Occasionally we get comments like “I don’t know how you spend all day together without fighting.” While I appreciate the assumption that we have some flawless, all-smiles marriage – we fight. We get upset with each other… and Clara… and even Burger. I’m not saying we have Real Housewives-worthy throwdowns (our table flipping count is still at zero) but like any normal couple we argue. Sometimes in a healthy, I-fight-because-I-care way. Sometimes in a probably less-than-healthy Sherry yells and I give her the silent treatment way. But the point is – yes, we fight (skip to about 11:45 on this old blogiversary Q&A video for a brief mention on the subject).
As upfront as we’re willing to be about the fact that we argue, we try not to air the specifics of our dirty laundry. And that’s not just to you guys here in blog land, we make a conscious decision not to gossip to our friends or family about what’s frustrating us about the other person. It’s not that we’re trying to “keep up appearances”, we just don’t want to complicate our messes by entangling others in them. And we’re usually over things pretty quickly (there’s always another project to do or post to write) so I don’t want my venting to discolor someone else’s opinion of my loving and beautiful wife – because, at the end of the day, that’s how I see her.
Today, however, we’re putting that aside momentarily to indulge you with the story of a home-improvement related fight that we had a little while back (jackpot: it’s actually sort of related to DIY/house stuff, so since we can laugh about it now, we thought it was worth sharing). And yes, it was over a bathroom shelf. Specifically, the one on the left of this old picture:
Let’s rewind to this post about painting our bathroom, which involved removing a glass shelf and towel bar on the wall first (we inherited them with the house when we bought it a year and a half ago). When they came down, both went into a box on our bathroom sink to be dealt with later. “To be dealt with later” were not the actual words we used. The actual words are actually the source of the argument. Sherry’s version of the transcript includes her saying “Don’t donate these, I want to craigslist the towel bar because it’s from Restoration Hardware and I might want to reuse the shelf by hanging it in the bath for our shampoo and stuff.” My version of the transcript is pretty much blank as I don’t really remember anything being said at all.
Fast forward a few days. The room is painted. Art is hung. The un-dealt-with shelves are still taking up space next to our bathroom sink.
One evening I get the “I’m fed up with this clutter around the house” bug and I go on a brief but intense cleaning spree while Sherry readies the post for the next morning. In other words: she’s sitting in the office glued to the laptop and isn’t paying any attention to what I’m up to. My spree includes loading a bag full of old clothes, the old bathroom light fixture and – here’s the beginning of my crime – the old shelf and towel bars into the car so that I can drop them off at Goodwill. I didn’t bother to tell Sherry more than “I’m gonna run a bunch of errands” as Clara and I headed out the door the next morning.
Skip ahead to that afternoon (yes, literally that very afternoon) and this conversation happens:
SHERRY: Oh hey, I was thinking over Clara’s nap we should swap out the towel bar in the shower for that old shelf we took down. That way we can actually put our shampoo and stuff on a shelf.
JOHN: Wait, what old shelf?
SHERRY: The one that used to be on the wall. It was sitting by the sink in our bedroom the last time I saw it.
JOHN: You mean the one I donated this morning?
SHERRY: You WHAT?! John! I said I wanted to Craigslist the towel bar and possibly reuse that shelf!
JOHN: Sorry, I figured they’d just been sitting there making a mess so I’d help take care of them.
SHERRY: Why didn’t you tell me?? You snuck out without a word about it! I could have stopped you and explained if you just told me what you were doing!
JOHN: Am I supposed to tell you every errand that I run?
You can probably guess where this was headed. Sherry got increasingly frustrated with me. I grew more and more indignant. Sherry informed me that I had “ruined her plan” for adding a free shelf to our shower. I couldn’t believe I “was being yelled at for cleaning” and Sherry was angry that I had also “donated a $75 Restoration Hardware towel bar” that she could’ve craigslisted for at least ten bucks. I threatened that if she didn’t like me voluntarily running errands while watching Clara, then “maybe I just wouldn’t do it anymore.” Mature, I know.
I knew I had messed up, but I wanted credit for my good intentions. I also wanted to make it right. Which is why I sped over to the scene of the crime (Goodwill) and kindly begged for them to dig out the bag I had donated that morning.
