Thanks for the encouragement from this morning’s post to choke out my rambling September 11th story guys. As hard as it is to tell, I feel like it’s something I’ll want to look back on – especially when Clara’s older and I’m trying to explain the enormity of that day. It was a terrible day, but such a life-changing one too, and it definitely shaped who I am. And as much as I love having thousands of DIY posts in our archives, sometimes it’s those rare personal posts (like this one or this one or this one) that make me the happiest that I dumped all the jumbled words out of my head and onto the keyboard.
I’ve debated whether or not to write this for six years now, every time this anniversary rolls around. I was a college sophomore living in New York City on September 11th, but the experience of being there and watching everything happen right in front of my eyes is still something I haven’t quite wrapped my head around. So I’ve stayed mum on the topic for all of the years we’ve been blogging. I don’t know what makes this year any different, but I felt like I was ready this time. It’s crazy how something that happened 12 years ago can feel so distant, but when I start talking/typing about it, I remember every sound and smell and sight and it floods back like it was yesterday. Early that morning I had been in Grand Central working on a show house for Country Home magazine (my best friend and I interned there during the morning we didn’t have classes, just lending a hand to unwrap accessories so the rooms could be styled).
I remember hearing from our boss right when we got there that a plane had hit the World Trade Center, but it sounded like it was minor (like some small plane with the wrong coordinates made a mistake). Nothing like “terrorism” or “act of war” was mentioned, so we shrugged and kept unpacking boxes while a few people called relatives who worked in the tower, just to check on them. It sounded like only a few floors were affected, which had us worried for those people but no one was really freaking out. Then a little while later we heard the second tower was hit. The only way I can describe it was immediate panic. Grand Central was evacuated within minutes.
There were guards with guns and people rushing us out and they just sort of explained that this was another “landmark” in NYC, so it wasn’t safe to be here because there were fears that other places in the city were going to be targeted. Thank God my best friend was there with me. I completely panicked and had no idea where to go or what to do. At this point the entire subway system had been shut down (again, because it was a “target” so the city wanted to evacuate any place they thought could be hit next) so we all spilled out into the street in front of Grand Central and my best friend and I just walked towards Penn Station, which is where the train we took to our apartment in Bayside, Queens would be (assuming those were still running).
When we got there we learned it wasn’t. So we just walked around aimlessly and found ourselves sitting on the steps of the New York Public Library. We were terrified that it was another target (should we sit here? should we keep walking around?). I think we were in a state of shock, so we just sat down on the steps anyway. People were rushing by and there were crazy things just laying in the street and on the sidewalk, as if someone abandoned them half-way through running. A man’s shoe. Just one of them. An open briefcase with papers splayed out all around it. Nobody’s cell phones were working, which was especially scary for those trying to reach us (like our parents). I remember saying “we should just conserve our battery and our energy and sit here.” Then people started pointing at the smoldering towers, which we had a clear view of from the library steps (we could see them smoking in the distance since they were such a huge part of the NYC skyline). A large cloud of dust flew up from the first tower and someone shouted “It was hit again!” and someone else said “They’re bombing it!” and the tower fell right in front of us. It just imploded on itself with a giant cloud of dust flying up into the air.
Of course we didn’t know at the time that the heat and damage sustained by the initial impact of the plane had caused the tower to fall, so it felt like a very real possibility that the tower had been hit again, causing it to collapse. I remember someone screaming “we’re at war!” and someone else just closing their eyes and raising their hands and saying the Lord’s prayer over and over again.
At that point we ran. Just sort of scattered like ants and everyone was crying and there was dust billowing up the streets, even though the tower had fallen over three miles away from us. There were police officers and firemen just covered in ash. They were entirely gray with white eyes and white teeth. There were people bleeding who had been close enough to be hurt by debris who were clearly running on foot from downtown since no public transportation was available anymore.
