Thanks for the encouragement from this morning’s post to choke out my rambling September 11th story guys. As hard as it is to tell, I feel like it’s something I’ll want to look back on – especially when Clara’s older and I’m trying to explain the enormity of that day. It was a terrible day, but such a life-changing one too, and it definitely shaped who I am. And as much as I love having thousands of DIY posts in our archives, sometimes it’s those rare personal posts (like this one or this one or this one) that make me the happiest that I dumped all the jumbled words out of my head and onto the keyboard.
I’ve debated whether or not to write this for six years now, every time this anniversary rolls around. I was a college sophomore living in New York City on September 11th, but the experience of being there and watching everything happen right in front of my eyes is still something I haven’t quite wrapped my head around. So I’ve stayed mum on the topic for all of the years we’ve been blogging. I don’t know what makes this year any different, but I felt like I was ready this time. It’s crazy how something that happened 12 years ago can feel so distant, but when I start talking/typing about it, I remember every sound and smell and sight and it floods back like it was yesterday. Early that morning I had been in Grand Central working on a show house for Country Home magazine (my best friend and I interned there during the morning we didn’t have classes, just lending a hand to unwrap accessories so the rooms could be styled).
I remember hearing from our boss right when we got there that a plane had hit the World Trade Center, but it sounded like it was minor (like some small plane with the wrong coordinates made a mistake). Nothing like “terrorism” or “act of war” was mentioned, so we shrugged and kept unpacking boxes while a few people called relatives who worked in the tower, just to check on them. It sounded like only a few floors were affected, which had us worried for those people but no one was really freaking out. Then a little while later we heard the second tower was hit. The only way I can describe it was immediate panic. Grand Central was evacuated within minutes.
There were guards with guns and people rushing us out and they just sort of explained that this was another “landmark” in NYC, so it wasn’t safe to be here because there were fears that other places in the city were going to be targeted. Thank God my best friend was there with me. I completely panicked and had no idea where to go or what to do. At this point the entire subway system had been shut down (again, because it was a “target” so the city wanted to evacuate any place they thought could be hit next) so we all spilled out into the street in front of Grand Central and my best friend and I just walked towards Penn Station, which is where the train we took to our apartment in Bayside, Queens would be (assuming those were still running).
When we got there we learned it wasn’t. So we just walked around aimlessly and found ourselves sitting on the steps of the New York Public Library. We were terrified that it was another target (should we sit here? should we keep walking around?). I think we were in a state of shock, so we just sat down on the steps anyway. People were rushing by and there were crazy things just laying in the street and on the sidewalk, as if someone abandoned them half-way through running. A man’s shoe. Just one of them. An open briefcase with papers splayed out all around it. Nobody’s cell phones were working, which was especially scary for those trying to reach us (like our parents). I remember saying “we should just conserve our battery and our energy and sit here.” Then people started pointing at the smoldering towers, which we had a clear view of from the library steps (we could see them smoking in the distance since they were such a huge part of the NYC skyline). A large cloud of dust flew up from the first tower and someone shouted “It was hit again!” and someone else said “They’re bombing it!” and the tower fell right in front of us. It just imploded on itself with a giant cloud of dust flying up into the air.
Of course we didn’t know at the time that the heat and damage sustained by the initial impact of the plane had caused the tower to fall, so it felt like a very real possibility that the tower had been hit again, causing it to collapse. I remember someone screaming “we’re at war!” and someone else just closing their eyes and raising their hands and saying the Lord’s prayer over and over again.
At that point we ran. Just sort of scattered like ants and everyone was crying and there was dust billowing up the streets, even though the tower had fallen over three miles away from us. There were police officers and firemen just covered in ash. They were entirely gray with white eyes and white teeth. There were people bleeding who had been close enough to be hurt by debris who were clearly running on foot from downtown since no public transportation was available anymore.
We eventually ended up in the first floor of a hotel in midtown, just hiding in the foyer. There was a TV on with people gathered around and that’s when we saw the second tower fall. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Nobody wanted to talk or move. I think total shock is the perfect description. And fear. We were literally frozen in fear. At some point the hotel offered to let people up into some vacant rooms but we didn’t want to go upstairs even if it was just a level or two up. We had just seen two skyscrapers collapse. Nobody wanted to be anywhere but on the ground floor. So we could run.
Somehow late that night we got back to our apartment in Bayside, Queens. Some of the trains had started running and we got some spotty cell service to reassure family we were okay. We didn’t know what to do with ourselves, and kept finding ourselves drawn to the now completely changed skyline outside, so we went out on the tiny old balcony of our apartment and that’s when the smell hit us. Like something burning, but also rancid. I don’t know if I was stupid or in denial or what, but I asked my best friend “do you think that smell is the burned metal from the building?” and then we looked at each other and realized that the building wasn’t the only thing burning. And we cried.
