steam coming out of my ears!

    keep up the great work!

    Reply

    • schmei says

      Yeah, that floored me, too… and it doesn’t even make sense. It’s the kind of thing you expect a flustered 7-year-old to blurt out when they’re mad and they have to come up with the meanest thing they can think of on the spot. Really mature.

  43. MB says

    This isn’t only good advice for a blogger, but great advice for life in general. You guys have a wonderful attitude and that’s what makes life fun and worth living. Not being negative and mean. Nothing good comes of that.

    My husband and I are doing lots of DIY projects to our house thanks to you guys. My list is loooooong ;) Thanks for all the ideas!

    Reply

  44. sarah says

    Beautifully written Sherry! I am sorry that you guys ever have to deal w/ criticism.

    When I was growing up my Mother always said- before you say something ask yourself 3 questions:
    “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?”
    I think that is pretty good advice.

    I love watching the new house come to life! Have a good day!

    Reply

  45. Michelle says

    You guys are awesome! My mom quote growing up was ” now how are we going to act?” and every kid that was in the car had to say “like ladies and gentlemen.” Didnt matter if they were my brother or sister, friends, cousins, everyone said it at the same time. We would always have to say before we got out of the car before going into the store, a friends house, relatives house….every single time. Over time she didnt even have to ask we would just say ” like ladies and gentlemen” haha. It worked because in do not ever recall acting up while we were in public.

    Reply

  46. Emily Anne says

    I teach completely online and never get the chance to meet my students in person – so the interaction is similar to what you experience on the blog. Anyways, something that I do is to try to imagine the student saying their comment a number of different ways. The written word alone can be deceptive so by imagining their comment said light heartedly or with an accent (haha) helps me lighten up before I reply. Granted some comments are obviously meant to be snarky but this approach works for me most of the time :)

    Actually, I left a comment on your blog once and after I had submitted it I realized that my comment came across a totally different way (more negative) than I meant. So, just an example of how we are not all experts in conveying what we really mean in the comments. :)

    Reply

  47. Colleen in MA says

    Great post! The negative voice in our head (directed towards us or reacting to someone else) are amazingly persistent. But I believe, as you do, that directing love at it is the best way to neutralize it. If you wanna get philosophical about it (thinking you go there!) everything in our existence carries an energy with it. The energy generated by love is healing. On a more mundane note, when I’m sitting at my desk at 3:00 pm and I’m cranky and tired and worried about making deadlines, I (try to remember to) think about why I love my job, and it’s truly energizing. Helps me focus on what’s important. Just wish I could remember to do this more often! :)

    Reply

  48. Katie says

    Sending a little love! I don’t get people who leave mean comments. You’re right – it’s YOUR blog and if they don’t like it they don’t have to read it. Plus, design is so subjective; that’s what’s fun about it. As a new blogger, I think y’all are an inspiration. You’ve found a way to turn what you love to do into a business. Keep it up!

    Reply

  49. Tomi Ann says

    What a fantastic post. I think you could pretty much substitute “life” for everywhere you wrote “blog” and this would be good advice for everyone. Thank you!

    P.S. My brother has become a very big blogger, unexpected to him, and the amount of negative feedback he’s gotten has been really hard for him to cope with. I’m going to forward this to him, too.

    Reply

    • Ann says

      I was going to leave the same comment. Well, minus the bit about my brother, cause he’s not a blogger. :) Being comfortable in your own skin, accepting that not everyone may like you, and extending grace to those who hurt you are good things to strive for – in the blogosphere and in “real” life.

  50. Christi says

    I just wanted to say thanks to the four of you! Work/life can be sooooo boring so I love reading your blog everyday!

    Btw, Clara with the gold chain bling MADE my week! She now needs a cool nickname! I am not from Jersey but maybe C-Wow?

    Reply

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