We eventually ended up in the first floor of a hotel in midtown, just hiding in the foyer. There was a TV on with people gathered around and that’s when we saw the second tower fall. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Nobody wanted to talk or move. I think total shock is the perfect description. And fear. We were literally frozen in fear. At some point the hotel offered to let people up into some vacant rooms but we didn’t want to go upstairs even if it was just a level or two up. We had just seen two skyscrapers collapse. Nobody wanted to be anywhere but on the ground floor. So we could run.
Somehow late that night we got back to our apartment in Bayside, Queens. Some of the trains had started running and we got some spotty cell service to reassure family we were okay. We didn’t know what to do with ourselves, and kept finding ourselves drawn to the now completely changed skyline outside, so we went out on the tiny old balcony of our apartment and that’s when the smell hit us. Like something burning, but also rancid. I don’t know if I was stupid or in denial or what, but I asked my best friend “do you think that smell is the burned metal from the building?” and then we looked at each other and realized that the building wasn’t the only thing burning. And we cried.
What haunts me the most were the thousands of missing person posters that were plastered everywhere in the days and weeks afterwards. Fences and scaffolding and subway walls were covered in faces of everyone who was lost – photos of dads smiling with their children. Women hugging their dogs. Christmas cards with the missing person’s face circled with an arrow. It was gut-wrenching. I remember telling my friend Lindsay that I had a dream about a man in a suit and the whole time I was thinking “how do I know him?!” and in the morning I realized he was one of the faces on the fence near my apartment.
A friend of mine’s dad actually got out of the first tower and was safe on the ground when his boss told him they were cleared to go back in for their wallets and belongings, so he went back in and the tower fell, killing him. I just remember crying with her and saying how unfair it was over and over again. It felt even more cruel that he had been outside and then ended up back in there just as it fell. Stories like that seem all too familiar now, especially those of the policemen and fireflighters who ran in just as the towers crumbled. At the time I think we were half devastated and half numb. It felt like too much to process all at one time.
But one amazing thing about being in New York during that time was the love and support. It sounds crazy, but we were all family in that moment of grief. We all wanted everyone to be okay, and we wanted to rebuild and come back stronger. For the weeks following September 11th we’d thank the dusty firemen that we saw on the subway with tears in our eyes and buy drinks for the workers who were downtown digging through the rubble for survivors. It sort of was like a war that we all had lived through together, and we were all on the same side. It was us against the bad guys, and we were stubborn New Yorkers – there’s no way we were going to just lie down and let them win.
My sophomore year of college had only recently started when it happened and classes resumed about a week later, once the subways were up and running again. A lot of my classes were emptier though. That year I’d say about 30% of my friends left the city. September 11th changed everything and some just couldn’t stomach the idea of being there any longer. I completely understood, but nothing in me ever even whispered “leave.” New York City was my home, and I was staying. I think for the people who stayed, it felt like we grew stronger. More bonded. We looked at each other on the subway and on the streets and we all sort of silently encouraged each other. We’d never forget that day, but we weren’t going anywhere.
I lived there for four more years. I finished school. I got a job at an advertising agency right in midtown, less than a block away from Grand Central – the place where my world got turned upside down a few years earlier. It was at that agency that I met John and we started dating. In fact he took this picture of me and my best friend about a month before he and I moved to Virginia to start a life together.
So while I’m a Richmond gal now, I’ll always be a New Yorker at heart. NYC forever, baby.
Carina says
Dear Sherry,
Even living in Brazil, I could feel sorry for you all in that terrible day. It was crazy seeing that in live TV! I had been in NY for the first time in that year… Great text! Congrats on the blog! I recently started following you. xx
Sasha says
Thank you so much for sharing. :)
I was 10 at the time and my mum tells the story of how she came home from work, and I apparently very slowly walked down the stairs and told her that two aircrafts had flewn into the World Trade Center. She has told me that the expression on my face, or maybe the lack thereof, will forever hunt her. All I can remember is watching “breaking news” live footage of the towers and feeling very sick to my stomach.
I have never really acknowledge this before, but it’s weird this year it just seems different. I feel more at peace with it.
