And now for a bonus Friday afternoon post (aw yeah, I’m a rebel without a cause). Every day on average I get about five readers either asking if I’m pregnant or straight up “calling it” via comments, email, twitter, pinterest, instagram, or carrier pigeon. Which adds up to answering that question – and crushing the dreams of those calling it – around 150 times a month, and a whopping 1,800 times in the last year. The prego-chatter has even hijacked a few comment threads on posts about non-uterus-y topics like room updates and tour infographics. Holy bump-watch, batman! We haven’t seen one of those around here since 2010.
First I’ll get one little detail out of the way: I’m not pregnant. My womb is currently uninhabited.
It’s actually really cool that so many people are excited about the possibility of us expanding this little family of ours. But with the complications of my past (here’s Clara’s birth story for more on that) nothing is guaranteed. My next pregnancy will be high risk and my next child will have a 25% chance of the same life-threatening complication that Clara had. So that definitely contributes to our timing and our general state of mind with regard to any potential bun in the oven. And sometimes all the “you’re prego!” guesses can be a little tough to field day in and day out.
I completely understand that all the excited folks who are inquiring don’t mean any harm (in fact I feel like I should be hugging you while typing this, seriously I love you guys) but in general I think asking someone if they’re pregnant can be a little dicey…
- It can suggest that you think they’ve gained weight (sometimes I have a tummy – thanks burrito! – but it’s not a baby)
- It can unintentionally sadden someone who has had trouble getting pregnant or has miscarried (neither of which I’ve personally encountered up to this point, but I certainly could moving forward)
- It can put them in an uncomfortable position if they are pregnant, but aren’t ready to announce it (which eventually could happen to me for sure)
So this little uterus-centric service announcement is just to solemnly vow to you guys that when the time is right, if we’re blessed with another bouncing bean in the oven, I promise, you will know. Heck, we’ll be so freaking excited that there might be another t-shirt in it for Burger…
So sit tight and know that although you won’t be the first few people we tell (gotta give that privilege to the fam) you’ll definitely hear it straight from our perma-smiling mouths (er, keyboard?) if we reach that safe-to-share milestone. Until then, picture me sipping wine, eating sushi, and soaking up non-prego life as it is right now. With my sweet pooch, my nail-gun-slingin’ hubby, and my little miracle girl (who currently knows the words to nearly every Adam Levine song – seriously, try her).
Thanks so much for understanding, guys. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. And I hope you’ll be sweet to each other in the comments (everyone’s hearts are in the right place about this whole thing). Besides, this means we can all spend more time studying Princess Kate’s royal bump. Where is she hiding that baby? Seriously, can somebody tell me? My belly blocked the view of my feet by 20 weeks (see the second picture in the grid above), so I can only guess that superior lineage = superior baby-hiding prowess.
Erin says
Well said, Sherry. So sorry you are getting intrusive questions. I think the saying is, “The only time you can mention a woman’s pregnancy if she hasn’t told you she’s pregnant is if you can see the baby’s head.” I hope you get a complete and total response to the very polite cease and desist.
I’m having a funny experience on the other side of the coin – I am pregnant, and my co-workers are SO sensitized to being discreet and sensitive about pregnancy that I have said to some people, whom I had already told that I’m pregnant, “It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend you don’t notice that my belly is growing! Your eyes are naturally drawn to the fact that I am a different shape every day!” Sweet that people are trying so hard to do the right thing.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw that’s sweet!
xo
s
Keshet says
LOVE this post! Having been asked this question a few times (when going through infertility and having some tummy weight from hormones and pills) it is SO important to realize how bad of a question this is! People don’t mean any harm, but they often cause it, and this is such a kind way to let them know that.
Jennifer Fogerty-Gibson says
Sherry and John, I’m really glad that you posted this. While you do graciously allow us into your lives via this blog, it is absolutely your personal business about how/when/if you make more Petersiks.
Your birth story was one of the first posts I read on this blog in real time. I just re-read it now. Birth stories are so personal and intense, and I applaud you for sharing it.
Again, thank you for everything you are willing to share with us, and blessings to your family and your almost 3 year old Clara!
Sarah says
Sherry, This may be an odd question (or maybe someone else has already asked and you’ve answered) but where did you shop for maternity clothes? I absolutely love the tops/dresses you’re wearing in those photos!
