It was fun to crack open a little bit of our personal “stuff” last Tuesday for this post about the real $herdog (yes, I’m still patiently waiting for that nickname to catch on) and John’s J-Boom version. And a funny thing happened after sharing those. Not only did they receive over 1,200 amazingly awesome and encouraging comments (note to self: apparently you’re not a social pariah if you admit that you sometimes have strawberry cream cheese on your ear and are inclined to impersonate Cindy Lou Who) but we also got dozens of emails – not even exaggerating – asking about how to deal with criticism and respond to negative comments. And thus this post was born.
I guess by sharing all of our weird idiosyncrasies it encouraged people to write about something they’re struggling with and ask how we handle it? It also could have had something to do with this thread on the $herdog post. Either way, the emails mostly came from folks who run small blogs who have somehow fallen into larger readerships thanks to being pinned on Pinterest or otherwise thrust into the spotlight suddenly (like a feature on Apartment Therapy or Design Sponge). And the general gist of every single email was this: someone was blogging along about whatever they blog about (some of these people aren’t home bloggers at all) and then… zinger… it happened. A not-so-nice comment. And it stung.
With more readers definitely comes more “feedback” – both good and bad. And you know I’m happy to be that spunky little cheerleader on your shoulder shouting high-pitched overly-enthusiastic things like: “you can do it!” and “reach for the stars!” – so here’s my humble advice in a nutshell:
- It’s your blog.
- Be who you are. That is enough.
- Try to give the good feedback as much weight as the bad.
- Do all things with love.
Sounds corny huh? But I’ll explain how those four things have really helped us deal with the whole “you’re putting yourself out there and I’m anonymous so I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel” phenomenon. After all we’ve been told (both nicely and not so nicely) a few of the following things:
- I’m not really interested in posts about _____, so I vote you skip them
- I’m losing interest in big projects – do more little ones
- Do more big projects – the small ones are filler
- I want more Clara and Burger and everyday stuff
- I want less Clara and Burger and everyday stuff
- That paint color/art/room is ugly/not the right choice
- Stop using certain words/expressions because they make me cringe
- Stop being so cheap and spend some money
- Stop spending so much money and be more frugal
- Move faster, I’m bored
- Move slower so I can catch up
- I’m disappointed in this choice/this idea/you
- This blog used to be better because _________
- I will no longer read this blog because ________
See all the contradictions going on in there? Basically if we listened to every suggestion, well, we wouldn’t have a thing to blog about. Not a single thing. And after 2,000+ posts and over four years of doing this, we’ve definitely learned that some folks like things that others hate and some people have an opinion when it comes to how they’d run this blog if it were theirs. But here’s the thing. It’s not theirs.
Which brings us to…
Tip #1: It’s your blog. It might sound weird to point out, but your blog isn’t a magazine with a team of 30 people who poll their readers and try to please the largest group (at least I don’t think it is). The very definition of a blog is just an outlet to write whatever you want and share whatever part of your life that you’re passionate about in your own words and at your own pace and in whatever way feels natural to you. Whether you do it full time or as a hobby once a month, your only real task is to be who you are and share what you like and those who like it will drop in.
In our case, we’re just two people with a dog and a kid who happened to gain a following sharing our adventures on the home front. We just write about whatever’s going on in our lives and seems interesting to us, which has gotten us here (we’re not Facebook or Pinterest, but 5 million hits a month = crazytown to two kids like us). See, if you attempt to please every last commenter, as much as you love and value your readers, know that it’s Mission Impossible – and it could even lead to your blog’s downfall (it won’t be yours anymore). So trust yourself. Everyone else might have an opinion, but your voice really should be the loudest and your vote really should be the one that counts.
Tip #2: Be who you are. That is enough. I think most people are a little guilty of the whole wanting-more syndrome. When a show ends I immediately want the next episode to come on (and I want it to be even better than the last). When I get a magazine and it’s feeling a little thin I wish it were twice as thick. And I think boxes of Oreos should be bottomless (I expect them to refill themselves while I’m sleeping). So it’s no surprise that when it comes to blogging, well, readers are inclined to want more. They might say it not-so-nicely, or very kindly indeed. And either way it might make you feel sort of womp-womp. But it’s just human nature. And I can tell you from experience that you will be a happier person and a better blogger if you make peace with that completely normal phenomenon.