No dice. It was gone-zo. But they did sympathize with my husband-in-the-doghouse story and politely took my number and a description of the item. But now several silent weeks later, we’re considering it a lost cause. Hence the Plan B suction cup solution you’ve since seen in our bathroom. They’ve actually been great so far, although they weren’t free or built-in. Oh well, can’t win ’em all.
This particular tiff is obviously settled and behind us. There were apologies, concessions that it wasn’t a big deal, and promises to be more communicative. Though with as much time as we spend together and as many projects as we tackle as a pair, I’m sure our next bump is lurking just down the road. We just try to remember we’re on the same team with the same end goal. We wanna whip this house into shape and have as much fun as possible (specifically without killing each other) along the way. So now if you’re one of those folks who wondered if we ever fight, you cay say “oh yeah, there was the Towel Bar Incident Of 2012” (or feel free to recall it as “oh yeah, there was that towel bar incident where John was totally right.”)
Now you’re up. Care to commiserate about a DIY-related miscommunication? Feel free to put the blogging equivalent of a blurred face and altered voice on your comment if you want to protect the innocent (or perhaps the guilty).
Psst- For a more detailed post on actually resolving decorating-related disputes, click here.
Tammy C. says
You guys are so adorable and awesome!! I’m a newish reader and have found myself inspired more than once. I had to get my own Alan after reading your post. It took a couple months for me to take the plunge , but I did it! My first fixture change!! Thanks for that and for sharing a peek into your lives with all of us! Lots of love from Berkeley!!!!
Sara says
Totally agree with Tammy C. Adorable and awesome! Thanks for sharing. Couldn’t love you guys more. :)
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks!!
xo,
s
Michelle N says
Not DIY related but still a good one. We have an elliptical that we use daily and it runs on battery or ac adapter. Well we never bought the adapter for it. A few weeks ago when my husband was cleaning up the garage he found an adapter that fit. I asked is it the right voltage and he says….it shouldn’t matter it’s not that big of a difference. So guess what happened…he fried the elliptical!! Now the screen doesn’t work, it makes a buzzing noise and you can’t change the resistance. Now it’s useless and collecting dust in the garage. Ugh! Made me so mad! Now he jokes…Man I sure do wish I could hop on the elliptical. Too bad someone broke it. haha I just say I told you so HA, in your face!
nikki says
i once got so upset with my husband for consistently not putting a whole pile of stuff away. i grabbed the whole thing (including a new shirt we bought for a friend of his, still in its bag) and shoved it all in a garbage bag for him to deal with later. along comes our cleaning lady, and seeing a closed garbage bag, tossed it with the rest of the garbage! my husband is better now about putting stuff away and now the cleaning lady always asks if the garbage bags are indeed, garbage!
and you’re better off without a glass shelf in the shower… all i can see is soap residue and water spots!
Sheryn says
We. Were. On. A. BREAKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YoungHouseLove says
Bwahahahahahahahah!
xo,
s
classycareergirl says
Hi, am new here! Just saw your site on the top 100 websites for women on Forbes. Congratulations! And I really enjoyed watching your blogiversary video. :)
YoungHouseLove says
Thanks so much! That was such an awesome surprise for us! Seriously, we still have our mouths open over it. Haha.
xo,
s
Louise says
My husband once threw away half a pizza, similar story to you needless to say he doesn’t throw away pizza any more!! :) love the blog xx
Sammy says
This was quite funny to read, since we had a tiff about something similar, but the other way round:
Me: I thought you said you were going to throw that (some old piece of rubbish)away?
Him: I, did.
Me: Then what is it still doing in the cupboard?
autumn says
Im laughing so hard reading about everyones fights. They are so funny! Especially the burnt shadow! Haha
Kim says
We received 3 hand mixers for our wedding. The first two were the $5 cheap ones and the 3rd one was a really nice Kitchen Aid brand one. However, I hadn’t opened the Kitchen Aid one out of its box right away and my husband thought that meant I didn’t want it and gave it away to a friend. Twelve years later I’m still using (and complaining about) that $5 hand mixer I’m using while a friend has our awesome Kitchen Aid mixer.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh man!! That’s a doozie!
xo,
s
threadbndr says
Grinning about the ‘too quick with the errands’ – my late husband called that “no good deed goes unpunished”.