Thank you so much for your perspective on both the tragedy, but even more for telling the story of the aftermath, definely not something they bother to cover here in Denmark. I think that would have made it easier to swallow all those years ago.
Big hugs
Sarah F. says
Thank you for sharing. My experience was completely different, living on the west coast, but I will never forget that day. Watching the towers go down, live on TV was nothing compared to your story. But all our stories are all part of the collective experience and sharing it is part of the healing process.
Karla says
Thank you for your story, your honesty and your courage. It was truly moving.
Diana says
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know everyone of a certain age as their own story from that day but so different from what you NYCers experienced.
andrea says
hank you so much for sharing your story. I definitely shed a few tears while reading it. My heart goes out to you, and I hope writing it allows you to continue to heal.
GreenInOC says
Thank you so much for the generosity of sharing this.
Tanya says
Thanks for this. Your experience was so similar to mine. And what you said is true, for those of us who stayed after.. for years after.. it is a bond. I suspect a lifetime one.
Also, what I saw in the neighbors, friends, strangers post 9-11 is one of the reasons I get so very angry when people make generalizations about how New Yorkers are rude. I have never in my life met better, kinder people than those in New York.
And all those missing people posters made me cry every day for a month.
The LA sunshine isn’t cutting it for me today. Now I ache for a crisp fall walk in the West Village.
Melissa @ Bless this Mess says
You looked like such a baby! Great thoughts too, you are great at makin’ me cry. Thanks so much for keeping it real and posting from the heart. That’s why we love you :)
Kym V. says
What a moving post Sherry! Thank you for being willing to share. I think all of us will forever remember that day and exactly what we were doing the minute we heard the news. I don’t think the feeling will ever subside because we as a nation experienced something just plain evil that day. Here is to continuing to build our strength and courage as a country and not let the evil get the best of us.
Corinne says
I am glad you told your story…I teach 5th grade…as the students arrived this morning many of them began discussing that today was 9/11…their conversations continued and I began to think that this was the first class that was not even born when 9/11 occurred. They have only known our country at war. I hope that someday they will know our country at peace. We had a nice class discussion and a student suggested we have a moment of silence. We are only 3 weeks into the school year and it is nice to think I have a class that cares.
Samara says
Thank you for sharing your story. I moved to NYC after college and started my career there (Queens baby!) I wasn’t in NYC on September 11th because I had just moved back to Michigan that summer. I still felt like I was there though. It was such a helpless feeling watching the footage and knowing that all of my friends and thousands of fellow New Yorkers that I didn’t even know were struggling. I understand the feeling of unity and brotherhood that you described…there is no better place than that city and I will always feel honored that I was a part of it.
yvonne nc says
((((Hugs))) just (((Hugs)))
Jess @ Crunchy Hot Mama says
Oh Sherry, I can’t imagine what you went through! While I’m not a New Yorker (my entire family is), I feel like one at heart, even down here in Texas. I, too, will never forget that day-it was the morning after my 21st birthday, and my friend called me out to our living room to see what was going on just as the plane struck tower #2. It was the worst thing in the world to see. I had several family members living there as well and was anxious to find out if they were safe-thankfully they were.
I know this was hard for you to write but hope it helped you to heal. XO
Colleen says
It’s great (and probably cathartic) that you put this out to the universe today. 9/11 stories will always bring tears to my eyes; that day is the Pearl Harbor or Kennedy’s assassination for our generation; you always remember where you were/what you were doing. I think about the families and friends who are missing their people especially today and hope those who remain and the survivors at least feel a sense of peace in their loss(es). Stronger as you say…
Thanks for sharing.
Kimberly says
You are so right, my mother still remembers the day Kennedy was assassinated… Those three buildings collapsing will always stay in my mind.
Julie says
Thanks for sharing! I’ve also been remembering the today that was 12 years ago (I lived and continue to live in DC).