Thanks!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Sarah! I tried to just buy tops in larger sizes at places like Old Navy and Target (non maternity since I liked their designs/colors/cuts better) and I got one pair of maternity jeans at Old Navy that carried me through my whole pregnancy (those suckers kept stretching, haha!). That dress in those pictures is a maternity dress from Target, so in a nutshell I’d say that Old Navy and Target were my places, and sometimes I just sized things up (mainly tops) and sometimes I got actual maternity items (a dress, some jeans, etc).
xo
s
Maggie says
Very gracious post and probably a little hard to write. I wept when I read Clara’s birth story and I’m so very glad the story has a happy ending! You might want to consider adoption at some point. It is a wonderful way to grow your family. We have two birth children and one adopted (so far). Hopefully the Lord will bless us with more adopted kids one day. God bless you! I really enjoy your blog.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Maggie, it’s definitely something we’d consider :)
xo
s
Michelle says
Sherry, this is such a great post! My beautiful girl is nearly ten now but I can still remember that constant when, when, when from other people! I think the decision to have a family and expand a family is such a personal issue and such a special ‘family’ (meaning husband and children only) moment that any enquiries, no matter how well intended will only be intrusive.
Your post is an appropriate way of saying ‘thanks world, I know you want the best for us but on our own time okay!’ I actually think the world loves your blog so much that they’re just hankering for the excitement of a new cast member!
I never experienced your dramatic birth story but I’m still a Mum and I know how precious that love is. I also believe that I can fully understand your cautious approach to expanding. You are clearly an incredibly loving mother who falls deeply in love at the sight of the first pink line (or blue depending on what pack you buy)! So of course you need to do what is best for you. A loss is a loss no matter what point of the timeline.
Anyway, all the best going forward. I love your blog – you’re a wonderful positive family and I love finding you in my inbox every other day.
Cheers! Michelle
Kat says
Belated “Thank you!” for writing this – it needs to be said over and over again. You should even consider expanding into an “internet etiquette how-to”. I am newly pregnant again and we decided to tell family early. We haven’t told friends, let alone work or posted anything on Facebook. I had expressly asked family that if they want to tell people, that’s ok, but make sure it stays off the internet. Of course, the next day, I’m deleting “congratulations!” notes off of my timeline. Come on people! There’s a private message option – use it. At least those I blew off as “yeah, thanks! I love the new car!!! how’s everything with you?” Then yesterday I get a post: “I just heard through the grapevine that you are expecting #2… blah blah.” I caught it early and deleted it, but people still saw it. Serves me right for not disabling timeline posting after the first incidents, but still! I feel so hurt and betrayed. I hope that never happens to anyone else ever. Rule of thumb – if the owner of the news doesn’t post about it, you better not either! Thanks again for the post and thanks for letting me vent.
YoungHouseLove says
Aw, of course Kat! Good luck with everything!
xo
s
Jen says
I have always feared saying something to someone like ” when are you due?” and them not being pregnant. Even if someone is obviously pregnant I won’t say anything about it until they mention it because I am terrified of being wrong so the fact that ppl hound you about it boggles my mind. I mean I guess ppl feel they are “cloaked” by thier computers so they can say whatever they want , but come on ppl you can’t stop having manners just because you are on the Internet.
Kat says
I had a similar experience with my last birth. I hemorraghed, was rushed into the OR and we both barely made it. Felt like we were in a Grey’s Anatomy episode. I totally feel ya with the pregnancy angst. My odds are the same for having the same condition again. We want to expand our family and deep down I’m working on trusting God’s plan for our little fam! Hoping and praying you get to have a healthy, happy pregnancy and delivery experience with your next :) It was refreshing for me to read your story and not feel so alone in the “I almost died giving birth” group, cause it just doesn’t happen these days!
Kat says
Was reading comments above, there is another “Kat”!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Kat. Lots of love to you and your family. So glad you both were ok!
xo
s
Jenn says
Potentially your most powerful post on this site EVER. Word Sherdog.
Emily E says
I’m just now catching up on your posts and read this. And I’m so glad you posted it. We found out my husband had cancer when I was 20 weeks along. So during the last half of my pregnancy he was undergoing radiation treatments. Both he and I were very sick. So, while I didn’t have a traumatic experience related to my pregnancy like you did, I still face having another baby with great trepidation. That experience was so painful that I need some more time to heal before another baby. Luckily, no one has really bothered me about it, but I appreciate your grace in addressing this issue.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh Emily, I hope your husband was ok! What a hard thing to go through!
xo
s
Emily E says
He’s been in remission since February 2010 (we found out the cancer was gone the week before I delivered). So, every day he’s around is a gift! Thanks for asking.