We inadvertently recycled a wedding gift once – evidently the ‘to be mailed’ pile and the ‘to be put out for pickup’ pile need to be FAR, FAR away from each other LOL
Keri Beth says
The basement in our last house had a moisture problem and many things in there were growing mold–gross. My wife was cleaning it out one morning (props to her!) and when she came up for a break, I jokingly said, “Just don’t throw out my journals from the last twenty years!” …and she had already put them all in the trash. Without asking. Luckily, I went and pulled them out, and they weren’t even moldy at all.
Stephanie says
Team John. Same thing happened in our house and even I had to acknowledge through incredible frustration that I’d rather have a man that takes initiative to help out than a man that has to ask before he makes a move.
Sherry, sometimes you just have to poop or get off the pot! hahaha :)
Johanna says
Hey there you two,
Finally had time to watch the video – impressed that John doesn’t drink (my husband and I are trying to do the same thing).
Sherry, I used to hate Gyms as well, however if you find a nice one it grows on you!
All the best,
Johanna
Selena says
Oh my… I feel your pain. Although my Goodwill drop-off didn’t involve a DIY, I was cleaning my son’s closet and making room for the next season. There on the hanger was his beloved orange zip-up-the-front-too small-tattered and torn fleece. My theory was that as many times as he’d worn it and loved it maybe some other child would as well. (I knew it had a rip, but I thought maybe it wouldn’t matter to some other child, either.) Not smart. Not a good move at all. When my son realized I’d donated some of his outgrown clothes, his mind went immediately to the beloved fleece which was already about 2 sizes too small. When he realized I’d donated it he was so distraught that we went together back to the site of the donation and begged to have it back. The bags were still piled in the same place where I’d dropped them off and as of yet, unsorted. I could see the actual bag that contained the jacket. I begged. They said, “No.” It would have been so easy- I could’ve reached over and touched the bag. The answer was still, “No.” I couldn’t believe it. I was trying to right my wrong while my son watched. I offered to pay their price for a jacket right then and there. Still, “No, we haven’t sorted those things yet.” Finally, desperately I remembered and said, “Well, it does have a rip on the front. Perhaps your policy wouldn’t allow you to sell it that way.” “Ah… a rip?,” the employee asked? “No, we aren’t allowed to place torn items on the rack for sale. If you can describe it exactly before I open the bag, you can have it back.” I can smile now and I do whenever I run across the little orange fleece still hanging in my 16 year old son’s closet. It’s been 9 years since that trip to Goodwill.
Patti says
My husband keeps his workspace in the garage kinda messy like John’s but TO THE TENTH POWER. Recently, he felt a sudden urge to “declutter” so he decided that my father’s old toolbox was in the way and must be thrown out (Dad passed away in 2001). When I found out I screamed ‘Whhaaaat?! Why would you throw it out!!????’ and he said ‘oh that old thing? Why would you want that? It was all rusted’. I was dumbfounded. Of all the crap he could have thrown out, he chooses that. Yes, honey, that is exactly the point, I was keeping it because it was my father’s not because it’s useful and pretty!! If you can’t tell, I’m still steaming about that one.
Karen hornsten says
Yup, i cringed when I read the part of donating without checking with your wife first! i knew what was coming. Shame on you hubby. Considering what a sweetie you are….one demerite, that’s a C on your report card.. I love your blog. Thanks for sharing your life in pictures and words and drama too.
Shirley@Housepitality Designs says
My hubby is CONSTANTLY organizing and “getting rid” of things he feels are “taking up space”…In the past he has thrown things out that I had plans for…just assuming that I will never need or use it!….the latest was a very old window that came out of a Univ of NC building they were renovating..I was excited, I got a great window for free!…Yes, it hung out in the garage for months, until I got the chance to work some magic….One day, I went to get that beauty from the garage…IT WAS NOT THERE!!…He took it to the recyle place…where someone probably snagged that window in a matter of seconds!…So from now on, he does not toss out a toothpick without asking first!!…
Shannon says
When we first moved into our apartment, we had painting plans that were small but impactful (since we were renting). I gave (what I thought to be) clear instructions of what specific walls needed what colour paint.Paint colours were teal-y and dark blue… and I consider teal a green-ish colour whereas my fiancee considers it blue. So when I said “paint the bedroom heaboard wall blue” and he opened the teal paint, he assumed that was the blue. Wrong. Moving days are always stressful, and I tend to over-supervise, but there was too much to supervise and I figured he could paint a wall. -_- Thankfully the wall was only half painted before I ran in, (admitedly unneccessarily)angry he had wasted time and paint.