Leigh says
Thank you for writing this Sherry. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult writing this was or what it was like to be in NYC on this day 12 years ago. I still remember hearing the news. I know where I was and what I was doing. I know how scared I was and I lived in Alabama so I can’t imagine what you felt. Never forget that day or the people who lost their lives.
Charley says
Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry for everyone that was effected by this. I was a high school freshman in Nebraska at the time so it’s still hard for me to grasp the magnitude of it all at times. Thanks again.
Abby says
Thank you for sharing your story, Sherry! It took a lot of courage for you to not only write that, but re-live it as well. It sounds like it is such a part of who you are and when Clara is old enough to understand, that will be something so important and special to share with her.
Nelle says
Tears rolling down my face, thank you for sharing. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to be there, terrifying. It’s impact was strong here and I’m in Australia, I just remember each tv channel went blank and showing images of the planes crashing and the devastation, we were all numb & in so much shock.
Natalie says
Absolutely beautiful Sherry. Thank you for sharing this moment in your life with all of us.
ellie says
thank you for sharing your story. it brought back so many memories and it seems important to remember. i feel like i need to write about what we were doing – it’s sort of the kind of thing it would be good to have – i wish I had the perspective of my great – grandparents on the world wars.
xo ellie
Amy says
Thank you for your sharing your experience. I’m still so sad that this happened and sorry for those that lost loved ones. But, remembering helps me to focus on being kind to others and being thankful for each day. Peace.
Dani says
It’s Wednesday in Australia now, we woke up this day (the 12th, for us) with every TV station airing news from New York. My sister had a newborn and was up for an early feed, she called us at 5am and told us to turn on. Even now it’s so hard to understand what it was like, when life here on the other side of the world was carrying on as per normal. Thanks for sharing.
Karen says
Thank you so much for this post. I feel like I could have written parts of it verbatim. I have never done that though, written my experience, but like you I also feel that somehow enough time has passed that I can go there again. And I have a young son now which changes everything.
I too was working in Midtown, in the landmark Chrysler Building, and we had the same reaction – what an unfortunate accident, but soon were evacuated quickly once the reality sank in. I also lived in Queens. I also remember that distinct smell. I remember the sense of solidarity. I remember how eerie and deserted the empty streets were the next morning. Something else I remember very clearly is one man that I always saw riding the downtown 6 train. He wore a suit every day but always looked a little wrinkled, like he didn’t own an iron. We often happened to be on the same car at the same time, you know how that happens sometimes. Anyway I realized in the weeks after that I never saw him anymore. I had a sudden fear that he probably worked in the towers. Even if he didn’t, his life had been changed enough to not take that train anymore… I didn’t know anything about him of course but for some reason this missing suit man really hit home for me. I still wonder about him. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s part of my memory of that time.
Thank you, from one forever New Yorker to another.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Karen that made me cry for him. I hope he just moved or started walking to work or something.
xo
s
Jen says
I was working at an office in Greenwich CT. I remember being told a plane had hit a tower and thinking how sad for the pilot and anyone near the window, and I remember when the second plane hit and we all realized that it was deliberate. I remember the posters too. My father had a meeting at the World Trade Center that morning, but he got off the subway to stop by his office and saw the smoke, so he didn’t go.
You’re an altogether braver person than I am, Sherry, because it’s been 12 years and I went to graduate school in New York, and I haven’t been back to that spot since the twin towers stood there. I wouldn’t go when it was a hole in the ground and I can’t go now, either.
Anika says
Sherry, this was such a beautiful and moving story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us all today! Hope it helps bring you some peace and closure *hugs*
Gina says
Thank you for sharing this. Reading it brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine how it felt to write this post and allow yourself to relive it. I lived in the city a few years later myself and I do believe there is an even stronger energy there since 9/11 than there ever had been. Thank you for sharing your story and you should be very proud of yourself for doing so.