You can’t control how every single person reacts to your blog, but you can control how you blog. And struggling to eke out more to the point of exhaustion or burnout (be it recipes, sewing tips, DIY stuff, photography pointers, craft ideas, or anything else you blog about) just isn’t the answer. At least not if – in the words of Claire Danes in Homeland – you’re playing the long game. Ideally your method of blogging should make you feel more inspired, creative, and enthusiastic about blogging – which in turn will shine through so your readers get just as giddy about it as you do. There’s a reason that your blog is attracting a readership and people are coming back. So just go at your own pace and concentrate on doing things well and not making yourself sick or neglecting your family because a few usually very well-intentioned folks want something that should take ten days to be done, photographed, and blogged about in five. Forgive people for being excited and impatient. We all do it.
Of course establishing these boundaries applies to other scenarios too, so if you have a family blog and folks want more photos/info about your kids than you’re comfortable sharing, know that whatever you want to share = enough. In blogging I generally think if it feels wrong (or makes you feel tired/sad/uninspired), it’s wrong. So don’t do it. As much as I hate being told to relax (seriously, ask John, it’s on his “do not ever say that to me unless you want me to go crazy on you” list), just try to relax and do your thing.
Tip #3: Try To Give The Good Feedback As Much Weight As The Bad. The funny thing is that everyone we talk to who is wrestling with comment criticism admits they still get waaaaay more positive comments than negative ones. I mean the ratio is usually astounding. We know it just takes one cutting comment to get under your skin, but when the vast majority of people love something, it sucks to let one commenter sink your battleship. Let’s do some light math (I don’t do heavy math, but light math is ok). If over the course of a week or two, 99 people take the time to say they like your blog/post/project/house/whatever and one person chimes in to say something’s not their cup of tea, that still adds up to a 99% success rate. And those are good odds my friend- so keep on keeping on! Heck, even if a ton of your readers don’t like something but you like it, I wholeheartedly think that you should keep blogging about it. Why? Because you like it and – once again, for the folks in the back – it’s your blog. Picture me up stage wearing a pant suit and a pocket protector saying “I can’t hear you!” and holding the mic out so you can shout that chorus with me. Or dancing around in this outfit chanting it with my lovely family while serving up a heaping portion of jazz hands (Burger’s clearly hiding because he doesn’t want to be seen in this getup).
Tip #4: Do everything with love. It’s admittedly extremely cheesy (and you might hear a tiny violin playing in the background) but my favorite advice is usually summed up in that phrase. It’s actually written on a post-it note that I’ve had stuck to my laptop for the longest time. When someone takes time out of their day to say something they’d most likely never say to anyone’s face (or would they…?) I’ve come to realize that spewing the same venom that they flung in my direction won’t make me feel any better (heck, it would probably make me feel significantly worse).
So I try to look at them from a place of love. Maybe they’ve had a terrible day. Maybe they’ve lost someone they love very much and they’re hurting. It may seem weird to try to have compassion for those who don’t seem to be very sensitive to your feelings, but I’m telling you that there’s something to it. It helps me respond with humor or a quick explanation from my point of view without getting too heated. Or even just with the words “Merry Christmas to you and your family!” like I did when someone said that decorating our family Christmas tree with paint chips was akin to decorating it with tampon wrappers. Growing up my mom always said that above being successful, popular, or athletic (all the things I worried about so much back then), being kind was the most important thing. And that’s something I’d love to pass down to Clara. Sing it with me: all ya need is love.
So there it is. My brain dump. I hope it helps at least one or two of you out there who might be struggling with growing and having more eyes on you. I know it sounds corny, but for us this blog is just about sharing our adventures and hopefully helping you guys along the way. That’s why we make videos about grouting and cabinet painting and take so many photos and share every last detail – in the hope of helping a handful of you guys at home. And it’s also why we love sharing behind the scenes blogging stuff like this (since so many of you are fellow bloggers these days). I am completely embarrassed to admit this, but we wrote the Thank You part of our book a few weeks ago, and it wasn’t the part about our family and friends that made me cry, it was the part about you, our lovely readers. Crying isn’t even the word. It wasn’t cute. I was weeping. There was smeared mascara and a runny nose. The whole nine yards.