Tracey says
UGH. Yes! My hubby and I got in a “fight” (we never really fight, it’s more like an intense disagreement) about our kitchen last night. We’re in the middle of a reno and we’re being held up by a drawer unit. The drawers that were in it when we bought this place were some kind of janky plastic bins with wood faces that were cracked and falling apart (a death trap for toddler fingers!) My hubby wants to make new drawers. Awesome! Problem? We could get 90% of the rest of the kitchen done if he would just put the sans-drawer unit back in and do the drawers later. I mentioned this to him last night and he said, no, it’ll be so much easier to do the drawers while the unit is out. So our whole kitchen is on hold for these drawers. I tried to apologize after the fact and was met with the silent treatment. Then he apologized as I was falling asleep. LOL. For you it’s towel bars… For us it’s drawers. God love DIY!
Kate says
On a Goodwill-debacle related note, I once borrowed heirloom table cloths from my Granny and Aunt to help with a coworkers baby shower. Long story short, there was a misunderstanding and ALL my family’s tablecloths were taken to Goodwill. After lots of crying (and lots of wasted gas driving from store to store) I gave them up as a lost cause. The good news is, now I always know what to get my Granny and Aunt for birthdays and Christmas: tablecloths!
Heidi (hi-d) says
LOVED the video. You guys are so adorable to watch and quite entertaining. :)
Kimberley says
I’m from the Netherlands and just wanted to let you know i am a huge fan of your blog; i think you are great!!!
YoungHouseLove says
Aw thanks Kimberley!
xo,
s
Stefanie says
The worst fight my husband and I ever got into was over chips and salsa.
I was pregnant with my first and all I wanted to eat was chips and salsa from Chili’s. I craved it in the worst possible way and my sweet husband agreed to go pick some up for me so that I didn’t have ot miss American Idol (back before DVR). Only when he brought back the bag they had forgotten to put the salsa in the bag. (Chili’s mistake).
I pointed out the mistake and my hubs volunteered to go to Kroger and buy some for me. (his mistake)
You see I broke down in the worst fit of crocodile tears ever, screaming at him because I wanted the salsa from Chili’s, not from Kroger, and I wanted it now not later. I was so mad at him about the salsa! Silly, stupid, but OMG delicious salsa.
I don’t remember much else after that except that it took me almost an entire episode of AI to get over it. Over five years later we still laugh about the salsa incident.
YoungHouseLove says
Haha, that’s a good one!
xo,
s
LindseyR says
Great post – love how your write…thanks for keeping it real!
Andrea S says
LOL I honestly thought it was only MY husband who did these kind of ‘I was just helping things’ – it could have been worse my great Uncle once cut up and used my great Aunts very expensive Italian leather handbag to fix something on his car because according to him she never used it (I can’t remember what the exact reason was, the shock made my brain switch off!)so when my hubby does dumb ass stuff I always think it’s not as bad as what Uncle Derek did!
Hannah says
This probably sounds corny, but I was so pleased to hear you are Christians! Sherry, you are a great example of the Proverbs 31 wife. = ) Well done girl!
Sarah says
My husband and I also work together (teachers) so we have ample opportunity to get on each others nerves. Yesterday was our 2nd anniversary and on a quick trip to goodwill to drop off clothes I noticed two small dressers that I HAD to have to replace our UGLY bedside tables. He has been on an anti-clutter bend lately and dug his heels in that we need to get rid of things before we start bringing in more things. I lost it, I was close to tears. Perfect goodwill dressers don’t come along every day! Why can’t he see this? Maybe it was the anniversary that got to me – why can’t he just let me do what I want on this special day? Then I thought, why am I letting bedside tables ruin our anniversary? Lesson learned – don’t go to goodwill on your anniversary. PS – he won and I have channeled my “we need new bedside tables now” energy into “I’m craig’s listing everything” energy.
angel says
Not diy related but a funny argument none the less. We were shopping and I grabbed a two pack of toothbrushes, one pink and one navy. He says “hey I’m not using a purple toothbrush!”