Marianne in Mo. says
Oh Sherry, I am sad that you (or anyone) had to experience that day, I’m sure it’s hard to bring up. I am in tears every time I read stories about that day. My husband and I were on a dream trip in Maui, heading out before dawn for the volcano when I switched on the radio. At first I thought it was a kind of War of the Worlds program or something, then I realized it was news we were hearing-reality. I was in shock, just worried about what was the next step for our country, and especially my son in law, an Air Force pilot. I wanted to hear my children’s voices, but couldn’t get a line out to call until that night. I was glued to the television, my husband trying to get us on a plane out for home. (That ended up with us staying longer, standing in lines for 10 hours at the airport, then being stuck in Honolulu over the weekend) All I could do was think of how we all were affected, some worse than others, and how this would shape our futures for the rest of our lives. I know most of us go about our days now without thinking of that day, but we are still changed. We haven’t gone back to pre- 9/11, and we never will. That says to me that we will never forget. Bless all who lost that day, bless our service members and their families, and bless our country and those who support freedom. And bless the emergency personnel who give their all. Thank you for an emotional testimony. Heal your heart!
LORI says
That day was my first day of recruiter assistance. I had just finished basic training and then tech school for the Air Force. I walked into the office just as the airplane crashed into the tower. I spent my whole 4 yr enlistment overseas…a day that truly changed my life forever…
Courtney says
So vividly written–I teared up on the train home today reading this. Thanks for sharing.
Annie says
Oddly, I was just a few blocks away from you at 6th and 46th. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve listened to so many people tell their 9/11 experience over the years and I know how important it is to do so. It was just so unbelievably bad, surreal, painful and sad. I hadnt thought about all the missing posters in a long time. I just remembered being in Union Square and seeing one for a girl I went to high school with. She was of course never found… Ugh
I think I’m going to write my story down for my young daughter – also for myself. One day it might have value for her and I bet it will help me.
This is so weird but an old maple tree was taken down by the town in my yard today (I live in Ct now) and I cried and cried. I was surprised at my reaction but now Im womdering if it wasnt 9/11 related…sigh
Thanks for sharing something so personal. I know the memory is never going to be wrapped up and put away like an old photo album. It was so intense…
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Annie, I’m so sorry. I can totally relate to crying about other things on such a heavy day and only later realizing it wasn’t really about that at all.
xo
s
Lynn @ Our Useful Hands says
We lost loved ones that day and the ones we didn’t lose were changed forever nonetheless. That day was a day that I realized I had more tears inside me than I ever knew could humanly exist. Uggghhhh….I don’t ever want to forget. What got me out of bed this morning was the words I said to my husband: “We must go on for them, because they can’t anymore. Let’s go.” Then we held hands and I cried for a bit. Although I’ve left, I will always be a NYer until the day I die. It’s good to get emotions like this out Sherry but I understand what took you this long to share it on here. I get it. Now onto tomorrow we must go. Take good care guys.
My best, Lynn
heathyr says
Sherry, thank you for sharing your story with us. In all the posts you’ve written about your life and your life with John in New York- it never crossed my mind that you were there during this time.
9/11 stories are so difficult to read, but I will never stop reading. I’ve always felt it to be unfair for those that cannot share their stories. The vision of your friend’s father running back into the first tower to claim his wallet and belongings is gut wrenching- just an absolutely terrifying thought. I cannot imagine living with that for the remainder of my life. It’s just heartbreaking.
Michelle says
I can’t even begin to think of what to say, it was truly shocking that you thought a small plane hitting the wtc was shrug worthy. Even a small plane would have equaled lives lost.
marbella says
September 11th was my first day of University (in Liverpool, England), and we were all out at our ‘freshers fair’ when we found out what had happened. I remember lining up in the office to collect my loan check, and the lady behind the counter telling everyone that a plane had crashed into the WTC. We all thought like you, that it was an accident, and a small plane, and nothing really to worry about. Once we got home and turned on the news, we saw the smouldering buildings and the towers falling it all just seemed so surreal.