The enthusiasm, sweetness, and support that you folks send our way is nothing less than life-changing. I really mean that. The least we can do is crack open a little bit of ourselves in beyond-DIY posts like this from time to time (every once in a while we get the itch to overshare, like this and this along with our more recent J-Boom and $herdog posts). So lets get all sappy and share mom and dad quotes in the comments. Or any other older and wiser family member who said something while you were growing up that rings oh so true to you. My mom was also famous for saying “always wear nice underwear in case you end up in the emergency room” throughout my formative years. And let me tell you, she was right on the money about that too. It’s waaaaaaaay too embarrassing to go into, but I didn’t follow her advice and I royally regretted it. There were Care Bears involved. And I was 21. And I don’t think the doc grasped the concept of ironic underwear. I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination.
Update – Some of the most frequent requests that we get are for info about professionally blogging (how we made our site, how we grew our following, how we make money, etc) so we shared all of the details about how we started a blog, grew our traffic, and turned it into a full time job.
Jenna at Homeslice says
I’m so glad you guys continue to be “you” even with all the criticism. I love your blog and you do a fabulous job.
Handy Man, Crafty Woman says
It astounds me how people can be mean. I think the mean people like to hide behind the anonymity of the internet.
I have a pretty small blog, so I was shocked to get some negative comments. I thought you had to have a “big” blog to get haters. Apparently not!
bloggers do a lot of work for very little (or no) money. It’s a lot harder than it looks to keep up a nice blog.
Katelyn Made says
Very inspiring post! I’ve been blogging casually for years, and have encountered both good and bad criticisms myself. I find it so odd that I get bad criticism since I always think “who the hell even reads this blog anyway?” lol. It reminds of a Simpsons episode where Lisa’s in a bad calls “The Number 2’s” and everyone at their concert boos them. She wonders “why did they come if they were only going to boo us?”
Jessica says
I think it is ridiculous that people would take time out of their day and yours to hate on your blog. No one is forcing them to read it. I’ve been reading for a few years and you’ve helped me find my own style. This blog is the best and I think it’s pretty amazing that it’s become something that allows you to work together from home. That is amazing. Take care.
Christina says
As a pretty new blogger (okay one year is not that new) I don’t have too many followers and have been fortunate enough to not yet have any negative comments. But I must say the possibility of it has crossed my mind and it makes my stomach churn. I’d better bookmark this post. I’m kind of sensitive so I think I would need all the kind words and wisdom on the subject I can get!
Kathleen says
Said so very well. There is a crafting blog that I follow and just this week the writer has changed what she is doing because of some negative comments/feedback. I feel so bad that she let one or two people hurt her. I tried to convey that her blog is about what she loves, not about others. I do hope she gets it. Good for you to understand that you just can’t please everyone and you really need to please yourself first!!
sara says
Hi
First I apologize for my English. I am and I live in Spain and I do not speak the language well and I’m using the google translator.
I’ve been following your blog for several months. I love to read you for two reasons: I love the decor and look at houses and I really like to know how others live elsewhere in the world. For this reason I’m in love with your blog.
So far I had not dared to write but this entry I have been encouraged to do so. My small contribution is that I believe all these tips that you give to have a blog and be happy, I think that you can tell it your daughter that to be happy in your life. I think they’re very good advice for the life.
Nothing more. I hope to continue reading large projects, small projects and things of you in your daily life.
a greeting from Spain.
sara
Laura is Undeterrable says
Thank you for this! Honestly, the comments and the fear of bad ones kept me from starting my blog for a while. I’ve yet to get a truly bad one, but I know it will come someday. And I know it will hurt but I will move on.
I’ll never understand the motivation to be a troll. Yes, I have seen posts that did nothing for me, so I didn’t finish reading them. When a blog is no longer inspirational or helpful to me, I unsubscribe. It’s very easy. I NEVER felt the urge to tell them that they needed to post more for me or talk about different things or change who they were.
Tiffany says
I love this post! I loved it initially but after being featured on Apartment Therapy the other day it took on a whole new meaning!!! I usually don’t read comments because people can be so mean, but in my excitement I started reading them. oy. I read a few before I stopped reading but any time mean words from those comments came to mind I found myself thinking about THIS post and it made me feel so much better!! I applaud you guys for being able to stay so sweet and positive when you’re faced with criticism. I just received a tiny taste of what you must experience often and man it was tough! My husband says the fact that I have haters means I’ve “made” it. ;) I don’t know about that but I know that I never want to be the person to take the wind out of anyone’s sails! Good job with this blog. I LOVE it! PS- here’s the AT link! http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/before-and-after-antique-dry-sink-into-changing-tabletastefull-life-165443
YoungHouseLove says
Aw, so glad to help Tiffany! There are definitely a lot of opinions over there, but I for one think it’s adorable!
xo,
s
SherL says
Love, love, love your blog! So much so that I hang on to unread ones for when I have time to catch up (which is why I am just now commenting on this post).