“Its not purple its blue”
“Its purple. That’s blue.” Points to teal toothbrush, in a two pack with a green.
“That’s not blue that’s teal”
“Fine. I want teal.”
Me, irritated “well I’M not going to use a GREEN toothbrush!”
Hahaha we still laugh about that one. Oh and we ended up buying a four pack because there was no two pack we could agree on.
sara @ it's good to be queen says
ha ha! this is awesome. love it.
and sherry was right, obvees. ;)
Amy Knisely says
Oh it feels so nice that Garry and I aren’t the only ones. We had a pretty big blowout over remodeling our kitchen. I wanted to paint the dark wood cabinets white and add a glass backsplash. Garry is from the mindset that it’s a crime against nature to paint wood and hated glass tile because it was too “shiny” – this coming from the man that loves shiny things as much as a magpie and a ferret put together.
Eventually we settled that we would leave the wood cabinets alone for now and installed a travertine and pebble backsplash with a mosiac (that was WAY more expensive than the glass tile I wanted) but in exchange I could do whatever my heart desired on the main floor bathroom. We also decided that I should be “in charge of” the entire main floor and the attic. Garry – on the other hand – gets final say in the basement (aka his man-cave) and yard areas. We learned that sometimes it’s good to have your “own” space where you don’t have to worry about compromising anything for. When decorating the main floor, I try my best to keep Garry in mind and always run my ideas by him before making/purchasing anything major. Usually he doesn’t have much of an opinion, but I like to make sure he’s reflected in the design too.
kat says
The thought of my husband’s cleaning fits would, if it were possible, give me HIVES.
Lauren M. says
Well this isn’t DIY related, but my husband gave a pair of brand new Ugg boots to Goodwill. He said they were in the “donate pile,” that he had decided was the closet. I didn’t realize that the closet was the Goodwill pile, so I put my boots in there before leaving for work, and when I got back they were gone.
He also tried to get them back but there were indeed gone for good.
YoungHouseLove says
Oh no! So sad for your new boots.
xo,
s
Lindsay says
I have been reading your blog for a long time but never took the time to comment. I must say, of all the blogs I read, DIY blogs, fashion blogs, and foodie blogs, you two are by FAR the most charming bloggers I have encountered. I wish you many years of continued success.
YoungHouseLove says
Wow- that’s so nice. Totally blushing. I promise we’re just nerdy and awkward in person. Maybe just charming through the computer…
xo,
s
aussiebushgirl says
Sorry John, I’m with Sherry on this one! We’re in the process of whipping our place into shape for sale, and frustratingly I’m finding myself banging my head against the proverbial brick wall when communicating my thought-waves and requests to my husband – which go largely unheard, or are ignored, for the most part. Is “listening” a universal problem for men? My number 1 motto: “when in doubt, ASK”! LOL (Loving that there are so many frustrated girls out there, and not just me!) ;-)
Sarah K says
Haha! This describes how my husband and I fight to a T: “Sometimes in a probably less-than-healthy Sherry yells and I give her the silent treatment way.” Glad to hear you guys are human too!
Mandy says
We bought our house as a foreclosure last year and DIYed a LOT of it. One day, I painted a wall that my husband apparently wasn’t done spackling and sanding yet (it looked complete to me).
And we fought. Man, did we fight. Yelling, shouting. Things we never, ever do. Over a stupid wall. And when we were done screaming at each other, we realized that all of the windows were open in the living room and our neighbors had company. Like, 12 people sitting around a campfire staring at our house. Lovely…
YoungHouseLove says
Oh my gosh- that’s mortifying. Totally something we’d do!
xo,
s
Lindsay A. says
Thanks for posting this you guys! My partner and I got into a huge fight a few weeks ago when he tossed out some cardboard boxes I was hoarding… lol. Now I can see how ridiculous it was but at the time it meant WAR! I really appreciate you sharing your relationship honestly because I was one of the ones who thought you never fought!