What haunts me the most were the thousands of missing person posters that were plastered everywhere in the days and weeks afterwards. Fences and scaffolding and subway walls were covered in faces of everyone who was lost – photos of dads smiling with their children. Women hugging their dogs. Christmas cards with the missing person’s face circled with an arrow. It was gut-wrenching. I remember telling my friend Lindsay that I had a dream about a man in a suit and the whole time I was thinking “how do I know him?!” and in the morning I realized he was one of the faces on the fence near my apartment.
A friend of mine’s dad actually got out of the first tower and was safe on the ground when his boss told him they were cleared to go back in for their wallets and belongings, so he went back in and the tower fell, killing him. I just remember crying with her and saying how unfair it was over and over again. It felt even more cruel that he had been outside and then ended up back in there just as it fell. Stories like that seem all too familiar now, especially those of the policemen and fireflighters who ran in just as the towers crumbled. At the time I think we were half devastated and half numb. It felt like too much to process all at one time.
But one amazing thing about being in New York during that time was the love and support. It sounds crazy, but we were all family in that moment of grief. We all wanted everyone to be okay, and we wanted to rebuild and come back stronger. For the weeks following September 11th we’d thank the dusty firemen that we saw on the subway with tears in our eyes and buy drinks for the workers who were downtown digging through the rubble for survivors. It sort of was like a war that we all had lived through together, and we were all on the same side. It was us against the bad guys, and we were stubborn New Yorkers – there’s no way we were going to just lie down and let them win.
My sophomore year of college had only recently started when it happened and classes resumed about a week later, once the subways were up and running again. A lot of my classes were emptier though. That year I’d say about 30% of my friends left the city. September 11th changed everything and some just couldn’t stomach the idea of being there any longer. I completely understood, but nothing in me ever even whispered “leave.” New York City was my home, and I was staying. I think for the people who stayed, it felt like we grew stronger. More bonded. We looked at each other on the subway and on the streets and we all sort of silently encouraged each other. We’d never forget that day, but we weren’t going anywhere.
I lived there for four more years. I finished school. I got a job at an advertising agency right in midtown, less than a block away from Grand Central – the place where my world got turned upside down a few years earlier. It was at that agency that I met John and we started dating. In fact he took this picture of me and my best friend about a month before he and I moved to Virginia to start a life together.
So while I’m a Richmond gal now, I’ll always be a New Yorker at heart. NYC forever, baby.
Ann M says
My stomach is still in a grip-knot reading your post! My twin sister works in Midtown as well and she didn’t have internet access. She called me to report that someone had just run into their building shouting that a plane just “flew down Broadway and hit the WTC!”, low, as if on following the street. I looked up cnn.com and was her immediate lifeline to the news and confirmation about what was happening.
Thank God for that call, for when the phone service disappeared, I lost my link to my sister. She walked home all the way from midtown to Sullivan St (SoHo) and it took all day.
For the weeks that followed, the smell that she will never forget, the barricades, the gunmen checking ids, the less-than-6-degrees-of-separation to horrific stories, the loss of television reception and more… the economic downturn, the introduction to ‘not feeling safe’, signified a life that most of us have never experienced, that has in many ways never recovered. Life before 9/11 vs. Life after 9/11. :(
Nancy says
I have to go read about the canopy now (I’m a couple days behind) or I am going to COMPLETELY lose it at work. I might just lose it anyway. This still brought everything back like it was yesterday for me, too. Glad you wrote it.
xo back atcha
Mindy says
Thank you for sharing. I was an 8th grader in Brooklyn, NY at the time, and we saw ashes drift into our windows, and wondered if it could be snowing in September.
I think we should use this opportunity to be cognizant of all the violence and chaos around the world, including that which the US inflicts on other nations.
Laura says
Beautiful. This post gave me goosebumps and made my weep on public transit up here in Toronto. I remember that day so clearly. I can imagine experiencing it first hand.
Shanny says
It means a great deal to hear a story from someone who was in NYC on this awful day.
I was in highschool when this happened and I still remember it like it was yesterday. This event changed my life course for sure. My husband (who was my boyfriend all those yrs ago) said that his decision to become a naval officer had much to do with the events on 9/11. Now I am proud to say he flies fighter jets for the military. I am thankful to all the men and women who have helped make this country a safer place.
And thank you for sharing your touching story.
Gwen, The Makerista says
I’m so glad you shared this, as it is a part of who you are. I know this blog is mainly about your homes and sometimes about your daughter, but I really enjoyed this glimpse of you, Sherry. I’m so sorry you had to experience, but I hope sharing it on here has brought you some peace and I understand your love for the city. It’s such a magical place to live! Thank you for sharing.
alg(amy) says
Sharing that obviously took a lot of courage, Sherry. Thank you.