Thank you for sharing your story Sherry, I hope it was cathartic.
whitney says
Thank you for sharing Sherry. Especially today. This anniversary. Each year that passes I become upset when there aren’t as many stories and memories shared. Thank you. Never forget!
Jennifer B. says
I remember where I was when I heard the news. I was just arriving at school and went into my 8th grade history class. I think I experienced a different kind of shock. I didn’t personally know anybody directly affected by it, and since I live in California, I didn’t think it would be something that would ever affect me deeply.
As each year goes by, it sinks in a little more. Through stories like yours, you help those of us who might have been too young to understand or too far away to realize the impact it made on us as a country. I think these stories, even more importantly, helps us to realize the impact it made on each and every individual, especially those who experienced first hand.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story with me, and with all of your readers. We will never forget thanks brave people like you.
Elizabeth says
Nice post Sherry. Its crazy you were so close.
gayle says
We watched from afar in Australia. Your post Sherry made shivers go done my spine with your recount. Thank you for sharing. x0x0x0x0
Dusa says
I still remember a quote from a survivor interviewed a year later. He commented that to this day when a plane passes overhead, he watches it until it disappears from his view.
RebeccaNYC says
Thank you for sharing your story. As New Yorkers who were in Manhattan on that day…we all have one. Americans who were not here need to hear them.
Those of us who will never forget that smell have a special bond. It was horrible. It was the smell of war. People all over the world know that smell…this time it was our turn. Horrible is the only word I have.
Arli says
Beautifully told. As someone who lived and worked, and still lives in Manhattan, this is how I remember it too. The smell….for days and weeks….the very eerie quiet, except for the continuous sirens….and the haunted stares of a shell-shocked city.
NYC forever, indeed.
Sarah says
Thank you for bravely sharing your story.
Rick says
Sherry, turned on to your blog by my designer daughter, I’ve enjoyed your journey tremendously. Today, however, you brought back some of the most poignant and painful memories of our lives. Thanks for your good work. Rick
paintergal says
Thank you for sharing your memories with us.
Rupa Wong says
I also was in NYC as a 4th year med student during 9/11 and saw the 2nd plane crash. My roommate and I went down to the Blood Bank at the Upper East Side the next day. Mainly we were fielding questions from the hundreds of volunteers who came by to donate blood in the hopes of helping out victims. I was so struck by the camraderie and selflessness of everyone. There were people standing hours in line to donate who were had cancer and wanted to donate anyway. It was a terrifying time, yet really did strengthen my faith in New Yorkers, just like you said in your post.
YoungHouseLove says
That’s so touching Rupa. I completely agree – those Blood Bank lines were so heartwarming and encouraging to see.
xo
s
Amanda says
I’ve managed to hold it together today, until I read this. This is beautifully written, so honest and special. I’m now sitting here with tears running down my face and goosebumps, remembering that day. Thank you for sharing your story, oddly, I think I needed to read this today.
Brandy J says
thanks for sharing Sherry. i am from long island and 9/11 was my first day of law school in DC. i remember someone coming in our first class and telling us school was closed and that we had to leave and trying to get in contact with family back home and how scared i was for them.
DianeG says
It was my first week of work, at an elementary school in a suburb about 30 minutes outside the city. As part of the special services staff, I wasn’t seeing any students yet, so my partner and I spent the day covering for teachers who needed to leave the room to catch their breath (or cry) away from our young students. Many of the teachers were placing frantic calls to locate loved ones. Miraculously, no one in our building lost anyone that day, but I well remember the shock and the very real fear. At the end of the day, I went home and and sat on the couch with my mom for hours watching the news, both of us motionless except for the tears streaming down our faces.
These memories (and more) are still so fresh. My husband and I live around the corner from my parents now, directly under the flight path for Newark Airport and there are many days when the planes sound just a little too loud for comfort. On those days, I realize how permanently I have been changed – and I wasn’t “there” the way you were. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to share this story, Sherry. Thank you for doing so in such a beautiful and graceful way. I hope you feel some peace.