Your writing is charmingly conversational, the pictures are delightful, and by combining your story of family life with your love of decorating and renovating, I think you make us feel like part of the family.
Insurance Check says
You guys have a wonderful attitude and that’s what makes life fun and worth living. Not being negative and mean. Nothing good comes of that. Beautifully written Sherry! I am sorry that you guys ever have to deal w/ criticism.
Megan says
Thanks for this insightful and honest post!! Just today I received a negative comment on my blog, which ruined my morning, until I remembered your post on blog negativity. Re-reading the sentiment of ‘Doing everything with love’ gave me the push to reply with kindness despite the hurt. Thanks for being the ‘light & fun decorating duo’ you two always are, and for your contagious positivity. – megan
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Megan! Glad to help!
xo,
s
shabbydaze says
My mom always told me that people who said mean things were jealous.
Jes says
Hey guys,
I’m sure this comment will get buried in the rest, but I just wanted to say thank you for this. I read it when you originally posted it, and just reread it after getting my first nasty comment on my blog.
Thank you for reinforcing one of my personal commandments, that there is only love. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone in this fight to maintain what is mine. Thank you for posting something with such thought and clarity.
Best,
Jes
YoungHouseLove says
Aw Jess, so sorry you got a nasty comment, but so glad this helped! Happy blogging!
xo,
s
lesli devito says
Sherry and John, I got a zinger today…it stung like a thousand wasps…and I emailed Sherry..then I came here and re-read your post on negative comments…and I feel better.
The “love” part helps. I mean really, any other way just hurts more…My husband always says to the kids…”if you hurt someone…they will want to make you hurt back…so be kind…don’t hurt.”
Thank you ever so much.
YoungHouseLove says
So glad Lesli! You’re very welcome.
xo,
s
Autumn says
“•Stop being so cheap and spend some money”
Ha ha, easy for them to say when they’re not the ones spending the money, right? ;) Thanks so much for the encouraging post! My family loves y’all’s blog, and you’re a huge inspiration for my sister and brother-in-law, who have been married a couple of years, and are working on fixing up their own new(-ish) home together just how they like it! :D
~Autumn
Kelly M says
Thank you so much for this post! I received my first truly hurtful comment today and to be honest it made me reconsider everything. Yes, I love blogging but do I need this in my life? This negative energy? I knew you had a post on criticism so I came back here to re-read it. It’s what I needed to get over it and move on, knowing that 99% of the time blogging makes me happy.
YoungHouseLove says
So sorry you’ve been inaugurated into “the club” but I’m glad to hear you’ve survived your first hurtful comment. Consider yourself stronger for it!
-John
Lorraine Irier says
Love the post. I’ve been following you all for a few years now and feel so excited for how far you all have come while still remaining the same peeps!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Lorraine!
xo,
s
lesli devito says
HAVING recently been picked up by apartment Therapy was a BIG treat…until I read the comments! Yes, the good out weighed the bad, by a landslide, but what astounded me was the personal tone taken…so mean. Interesting to me though was that despite the fact that MY post got around 40 comments, the AT post got around 150 comments…and I had to think…who are these comments for? me? probably not? or why would they not just come to my “house” and say these things to my “face”.
My guess is that probably, deep down they know they are being mean…and that brings me comfort. I am proud to say i stayed gracious and did not engage in any back and forth-ness with the nay sayers…and that many many very kind people came to my defense. LOVE is the only way to go!!!
xoxox
by the way…pre ordered my book today!!!
KJ says
Hi $herdog (and John, but we all know who’s reading the comments). Shout out to Clara and Burger…or as my husband and I affectionately call him “Burgs”.
I just had a baby (well 9 months ago but it still feels like “just”) and I was catching up on some previous posts that I missed during the crazy sleep-deprived months and stumbled across this post.
I have to say that your humour and silliness entertain me to no end. (And that’s not a typo, I’m Canadian so we like the British “u”…ah to be one of the colonies…lol).
Your advice to fellow bloggers (although not one myself) was so inspiring and heart felt I had to say something even if it was in my less-than-eloquent way. You may think that your readers’ “enthusiasm, sweetness, and support…is nothing less than life-changing” well, right back at-cha sista! You both have a captivating presence in mere print and the occasional pic or vid and that is no small feat.