YoungHouseLove says
That’s amazing Emily. Sending lots of love to your family.
xo
s
Julie says
Thank you so much for writing this!! I wish all of my coworkers could read it…. Maybe I’ll print it out and randomly leave it lying in the break room! >:)
Lauren L says
Wow what a great way to tell people to back up. As a person in her late twenties watching her friends try and fail to get pregnant, I’m understanding more and more why it’s so impolite to ask women if they’re pregnant/planning/etc because we just don’t know what their story is (and it could be something very serious, sad, personal). So good for you, Sherry. You wrote this post like a true Kate Middleton *princess waves*
Jessica says
This is such a nice way to put the end to the pregnancy question. After recently giving birth to our stillborn baby girl, I’m already bombarded with the “when will you try again?” Not only is it a very personal question as we need to grieve and heal, but it is also so hurtful to hear “try again.” It is a constant reminder that my body failed our daughter who should have been born happy and healthy. Hoping that you and I both have good news to share some day soon if that’s what is meant to be, but not a minute before the news needs to shared!!!!
YoungHouseLove says
I’m so sorry for your loss Jessica.
xo
s
Virginia@livelovediy says
I absolutely adore you guys and how wonderfully you deal with things. Thanks for sharing this, Sherry!
xo,
Virginia
Becca says
So gracious – air five
Debra says
Hi Sherry,
I’ve never commented but wanted you to know that I had a placental abruption, too. Mine was at 28 weeks, was only a partial, and we ended up baking her for the full 40 weeks with prescription of bedrest and a lot of meds that I can’t remember now!
Anyways, just wanted you to know that you can have a healthy pregnancy the 2nd time around, as I did with my son. Was on a low dose aspirin for the entire pregnancy (it’s thought to prevent an abruption). Did your doctor do a blood test to see if you have any conditions that might contribute to it? I have migraines and a slightly faster clotting blood so they think that might have something to do with it. Anyways, just wanted to drop an encouraging word, not that you need it now but you might someday, that you can have another pregnancy and it turn out totally fine. On a weird note, my sister ended up with HELPP syndrome with her baby and they had to do an emergency c-section on her at 28 weeks. All is fine though. It was a good thing I was already pregnant with my son though, because if I hadn’t been I think I would have sworn off of being pregnant ever again!!
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks so much Debra! I will ask my doctor about the bloog test you mention and also about the Asprin. Very helpful! As for your sister, I’m so glad everything was ok!
xo
s
rachael says
Sherry, I’ve been reading comments daily and haven’t noticed any bump watching going on. Are you finding daily relief from answering the baby question? I sure hope so. You guys deserve privacy. Hope all is well, have a nice weekend!
YoungHouseLove says
Yes, it has been amazing! I’m so grateful!
xo
s
lele says
Its my first time seeing the growing bump…. I am so happy for you!!! I check out your blog occasionally and have been so inspired by it. Congrats! Keep sharing the “Love”
kelly says
Great post! You are so kind! I also just wanted to point out that I’m so very happy that Clara knows all of the words to any Adam Levine song! This just further adds to how awesome you guys are!! My girls haven’t quite got ALL the words down, but they love rocking out to “Moves Like Jagger”. You guys rock my socks off!
Jana Griffis says
(I can’t believe I’m finally in 2013 after starting from day 1 of your blog about a couple of months ago… haha!)
I love this. As someone that has tried to get pregnant for almost 4 years unsuccessfully, you hit this right on the head. It is extremely awkward to be asked if you’re pregnant when you’re not in the first place & when there are personal reasons for NOT being pregnant, the awkwardness is through the roof!! I don’t know how many times I’ve thought in my head “Do you just want me to give you my OBGYN’s phone number & you can discuss with her why we don’t have children yet?”. Most days it’s fairly easy to move on from the question but there are some where you just pray that you can get by without being asked. It still amazes me how much the world just EXPECTS my husband & I to have kids. We might not ever get the chance & that is something that we’ll have to work through but the questions definitely don’t help in dealing with it.
Jason and Katie Knoell says
Hi,
We’re the Knoells and we have started our own blog dealing with our journey through infertility.
We have found a lot of help and useful content on your blog and we wanted to link to your site within ours, so that our followers can find the additional help and comfort we found on your page.
I wanted to ask permission to link to your site, as well as invite you to do so with ours.
Our webpage is http://www.bebraveinfertilityjourney.com
Thanks again!
-Jason and Katie Knoell