SO. MUCH. LOVE.
Maggie @ Just a Couple More Pages says
I think you did a wonderful job describing what NYC was like around 9/11/01. I was a junior in high school on Long Island at the time and I remember being so terrified that actual day and even now I can’t really comprehend what happened. My uncle was a NYC firefighter (he’s retired now) and he’s pretty sick from being down in the rubble for months after 9/11. I’m glad you mentioned the missing posters, honestly that’s what as stuck with me the most about that time. I remember seeing them when I’d go into the city, but I have a much more clear memory of seeing them taped to car windows around my hometown. I hope writing that helps you continue to deal with what you experienced.
caroline [the diy nurse] says
I think storytelling is a normal and necessary part of healing. It feels like it happened only but two years ago. I remember I didn’t even know what a terrorist was. My, how something like that can change your vocabulary, besides your view of the world.
I love how you brought up the sense of community afterwards. I can only imagine
Donna says
Tears rolling down my face as I read this. My daughter was a freshman in college on Sept. 11th…only 4 days into the school year. We live in Washington state, so we are a long ways from NYC, but she was going to school in Spokane and that’s 6 hours away from home. The terror of that day, especially with my daughter across the state, will never leave me. Thank you for writing your personal story. We are Americans and we are STRONG, by the grace of God!
JJ says
I too was a sophomore in college in NYC on 9/11. My experience is so similar that I could steal paragraphs from you and claim them as my own. I love that I was able to experience the bonding moment my city had. It made me love NY even more than I ever had. Like you said, “NYC forever, baby.”
Jenny B. says
Wow. I think you did a very good job of documenting your experience. I will never forget that day either. My grandma likened it to Pearl Harbor, and my mom to the day JFK was killed. People of our generation will always remember where they were that day. Even here in Arkansas, I knew several people directly affected. My best friend’s husband was in tower two for training with Morgan Stanley. He had gone down several floors (the 6th, I think) to get a snack when the 2nd plane hit. He made it out safely. I will never forget coming home from school (I was teaching 1st grade at the time) and hearing the news reporters list the companies that had offices there, and suddenly remembering the email my friend had sent a few days earlier mentioning Morgan Stanley and her husband’s trip to NYC. The phone call I made to her in the next moment was the scariest one I’ve ever had to make. Thankfully, she had heard from him, and knew he was OK. I just sat in front of the TV for hours thinking, “How can we have school tomorrow? We all just need to stay home… and maybe never go outside again.” It was surreal and bizarre. I also remember all the people on the news frantically searching for their family members. One in particular stands out. There was a girl in her 20’s looking for her fiancé, who worked on the 106th floor, which was near the top. She was holding his picture up for the news cameras, asking if anyone had seen him. She was holding out hope (as I’m sure everyone who lost someone was) that maybe he had gone downstairs before it happened so that he wasn’t actually really gone. It was horrific. I can’t think of a better word to describe it, and that was just seeing it on TV. Thank you for sharing your story and for allowing us all to comment here with our remembrances too.
Katie @mummydaddyme says
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am from the UK and was in New York a few months before the towers fell. I can still remember exactly where I was watching the news unfold and I like everyone cannot get my head around it even to this day. My heart goes out to every single person involved in it, and it most certainly did change things forever. Having gone back to New York since, I can tell the difference.
I have been reading your blog for years but I just felt I had to comment on this post.
Katie
http://www.mummydaddyandmemakesthree.co.uk
Cris says
What happened on September 11 was really sad to see, but it was nothing compared to the attacks that the United States has ever staged. How many innocent families, children have been killed because of political and economic interests of the United States, barely disfarsados ??under the banner of defending democracy.
Jennifer Fogerty-Gibson says
Powerful. Thank you.
Amber says
I just now stumbled upon this post. I’m in tears over here. I was a freshman in college and living in North Carolina. I felt an incredible sadness for those lives lost and I still do. It pains me to hear your story and others, but it’s a reminder that we all need to stay united. Thanks for sharing!
Renee says
Thanks for sharing, Sherry. Have you seen this? Made me think of you!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/copyranter/the-only-911-ad-to-ever-get-it-right
Stunning!
YoungHouseLove says
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!
xo
s
Vicki says
I am catching up and just got around to reading your post. We were in Washington DC during 9/11 and what struck me most from your article is I too am still haunted to this day by seeing the Missing posters on TV. I thank you for sharing a photo of it as I didn’t save any but think its an important part to our 9/11 story.
Thank you for sharing I know its not easy.
Jen @ The Well Read Fish says
Thank you for sharing this. I was living in NY too and when I explain what it was like, the thing that stuck with me most and haunted me were all the missing persons signs all over town. I live in Seattle now but was born & raised in New York and will always feel the experience of that day and the years following really cemented my love for NY.
XO