Brittany says
My husband and I have “you weren’t doing anything about it so I did” arguments all the time! I won the prize for biggest fail when I decided to tackle the stack of bills and papers on our counter..and recycled our marriage license 2 weeks before the wedding! Oops. He even let me dig through the trash a bit before he told me he’d found it. We all have our low moments!
YoungHouseLove says
Oh man! So glad you found it!
xo,
s
Morgan says
An incident like that happened after our yard sale this past May. Ryan had a bill counter that was taking up space in his room and he put it down stairs to be sold. He went back to sleep and the bill counter did not get sold. I packed up the bill counter along with everything else and took it to Goodwill. When Ryan woke up, he asked what the bill counter sold for. I told him I gave it to Goodwill. He told me it was valued at $300 and he could have sold it on Craigslist. We went back and well, it’s July now. No bill counter.
Dacia @ Lemon Drop Life says
Most DIY-related arguments my husband and I have had stem from trying to put together large pieces of IKEA furniture using only those stupid picture instructions! We usually have to take more than one hug break in order to keep it civil :)
Sarah S. says
SO been there. My husband insisted on getting a larger unit than I believed would fit in the tight space receiving it. All I remember is it being a Sunday morning, hotter than Hades, bare feet under heavy mdf, and sobbing as we reassembled it 3 times. You never see that damned mute blob sobbing. Definitely NOT in the instructions.
Megan says
I honestly believe that DIY projects should be part of all pre-marital counseling programs. They do teach you SO much about each other and your communication styles.
For the record I am totally stealing the idea of getting someone to explain exactly how they want you to hold and move a piece of furniture. I have this issue with my mom every time we do anything and since we’re doing a huge clean-out of her house right now it’s very timely. Thanks, fellow readers!
Sarah S. says
My husband and I are *great* at doing the project…but it falls apart cleaning up the project. He will meticulously paint a room, but throw the rollers and paint brushes in the basement, without washing [insert the do-you-know-how-much-that-brush-cost!? vs. did-you-see-how-hard-I-worked-painting!? argument here.] He single-handedly rubbed and scraped every edge of the ornate dining room casework, splattered with decades of paint, because I was too pregnant to breathe Goof-Off fumes…and then he left the chemical-filled rag on our dining table, and it ate through the finish [insert crazed, hormone-filled pregnant diatribe vs. fume-filled, numb-fingered belligerence here.] And then there was the basement clean-out, where he accidentally threw a log at my head, en route to the dumpster…
We have since moved, winding up in a rental. It’s bliss. :)
YoungHouseLove says
Hahaha, I love it! Not the debates, but the rental bliss. That’s too funny!
xo,
s
Amanda says
I am so glad we’re not the only ones this kind of thing happens to! When we first moved into our house, one of the first things we changed out was the chandelier in the dining room, because it wasn’t our taste. We thought about just repainting it and making do, but we got a great deal on another and decided to change it out. I am very glad we didn’t wait to do this, btw, because we discovered that the past owners weren’t apparently big on safety and we found bare electrical wires shoved in the top.
Anyway, this was a crystal chandelier and I decided the glass crystals were too pretty to toss, so I spent a good hour taking them down, washing them, and sorting them by size. I put them in bags, put the bags in a box, told my husband what they were, and set them aside. About a month later, I was ready to use them in a project and asked my husband what we did with the box. He told me he threw them away. I was furious and asked him why he did that, considering I washed and sorted them. I was still mad, but his reply did make me laugh. He said that he thought it was weird that I would do that, but figured it was just a new quirk of mine we had discovered.
Dana says
My husband screwed a TV base onto the TOP of a dresser from our brand new bedroom furniture to “make it more stable”. I still see red when I dust and see the gaping hole left from this incident.
Annie says
This is one of my favorite posts ever! Not because I like the nitty gritty details of your personal life, but because it sounds just like the disagreements I have with my hubs. Over shelves, or a favorite, perfectly broken in pair of Toms. Whatevs.
Thanks for sharing!