I don’t want to get to rambly…although I know I’m in good company if I do, but let me just say thanks for following your own advice and encouraging all us crazies to let our own little freak-flags fly. Love the blog, pre-ordered the book (have a scary stalker count down on my calendar), and look forward to all of your advice, projects and TMI confessions.
Much love.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks KJ! You’re so sweet to say that. And congrats on that baby of yours! I still call Clara a baby and she’s two! Haha.
xo,
s
Beja {Howdy-Honey} says
I am absolutely thankful for your post. I have been drinking in your blogging posts because I am thirsty for this knowledge! Thanks for sharing your wisdom. I have actually just now begun to receive comments, but I love how you gave a script of how you replied, “Merry Christmas to you and your family.”
I just got an email asking for the font I used in my logo. A logo it took me over a year to settle on and finalize. I thought about not responding, and then I decided. I want this person to matter, so I responded that I made the hard decision to share any nitty-gritty detail about projects, but that details about my branding would be guarded. It’s so fun to blog! Thanks for planting a seed that this is just part of it, but a TINY part of it. ;D I’ll need that for the future when I get THAT comment.
Cathy Wolfram from Adore Your Place says
Awesome post, thanks for the heartfelt advice! Five weeks after our blog launch, a few hundred comments and emails and one negative blahhhh one because I did a House Tour of a Paris Apartment, so I am not patriotic and they would never go to Paris and will not read my blog again LOL. My reply; My son is applying to the US Navel Academy this year with a dream to be an engineer for The US Marines and this is just a blog about interior design, have a nice day. That was my response, how did I do?
YoungHouseLove says
Sounds perfect to me! It’s funny how people can read so deeply into things and make untrue assumptions! Keep on keeping on!
xo
s
Elizabeth says
“Nothing can make our life, or the lives of other people, more beautiful than perpetual kindness.”
-Leo Tolstoy
Ava says
Hi Sherry,
I am in my late twenties and an avid reader of your blog since an year. One of the main reasons I find your blog so attractive is how you and john are such awesome role models. You do your research and speak so humbly, and it has influenced me so much! I am more kinder and clear in thought these days. But something that always tips me off balance is a snide remark made to my face out of no where! Eg, An uncle totally disses the blog work I am doing as totally inconsequential and that his boy who just got a six figure paycheck job is much more worth living. How in the world do I make him realize that a big paycheck does not make one a superior being even though that does result in a superior bank balance? It drives me nuts! I try to avoid to him as much as I can but I have to meet him over holidays and there is no escaping him. Sometimes I feel like sitting him down and ask him to just shut up! Help please.
YoungHouseLove says
Ooh that’s a toughie! Maybe you can jokingly say “well you know what they say about how money can’t buy you happiness… I try to remind myself that my self worth isn’t tied to a fat paycheck.” Say it with a huge warm smile. He might not buy it at all, but you might feel better for speaking up with a smile :)
xo,
s
Ava says
Oh Sherry you are such a darling! I’m gonna try that next time but I sure hope I maintain that darn smile and not cough up any blood soon as I speak, I’ve been bottling so much against him. Thanks for the tip and keep on keeping on!
Christie says
I have been reading your blog since late 2010 early 2011 when I was searching for backyard wedding ideas. I don’t always read the blog posts, but when I recently started mine, I began reading more and more to help get me started. This is great advice and you two are great role models!!! Thanks for keeping this blog interesting and fun!
Kathleen says
I only found your blog a few months ago, hence going back into the archives, but this post makes me so sad and so happy! You guys are freaking awesome. Funny,sweet,down to earth, realistic, humble, and so much fun! Thank you for giving us inspiration, laughs, and free advice. We couldn’t have done half of what we have done in our home without you. In fact,we may not even have a home. Haha! I mean we maybe wouldn’t have been confident enough to buy a fixer upper without the visions you have given us. Thanks! Much Love!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Kathleen!
xo
s
Meg says
“Do everything with love!” I have that same policy. Some guy cuts me off in traffic? Maybe he’s not a big ol’ jerk – maybe his wife just went into labor and he needs to get home ASAP! And he’s super excited because it’s his first child. Who knows?
The way I figure it, either way I am making an assumption about the other guy, so I might as well make the assumption that doesn’t totally erk me the wrong way!
Emily says
Awesome advice, Sherry! Thank you.
Alyson says
In my effort to still have some YHL in my life while you’re on hiatus, I came across this blog post. Bravo, bravo. I hope this strategy continues to work, or even works better, for you when ya’ll come back.